How do I get over my insecurities???
By drknlvly6781
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
United States
October 12, 2007 12:24pm CST
This is a two part post just to let you know. I am starting with the situation I have myself.
I have never been too confident in myself when it comes to relationships. At first, due to much teasing in school, I believed that I would never even have a relationship. Then, as I got older, I realized that people love different types of people, unfortunately, those type of people never were me, as I had a relationship end because the guy I was with wanted to be with other men; and the relationship after that, after having two kids and being with him through chronic cheating for 5 1/2 years, he disappeared to marry someone else.
These things have hurt me deeply over the years, but now I have met a wonderful man who loves me for who I am. The problem now is these feelings up not being up to par are even stronger than before. When he doesn't contact me for a while, I get to believing that he has discovered the one thing about me that he would not be able to deal with in a relationship, but he is avoiding me not to hurt my feelings. I have called him on this a couple of times, luckily he has assured me that this was all in my head. I fear strongly that I will cause what could be the best relationship I've had by being so paranoid about what may happen, still I haven't been able to quell these feelings.
So mylot, here is my first question for the day, how do I get rid of these feelings? I want to give this relationship a fighting chance, even if it doesn't work out, I don't want to go through the same thing when the next one comes along. Please help!!!
7 responses
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Well, its okay to have some sneaking suspicions about your mate, even the best couples and lovers do this. So don't feel too bad about that. Just keep observing and when changes/actions become VERY different or strange in your mate, then confront him on it. Minor suspicions, make sure to note it. If the minor stuff happens way too much then you can confront him. Still, trust is there and it is needed to help out the relationship. Also be sure to tell him how you are really feeling, the truth is much appreciated (especially the past hurt you've been through if you are willing to share that).
Also, Dark and Lovely, believe in yourself too! You are worth something. Look within for strength, its there! There is so much you can give to a relationship, you just need to believe it yourself.
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I thank you for your comment. Nothing has been really strange though, a lot of the time I just get myself worked up over nothing, because it was the nothing that got me into trouble the last time. I have shared my past with him in bits and pieces, because its painful for me to go there, but he knows most of it. You are right I do need to believe in myself a lot more, the thing is I just don't know how to do it. If you have any tips for building self-esteem, its most appreciated.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
14 Oct 07
I never quite understand why people ask these sorts of questions online. Only because, in my opinion, I don't think anyone can answer them for you. there's no way that any one person can tell you what to do and how to get rid of something you feel inside. Now, sure, they can say they've been through it and tell you what they did, but it doesn't mean it'll work for you.
Some strongly believe in therapists. Sometimes they help, they at least give you someone to talk to and put ideas into your head to figure out what you might want to do. I mean, I guess in some ways that's what people here do but its not the same.
I wish you luck though. Having confidence is probably the best characteristic anyone can have...and the worst.
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I cannot speak for everyone, but I post these type questions online to gather opinions from all walks of life that have been in my situation. Sometimes you can get valuable insight just from your peers. Somethings may work, some may not, but its a good thing to have a variety of opinions at your fingertips. You can go to a therapist that has a degree and give you ideas, but I believe the best teacher around is life, and if I can gain something from others life experiences, then I have accomplished my goal and saved some major money at the same time.
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
31 Oct 07
Life is big battle field my friend. And in life you will meet a lot of people who will be part of your life. They might hurt you, fool you, leave you and make you cry. But bear in mind that whatever happens... when you decide to continue living, you should leave the past behind, all the pain, just take with you the lessons you have learned. Start a new beginning. And give your self a chance. Right now, I could say that with every pain and fear that is in you heart, you still realize how much he loves you. Dont loose your chance to be happy just because of the pain you have felt before.
Give your best to make things work. You will never regret being at your best.
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
2 Nov 07
This is so true, and exactly what I don't want to do. I don't want to loose being happy because a sorry mf that made me miserable, I might as well have taken him back.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
13 Oct 07
Well, there's little you can do about cheaters. There will always be a possibility that they will meet someone else. That is a reality that every person in a relationship must face. That is a risk we must all take.
But there is something you can do about your insecurities. Stop blaming yourself for your failed relationships in the past. Almost EVERYONE has experienced heartache at some point. Just take good care of yourself, be the best woman you can be, treat your man well, then whatever happens you will have no regrets.
And think positive too. So what if you lose a cheating pig? Isn't that a good thing? You'd be free to find someone better.
@alfecris (181)
• Philippines
13 Oct 07
take your insecurities as your stepping stone on which you could improve your lifestyle... the way you are and what you are... be tough.. dont be too serious on your insecurities for even if you would try to be one but when you can only attain that level then there is nothing you can do but let it pass away...
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I am trying to improve my life by taking each insecurity I feel and dispelling it, but I really don't understand the last part of your post.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
13 Oct 07
For me, the first thing I had to learn to do before I could ever have a successful relationship was learn to love myself. I realized that if I couldn't love myself then how could I ever love someone else or even expect someone else to love me. I truly believe that when we do not really love ourselves, others can sense that. If you do not love yourself, others can feel it and then they begin to find themselves not loving you either and they don't really know why.
I think that if you start loving yourself and believing that you are worth being loved completely, then you will find that your relationship is really working.
