Do you ever feel like something is missing?
By agregory13
@agregory13 (62)
United States
October 12, 2007 1:32pm CST
I feel like we can't get through 24 complete hours with out rolling our eyes, breathing a big sigh, or actually argueing about something. We have a good relationship or so I think and we have a wonderful son together and we both tell eachother how much we love each other every day and how much we mean to each other too. However some how we still manage to have this stressful,irritated, annoyed kind-of attitude toward one another. I love him, but I don't love EVERYTHING about him. I want to be with him, but I sometimes I think about "what if" I wasn't with him? We have a good physical relationship and we try to be cuddly and romantic when we can. He works weekdays while I'm home with our son and then I work weekends while he is home with our son. So we don't get much time together anymore. I just feel so confused and I can't talk to anyone who knows us about this, because they are our friends and they can't be completely partial, plus none of our friends are parents, so they don't understand. I just feel like something is missing and I can't find it because I don't know what "IT" is... Can anyone shed some light on this? Am I alone in this feeling? Does anyone else ever feel this way or is it just me?
2 people like this
6 responses
@houndsgood (774)
• United States
12 Oct 07
I think you answered your own question. if he works days and you work weekends and you have family time in the evenings but do not have a day off together, you need to make it. Is there any way you can arrange to have a day off together once in awhile or send your son with a relative or babysitter on a weekend night so you can really enjoy your time together without tending to your son? Not that you don't love your son.
Many times I have heard that when couples are getting picky with eachother is to "date your husband/wife." even if you can't take a day off...Flipping on a movie and eating popcorn with your child there or in the next room doesn't do it - go out together to adult places (for example, restaurants without kid's menus) or go out, have a drink, and listen to some music past your bed time. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. Some couples trade off their children to do stuff like that - you watch a friend's kid one night and then they will watch and have a sleepover with yours on your date night. You may look at eachother with a new perspective and remember what attracted you to eachother in the first place or at the very least be able to have fun together.
1 person likes this
@agregory13 (62)
• United States
13 Oct 07
My schedule may cange soon, so we might beable to make friday nights our night and I can try to get my sister to watch our son for a few hours. Thanks for your input.
@draconess (650)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
That sounds fairly normal to me- mind you, I've been married less than two years, but we already act like an older married couple ;) We love each other, but sometimes just seem to argue over the stupidest things, I feel like we get frustrated for no good reason sometimes. For us, I think part of it is taking out frustrations from other situations (like problems at work) on each other. Maybe it's because we know we can share our problems with each other, and say things that we couldn't say at work or whatever. I think sometimes people come home after a long, hard day and just need to argue to relieve the stress, and since you see your significant other at the end of the day, they make a sort of default target to take it out on.
Also, I understand about feeling like you hardly ever see each other- my hubby does shift camp work, so he's away for 10 days at a time without even phone contact :( I get lonely and miss him, and the selfish part of me resents his job sometimes, so I start to feel frustrated with him. But I know that ultimately it's just because I love him and want to be able to spend more time with him.
Sorry, I'm rambling, it's been a long day...
1 person likes this
@agregory13 (62)
• United States
13 Oct 07
Thanks for your input. I'm sorry your man is gone for so long at a time. Hang in there it will get better.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
13 Oct 07
Well I can see two things wrong...
First you are dreaming of the perfect man... and it has not been born yet... nor did the perfect woman.
You have to stop being so critical and accept him as an individual with his own personality and his own way of doing things. When you married him... you accepted him for what he was. Don't try to change him into your puppet.
Second thing... you need to spend more time together... or it will eventually kill your relationship. You should try to get at least one weekend off a month.
No amount of money will save your relationship. I have seen women leaving wealthy husbands who worked 6 days a week... to move in with a man without money but plenty of time to devote to them.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
14 Oct 07
It is not so much what you say... but how you say it. Your question is full of contradictions.
We can't get through 24 complete hours with out rolling our eyes, breathing a big sigh, or actually argueing about something.
some how we still manage to have this stressful, irritated, annoyed kind-of attitude toward one another.
sometimes I think about "what if" I wasn't with him?
But besides all that... you love him and you have a good relationship.
Helloooo! I don't think so.
Your life seem full from a materialistic point of view. But on the emotional plan... it rates zero. And that is because a lack of communication. You are both scare of telling each other how you really feel about each other... because you both know that the other won't like hearing the truth.
You keep that up... and one of you will walk out eventually. You both need to talk to each other and come clean. Sort your differences and learn to accept each other for who you really are.
The way you are both acting now is like two single people living their own life while trying to tolerate each other. You need to learn to be a couple.
@agregory13 (62)
• United States
13 Oct 07
I know there is no such thing as a perfect person, and I wouldn't want him to be perfect, That would be boring. Also I'm not trying to turn anyone in to my "puppet" and I don't even know how you got that from what I had to say. I think you miss read my statement, I don't want to change him, I want to know why I feel empty when my life seems full? Thanks anyway though...
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
12 Oct 07
No one loves everything about their spouse. I could name a number of things about my husband that annoy me. I don't see mine often either... I work mornings, he works everything else.... It does sound "normal" but if you don't like it your should tell him. It's always good to have everything out on the table.
@agregory13 (62)
• United States
13 Oct 07
Thanks, I did tell him and we are working through our differences.
@lanhamst (11)
• United States
20 Oct 07
Everyday when you tell him how much you love him are you doing it because he doesn't know it, are you trying to make yourself believe it, or does it truely come from your heart? You can't just tell him you have to show him, and I don't mean "physically". Maybe one way would to make it more than 24 ours without rolling your eyes, breathing a big sign, or arguing.
@laurentyu1 (743)
• Romania
13 Oct 07
Yes sometimes in your life you feel there is something missing , even when you are very happy.
@agregory13 (62)
• United States
13 Oct 07
I guess people do, cuz I am feeling that way even though we are happy. We have our bad days, but for the most part we are happy. I just need to find what is missing. ... thanks
