If your lover were cheating...
By Amy
@artemis432 (7474)
Abernathy, Texas
October 13, 2007 4:19pm CST
Okay so ever since I got pregnant I've been watching lifetime more and more. The victim channel. And the thought of it spurred on inspiration for this discussion.
Okay be honest. If your lover were cheating, would you leave him, no questions asked? Go to marraige counseling and try to work out the root of the problem - your relationship? Or would you leave, no questions asked?
I would choose three, because honesty is so important to a relationship and lies are like cancer that eats away at the foundation.
Luckily I know my husband likely wouldn't unless the girl were made of chocolate. He's content. His mistress is his paranormal research and his PS2 games.
So what would you do?
2 people like this
16 responses
@kevere26 (223)
• United States
14 Oct 07
I'd opt for the marriage counseling before I threw in the towel. If my lover was in love with the other person then I'd have him pack his bags and leave. But if this was a physical encounter, I'd try to work it out. There would certainly be a trust issue for me for awhile, but relationships involve much more than than the physical. If we had established a sound friendship before we became lovers then I'd feel there would be hope to resolve the issue and move forward with our relationship.
I've never heard Lifetime referred to as the victim channel! LOL!
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Thank you so much for honesty. I guess, for me, its more about the trust then the fact that he or she was physical with another. A wife or husband who carries on an affair is doing much more then sleeping with someone else, generally, they're frequently lying about where they were, and most important, they are betraying their original vows.
BTW - your cat is soooooooooo cute.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
14 Oct 07
LOL! I love your little paragraph at the end there =P Choclate and games...I think that's all guys' mistress! :)
If my boyfriend/husband was cheating...I'm pretty sure I would leave him. That's a really strong issue for me, and I'm like you. I think once a guy has cheated on you, you'll never be able to trust them fully again. And without trust in a relationship, it's hard to make it work.
1 person likes this
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
14 Oct 07
LOL! Yes I agree with what your mom has to say. And I think 'trust' is one of the most important factors in a relationship.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Very true. My mom used to tell me about the cornerstones to a relationships: trust, friendship, love, communication, respect and good ---- s$x. Only on this foundation can you build a house of love.
@spoiled311 (5500)
• Philippines
14 Oct 07
if he is just a boyfriend, i think it is easier to drop him and move on. but if he is your husband, i think i will do everything to win him back.
i'm sorry by i don't believe in divorce. i believe in keeping the marriage intact because that is what is right.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Well me too - which is why someone shouldn't cheat, lie and deceive. Its not that they slept with someone else - its that they lie and deceive you and break marraige vows. I would never cheat - why should they. I can't imagine my husband cheating anyway. I think if it weren't working he would tell me.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Oh and please don't apologize - ever - for stating your feelings and beliefs - in my discussions they're welcomed and very much appreciated.
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
17 Oct 07
Well, my ex husband cheated on me. That was three years ago... and it lasted 2 years just before I let him go. I believe I gave all the understanding I can give to save our marriage but still nothing happen,. He still come back with that woman. Then, I realized that sometimes love is not holding on but letting go... I open my eyes and then I see that the man I love no longer belongs to me.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
18 Oct 07
Did you change your name because of the similiarity to the above poster. Its good to combine being careful with being open to love. You were smart to finally see.
@fiestyjesica (136)
• United States
13 Oct 07
I made the mistake of forgiving a cheater.It did not end well at all..So if they cheat (especially early on) forget em!!But I wouldn't recommend lifetime for the expecting lol
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
13 Oct 07
Wow looks like we're all in agreement. I would never tolerate that in a relationship. I can't imagine what esteem issues would motivate a woman to. Many old school people - very old fashioned - believe that's just the way it is.
@kyttiewitch (56)
• Germany
14 Oct 07
I really think it depends on the situation. I honestly know for a fact that what I say and what I do end up being two different things. I don't think that I could stay with a cheater, but once the situation happens I don't know how I would truly react. Like I said it depends on the situation. Was I neglecting my partner? Was I treating them badly? Was it a one time encounter because of bad communication/love/and respect and I realized that? Or was it selfish on their part? If I could salvage the relationship and my partner was to the bone sorry then I would try to. I would try to see why some one would of done something like that by putting myself in their shoes. If they just wanted to get laid then see ya! But I would have to say that cheating would be one of those heart hurting scars that would probably never heal and that would damage the relationship for a very long time. It would be hard to get over even if you truly wanted to repair the relationship.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
You put a great deal of thought into this answer and I appreciate that. Its true that most of us will say one thing but if the situation ever arose we may do another.
However, I know if I felt my lover were being selfish or not communicating/loving/respecting me well - I would talk about it and if that didn't work I would leave. I would never cheat. I'd expect the same from others.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
14 Oct 07
I would forgive him for the first time he did it, but if he did it again, I would just leave him and write angry break-up songs about him.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
I'm not sure if you meant this as dark humour but it got a chuckle out of me anyway.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
14 Oct 07
I've been in this situation so I'd have to say Yup, in a heartbeat. Cheating is one of the few things I can't and won't tolerate. I've never understood cheating though, if your that unhappy why not end the relationship and move on. Why purposely hurt someone you once loved?
!!HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
That's how I feel - if you're unhappy - either try to change it, work things out or leave.
@elshaddai123 (3981)
• Kottayam, India
14 Oct 07
If cheating is found walk over him do not wait for bye/bye
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
14 Oct 07
my bf cheated on me but i accepted him still and try to work things out..but somehow its true..when the trust is broken its very difficult to bring it back..even if you gain some its still not the same trust you are getting..i tried and we tried but it didn;t work out..now were separated with our own lives..i'm alone and he is with his girl..i guess this is for the best..if it wont work out why try and get hurt more..
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Exactly - you need to look out for your own health and well being.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
I'm not really sure what you mean - but I think you're agreeing with me - you'd leave.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
14 Oct 07
I'd end it. Its not worth the time and pain staying with a cheater.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
I'm in agreement with you. Its not just that they physically or emotionally were intimate with another - its that they lied and deceived you. Broke implicit or explicit promises.
Hope you're having a good day.
@eftychiap (349)
• Cyprus
14 Oct 07
I am really concerned about this since I got married. Can you ever feel safe that your spouse will not cheat on you? I guess not. But if he ever did cheat, I would probably be so confused that I wouldn't be able to react! Firstly I am not sure how could we ever leave with it, and continue with our life together, like this never happened. I mean I always had in mind the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater". So how would I know if he won't do it again? Secondly, I would ofcourse talk about it, because I would like to know the reason he did it. I would like to know what he has found in that other person, that I couldn't provide him.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Sounds like you've given this subject a great deal of thought. I sometimes think just worrying about is a good reason not to be in a relationship. Because if you don't trust the other person - then you're not giving everything to the relationship. My mom always said the cornerstones to a good relationship are, Love, friendship, communication, respect - trust and of course good s$x.
The moment I truly did suspect a lover of cheating it be done. Because either he was - and he deceived me or I don't have the self esteem to be in the relationship.
You know what - I think I'd want to talk to my lover in that case too - I think it be like a morbid curiousity. Like people who watch a train wreck - you don't want to look but you're drawn to.
@ricecakes (4)
• United States
14 Oct 07
I think it would really depend on where I was at in the marriage, emotionally. If things had been going bad for awhile, I would probably leave and not look back. If I were wanting to keep the marriage intact, and felt the investment of time and energy were worthwhile, I would choose to try to work it out through counseling. It is really so hard to say unless you are in that place.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
I think you're absolutely correct - its hard to know unless you're in that place - which is why I try not to judge others who stay. I guess for me - its the whole lying and also statistics - most people who cheat once will cheat again.
@pendragon (3349)
• United States
13 Oct 07
Number three def.If they wanted something else so bad, they'd have to go and stay with it.
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
2 Nov 07
In the past I was always the one who wanted to stay in the relationship and work things out. The problem is, I ended up communicating somehow that cheating was okay and it continued. Now I would definately leave. I believe that if a person doesn't want to be with you, they want something else, they should just tell you so before it gets to the point of cheating. This hurts a lot worse than finding out your lover has been loving another. If I found out that a lover of mine were cheating, no matter how much it hurt, I would end the relationship.
