Was it wrong of me...?
By Lifez2short
@Lifez2short (4962)
United States
October 19, 2007 8:22am CST
OK to make a long story short I have not seen my mom in 7 years. I found her on the Internet one day and decided to call her. And we have been in contact every since. Now here's what I want to know if I was wrong. My mom has decided to come and spend Christmas with my family and my sisters family. She lives in Ca. we live in Pa. She will be arriving here on Dec 19th. And my hubby and I were invited to a cabin for the day on the 23rd. Was it wrong of me to ask her to watch my kids so we can go? Is it too soon? I trust her 100% with my kids and they are very excited about spending the day alone with Grandma. But my hubby thinks that 5 days after she arrives was too soon to ask her to babysit. She says no its cool and she would love to watch them. What do you all think?
6 people like this
22 responses
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I don't think you were wrong at all. It is not like you invited her to spend Christmas with you just to have a babysitter. I also think it is a good idea to give them some time alone to get to know each other better since they have not seen her in 7 years.
3 people like this
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
19 Oct 07
They don't even know her my 8 year old don't remember her and the other ones never meet her.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
19 Oct 07
I would have said it was wrong if it was the day after you found her, but I think it was all right. Why she was probably dying to watch the grandkids. She had not seen you in seven years, and possibly neither had the air fare to go to visit each other every year or maybe she could not drive and could not sit on a train too long. (I am thinking this could be it. If it were a rift and you were mad at her and she decided to make peace, you would still be a little uneasy at her watching the grandkids, so I think it was an unavoidable delay.) So now she finally gets enough to take a plane and she is dying to see the grandkids. Five days is enough time for her to feel comfortable and not offended at you asking, so it is okay.
2 people like this
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
19 Oct 07
No actually I didn't know where she was all this time. We did kinda have a spat and she left without saying anything. We lost contact and I decided that it was time to let the hard feelings go and contact her.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
20 Oct 07
I feel if your mom is cool about babysitting and your kids are looking forward to it, then it's okay to go ahead with your cabin plan. After all she is their grandmother and she wouldn't have agreed if she wasn't comfortable. You husband needn't worry and I'm sure that your mother and the kids will have a wonderful time bonding without you guys around and your husband and you can relax and have a good time too.
1 person likes this
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
20 Oct 07
First of all I am happy to hear you contacted your mom.
I think if she knows in advance you need her to babysit and she agrees, it's fine. If you were to spring it on her once she gets to your house, that may not be a good idea.
I think you should go and enjoy the day away from your kids and have a great time.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I think it should be ok - how long have you been in communication with her since you found her online? have you met her in person before? has your family? i would trust your gut instinct and if you think its ok, then why not as its only for one day!
1 person likes this
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Yes I have meet my mom in person before I used to live with my mom. We have been in contact since May.
@miaocecilia (80)
• China
21 Oct 07
you don't need to worry about it.it's been 7 years, i beg your mum would love to babysit. it's a great chance for her to stay and communicate with her grandchildren, they will have a wonderful time.
1 person likes this
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
20 Oct 07
No I see nothing wrong with it you not leaveing the same day or the next day, and I think it will be good for your kids to have some one on one time with there Grandmother
1 person likes this
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I think as long as your mother and your kids are ok and your mother understands that this is due to a prior commintment that you can not get out of doing.It is nice that you can all get together. Have fun.
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
20 Oct 07
I don't see anything wrong with it. You trust your mom and she doesn't seem to mind so go for it! Enjoy the time away from your kids with your hubby!
1 person likes this
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
I guess your mom is sincere in saying that she would love to watch over your kids while you are away...If I were already a grandmom (I'm 50 now but my kids are still single), I would be very happy to babysit my grandchildren. I think this is just a normal instinct of every grandmoms to want to bond with her grandchildren...so don't worry...you mentioned that you trust your mom, so go for it...you too deserve to have some time together, and I guess your mom understands it perfectly...
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
20 Oct 07
Did you invite her to come, and then ask her to babysit for you? 7 years is a long time and she Is your mom. Could your sister help with the babysitting? Why did you not see your mom? Did you have a falling-out with her? Lots of things change in 7 years.
I can't answer your question with the info available. I need to know more Why's How's and Wherefore's. Can you not go to the cabin another time? why did your mom stay away for 7 yrs? Did you not want to see her before? How old are your kids? Does your husband trust her with the kids? How many kids? How old is Grandma? Do you know if shes able and healthy?
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
20 Oct 07
No she made the chioce to come a few days after I first called her. My sister has kids of her own. 7 years is a long time and yes we kinda did have a falling out. I dont know why she stayed away that long. And no they only have the cabin that week. I have been trying for a few years to contact her. I think my hubby trusts her with them. My kids are 9,7,6,and 2. But the 2 year old is going to the cabin with us.
@st091127 (114)
• China
20 Oct 07
Grandmas all like their grandsons and granddaughers.If you do this, I think it's a good way to show you trust on her, as everyone like to rapport with her relatives. And of course,the best luck is that your mother can see your discussion as you meet her on line, and know what you're worried about, and directly tells you what she likes to do.
• United States
20 Oct 07
I think honest and open communication is always the best in situations like this. I usually will tell the person I'm worried about offending is some way exactly that: I am worried you might think I'm taking advantage of you and I want to make sure you feel comfortable with staying alone with my kids. I might say something similar to the kids. I find that letting people know I' a bit worried about something opens a dialog and everyone ends up feeling more on solid ground. Communication, communication, communication. LOL! Anyway, I hope all turns out well for you.
1 person likes this
@linnie35 (18)
•
20 Oct 07
Well, what i would like to know first is how long now have you been in contact with her? Has she and the kids met before? If the answer to those questions are not long (as in this year) and no kids haven't met her then (everyone will probably hate me here) yes it is too soon I don't think you should let her babysit not by herself anyway can another family member that the kids are familar with not be there too, only till the kids and you get to know her better as 7 years is a long time. On the other hand you have a few days with everyone together you could always see how things go and then trust your judgement but I know if it was me I wouldn't be able to relax while at the cabin so would you really be enjoying yourself?
@jillbeth (2705)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I congratulate you on being able to let bygones be bygones and rekindling your relationship with your mother. What a wonderful example for your children. I am sure she is excited about getting to know her grandchildren. I don't think asking her to watch them for one day is out of line, and she sounds like she is looking forward to it.
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
23 Oct 07
Wow, what strange things I read here at Mylot and every single one of them enriches my faith in human feelings somehow or the other. Estranged mother and daughter meeting after seven long years! Such things actually happen outside the movie world!! I am so glad you found each other and have been in touch ever since. Just goes to show how much love we can receive and share if we just let go of our individual egos just a little bit. And no, I don’t think asking her to babysit is too much too soon. Being a grandma, she has every right over your kids and she would probable enjoy if from the core of her heart. And think of the kids…what a welcome change it would be (no pestering parents around) he he he.
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
23 Oct 07
I think it's wonderful that you have reconciled what is probably the most important relationship in anybody's life. It will be good for your children to experience the good part of your relationship with your mother, especially if they are aware of how it was in the past. I hope they take it as a good example. I pray that everything will go well for you, and that you will have a blessed Christmas and future.
@lenapoo (678)
• United States
23 Oct 07
Personally, I wouldn't because of the fact that it has been so long since you have seen her and the first thing that you do is go an ask her to babysit instead of you spending time with her. There is no real right or wrong answer because you did say that she was cool with the idea.
@kevsgirlalways (5883)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
I think it sounds fine for your mom to take care of your kids while you're away. Like you said, you trust her and she's cool with it. this would give your mom and your children the opportunity to spend time with each other. Have fun at the cabin and know that your kids are having fun with their grandmother! hehe... .
@pillowpants1982 (52)
• United States
20 Oct 07
It depends. Why didn't you speak to your mom for seven years?
1 person likes this
