Do you quit being friends because of a simple misunderstanding?
By clarkdaniel
@clarkdaniel (16)
Philippines
October 20, 2007 5:45pm CST
I have a girl bestfriend and one time I slept over her apartment. She was too hygienic. I just arrived from work and she told me to change clothes right away before sitting down on the sofa. I felt like I was stinking maybe she should have asked me to spray myself with Lysol disinfectant spray all over.I myself is also very particular when it comes to hygiene so I am sure that I do not smell ever. She's too paranoid about this total hygiene. Well I do respect individuality but I also think she jumped across the limit and that really made me upset. From then on I started ignoring her even when she came apologizing. What would you do if you are put in a situation like this?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@braveheart07 (2601)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
I think the best thing here to do is to tell her exactly what you feel for her with regards on this matter. It is not also good to end up your relationship with her as your bestfriend just because of this small misunderstanding between the two of you.
You need to talk with her about this and tell everything about your sentiments to her.
Perhaps, she will understand you and may likely change her attitudes towards on you.
Have a nice day and God speed!
2 people like this
@owstalaga (4707)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
Yeah, i think you over reacted. I think that's a guilty attitude even though you don't stink as you say, being offended immediately and quit being her friend is too much.
You should have joked around her too hygienic comment you know.
If i was in this situation i'd just joke about her being so hygienic but follow her advice as i'm the one sleeping over her apartment and not the other way around. It's her house you know so she calls the shots. There are rules and there are rules.... ^_^
1 person likes this
@owstalaga (4707)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
Well then, let's just think of it this way, suppose you have a particular thing you like at home (or a rule or whatever you have in your house) and then some friend of yours comes over and so you say something like "please don't touch this" or "don't do this" because you don't want that something to be damaged or whatever. And then that person suddenly leaves your house without saying anything at all and not being friends with you anymore because of what you said. You did not intentionally want to hurt the person, but you did because of what you just said since you were only concerned and cared about that thing in your home or whatever. That person got offended because he/she thinks you're accusing him/her of being a careless person or one who breaks things intentionally or something, even though that wasn't your intent on what you said.
It's just like the situation that happened between you and her. Her concern is different from yours but she's sorry now so i guess you shouldn't be so hard on her. Otherwise she might think she's wasting her time on you already because you can't forgive her for that simple thing.
That's just my opinion on the matter. ^_^
1 person likes this
@misschriss (110)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Okay, one thing that I had come come to terms with years ago is that people have different outlooks on the word clean. This is not to down play your interpretation of the word. There are some people who shower once a day, and some who shower twice, and then you have those who in my opinion are a little compulsive who shower 3 or more times a day. But me calling them compulsive is wrong. Just like everything else in life, we are entitled to our own opinions.
Because your friend tried to apoligize, this simply implies that she must really be sorry. But even though she is the one saying sorry, you are the one who should be sorry for making her feel like she needed to apoligize in the first place. After all it's her place. She has every right to ask you to comply with her rules in her house. Sorry, but you're the one who's wrong this time.
@clarkdaniel (16)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
You mean absolute rights over rules? What about mine? Well she may be sleepy during those times that she forgot for a single moment that I am her beloved friend she was speaking with.
@owstalaga (4707)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
Yep you're right in a way misschriss. But i don't think he's all that wrong.... i do agree that he shouldn't have ignored her or quit being friends with her immediately just for hearing what she said.
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@raychill (6525)
• United States
21 Oct 07
You're not really much of a friend if you quit being friends because of something so small and simple.
Just because she didn't want you to sit on her couch with your work clothes on is a pretty sad reason to stop talking to her. Maybe she hadreasons to be that hygienic and clean.
1 person likes this
@cielicesky (71)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
Yes maybe same way as you do but friends is friends try to accept apology and express your idea's and doubts too so she will understand .
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@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I think you over reacted a bit. I know that you may have felt insulted about it, but you should have talked to her about it rather than shut her out and walked away. Maybe you should try to talk to her and tell her that how she acted didn't make you feel welcome in her home and that you may have over reacted, but it did hurt your feelings and you felt insulted. I don't think this is something to ruin a friendship over, but I can understand how you feel.
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@marshall_blake2000 (304)
• United States
21 Oct 07
A true friend can work though missunderstandings.
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@laurika (4532)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Hi,
well I can understand her being too much hygienic, but maybe she was little bit too hard on you.But she apologized how you wrote and I think you should forgive her.I know maybe it made you a little mad that night, but if she is your really friend, this should be not that important for you to loose her.And also it is hard to find a real friends, so be happy you have one.forgive her.
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Hi Clark,
If she apologised I think your being a bit harsh by ignoring her. I think you should also apologise to her and the 2 of you continue your friendship. Talk with her and explain that your conscious of this as well and that you understand, she doesnt have to be that way with you. Tell her how what she said made you feel. She wont know until you do, Im sure she is not a mind reader.
Give her another chance at it! Ok? :)
Bay Lay Gray xx
1 person likes this
@amirev777 (4117)
• India
21 Oct 07
Hi!
i know it hurts when you get snubbed by ur best friend for such a not-so-important reason.i know hygiene is very important,but shud not hurt anyone for that,ur friend shud have explained it to you politely.newayz since she has apologised you shud accept her apology and be friends again.
@kndollaga (54)
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
hi clark! welcome to myLot.
It is true that's a very insulting but we can't avoid to say something that we don't really mean. And in any relationship we had in other people (friends, relatives, girlfriend / boyfriend) we can't also avoid misunderstanding because we have our differences.
If I'm in your place, well, at first i feel bad about it and i'm not going to talk to her until she's not apologizing sincerely. But i won't ignore her if she came to apologize. After that we will talk and the rest is history.
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