What if you fall under this condition, Friend or Spouse?
By aowaow
@aowaow (1516)
Indonesia
October 21, 2007 9:25pm CST
You had been long in a relationship with your best friend. One day you fall in love with somebody else. But for times being, you hadn't introduce your spouse to your best friend.
Until your birthday came, and you decided to introduced your spouse to your friends.
Days passed, when you heard one of your friend said, your spouse and your best friend is an enemy to each other. You tried to link those chains, you found it is just misunderstanding. Then you consult separated to each other. Each other is right by their perception, you tried to clear the problem. But what after you'd done your part, they tried to attack you, because you had gone into their privacy annoying.
We just want to make no obstacle ahead, but instead they didn't accept what you did. Until one phase, indirectly, your friend and your spouse in nearby time giving you a deadline. Spouse didn't want your best friend is around you, in else your friend didn't want your spouse is around you. You had tried to solve the matter, but they are sticking to their perception.
How do you solve this?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@islandrose (686)
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
Hi!
For me, both are important, but in the eyes of God your spouse must get the heavier consideration because you choose him to be your life partner. What happened to them might be jealousy, on whom you will give your attention. Best friends must not interfer with the marital relationship.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
10 Nov 07
I know what are you trying to say. This is hard choice, because if this just a starter where my spouse is also doing the similar as my best friend did, I better talk it out with my spouse. Still persisted, then I might reconsider about this relationship, for it will effect all other incoming problems ahead, pre-marriage and in the marriage life. Road is still long to go.
Thanks for the advice.
@islandrose (686)
• Philippines
11 Nov 07
You're welcome. I see your point. In this confusing situation, I believe, you listen to your heart. To whom do you feel you're relaxed and at peace, then pick him up.
@jc_star10 (953)
• Indonesia
22 Oct 07
This is hard to answer honestly. One is because you don't want to hurt each one of them. Second, you just want them to put back their own obstacle. I don't quite understand what problems happened between your spouse and your friend. But i think they don't have any right to control you for not being friend with anyone or being on relationship with anyone. Is them that having a fight or hate each other and not you. I know i being selfish here, but still I think they don't have any right to end other people's relationship. I think the best way, is try to consult with them once more (in separate occasion), try to make them understand that you love both of them. And you don't want any single relationship be broken by stupid problems or whatever that has nothing to do with you. If they still can't accept this, well it's better to end with both of them i guess. Instead being caught in middle of war, it's better to drop it.
@joshespi (20)
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
Weigh things.. get a pen and a paper.. make a line in the middle.. and write your reasons why you should choose your best friend on the left side and your spouse on the right side.. after that weigh which is more important to you.. hope that would help
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
10 Nov 07
Sorry for late reply. Yes I know this feels like standing in the thin line of no grabbing spot on both sides. Understanding spouse should be think cold-headed, if he resisted it, then I might choose the hardest part, you know which part. Because this is too heavy for me. Thx for best input both of you.
@alphabeata (106)
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
Our marriage is our most important relationship, meaning it should be our first priority, not our work,nor our friends, not even our children. I won't discount the fact that bestfriends play a vital role in our lives. They are here to help you every step of the way as you do the same for them too..but remember that if u nourish your marriage more than anything else, couple will establish a friendship that will become a strong foundation for one great marriage, thus making him or her your bestfriend, you won't be considering anybody else. And in the process you won't have a hardtime choosing between the two if you can have both in one persona.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
10 Nov 07
Well, about children, I will keep priority in my family. ^_^ Work and friends are also important too. But, I know where is your point is heading for. Just there is a time where we should face two occasion which are having the great importance in life. But I think there is always a solution for this, whether sometimes we need to choose the worst to gain the best result (sometimes it works)
^_^ Thanks for the input.
@wishme_luck (249)
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
oh thats hard, but i think if im in that situation,and if i love my spouse then i will keep quite and stay with my spouse, becouse he is my future,and to be with him the rest of my life, we are committed to eachother, and being a best friend she/he understand the situation she/he connot tell you should stay away with your spouse.if she/he dont like your spouse you can remain best friend by not interupting your marriage life.and i guess situation will cool down your husband should understand that just give them both a time.its better to stay rest and away with thier misunderstanding thing.
@shuai7777 (15)
• China
23 Oct 07
Hi aowaow,if you really had been long in a relationship with yout best friend and entil you fall in love with him,I think,if their will hurt nobody,you must tell him,if not,you never know what his idear.
@Rwishes (1)
• United States
4 Nov 07
I am a little confused, but if I understand correctly, you are in the middle of your Husband and your best friend who don't care for each other? My feeling is that you chose to marry your husband for a reason and he is the one that you owe your devotion to. Your friend, if he or she is truly a friend should respect that you are now in a different situation than you were when you were close friends in the past. Friends can still stay in touch, but things change when a spouse comes into the picture. That's just life. In a healthy marriage your spouse should be your best friend, so maybe you referring to this other person as your best friend is causing some hurt feeling or jealousy on your husbands part? Just a thought.
@islandrose (686)
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
Hi!
For me, both are important, but in the eyes of God your spouse must get the heavier consideration because you choose him to be your life partner. What happened to them might be jealousy, on whom you will give your attention. Best friends must not interfer with the marital relationship.
@shadowing (308)
• Malaysia
22 Oct 07
Hi Aowaow.
It is a tough situation for you in fact. Sorry friend but I don't really encounter this before. It is mainly because of all my best friends care of my feelings too much. If they heard and know something bad about my bf, they will say it out straight away and will respect all my final decision.
I mean if they love you they have to think of your feelings, not forcing you to choose something which you can't never pick.
Maybe you can try to talk to them, make them think about your feelings and stand as well. Take care and all the best!
@Grooval (23)
• China
22 Oct 07
It's really a difficult choice to be made.Everyone knows the value of real friendship as well as the uncommonness of a real lover.And I believe the true friend and the real lover can do anything for each other.If they can't let their enemy become a friend just for you,they shuold ignore each other instead of giving you trouble and make you embarrassed.So in the condition given above,I will split chums with both,because they are too selfish who are never valued to be cherished.
