Does Your Mood Set The Mood For The Rest Of Your Family?

This discussion reminds me of a saying, "If the woman of the house ain't happy, then ain't no one happy". In a way, it's unfortunate but true. If I get up in a bad mood, my family bears the brunt of it. Things that wouldn't irk me so much on a regular day, will irritate the snot out of me on a bad day. My poor kids will get scolded, and my husband will intervene, and then he gets the wrath. I've tried to be more mindful of my moods and what the real issues are that I'm upset with, but it's hard to live everyday trying to be in the perfect mood for everyone else. So I've come to accept the fact that bad days happen, and I am NOT solely responsible for everyone else's happiness. If it gets really bad, I'll separate myself from the rest of the family and take a breather and that usually helps.

It sounds to me like you have the wife and mother blues. It also sounds like you may be losing your own idenity in the roles that you play. Let me tell you how I see marrige. The man is the head and the wife is the neck that turns the head. In other words, he needs you, in order to be the best that he can be. This is why the Bible said that God created Eve to be Adams helper. Some women do not feel fulfilled in the role of wife and mother. That is why a lot of them are opting to go to work these days, instead of being a stay at home mom. Now for me, I am very old-fashioned, but I wont go there, because I do not think that it will help you much right now. Do you know how to drive? If you don't you should learn and if you do, you should start saving for a car. I think that you would like it a lot more if you were able to get out and be free when your two favorite boys are away. I think that you should even get a part-time job if that is what you want. As long as it does not take too much away from your role as mother and wife. There is a CD called, "Sacred Love Songs," by: T.D. Jakes. I think that you would really enjoy it. It is a Christian marriage tape. It is upbeat and a lot of fun. I may even make you a copy and send it to you, now that I think of it. Your husband is right. You as the wife, mother, and woman of the house, set the tone for the entire family. You are the center of their life. If your husband is in bad sick for a few days, you can get by. Of course you can go on when maddy is sick, but when you get sick, everything stops. Your husband can get up and go to work before your son ever stirs, but he can't do that effectively, if you are not there and neither can Maddy. If you're in a bad mood, they take that with them throughout the day and hope that things will be better when they get home. I am not saying that you need to be super woman, but I will say this, if you are not happy and taking good care of yourself, they will not be happy, because you will not be able to take good care of them.

Oh I know exactly how you feel because my husband has said that same thing to me...and it IS a huge burden to put it mildly....And I think its not fair in the slightest way either...I have serious depression issues and numerous mental disorders and to add the whole "my mood determines the families mood" to the mix just makes it more difficult for me and its a nasty neverending circle...I feel like its a no win situation at times and thats just not fair...I could accept it more if my kids were still little (not that I'd like it regardless though) but they are 12 1/2 and 14 and hell my husband is a grown man..using me as the mood scapegoat is IMO a bunch of crap really...

hi there. in our home, usually when our mother woke and her mood wasnt good, it has a great effect to all the family members. usually the leader of the household holds the key, i think, on the mood of everyone else, but if someone is down, the leader is the one who will lighten up the mood swing. just like you, among the three of you, your the mom, and usually you carry that burden on bringing up the mood of the whole family, of course sometimes the man should help you too change your mood. :-)

That is a lot of responsibility to put on you. I can see what he's saying, but you're mood shouldn't have to be altered for them. You know what I'm trying to say? It's hard to explain. Like, I feel you should be entitled to have a bad day because it will happen from time to time and you shouldn't have to shoulder the blame if it puts Maddy and your hubby in a mood too. They should still be able to carry on and overlook your mood. I mean I could understand if you were constantly moody, but I know you're not. Every now and then shouldn't throw them off so much. We should be entitled to a bad mood every now and then!!! Grrrrrr! :P

Hi, it is really depend on that person too. My husband doesn't like or see when Im on the bad mood... sometimes he cheer me up, or ask me not to being like this and told that he is not happy with it. For me, I just feel it is ok to leave me for awhile but he doesn't want to do that... he said, I dont want to see you are update of something at all. Sometimes he in the bad mood and then I just ignore him cuz he is hard to talk to when he in the bad mood. I guess your husband doesn't want you to have a bad mood with your child and he feels uncomfortable with it. I understand we are not in the good mood all the time but you know that's how he is, so if he says that, then you should be flexible a little bit to make everyone happy. And you are not making them having a bad day and nothing is to blame on you. we are all have one of this day and especially we are a woman. Dont be upset, it will be some other way to solve this problem... Wish you good luck

I am getting this through my email so can't see anyone else's responses yet but am anxious to see what others have to say. I have to totally agree with your husband. I am the one that sets the mood in my house. My husband is a morning person and will be happy and cheery in the morning and my daughters with growl at him. But me? If I am happy, everybody is happy. If I am grouchy I usually let loose and of course that sets the pace for the day. As Dr. Phil says, "If Mama ain't happy, nobody's going to be happy." It is oh so true, but I can't for the life of me figure out why when my husband gets up first. You'd think that his mood would set the pace for the household for the day. It must have something to do with the estrogen swarming through the house. LOL!

I am very even keel, but I am always a bit on the depressed side. My mood has no effect on my husband who when I am rather down, seems as if all the world is a joy. In fact, I wish he were a bit more sympathetic and usually it is the day after he really let into me for something I did or what I was talking about. It is as if he can recover, but I sure cannot.

I agree with him. I feel that my mood sets the tone for the whole family. If I am a grouch,then I make the kids and husband miserable. I have also noticed that if I am complaining about things, then before long the whole house is in a complaining mood about something. Take a long look at things and realize that they love you and that they want you to be happy. If you are having a bad day, just stop and think of all the things that could be going wrong that aren't and you will be in a better mood. Live each day as if you only had it to live!!

yep...if mama ain't happy, the rest of the family isn't either!! haha. but growing up if my dad was mad, OOHWEE, we ducked and ran. but my mom was never upset too often, she let a lot roll off her back. but now with my own fam, forget it, if i'm grumpy my son picks up on that, and so does my hubby!! haha!! then we all react!! haha

I am sure that if I thought about it I could say the same is true with me but I have noticed this with my husband, we actually had this same discussion this weekend. I notice that when he is in a sullen mood that I kind of get down to, and it puts me on edge.

Hi Maddysmommy. Well, my mood doesn't set the mood for the rest of my family but..haha..my mum's mood does set the mood for most of my family. When she is down or mad, then my mood will swing a lot. Anyway, she doesn't know that so I guess I didn't burden her. Haha.