falling in love with a friend
By marababe
@marababe (2503)
Philippines
October 25, 2007 2:16am CST
I've been single for over a year now and I haven't exactly gone dating after my previous relationship was declared "over" by my selfish ex boyfriend.
During my moments of crying and bitterness over my lost love, I confided with my ever trustworthy friends which happens to be mostly guys. I cried and they comforted me for days until my grieving stage was over and I was back to my bubbly self. I was able to joke and laugh about my previous relationship and my guys are open enough to tell me that they prefer me with no boyfriend around cos they get to enjoy my company more often.
Just to get things straight and clear, we are all just friends with no malice whatsoever. It just happened that I am the only girl in the group and I like the feeling cos I'm the "baby" and the princess. LOL.
So anyway, all of us got close to this guy and we started going out with him and the new guy and I ended up being close, much closer than some of my old guy friends. We started having dinner, just the two of us, started sending each other text messages and every time he drives me home, he always holds my hand while driving. He's super sweet and I know he's just like that to his friends. I got confused cos I started to feel something weird. I mean, all my friends hold my hand, hugs me and everything but with him, it feels different. I don't know if I should give meaning to what he was doing. But I decided not to and just act normal as usual. I enjoyed every moment we spend together.
Until one day, every thing got messed up. We're not how we used to be and we are not talking with each other. I don't know how and what happened, literally. We just ended up avoiding each other.
I miss him. I never fall for a friend and I never thought I would.
Is it really this hard?
9 responses
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
25 Oct 07
i think u should ask urself if u still like ot be with friends with him. on my experience almost all my bf are my friends and i hate it when were over that we couldnt be friends anymore. i think u should ask urself why r u avoiding him then if u got couraged ask him why is he avoiding u too. sometimes u need to say what u have to say. am i making sense? i hope i am! hehehe!
2 people like this
@sauldejesus (169)
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
What happened during the fall out?
As a guy, I'd have to say that doing what he did are signs that he was into you.
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
26 Oct 07
I agree. And that explains the sudden avoidance. It's because both of you feel something for each other. Perhaps he feels awkward about it. Perhaps he thinks it's wrong. Perhaps he feels you don't feel the same way. What you need to do is talk to him, tell him how you feel. Take a chance. Don't be afraid of losing his friendship. Life is all about taking risks.
@sauldejesus (169)
• Philippines
26 Oct 07
Maybe it is the sudden realization that you both like each other and he doesn't know how to deal with it right now.
@marababe (2503)
• Philippines
26 Oct 07
At first, I really didn't want to entertain the thought that he feels the same way I do because the first time that we had dinner together and we started to talk about personal things, family matters, problems, etc. he suddenly turned the subject to his ex and how he is not yet ready for another relationship and gave all those blah-reasons.
But there were times also that I can't help but think that he feels the same way. I just don't know what the big deal is that he don't want to talk about it.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
26 Oct 07
Look its a case when you fall in love with a friend.
May be you have not conveyed your feelibngs to him.
But somehow both of you have understood there is something and now he has started avoiding you or the other way round.
May be he has got the idea and now avoiding you.
Its very natural for you to feel bad and miss him as you have started loving him.take time to decide what he feels.
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
26 Oct 07
I dont et it why you have to avoid each other. Anything happened? Is it just that it wont be possible that you just go out today, enjoy each others company then tomorrow treat each other as nothing happens. I really dont get it. I dont see something wrong if you fall in love with your friend. Maybe he was just lovable and sweet that he really captured your heart.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
26 Oct 07
Maybe one or both of you are afraid of what the other is possibly thinking/feeling. That fear goes even further, because if you did have an intimate relationship and it failed then it changes future relationships with the other person (if any...)
You are also being a bit vague about what happened that is making you both avoid each other (its fine to omit it if its very personal). Other than that, I don't know how else to assess the situation. Oh yea, if you can and if you really feel it, you should confess what you feel to him honestly. If you do it seriously and express yourself properly to him, he might seriously consider what you feel.
@marababe (2503)
• Philippines
26 Oct 07
I'm not sure if he already know about my feelings for him but yeah, maybe he knows and that's why he started avoiding me because I remember him saying "friends should stay as friends, nothing more". But I on the other hand has totally no clue about his feelings.
@eskay007 (72)
• Israel
25 Oct 07
Yes,it is very hard! This is the reason why I am always arguing with my friends over friendship between boys and girls. I dont believe in it. I dont believe in "we are just friends". there is always this element of attraction and if you are not too careful one will get hurt. I have seen this a number of times.
In your own case Marababe, this "super sweet" guy is new to the group and may have a different perception, orientation and belief than what you have in the group as such the reason for your break up. Even though you did not state how everything got messed up, I believe the guy has fallen into you and has tried to show it to you while you in your own way (even though you have fallen too) rejected him by deciding not to and continue to act as usual!
My advice to you is to follow your heart.
1 person likes this
@8ctavarium (552)
• Australia
26 Oct 07
It is pretty clear that he is into you. But don't let him be in control and do whatever he wants to. It is up to you and your decision should be final. So if you think that you and him can have something together in terms of a relationship, then go for it. But you must let him know, and remember these things take time. If you think that you two are better off as just friends only, then you must let him know know. Or else once you two start to get even closer (well once he starts to get onto you) if will be harder to remain friends if you tell him that you don't want a relationship with him. Whatever your decision is, you have to talk through it and let him know.
@fracktion (154)
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
Well thats hard. Since youre avoiding each other for no clear reasons. At least if he told you of his feelings and you avoided him theres a clear reason. Here, you dont have a clue whatsoever. Though you can assume that he is trying also not ruin your friendship by withholding his feelings for you. However, this wont do good either. No matter how hard or akward t is you need to say what you feel and withholding it wont help. So I think its better to talk to him personally. Ask him what happened and why is he avoiding you.... you'll never know unless you tryyyy.... :)
