Should a man who was decieved by his wife/girlfriend .......
By MikeMe
@MikeMe (100)
United States
October 29, 2007 8:37pm CST
....into thinking a child was his only to find out years later that she lied to him and the child is NOT his, have to continue paying child support? I watched an extremely provocative Dr. Phil today. Seems that 11 years ago, a woman had a baby that her husband was not the father of. He didn't know she'd had an affair, she never told him the baby was not his. So, he raised this little girl became her father. Several years later, the husband and wife divorced and latter he remarried. As soon as the new wife saw the daughter, she urged the man to have a DNA test because she was sure the child could not be his. She was right. DNA testing proved the child was someone else's. Dad then did something I don't agree with. He took the child to a park and broke the news to her and suddenly stopped being her father. Apparently he was just that distraught over finding out he was not her biological father. Now there is NO defense for this action and he is remorseful. The issue now is, the courts have said he still has to pay child support because he raised the child for so many years! It didn't matter to the judge that he was not the biological father and that he had no way of knowing that until the wife confessed later and the DNA test! Listening to experts on the show, this happens all the time. Men are ordered to pay child support for kid that aren't theirs just because they have for so long. No hunting down the real father and making them pay, but courts are making men pay child support for kids that are not theirs. Does anyone out there know of a case like this? How do you feel about it? You can use DNA evidence to get a man out of jail after years and years for a crime they didn't commit, but here's a "crime" apparently they did not commit, but the DNA evidence means nothing.....
2 people like this
11 responses
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Actually, my husband is going through a similar situation right now. His first ex wife got pregnant and my husband thought he was the father. She left him when she was six months pregnant to be with the man she had been cheating on him the whole time and told him two years later that the child was not his, even though he'd been paying child support on this child. He was really upset about all of this, even though while he was paying she kept the baby away from him so he never knew her. 5 years later, when i am pregnant with our daughter we loose all of our taxes for back child support and she takes my husband to court and claims that she never said the child wasn't his, but refuses to give permission for a paternity test. at the time, we could not afford a lawyer nor would she let him see the child so we couldn't go and get a DNA test done ourselves..so, for the past three years she has gotten over 15, 000 dollars from us on a child that probably isn't even his. We are going to fight it though when he gets home from being overseas. i really think it's a sad situation for men like my husband and the ones you talk of. Women should be ashamed of theirselves for putting them through all of that. I think it's wrong for the system to make them continue to pay child support as well after finding out the child isn't even theirs. I think they should be paid back for all the child support they put into it. It's just ridiculous!
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Another casualty of the situation. I read the whole thing Sgtswife. I've seen plenty of stories like this. Its terrible. You should see some of the other sides of child support and "deadbeat" dads (some being the victims of circumstance or a greedy system).
I wish you the best of luck in your situation. But I know its a long long struggle.
Perhaps this can help, http://www.paternityfraud.com/index.html but with some things I cannot guarantee success. Its a convoluted and biased situation, one that is only getting better in very small increments, but still lopsided.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
30 Oct 07
You are always welcome! If you want anymore help just track me down and I'll see what I can pull up net and resource wise.
After reading the next part... man oh man...
The part of that other woman deserves a nice /facepalm in my book.
Again, take care of yourselves and good luck with the struggle. You've got support here.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
30 Oct 07
thanks, I will definitely check it out. I am hoping for the best as well. If the child isn't his, which i don't think it is cause she looks nothing like him from pictures i've seen, we are gonna see what we can do about all of that. if she ends up being his, we are gonna fight for some kind of visitation so he can know his daughter. she is just a low life though. she's pregnant again by another wife's husband. the child we've been paying her childsupport on doesn't even live with her...she lives with her grandmother. so she's getting money from us and using it for whatever. the child in question isn't even getting the money. it's just insane. but, thanks again and i will definitely check that site out
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
30 Oct 07
I believe that it was pure cheating. In those cases, consider how will the man feel if he learned that he was been cheated and now, being forced to act as if nothing happens and continue supporting the child. How painful it is that you are obligated to the child that is the fruit of your wife's infidelity. How cruel! Such move will only deepen the pain. Of course he would support the child because he thought it was his own, but realizing that he was cheated, I think he should be given a chance to decide for himself.
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
30 Oct 07
In addition to this, I believe that the father has been so inconsiderate to hurt the child that way... maybe due to his anger. Both the father and the child is a victim here.
I believe that if in the first place he knows that the child is not his, that is the time that he cannot use the reason that its not his child... but it is different in this case, he was fooled to believe that it was his child so he whole heartedly shoulder the responsibility.
I believe that with the amount of time that a father has been to a child, he develop his love for the child. He supported the child because the wife tricked him and now after realizing everything, he is the one to decide whether to continue supporting the child or not... He is the real victim here after all...
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
31 Oct 07
I feel sorry, but i think DNA or being not the biologicay father doesnt matter, what matters is, how you treated a person, its so sad to know that you raised a kid that is not from your own blood, but i think doing such thing is a noble, its not the fault of kid, what matters is that the kid treated you as his real father,.
and to avoid this kind of incident we should be honest to our loveone, then if he/she really loves you, she/he will understand what happened.
about the crimes, i think there is something to do with power and money, i think the suspect even though he is not really committed the crime, even the DNA proved it, when is he poor, will there is a possibility that he will spent his life on jail,.. how unjust..
@patgalca (18355)
• Orangeville, Ontario
30 Oct 07
I was a little on the fence with this episode but I agree with the other poster, the man raised her as his daughter, he signed the birth certificate, he is responsible for her. My daughter has never known her biological father though he paid child support (after several trips to court and DNA tests he insisted on). My husband adopted my daughter so the biological father is no longer responsible for child support. My husband is the only father my daughter has known. If our marriage were to break up, should my husband disown my daughter just because she is not biologically his? No!
I know the mother deceived both the child and the fathers. I am guilty of that myself in that I tried to put the pregnancy off onto the wrong guy. Both wanted DNA tests so it was done. For the record, I had asked my doctor what I should do and she told me to pick a guy and tell him it was his so I took some bad advice from a good source.
As for the couple on Dr. Phil, they were married and remained married for several years after the child was born. His name was on the birth certificate and he raised her as his own child, and she believed he was her father. I do not believe he should have done what he did. I can understand his initial shock and anger (been there, done that), but he made a knee-jerk reaction by telling the child.
Also, the new wife was trying to get her husband off the hook for child support. Been there and done that too. My daughter's bio dad came to me and asked my fiance to adopt her because his girlfriend didn't want him paying child support anymore. The wife should have stayed out of it. In my case, my fiance was ready and willing. We were warned by several people that he should not adopt her until we got married (because what if the marriage ended out not happening) but my then fiance went ahead with the adoption anyway. He loves my daughter and forgets he did not create her. DNA plays a very small part when it comes to a parent-child relationship.
As Dr. Phil always says, it is the child that is important. Why hurt the child?
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
30 Oct 07
"I was a little on the fence with this episode but I agree with the other poster, the man raised her as his daughter, he signed the birth certificate, he is responsible for her. My daughter has never known her biological father though he paid child support (after several trips to court and DNA tests he insisted on). My husband is the only father my daughter has known. If our marriage were to break up, should my husband disown my daughter just because she is not biologically his? No!" -[/quote]
The funniest thing about that is, is that plenty of divorcing women agree with you, as do some men. The problem is, the interpretation. For some women in this matter, they don't want the husband to disown, but they'll deny visitation, etc (his money is fine, but as a real and interactive father, he's not needed)-_- And I've seen some fathers try fighting tooth, nail and even hardcore for their children. They don't want to disown them, and they don't want to be regulated or through other method forced into 'invisible check' status either. Its too bad Dr Phil, Oprah, the TV news and the rest of the garbage don't report it or don't care.
"Both wanted DNA tests so it was done. For the record, I had asked my doctor what I should do and she told me to pick a guy and tell him it was his so I took some bad advice from a good source."-[/quote]
I'd say you took some bad advice from a terrible source, my opinion. The worst part of this is, some women come to that conclusion without a third party (i.e. they plot it themselves). I've read an abundance of cases and stories of that too.
"As for the couple on Dr. Phil, they were married and remained married for several years after the child was born. His name was on the birth certificate and he raised her as his own child, and she believed he was her father. I do not believe he should have done what he did. I can understand his initial shock and anger (been there, done that), but he made a knee-jerk reaction by telling the child."-[/quote]
Indeed... for most of this. The guy definitely did something sick revealing it like that. I don't believe she should have done what she did, but I'm hardly seeing that throughout most of the posting so far. But fine. There is some depth to what a man feels when cheated on despite what everyone wants to think. In most cases its magnified when the child isn't his. This should not be ignored, taken lightly, or just skirted off. It's not ignored when a woman's hurt after a man cheats on her (be there a paternity issue or not).
"Also, the new wife was trying to get her husband off the hook for child support. Been there and done that too. My daughter's bio dad came to me and asked my fiance to adopt her because his girlfriend didn't want him paying child support anymore. The wife should have stayed out of it. In my case, my fiance was ready and willing. We were warned by several people that he should not adopt her until we got married (because what if the marriage ended out not happening) but my then fiance went ahead with the adoption anyway. He loves my daughter and forgets he did not create her."-[/quote]
Interesting situation. And yes there are plenty of difficulties in some cases. I do hope your situation is better or great. I want to wish you and your family well.
"DNA plays a very small part when it comes to a parent-child relationship. As Dr. Phil always says, it is the child that is important. Why hurt the child?"-[/quote]
Indeed. In some cases the needs and feelings of the child are completely ignored. And after that, I've seen the needs and feelings of the spouse get trampled on too, that shouldn't be taken lightly either.
Well anyways, its getting late and the thought train is starting to run out of steam. Good night to you pat, Take care.
@megamerx (29)
• Philippines
31 Oct 07
.. well. this should depend on that man's level of understanding.
In my humble opinion, if I was the guy, and I really love that girl, I would never hesitate to accept the child, and give child support. (Giving that I was born this way).
BUT, no man or woman would be such a hippocrite to accept instances like these.
@friedturkey4u (10)
• United States
30 Oct 07
This case would be equal to alimony or palimony. I wonder what they would call it? I would deem all of the above as a threat to one's constitutional rights. It is like the "acting father" is being punished. Personally, I feel that they should continue taking on the responsibility to 'act' as a father, however there should be no judiciary repercussions because they choose not to support the child financially. It is their decision.
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Wow what a story. I feel sorry for the little girl. It is so sad that women lie about something so important. I don't blame the man for being upset. However, he did raise her as his own and I believe has an obligation to the little girl. So I agree with the judge.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Welcome to the edge of the looking glass Mikeme...
Now its time for you to see how deep the rabbithole goes.
Here is a Maine case and an overview of the issue
Paternity fraud stateside is clocked in somewhere at 15-25% of men with children. There are other percentages too, (some at 3%, others at 30%)
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=48871
http://www.canadiancrc.com/articles/Globe_and_Mail_Moms_Little_secret_14DEC02.htm
Another overview from legal perspectives and analysis, general information too
http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1144414531354
http://www.paternityfraud.com/pf_faqs.html
This is an Arkansas Supreme Court case that ruled in the same way that you described.
http://www.wmcstations.com/global/story.asp?s=6532830&ClientType=Printable
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=717
And here is another persons case from California
http://www.glennsacks.com/california_paternity_justice.htm
Oh and its funny but there is some protection and advocation of paternity fraud. Some sites/forums actually have people(women) encouraging it or excusing it. Sickens me. I wonder how some would feel if the guys/boyfriends/husbands were out having kids with another woman(or women). There's even a thread or two on mylot that asks this very question and everyone rightly so said the act was wrong. But now, I'm flipping the situation over. I wonder what'll be said this time? Some women are actually fine with it themselves. The law (at least stateside and a few other areas) is also pretty biased in the matter. -_-
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=1194
http://defaultpaternity.org/pdf/flq-0706.pdf
http://www.canadiancrc.com/articles/Scotsman_96_percent_of_women_are_liars_09DEC04.htm
Then there are just outright screwovers in this situation
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=733
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007080676,00.html
http://www.man4justice.com/hallof.htm
And there are cases where dads want to stay in the lives of the child, but they still face difficulties on all fronts. In other cases they do raise the children and continue to support them, but I remember a few where the wife cheated again, and conceived another child that wasn't his again! Gah.
http://www.glennsacks.com/duped_dads_bill.htm
http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?Date=20070318&Category=NEWS01&ArtNo=703180504&Template=printart
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=1211
I hope that points out a few things Mike. And this is actually just a fraction of it.
Personally, I disagree with men paying child support for kids that aren't theirs. *Waits for booing to die down* Whatever. I'll admit the guy in your story Mike did something horrific to the daughter (if its fully true...). And yes I've heard of situations being like this. But other men are not like this and want to be in the child's life. Its too bad some women won't even allow that (typically in divorce or non-marriage cases).
I said it earlier and I'll say it again. When the roles were reversed tons of people, notably women said they wouldn't accept it if a guy had a child with another woman while in a relationship with them... so why should a guy accept it if a woman does it? Last call...
Some may not care, but it still an issue.
Society gains nothing from ignoring or excusing it.
