Pinings on Love and Marriage--a short story
By spoiled311
@spoiled311 (5500)
Philippines
October 30, 2007 7:37am CST
what dya think about this? and if you're in a relationship like this, what would you do?
*************
We have a pretty smooth relationship--my boyfriend and I--and a girl couldn't ask for more from a man, except...
One thing still kept hanging like a cloud over our heads—marriage. He still doesn’t have plans. And he just hates me for bringing it up. We have been together for several years..but...nothing.
He sometimes mentions that he has plans, but like where? I’m not 16 anymore and we’re not dating for 2 months.
He’s a good guy. I don’t have problems with loyalty, faithfulness, honesty, etc. Just with getting him to commit. He says he’s not shy of marriage…that he also wants to marry me…that he has plans…but I think it’s all talk. There’s no action until now.
I have waited many birthdays, Valentine’s days, Christmases, New Year’s…Still no proposal…I wonder how long will I have to wait?
I’m starting to recognize the waiting …and not the thing I’ve been waiting for. I’ve been asking him: what’s keeping us? What???? Doesn’t he love me enough?
I feel like garbage whenever I think about this, that I’m not worthy to be brought home as somebody’s wife. I wonder why he won’t take me seriously. He says that he does. But, why can’t he marry me? It’s not even finances.
I have answered all his concerns and met with his criteria, but still nothing is happening. He has ran out of excuses so he has been telling me to just wait. As he said that’s the only thing I haven’t done. Yeah, and it’s the only thing I could do where I couldn’t bother him and his pace. But when you ask him, he’ll put all the blame on me.
I told him last night that I want out. We still haven’t finalized it yet. But we continued to fight. I want out…because it’s the only way I can think of…Maybe…Just maybe…When I’m gone, he’ll realize how much I mean to him.
There are a number of men who wanted to court me over the years, yet I stuck with him.
I love him, but I’m sick and tired of waiting. I’m sick and tired of all the jokes, the pranks, and the conversations about marriage and children. I’m sick and tired of all the questions.
I want out.
2 people like this
7 responses
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Hi Spoiled,
I hate to speak up here, but my sister was in a relationship like this once, so I wanted to share with you. They were together for many years, 7 I think before they decided to get married. They were the happiest couple I have ever seen, so much it made me sick to be around them! lol (joking) But I mean they never raised their voice, they never disagreed, they never had an argument, its like they were literally perfect. He owned his own business and was successful, she worked with him, they had a great house, boat, took vacations, it was just a great relationship!!!
Then they got married, they divorced a year later. My point here is, why change something that is working for you? I know you expressed from you post that your tired of waiting, but why are you waiting? Why cant you just live as you are and have been and be happy?? Arent you happy with him? He sounds like a wonderful man, isnt that good enough for you? I think we always want more more more and then we get it and its not what we want after all.
Just some things to think about. Best wishes hon!! xx
Bay Lay Gray xx
2 people like this
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
31 Oct 07
Well, do you think that he would do that? Or is it against your religion for you to live with him without being married?
Im not really into any heavy religious beliefs, so this doesnt concern me, and I can certainly respect those that do want to follow it.
If you think he is worth waiting for, then why does it hurt you so badly? I dont think I could stand to live apart for too long! Especially if Im deeply in love with them.
1 person likes this
@spoiled311 (5500)
• Philippines
31 Oct 07
***Well, do you think that he would do that? Or is it against your religion for you to live with him without being married?
yes, it is against our beliefs to live together without marriage. :-) it is the children thing...
1 person likes this
@pickle222003 (1)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
Maybe you should think about moving on with your life. You could also try talking to him about your feelings but as many men are they arent hearing it. I was in a relationship sound much like the one your now and I came to relaize I just needed to move on with my life. I did do that and was single for awhile. Then I found a great guy that was all I ever wanted and made think alot about the past and how I was glad the bad relationship didnt work out.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Having been married and divorced twice, I really don't and never did see the real importance in "marriage". Love is what matters. I don't feel you should give up on him. You say you love him and the absolute only thing you don't like about him is that you are not married or have a date to be.
Isn't the relationship and its quality the most important thing to you? Seriously, that little ceremony is not the utmost. If you really really really love him you would be willing to spend eternity with him with or without formal marriage vows. If you are willing to run simply becuz of a ceremony...then I feel you are not ready to married.
1 person likes this
@TravisE (440)
• United States
31 Oct 07
Why do you value the concept of marriage over the actuality of a good relationship? I'm assuming there is more to the story here. Why do you feel enough of a need to take things to another level that you are willing to let go of what you have? I'm not saying you do not deserve marriage, or that you should not want it. I am just saying that you should really be clear about why it's a deal-breaker for you.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
31 Oct 07
Well, honestly, I believe it when he says he has a plan. I think the problem he is having is that he just wants you to stop talking about it. Maybe, if you just don't say anything more about it, he will get his plan together. That may be all he is waiting on. I know patience can be aggravating at times. Been there done that, but sometimes patience and showing the other person that you are being patient, without bringing marriage up, is the best way to get what you want. It sounds like he wants to marry you, but i think maybe the nagging about it is what is keeping him from getting his plan together. Maybe you should just back off of the whole marriage thing, but have a time limit set for yourself on how long you can go without talking about it. A man won't marry if he feels like he's being forced to do it right then. I mean no disrespect to you, but i was in a similar situation and it didn't do anything but pull us apart. Our circumstances were a bit different though. We had a child on the way so i felt like it was the right thing to do and to do it before the baby was born. Just give him time and be understanding. He will come around, I promise. He just needs to see that you aren't gonna push him into it and that he can do it the way he wants to. Good luck and keep us posted. God bless
1 person likes this
@bscon5 (17)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Hi Spoiled i just have to say why rush things I believe that if he is a good guy and all just wait for him to pop the question. I mean i have such a great guy in my life right now and we have been together for 3 years and we are not married and we dont plan to rush it either. I think when the time is right he will pop the question. The last thing i would do is argue about getting married you should see that he is a great guy and maybe one of these days, months or years he will propose and it will be great for the both of you...If you love him you will wait for him too commit to you. Believe me if he is such a great guy as you say he is you will wait until he is ready also.
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
31 Oct 07
I don't really see what the big deal is about getting married. Why do you *need* to get married?
The way I see it, if you want to leave him just becuase you don't like the label on your relationship, then you probably don't really love him anyway.
