When You Have Doubts What Do You Do About Them?
@Perspectives (7131)
Canada
November 12, 2007 6:07pm CST
I responded to a discussion today where the member was asking others what she should do. As I read some of the responses and her comments I felt like she had already answered her own question by saying that her gut was telling her to stay clear of the project.
For me DOUBT usually means DON'T...at least initially. At the very least it means I need more information before continuing. The only time I have ever run amok is when what I call 'intuitive knowing' was showing up in the form of doubt and saying..."Hold on, things are not as they appear...PAUSE..MAKE AN ADJUSTMENT and I didn't heed. Over time I have trained myself to take a cue from doubting feelings about anything or anyone and re-center myself before making a decision...especially really important ones that could have an impact on my time, energy and quality of life.
From all my experiential life learning the one thing I have come to accept is that the Universe does not compel me toward the best path with a "Maybe." Spiritual guidance to proceed when everything within rises up and resonates with a crystal clear "YES!"So having said all this I am curious about whether you intellectualize your niggles away or pay attention to them? What happens when you do...and do not use feelings of doubt as an early warming system? Do you find them confusing and if so how do you work through that? Anyway...I will welcome whatever you are up for sharing as always.
Best regards,
Raia
5 people like this
17 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
13 Nov 07
when I doubt something I will struggle with it for days . THis way is a good point this way is bad point and when I get more bad points than good then I stop worring and dont do it.
think my biggest one I struggled with was after the fact.
HUbby and I had dicussed for years what we wanted done if we got to ill to say for ourselves weather we wanted life help or just die. and We both said we didnt want on life support at all for it was a drain on money had stregth .But after I signed papers for no life support and he pasted away I had the doubt as to weather I had did the right thing. Could he had lived longer if had life support would he have came out of the coma all kinds of thoughts went through my head . I so wanted to keep him with me but not if he never woke up and then I was told it was beter for him to go that way as thats waht he wanted and I had honored it. But the doubt stayed around for a couple of years.
and still now I wonder if there was anything else I could have done better . Oh I know when he went all the pain went too. Maybe I am selfish wanting to have stayed with me but then it would probably be only in body and not mnd and sould . I watched him waste away for 9 months and could do nothing about it .
as you see I still have my doubts.
BUt most time I know what to do and just do it or not do it. hoe this makes sinec!
hugs nad blessings
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I feel like you have a better since of me than I do lol. and I am sure I did right it was just so hard to let go and thru the whole 9 months I didnt cry I couldnt I had to be there. and then I cried for 2 1/2 years and sometimes if it hadnt of been for Gaby staying on line with me thru the nights and just keeping my spirits up I dont know what Iwould have done then. Daughter was worried that I was going to lose my mind I think.
yup and what i felt and heard in the hospital makes me believe he wants me to carry on with this life.
hugs and blessings
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Ahhhh...every time you talk about the events and choices made around your beloved's passing I can feel your loss and regret. It must be hard not to second guess yourself because of the deep love you have for each other that reaches into the next realm.
It would seem that it would not have been much easier to live with your other choice and that is not to honor the decision you both made about how to handle things when either one of you became ill. From my sense of it you loved him enough to put your own desire to have him close aside to honor your previous agreement.
There is an expression that even God cannot change the past...so I hope you will be gentle with yourself on this. You and I both know you have a great inner guidance system and I am sure you made the right decision. Most of us would rather be set free to fly into another realms and be free from pain rather than having our spirits trapped in a body and semi-living between this world and the next one. David and I have written living wills so both of us will not doubt things if and when we ever have to make a decision like yours.
Sending you a gentle, embracing hug, love and light. Just keep putting all your attention on healing because I am sure it is what your hubby's wants for you!
Raia
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
You say the sweetest things and if it feels that I have a better sense of you it is partly because you have been so willing to open yourself up to me and share so much through our heart to heart chats.
The love you and your hubs shared is a beautiful thing to hear about...and as you said it shows that he remains close to you and the encouragement you received in the hospital reveals that. Perhaps if you hold on to the gentle way he came to you is confirmation that you made the right decision at the time and hopefully it will help ease the doubting feelings that linger.
You did what you felt was best...and what your honey-bun wanted. The fact that you had the courage to act on something that was so hard to me is something you should feel proud about. Many do not have courage or unconditional love to let them go. You did and I admire you for that. As I have said so often Lakoata...you are a true spiritual warrior woman and I am proud that you call me your friend.
Wishing you lots of love and sending you an embracing, warm, gentle spiritual hug because I truly care my friend.
Raia
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10559)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
hi riai, when doubt gets in the way i always observe and analyze at the same time. doubt is (for me) take a seat and think. yes like you pause, make adjusment if you have to or meet half way in some adjusments if any. dont just jump to conclusion if there is doubt. some of my friends really do that. sometimes it is really confusing but thats what makes life more worth living. wink wink
@roniroxas (10559)
• Philippines
14 Nov 07
friends are there to help, theres no doubt about it. but sometimes they have their different styles to handle problems so sometimes it gets more complicated to think. but for me if they will suggest something and i am open for it and in the end after analyzing want i decide on my own is what ill do.
i got a dvd of shrek the third and i am so happy. now we can watch it anytime and anywhere.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hello again my fellow Shrek loving friend!
Yes doubts are really something to pay attention to...and I continue to feel amazement at how they guide me. I agree that doubts around friends can be more challenging than listening to them around a project or proceeding with a plan. People and our interactions with them can be very confusing at times with big push-pulls about how to handle them.
But yes, taking risks, falling on our bottoms, picking ourselves up and trying again that certainly is what keeps life interesting and worth living!
Cheers,
Raia
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
I do understand what you mean about the complexities of relating to others, listening to their views and finding a way to take it in...then finally make the decision that we think is right for us at the time.
What we all suffer from is 'doing what we know' because it feels familiar and safe. Moving beyond comfort zones can also cause doubt and I have found in my personal and professional lives that is where doubt comes from too. So yes, it takes time to develop the confidence and clarity to put our doubts into a proper perspective and taking action from there.
Good to hear that you can watch Shrek anytime, anywhere. We have all three of them on DVD and enjoy the whole group as you do.
Take care...always fun to chat.
Raia
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
13 Nov 07
If the doubts are pertaining to my job, I used to get it clarified from by Boss or senior colleagues.
If the doubts are pertaining to raising children, my mother's sister is an expert and she has practical solution for all problems.
If the doubts arise regarding going through the ordeal of life, I go to my mother (though illeterate) she is like friend, philosopher and guide and she gives me ideas to over come.
Day to day life, I go by intution and commonsense.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
13 Nov 07
When in doubt, I take time to think about what I was going to do. How would it effect myself and others. I have had to do this several times in my life. Sometimes I moved forward, sometimes I decided to give up on the notion. Weighing the positive against the negative will help you to decide.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hi again,
Yes, taking time to think is a process that comes up in the doubting phase of my decision making process as well. Sounds like you have some excellent critical thinking skills and are willing to think ahead about the cause, effect and consequences and that reveals your wise woman ways.
Good to hear from you as always,
Raia
1 person likes this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Whatever doubts I have, I always take time to think about it and hopefully I make a right decision. But if I see that I'd be in a Lose-Lose situation, then I'd better drop the idea and loosen the load.
If I see good opportunities or possible things would end up for my part, then that's a great deal to gamble for. There are times that we have the opportunity to choose, use our common-sense and make good use of what our brains are made for!;)
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hi Raijin...
Good to hear from you. Somehow it doesn't surprise me to hear that you are use doubts in a constructive way. From what you say here you have figured out a way to balance doubts and how you respond to them.
I mentioned about that my Mom had an expression that; "Common sense is not so common." Yes, when we can our brains and intuitive amazing things can occur. The problem is many cannot do things the way you are...and well, we both know where that leads! (laugh)
Good for you that you have developed the skills you have... and I am sure you will continue to create good things in life for you and yours!
Best regards my friend,
Raia
1 person likes this
@fanji008 (775)
• China
13 Nov 07
Hi,there! There're many cases that I have doubts.I'm not afraid of having doubts,however I'm glad to have them cause I thik that's the way to learn better about life. Whenever I have doubts,I look for more information and I observe through some tiny things. After I've gathered everything that I need,I analyze the situation as well as ask other people about their experiences and opinions. Then I consider about them all together and make conclusions on the base of all that I get. I would always like to clear my doubts and find the answers:)
3 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hello and thanks for sharing your views on doubt and how you work through them. It sounds as if you have backup plans and self-examination is a good for for sure. Your comments about clearing the doubts and finding answers is so true. Sometimes all we need to do is add more information to the picture and that can be enough to remove them.
In any case I like your 'problem solving' approach to resolving doubts before moving on. Good one!
Raia
2 people like this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
13 Nov 07
Well I agree. Doubts means stop.
Do some thinking and some research.
You don't want to go into anything unless you have more than 50 per cent of chances of succeeding. Life is not a game... and you should not gamble with it.
And if you are a gambler... you should only gamble as much as what you can afford to lose.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
15 Nov 07
Even so... doubts can also works against you.
If you are a negative person with irrational doubts... it can prevent you doing things... and miss out on things.
For instance... it is easy to have doubts about the stock market because it can go either way. So as a general rule... nobody would buy actions in the stock market if they listened to their doubts.
But the smart people study the stock market before buying in order to reduce those doubts. They make it a calculated risk rather than a gamble.
You can eliminate your doubts by doing your research and learning. In doing so... your doubts become a positive "yes" or "no".
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
I understand your views on this too and agree that it can be challenging to discern whether it is fear based doubting or actual intuitive knowing that something needs to be assessed before proceeding. Within my personal and professional lives I see that we are all creatures of habit and continue to do what we know because it feels safe.
Sometimes doubts patterns come from innate patterns of resistance because of past associations that spill into current events. So I hear where you are coming from and most of us find it challenging to move beyond familiar comfort zones and into unfamiliar terrain at the best of times. Either way the approach David and I take is to pause and ask ourselves (our clients).."What do the doubts represent?" Self-questioning leads often provides answers from within that are not available from outside sources.
We all have to decide what works for us...because as you and I have agreed so often before...we are responsible for the course our lives takes. Back to choices...same old same old! (smile)
Raia
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hi...
Once again we seem to be mirroring each other and how we manage to keep things on track. No, life is not a game even though many do approach it that with with an 'oh well---we lose some--win some' mentality.
David and I over-road some of our doubts about doing things in the past and even though we learned some valuable life lessons in the process we are now choosing to not learn lessons the hard way. Doubts and not plunging into things in the face of them has changed our world and how we live within it for the better. So yes I value doubts and the part they play in being able to live our best lives.
Cheers,
Raia
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Doubt for me means that I have to work on the decision longer. If it's something that is time-limited, then obviously that means I'm not going to do it. If I don't know for sure that a course is right for me, I'd rather sit down and think for a while in the road. :P
I'm kind of at that point with a lot of things in my life right now, so I understand exactly what you mean.
3 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Yes, your views on this are similar to mine. The fact that you have figured out that when doubts arise it is a reason to pause shows you have developed a reliable inner compass. Wishing you that the light of truth continue to illuminate your path whatever your choices are.
Bright blessings my friend,
Raia
2 people like this
@sophylline (1041)
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
When I have doubts, I pause, and think things through. I would obviously not proceed to take action towards it and just halt. I think it is just common sense, and the fact that one is having doubts means your gut feel tells you NO. And I agree with you, raia, at least initially. Yup, one needs to get more information about it before continuing. When I make a decision, especially, important ones, I needed to gather enough information as possible and when I can say that yes, I am for this and thus willing to make this as my decision and am happy and comfortable enough to face its consequences.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
17 Nov 07
Your process sounds similar to mine. I agree that the 'don't' may not be a permanent mind set...but it is a call to evaluate and reevaluate things before proceeding. Yes, there are no guarantees in life but if we use discernment and 'think ahead' in regard to the consequences of choices that is the best any of us can do. If things don't work out the way we'd anticipated and we learn something from it...then in the end it is all good!
Great addition thanks for your input. My thoughts, prayers and well wishes are coming your way!
Raia
2 people like this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
Well for me we can always use our doubts as a warning for us. There is nothing wrong when doubting esp if you know that things can cause harm. So if you have doubt on something, then I could say that you could stop for a while and think if you really want to pursue. At least you should be 80% sure of one thing to try.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
17 Nov 07
Greetings...nice to hear from you as always,
Yes, when we are tuned into what I call our 'intuitive knowing' it can provide early warning signals that serve us well when we are in a place to listen. For me the 'doubt means don't' does not prevent me from making a decision...but it has helped me from rushing headlong into things the way I used to.
So I agree it as as you have said; "You should stop for awhile and thin if you really want to pursue something." My hubby and I learned a lot from our doubts and couple them with the phrase 'think ahead.' Since we started living this way our life is much more 'in the flow' and our doubts help us to be more discerning.
Thanks for your comments...take care.
Raia
1 person likes this
@ChaJudLeoBit (1656)
• United States
15 Nov 07
It's harder for me because I ALWAYS have doubt. I lack confidence and usually have to push past my doubt to do anything. I am horrible at decision making and sometimes just can't do it.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
Thank you for your open disclosure...I respect that. I used to be more of a procrastinator and resist making tough decisions...but after years of training and working through my healing journey it has become easier to weigh the pros and cons of situations and find the needed clarity to make a choice and move on. Remember the wise person who said...no decision is still a decision!
Hopefully you will find some new ways to attune to your true Voice within yourself it rarely fails us when we can become still enough to hear it.
Warm regards,
Raia
1 person likes this
@butterfly39 (3904)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
DOUBTS meaning you're not sure of what is the result of it...the fear of course. But sometimes we need to be strong and positive and at this point we really need God above all because he knows everything what is best for us...
I miss you Raia...
3 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
13 Nov 07
Yes, what you say is true. The problem is sometimes God is trying to show us what is best for us and in my view doubts are the way we are forewarned...or receiving spiritual guidance to go in a different direction.
My heartstrings tugged when I read you miss me...what can we do about that? Please feel free to send me an e-mail and chat more privately. I am more than happy to discuss things with you and offer some support if I can. I just haven't had time to be on line as much and today I wanted to catch up a little and post a couple of new discussions.
So I am here my friend...you are in my thoughts and prayers and I'd meant it when I said the channels are open...let me know what I can do.
Sending you a warm, big hug and many light filled blessings.
Your friend
Raia
2 people like this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
14 Nov 07
What excellent perspective you have! And so clearly stated!
I have difficulty sometimes identifying where the doubt is coming from, sometimes its just left over from my past 'self doubt'. Sometimes it's a 'suggestion' to do just what you were talking about.
When I'm procrastinating doing something, that is one area where I easily can pause and take a look at why I'm procrastinating. That is much easier for me. Once I spot the reason then I can either talk myself out of it, or I just decide not to do it. I used to force myself to do whatever I was procrastinating doing, just because so many people said procrastination was a bad habit. But everytime I did that I had cause to regret it! And more often than not if I had procrastinated I would have saved myself a lot of trouble!
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Thank you for your lovely acknowledgment about the topic and my way of presenting it...much appreciated!
You are not alone when you say it is often difficult to assess the origin of doubts. Your point about echoes from the past is an excellent observation. Also the pressure around people to 'just do it' can work against us...and both my hubby have been there and done that too.
What we do now is to consider the outer appearance of procrastination is an indicator of some inner resistance and there always is a message within it if we pause long enough to decode it. I am big on creating emotional safety within all decision making. Resistance to acting usually is a reminder to me that something doesn't feel emotionally safe and I give that my full attention these days. Like you I am interested in avoiding trouble rather than rushing headlong into it because I over-rode my doubts.
Anyway, thanks for your good input.
Raia
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hi and thanks for the friends request 'yes' of course.I meant to mention that I like your slogan and your cute Avatar. We are cat lovers too and have five. Are those your furry friends...and if so what are their names, genders and age? Ours are all around a year. Also wondering if you are interested in Buddhism? If you are we share a common interest there. I have found is a lot there to help enhance our soul growth in very profound and practical ways.
Anyhow, I know resistance well and continually confront it in my personal and professional life as a life coach and group leader. I think it develops layer by layer and other times through chaotic events. In my view of resistance is an inner mechanism that comes up to create emotional safety in some circumstance either in the present or future. We all 'do what we know' and even changes for the better can feel unsafe because there is an unknown commodity and that unknown can create resistance.
So I co understand what you are facing...and I sincerely hope that as you change your beliefs..you will change your life.
I wrote about that on my Blog and if you are interested that and other healthy living topics can be read there. That address is:
http://pohl-perspectives.blogspot.com
Your comments and feedback would be as welcome there as they are here.
Cheers,
Raia
2 people like this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
14 Nov 07
Funny that you should mention the word resistance. That is my sole objective these days... releasing the resistance I have been so deliberately cultivating my entire life.
Reminds me of an old Incredible String Band song called 'Cutting the Strings'. There is a line in there that goes "...when useless walls come tumbling down, sparrows will sing on the fallen stones..."
I long for that day!!! So much so that on top of all my other resistance, I am now resisting resistance! Geez!
2 people like this
@mwala1287 (284)
• Canada
13 Nov 07
Doubt is when you are not sure of what to do and if you are making the correct decision or not. Everyone has doubts when they are entirely unsure of what to do. When I have them I take a minute to think of all the possibilities that can be done to fix/ help the problem, and eventually one of them should be the winner. All you have to do is listen to your conscience, lets go back to psychology here, except you can use both sides of the brain to think about this! Best of Luck, AND Happy earings!
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Hi...I like your breezy, upbeat perspective and how you use doubts to your advantage. Sounds as though you have worked with them in the past and know how to keep the process in mind to create the a good future for yourself by considering choices you make today.
Best of luck to you...and wishing for happy earnings come back at you!
Warm regards,
Raia
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
20 Nov 07
If I have doubts, I will write down the pros and cons for the impending decision I have to make and do a worst possible scenario, in that if I do something about the doubt what is the worst that can happen. At night is the worst time, because my brain won't switch off, I am a great worrier, so I keep pen and paper beside me because if I don't write down my problem or what is on my mind I won't sleep. Once you make your mind up that is you should stick to it, once you start thinking again then you let more doubts sneak in! Grrrr annoying doubts are!
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
21 Nov 07
Oh boy do I know that pattern well because I used to be the same way. Then I got to a point where I can now sort out 'worries' and disengage from them. We have a saying on our kitchen wall that goes something like this.."Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday...and all is well." That is how I live...most of the time. Worries are dismissed as quickly as possible so I can still my mind enough to tune into the what the true doubts are trying to tell me.
I started meditating years ago and it sure did wonders for helping me still my 'busy-brain syndrome' and now I sleep peacefully most nights. Hopefully you will find a way to do something similar...you are right is really is GRRRRRR time when you can't sleep!
Take care and thanks for adding to the topic.
Raia
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
19 Nov 07
I've always lived by the rule "When in doubt - DON'T"! It may seem over-simplified but it really seems like a good rule of thumb for me. I should correct myself...lol...I try to live by that rule but that doesn't mean I've never done something impulsively that I was a bit nervous about and most of the time it turns out that I should have listened to my doubts.
Annie
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@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
21 Nov 07
Hi again Annie,
Yes, it is a rule my hubs and I try to live by and it does get easier with practice. In our younger more foolish days we both overrode our 'doubter' warnings and rushed headlong into things without thinking about the long term effects and had some tough lessons to learn as a result of it. However, in the end none of it was a failure because we learned a lot in the process.
Thanks for offering your experiences...sounds like we've both done the same thing. Hopefully we will keep the rule in mind from now on!
Cheers,
Raia
@cordacs99 (15)
• Canada
13 Nov 07
I like the term doubt means don't and is how I assess things when it comes up. I am not an overly intuitive but I trust my gut about things and it is a good guide marker. When something feels off I stop and ask why and usually wait on making a decision on proceeding and it has served me well.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Sounds like you've got things figured out on this one! Thanks for you input and happy Myotting!
Raia
1 person likes this
