My wife was called "hey Chinese lady!" by our neighbors boy

I think you did the right thing. I can understand your wife since I am not american also living in usa. I will mind too, if someone would call me like that. I was just really surpriced by the answer of the boy father. you know the point about all this is if someone is gonna teach that boy how to behave and tell him how to talk to people. And how you describe the family, I don't think someone would do that. I am just thinking if you will call police, if this is gona help....?

I think you are involved in some type of stereotyping yourself. Because of the problems the family is facing, you probably think you are morally superior to them. I am not rooting for the boy, and agree that what he did was wrong, but he is still a young kid, ten years who does not even know what nonsense he's blurting out. Take it easy on the kids, and try to teach them the correct way. They have probably gone through enough already. And I dont think you need to call the police for a kid. Your reference to the mum's boyfriend as black betrays some racism on your part. It had a negative ring to it.

the kid was 10 maybe he hasn't seen many Asian people make some cookies, then go over there and clarify that you are not Chinese then, and make friends with them

Doesn't this go to show how ignorant even parents can be today? The kid had to learn that somewhere and it's obvious from the fathers answer where it comes from. If things are going on over there I would be very careful and try not to get involved. The police already know about it so let them take care of it. No, your wife shouldn't be subject to such racial profiling but that's the way a lot of kids in the US are so she's going to have to learn to ignore the ignorant. I'm so sorry this happened to her...it really pisses me off!

You know, a lot of me actually really likes your take on it. If something like this happened to my wife I'd be just as livid and very unforgiving to whoever tried something like this. If it was happening to me I'd be less as reactive (most times... there are times I'll snapback). When it comes to the neighbor being rowdy, I'd call the cops. I know that's been tried but its an action I'd do. I'd also contact the appropriate city officials over it. Sometimes a letter or email works but a live person has the most influence on public officials.

Wow, you're really over sensitive about this issue imho firstly, I think if he shouted hey chinese lady, that's bloody polite compared to what some of the kids in my area shout... i've been often called a f*%king greasy arab by some kids and im not even an arab haha I'd like to see how easily you could distinguish between a bengali, an indian or a pakistani person.. frankly i couldn't tell the difference, just by looking at someone if they were chinese or fillipino let alone expect a child to be able to decipher it... i couldn't even tell, just by first glance, whether a caucasian person is american, canadain, british, australian etc etc... And i'm pretty sure you couldn't either... so deal with it Your wife was NOT subject to racial abuse, In the childs eyes she was chinese and thankfully he thought she was a lady (hey he coulda said b*tch) Life's too short to be upset about things like this...

So a boy who cannot tell the difference between the Oriental races calls your wife, Chinese instead of Filipino and you are offended. I have a niece in law who is Filipino, and she looks part Oriental and part European. Their children, one looks European, one looks Filipino and the rest look inbetween. I have no idea why you should bring up that the boy's mother is a no brainer, and her and her husband are getting a divorce. Do you suppose they told the boy, "Say how about calling that lady Chinese, she's really from the Phillipines but if you do not call her Filipino but Chinese, her husband will feel insulted." When I was in grade school, I could not tell the difference between Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese. You should never have talked to the father that way. There was no racial profiling. The boy did not know the difference between Chinese and Filipinos. You should have explained nicely and maybe shown him pictures so his son could tell the difference. Now you have made that boy feel bad. I hope you can rectify that.

It sounds like your impression is that he called her "Chinese Lady" as a put down. Does he know her name? If so, then it probably was. And it is likely that he heard it from someone else, most likely his parent. My tack would probably be to fix a Filipino dish to take next door with an explanation that this is a food she grew up with in the Philippines. Make it very clear that she is proud of her heritage without making it a point of contention. I'm sure with a family that size they could use your generosity and the best antedote for racism is education. When you know and admire someone who is different it is hard to hate them. You know the old phrase "Some of my best friends are . . ."

I would have probably told the child, I am not Chinese, I am an American, much like yourself, my parents were born in the Philippines. Have you heard of the Philippines before? and then share with him something about the Island - maybe even bring out a globe and demonstrate where China and the Philippines are - and explain the relationship the Philippines has with the USA Then I might ask him how his family came to be living in the U.S. --------- I agree that the child's greeting lacked propriety but do you think any malice was intended? I think it is best to educate the child, in a gentle and non intrusive manner - leave him with a good impression of yourselves and the country your wife hails from. Peace begets peace

Ok, you lost me at "illegal". Are you saying you think it's illegal for a kid to call your wife "Chinese Lady"? This is America and we have freedom of speech here. Frankly, the kids could say much nastier things and there is still no law against it. It seems clear there was no hostility intended as you can't expect a child to know the nationality of your wife. I worked in a predominately black part of town where I was often referred to as "that white guy". I didn't complain and claim it was illegal. I wasn't even offended although I did occasionally tell them my name so as to be more than that white guy. I could understand you taking offense if they used a racial slur or actually tried to be offensive, but I'm not sure what you expect from children. I remember referring to an actor as black once and my nephew corrected me. He said "I wouldn't say black, he's actually kind of brown". Even amongst adults there are some who think there are only two kinds of Asian people, Chinese and Japanese. If you really try to be offended you'll always succeed.

It's wrong for the child to say that to her, but I guess I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. I can't say that I know how your wife feels because I have not experienced that. My first thought, however is that perhaps she could just tell the child, my name is not "hey chinese woman!" my name is mrs. (insert name here). Perhaps the child does not realize how rude he is being. I don't think that calling the police is really necessary. I hope the child does stop doing it though. I do think people should be considerate of eachothers feelings when speaking to eachother. Take care.

I know this was from three months ago but I'm not going to make excuses just observations ok. The child is 10 .. Most ten year olds will blurt things out. I have a 9,8,6,5,and 4 yr old. I keep mine in tight reign so there are no problems. But also look at the situation the child is going through .. Put your self in the shoes of a ten year old who's father is fighting for his life and still working to support him. Also the kid might feel a little unloved right now because as you say when the mom's boyfriend is around that they are all dispersed and not to be around the two adults. Don't think as an adult here ..Put yourself in that child's shoes. He might be thinking my mommy don't want me why I was good enough before. Now you have an addition to the household an uncle from the military .. All these changes effect how a child reacts. I honestly don't think that the child was racial profiling as much as wanting attention that has been neglected to him .. Good or Bad attention it doesn't matter just as long as he gets it. This child is going through a hard time and only has the mind of a child not an adult. Try being in his shoes on his level. I don't condone anything that the parents are doing if they are drinking and smoking illegal substances but the child has no real parent to look to. You stated that social services has gotten involved let them deal with how the home life is. My aunt use to work for crisis and was a consoler. Children will act out when they are going through tough things as a cry for help... I would just kindly talk to the parent address your concerns.. If this keeps happening address it to the social worker the next time you see the social worker around she can put it into her treatment plan. Bottom line is I don't think the child was being malicious he was being a 10 year old with a lot of stress and feeling about being unloved and was acting out .. Does it make it right no. But can you change it? Maybe it the parents are willing to teach there child. Next time it happens explain to the child why it's wrong to say these things and maybe the child might open up to you while petting your dog and tell you what's bothering him don't add to the stress of his parents divorce , his father possibly dying , his mother new boyfriend, the fact that his mother doesn't seem to want him around when the new guy is there, and the uncle moving in and have CPS involved. Would you be able to handle all that with out being a little angry as a 10yr old boy? Please step back and take a look through a childs eyes not an adults eyes. I repeat I don't condone their actions but I do see why and there are other ways to handle it.

Why not ask the boy of what he knows about a chinese lady? In this sense, you are teaching him the proper way in recognizing people. The boy's parents didn't dare to explain things to their children since the mother is busy with other affairs and this is felt by the children. The children's behavior showed nervousness and insecurities that's why, they have improper and jerky behaviors. This only shows no proper guidance from the elders and they are enjoying their freedom to do anything, be it good or bad for their neighbors. These kids need more understanding and teachings. They will appreciate that though slowly. The boys are good, only they are exposed to bad examples.

I think maybe in passing you can mention it to the father as in Oh you son thought we were chinese, the other day but we are actually filipino. Just thought I'd let you know because some people may get upset. If this does not stop the problem then try a more direct approach. I do not think this in necessarily racial profiling. the 10 year boy A. May think she is actually chinese. B. probably doesn't understand how this is inappropriate. If he does it again correct him on the spot. Say actually were from the Philioppines but you can call me MRs... whater your last name is. I'm sorry to say, but as a 'white' person I have trouble telling different people from different countries in asia apart. Of course I am old enough to call someone by name, and ask where they are from if I am unsure. its like could you tell an american from a canadian just by the look of them? Anyways I hope this can be solved because it is not good for your wife to feel uncomfortable in her own neighbourhood. Best of luck to you and let us know how it goes.

well i would be hurt initially but wouldnt keep any grudges and try to avoid them & their comments

I think that you did the right thing and I would like to point out that my brother is married to a lady that was from the philippines and they are very happy I think if it was my brother that they would have said it to he would have said excuse me we are americans.

He probably said it because that is how he differente her from the other people or he doesn't know it was offensive. Just tell him it was rude.

I doubt that a boy of ten really meant anything disrespectful about a comment like that. I would try not to take it too personal. I can understand your concern and your desire for the parents to teach their children respect for all peoples, but with the situation you describe I doubt that it will be happening any time soon. Sadly people in that situation often grow up a little wild and without respect for others. Try not to take it personally. If you do have problems again you can try talking to the child. Since he is still young he might be receptive to you teaching him a little respect in a nice and polite way.

Children do not understand what they say,I think you can tell it to your wife.I just think he didn't an touch of contempt.

This boy is 10? I think if it were the dad that said that, I would be concerned. I am also thinking that your wife might be a little thin skinned about a little boy calling her a Chinese lady. Maybe she should have responded by telling the little boy what she would prefer to be called so that he didn't have to address her in an inappropriate way. Maybe "Mrs. So&So", or by her first name. It just seems to me that this political correctness is getting way out of hand, especially when children are involved.