Is on-line chatting a form of cheating?
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
November 20, 2007 5:34am CST
Last night I was finishing up with my putting my daughter to bed, when I walked in the room to find my fiance online on his phone. When I went over I noticed he was receiving a friend request from someone named LATINQUEEN. I thought about it for a minute and if he walked in and some guy had requested a private chat with me he would be upset. The site he was on is known for relationships. Should I be offended or worried that this is the beginnings of trouble. I am always enjoying the discussions here at myLot. Is it the same thing? I dont think so because this site is about helping people with issues and opinions. Nobody is requesting how I like my men or women in a distasteful fashion. I tried to explain to him that talking is okay, However if youre in a relationship you should know how far to go. What do you guys think?
1 person likes this
21 responses
@ksta007 (32)
• India
20 Nov 07
according to a great person technology is such a gate which leads us to both heaven and hell.heaven if we use it wisely for the good and hell if we choose destruction.in the same way chatting is a boon for some and curse to others.we must just use chatting to make our mind cool.we should not make it a part of our routine which will lead to many ill effects.we should not make it part and parcel of our life.we should not get involved too much in it.
1 person likes this
@sergeantrom (5721)
• United States
11 Dec 07
I think it depends on the person and his or her motives. If you join a site that designed for dating or relationships then thats NOT a good motive. No good can come from that site. The motive here at mylot is earning cash by chatting with others.
@sergeantrom (5721)
• United States
12 Dec 07
Looks like you already have your answer. There is a website that covers this topic. They have books, forum, games, quizzes, even a rating system for men and cheating men database. Just check the orange box on my profile called "do not date online". You will be amazed with this site and the owner is constantly adding all kinds of things to help women. I am sorry you are in this situation. Communication is something I INSIST upon in a relationship. It cant work without it. Take care
@ozzie13 (177)
• Australia
14 Dec 07
it certainly can be, but that's not to say that it is! i think you need trust your partner, if you dont think you can trust your husband find one you can consider trustworthy. it might be harmless flirting but many relationship have formed over the internet just talk civally and find out why he like to visit these sites, he could just be meeting new friends.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thats exactly the conclusion I came to. I was very ashamed of myself. I tell everyone to look before you leap. And what did I do? I LEPT! without talking to him first. Had I done this I would have known that he didnt respond to it and had told the person he wasnt interested. I felt so bad. He just hugged me and said Jealousy makes me look sexy.... What can you do?lol
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
12 Dec 07
I trust him fully. I just wanted to know if people felt the same way I did. It has actually been a positive thing for us. It opened the lines of communication to another level. He is my soul mate so I am so thankful to you guys on myLot. Thanks again friend!
@joahnna18 (368)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
Online chatting it's not a form of cheating it all depends on the people who used it. As you said your fiance went go private messaging. Well it' up to him how they're conversation will go maybe he just want to talk someone else to have a new friends online. But if he's hiding his identity and pretending to be a single tha's also another problem but if he chat in a clean way there's nothing to worry about but if he's not maybe it's time to talk to your fiance. Hope everything will be alright my friend:)And here in mylot we don't chat in a private manner were here to help each othe and giving them a good advice or opinion:) it's different thing.. i hope my comment will be helpful.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Thanks for your response. I talked to him about it and we both made an agreement that it is ok to chat but if something feels uncomfortable, we will log off and tell each other. I am trying to introduce him to myLot. Youre right when you described myLot. If it wasnt for these responses, I may have handled this situation in the wrong way. Thanks Again. I am requesting you as a friend. Your insight is remarkeable . Hope you accept. dloveli
@tryxiness (4544)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
I guess, it basically depends esp. if the virtual becomes real, then we can say it is already cheating. Internet chats tend to entice the mind and encourage outrageous cheating. :)
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
It depends. If she's a legitimate friend then it's okay for them to talk. But if they just met online, you have to wonder, why doesn't he just talk to his girlfriend?
Another thing to consider is what they're talking about. I wouldn't like it if my girlfriend was flirting with someone, whether online or face to face!
@kurtbiewald (2625)
• United States
21 Nov 07
i think you shoul dhave a chat with him.
see what is missing in your relationship currently
see if you can do that for each other or not
also , sounds like serious trust problems
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I did talk to him. My fiance is a very quiet person. I am very sociable. Its not like I dont trust him. Honestly I do. The problem is that my fiance is old school. He wants to be king of the castle. I try to oblige him. In the end, I am the Queen! You are right about the fact that I should see why I cant be the one he talks to. I thought I took care of all that. I better!
@Raymo23 (463)
• Uganda
21 Nov 07
Why should someone already in a relationship flirt on the net? Couples have split ovr that, and the reason is because people beginn doing it without ulterior motives, but then end up into cheating. Try talking to fiance and let them know that you are not amused with what is going on.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
This is true. He had joined a site, I helped him fill out the information. It is almost like certain people monitor new member sites. The same thing happened to me. I joined a site about crafts and the next time I checked my Email I had 23 email requests for online chat. I wish they would give you time to look over the site before they begin to talk to you in a manner that is less than appropriate. lol I feel bad because I went off before I realized that he wasnt even logged on yet. This women was just waiting to put herself out there and my fiance happened to be the newest member. Thank you. Its nice to know that even the men think this could be dangerous for a relationship.
@kriszelunka (557)
• Australia
21 Nov 07
Everyone has different boundaries in terms of what they consider cheating, and internet friends are a very grey area for most people.
If you feel that it's inappropriate, then you need to set some ground rules for both you and your fiance to follow.
If it hasn't been discussed before, then it's not fair to expect him to know what you consider cheating. At the same time, there needs to be a certain level of trust in a relationship. If he says he is only talking to people as friends online, then you need to decide whether you believe him or not. If not, you probably have bigger problems than him accepting friend requests.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Excellent advice! It is true, we just got this computer and have never discussed these issues. Im not upset. I just wanted a little feedback. We have had some serious issues to deal with this past year and I didnt really know how I felt about the issue. I do see that the word chat is very broad. I am going to talk to him and let him know how I feel and go from there. Its all about trust and communication. I do trust him. I guess I would like to believe that in my world he doesnt need to chat because he has me.lol.... Just kidding. Great input thanks!
@teteimathews (265)
• Singapore
21 Nov 07
Dear friend, I truely understand what you are going through and how you feel. If your fiance really loved you and was really faithful to you he wouldn't even give any chance to anyone(any female) to chat with him. The best thing is calm down and talk to him nicely. Show him more love and care so that even if he wants to cheat with you, he will think twice because of your love and kindness.
@frendz2008 (28)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
My answer is Yes or No.
Yes. because not all profiles you can find on the online chat room are real. Some of them are fake or claiming up to be somebody else.
No. Because not all of them are pretenders. Some are honest. However, remember this most the people you found on the chat room are looking for relationship. =)
My conclusion is, theres no guarantee if someone you chat is real or not. You know what I prefer video dating because you can see someone live. And that gives you a guarantee that the person your talking is real. take a look at http://videodating.friendswinonline.info to give you an idea what is a video dating is all about. Good luck!
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I understand that the best relationships are the ones where each person is allowed to express themselves fully. It is very true that most profiles arent that honest. I think its alot simpler than that. Communicate with each other about everything. We talked about it last night and I told him that I felt that it would be good for him to meet other people and get insight into how others feel about certain issues and ideas. We both agreed that we have spent too much time and energy into creating our relationship and to let something that we dont know for sure is the truth come between us is ridiculous. He is a good man. I trust him completely. Thank you for your input. It is good to know that there can be to sides to an answer. No one is more correct than the other. Thanks girl!
@jennyp08 (68)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Honestly, I feel that men are more insecure than women are. They tired to hide things that they know you will eventually find out about. Women tend to just come out with the truth. Just ask him to tell the truth, it won't hurt.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
True. If I have to keep asking him things because he doesnt feel secure in revealing them, wouldnt that be like nagging him. Pressuring someone doesnt always work. I do agree that concerning this type of situation, women take an upfront approach. Whatever happened to the man taking the initiative. I dont know if I like the idea of my man being insecure. Shouldnt he be the protector?
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
29 Nov 07
Cheating in a marriage relationship is a fluid situation. In the christian Doctrine, the mere telling your heart that your neighbours wife is beautiful is already cheating.So if the chatting is between married peopl and they are trying to endear themselves to each other beyond the "red line" then certtainly that is as good as cheating. There absolutely nothing wrong with having healthy relationship online, but that relationship should be kept within bounds, it should not be too intimate, it should simply be a prinicipled relationship.
@ashmin (175)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Well, I don't think chatting is the issue. I feel that you are having doubts with your relationship as well as trusting your fiancee. The thing with guys is there is a double standard and us girls have to live with that. The only thing I am worried about is whether he already knows this woman. I don't want you worrying to much though. Hopefully things will work out! Keep us posted.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I never looked at it in this way. I dont believe he knew her. The reason I found out was when I went in the room he looked confused(hes not a computer whiz). I asked if he needed help and he showed me and said Mami who is this? DUH!!!!!! And I explained that it was someone requesting a chat. This is when I became confused on whether to help him or not. So I came to you guys at myLot before I helped. You helped me make up my mind. I am going to show him how. I trust him.
@muralimn (534)
• United Arab Emirates
20 Nov 07
I think online chatting is not bad. But, it depends on what relationship you are into. If you are a guy and have a family and you are chatting with another girl then it can become a problem later. The chat starts with normal talking and then it can lead to further relationships. You can talk to your fiance and sort this matter out rather than wait and see.
@eyewitness (1575)
• Netherlands
26 Nov 07
I think that on-line chatting doesn't necessarily means cheating.
At least i wouldn't see it immediately as chatting because it's the same as talking on the street with a male or female.
But if it become suspicious it could be in a form of cheating.If the man/woman has a conversation about private things (you know what i mean) then i would see it as cheating,but as long as the conversations are normal like you would talk to a friend when you visit him/her it would be ok with me.
MyLot is different than a site for relationships.I would be much more worrie about a site of relationships then MyLot.My lot is discussing subject which you choose yourself.And to strangers you don't know but it's helping eachother out not distroying relationships.
In your case i would keep an eye in your fiance just to be sure things are okey.
@SHAMRACK (8576)
• India
12 Dec 07
Hi,
May as all humans are not same those on other sides too may be give as we though. Online chatting has become a place were more public involved so in public one see various types of persons, life police, criminals, students, professions so it better be cautious of that. It is another cyber crime to cheat through online but we are not physically harmed may be mentally. Any how there are also good and trustworthier chatters too.
@melanie1208 (133)
• United States
20 Nov 07
On-line chatting becomes cheating when you get too personal to the person. And it depends if what are you talking about, if it becomes more serious and intimate and you partner keep it to himself/herself that is cheating. If ever I would saw my husband chatting to someone online and he does not tell me about it, I would be upset. But if he/she is honest about it...I guess you could tolerate it but to some extent, there is always limitations.
As long as it is not personal and intimate on-line chatting is very helfull to a lot of people.
