Aunt, Uncle, Grandma, Pop.... which are you?
By raychill
@raychill (6525)
United States
November 27, 2007 8:52am CST
When my brother had a child, I told him and his wife that I did not want to be called Aunt. It was a personal preference... based on a few things.
One major reason was that I was never close to any of the aunts or uncles that I called "aunt whatever" or "uncle whatever". However I had some that I was pretty close to as a child that I just called by their name, because they didn't want to be called "Aunt" or "Uncle".
I was very adamant about this when I told them I did not want to be called Aunt!
Unfortunately NO ONE has taken my preferences into consideration and my older nephew calls me Aunt... a lot of times I correct him and tell him he doesn't have to say Aunt.
This really bothers me. I just think it's inconsiderate that no one took my preference into consideration. My nephews can still understand that I am their aunt without having to call me Aunt.
So, my question is... when you became or become an Aunt or an Uncle or a Grandparent or an in-law or whatever it is that requires you to be someone else... Do you have a preference? Would you/will you be mad if your preference isn't taken into consideration?
While I understand in some cases they'll call you what they can, because they can't always speak correctly, I understand that. But if you don't want to be called something in particular I don't think they should call you that. It's kind of like if your name was William and you only wanted to be called Bill or Billy. It would be inconsiderate of people to continually call you William.
So, what about you?
6 people like this
23 responses
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
27 Nov 07
I love beeng an aunt I became one when I was 14 I dont mind been called Aunty in fact I love it. I stratde calling my in laws mum and dad the minute we got married they said they didnt mind if I didnt but I told them that I will out of respect (mind you when this was going on there were about 30 people present and my mother in law was so proud of that). If someone tells me they prefer if I dont call them this or that I will respect that I dont have any preferences apart from one. If someone is using my name use it corectly and expecially with my boy he has mild autism (suspected) and he knows his name but pays no atention when people dont use it corectly.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I was 21 when I became an Aunt. It was partially due to age that I didn't want to be Aunt. My brother didn't really have a problem with it, it's his wife that has a problem with me not wanting to be called Aunt. She was born an aunt though... so we all see things differently.
I have no problems being an Aunt, but it doesn't mean I have to be called Aunt, you know? It's just that Aunt doesn't mean good things to me, so I never wanted to be called one.
My cousin is autistic, so I understand that. Some people really find it hard to communicate with people with autism. I know when my cousin was a baby he gave anyone who spoke to him an evil look and he used to growl at people. that's when he was finally diagnosed with autism. We've all learned how to cope and communicate with him since then, but some people just have a really tough time with it.
1 person likes this
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
27 Nov 07
I am not sure of what you know about autism but 99.99% cases dont actually have an evil eye and growl. No cases of Autism are the same for eg my son has problems with his speach but in everything else he is just like a "normal child". I only mentioned that (with his name) because he has a very simple name but people try to make it sound more English and I hate that. He has been known by that name for 4 1/2 years and he knows his name as such I am sure if your name is Anna and someone says Annabella you wont pay atention to it as well.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Uh, excuse me for sharing a story with you.
I did not say he was autistic because he growled and gave the evil eye. I was just saying that's what he did. then he was diagnosed with autism. I was just sharing an experience to tell you that I understood what you were going through but whatever.
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
4 Dec 07
well, I have 5 nieces and nephews and they all call me Tita and its perfectly alright with me since I really am their Tita. I guess I have no problem with this because it doesn't sound old like "aunt" or "auntie" does. ^__^;; I already have grandchildren too which are babies of my nieces from my cousins. my cousins would tell the kids to call me granny and they would laugh about it and it would make me feel weird. ^__^;; so I always tell them just call me "tita". ^__^
I think your nephews call you "aunt" because they have already been used to it and its a form of showing you their respect. I do understand how bothering it is to be called by a name you don't like. I personally don't like to be called by my real long name because its really long and it makes the person sounds angry. ^__^;; so I tell them just to call me by my nickname. some people would call me by my real name when they are teasing me. and I really wouldn't like hearing it if its just for fun. ^__^
@raychill (6525)
• United States
5 Dec 07
Er, I've never heard of Grandmothers being from kids of nieces.
My nephew is 4 and the other one is barely 2. It has nothing to do with respect.
Calling someone Aunt or Uncle has nothing to do with respect.
but yeah, it's just that it's my personal feeling and I think my brother and his wife should respect that.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I actually love being an Aunt so it doesn't bother me...but I do understand what your talking about b/c my name is Tina and alot of ppl in my family will just call me T like it is too much trouble to add the rest of my already short little name. Tina isn't short for anything (Christina) and it took me a long time to get around to liking it b/c I didn't hear it much growing up...there was alot of Jennifers, Susans, Kims, ect. but not many Tina's.
When my Niece and Nephew's started talking my Mom insisted on being called Nana b/c she felt she was too young (50's) to be called Grandma. I'd have prefered grandma but oh well...to each his own.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I like being an Aunt too.
I just don't like the name.
I think it sounds stupid...the combination of Aunt and my name.
I used to work in a daycare too a few years ago and I hated when the kids called me Ms. I was only like 19, I wasn't a Ms!!! I still hate being called Ms. It may be respectful but I hate it.
so yeah that's my thing it's just, it's respectful in one sense to refer to someone as something (like Mr. or Mrs. or Aunt or whatever) but it's a personal preference which I think takes precedence over.
That's interesting that you're just Tina without it being a shortened name,... apparently one syllable is easier to say than two!
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
27 Nov 07
I think you are right to feel that they should have taken your wishes into consideration. My sister is called just her name by my children and they don't call her aunt. My father did not want to be called grandfather but his name. SO for years the kids called him his name. But lately he said he was old enough now to have the grandfather label and doesn't mind if they call him grandfather and his name. I am not an aunt yet and I don't know if I would ever be one, but for me I think I would like the title. I am called mom not my real name and when I have grandchildren I want to be called Oma. I don't want to be nanna, gramma, grandmother or meme, just Oma. I don't like my children calling me mother. Just mom. So I think that people should respect how others want to be addressed...
Well unless you want to be called Your Royal Highness Ruler and Controller of all the Land, that you can forget. LOL
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Ha ha. I have a co-worker that is actually "Your Royal Highness" so that's kinda funny. and I do mostly call her "your Highness". She's funny.
Yeah, I always called my parents Mom and Dad. Unless they're ticking me off or not paying attention then I call them by their real names. Ha ha. I actually do that to my mom a lot because she just doesn't listen sometimes!
I was actually talking to my mom about it this afternoon, the Aunt thing. She said I should just talk to my nephew. I mean, he's 4 years old. He's a smart kid and understands but it's like, if I say something what will his parents say and call me. They have to call me by my name too and not Aunt, otherwise he'll keep saying aunt!
Oma is nice. I've had friends who had Oma's. I always just had grandmom and pop pop.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
27 Nov 07
When I was growing up we called our immediate Aunts and Uncle's (my mom and dad's brothers and sisters) by their first names. We called our Great-Aunts and Uncles (my parent's aunts and uncles), "Aunt Whatever" and "Uncle Whatever."
My sister and brother both have children now. My sister's kids call me Auntie Dana or just Auntie and my brother's kids call me Aunt Dana. I do not really have a preference.
My children call my brother and sister, Uncle Joey and Aunt Nic. They don't seem to mind either. If they didn't want to be called Aunt or Uncle, I would have done my best to have the kids just call them by their first names.
Nobody ever told us to call our Aunts and Uncles by their first names, or not to either. It kind of just happened that way.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Nov 07
That's interesting because my great-aunt and uncle were the ones who we called by their names and not Aunt or Uncle. They'd never wanted my mom to call them that when she grew up so we never did either. But all of my other aunts and uncles with the exception of one aunt we just called aunt or uncle.
I'm glad that you would respect the wishes. I think if I ever have kids I'll tell them to call my brother and his wife something they don't like just so they understand. Then again I always call my brother "That guy who used to be my brother" and his wife "My brothers stupid wife" so I guess if my kids called them that they'd hate it. ha ha.
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
28 Nov 07
I think that your brother is teaching his children manners and there is nothing wrong with that. Just because they call you aunt does not mean that you can not be close. It is all about how you treat the kids. Not about what they call you. Children need to have respect for people that are older then them and names such as aunt uncle grandma grandpa are a sign of respect.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
28 Nov 07
Ahahahahahaha. You don't know my brother.
I said nothing about a lack of closeness because of what they call me, but if you don't wish to be called something people should not call you that. It's not respect, it's a term of endearment. You don't call your mother "Mommy" because you respect her, she's your mom and you love her. Same goes for other family members.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
28 Nov 07
I do think they should have taken your preferences into consideration. They should have honored your request. Have you ever asked them why they didn't??
Me I love being called Aunt (insert my name here). It warms my heart up. I wouldn't have it any other way. Not that they all the time say it. But I love it when they do. For me it's a term of endearment. I don't know why...just is. I always thought it as a sign of respect to as a kid. And again I didn't always say it either - but...I must say I said Aunt/Uncle more to those whom I respected more than those I respected less.
Anyway - if you didn't want to be called Aunt - they should have not started him on that.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
28 Nov 07
LOL. Most kids kind of grow out of it too as they get older.
That sucks about your relationship with your brother. I hope nothing like that ever taints my relationship with my sister.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
28 Nov 07
Oh you'd have to understand the kind of relationship I have with them. Basically my brother and I were close. Then he met her and we didn't get along and now my brother and I don't speak because everything is wife says is right and what he goes by and I'm dirt... so she didn't like that I didn't want to be called aunt and what she says goes, so she thinks.
I think term of endearment is a good description, I don't agree with it meaning respect. I guess because I didn't have a good relationship with my Aunts, I don't associate Aunt as an endearing thing.
Fortunately he doesn't say it all the time and as he gets older I plan on making him aware that it's just Rachel! not aunt!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
2 Dec 07
I became a grandmother when I was 36 and I was in no way a grandmotherly sort of person. I wasn't real good in the 'motherly' stakes either but that's a different story. I thought marnie was a good pet grandmotherly name but my daughters said it sounded too much like 'money' and so my elder daughter suggested Grandy. I've been Grandy ever since and I've never heard anyone else called this I like it and I love hearing my grandkids call me that.
As for preferences, I really dislike my christian name and prefer the short form. My elder sister uses the short form of her name except in formal use and my second sister prefers the long form of her name. People still refer to my second sister by the short form of her name (I don't) and everyone uses the long form of my name which I detest. Except for my father. At 95, he manages to call me by my name the way I prefer with no trouble. I have specifically asked to be addressed this way and I'm ignored. So I know how annoying it is for you. It's especially ridiculous now that my nieces and nephews are grown up and still tag me with "Aunty" as well. It's a good thing I don't see or hear much from them. I think it's offensive.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Grandy is a pretty cool name. And I can totally understand not being grandmotherly at 36! That is a pretty young grandmother. I'm guessing you had a child at a rather young age or your child had a child at a rather young age...or both. I know my friends mom was a grandmother at 35 because she'd had my friend when she was 16 and my friend had a child at 19. So that made her a grandmother at only 35 years old.
I don't know why it's so hard for people to respect wishes for what they want to be called, it's a really big deal to some people you know.
@Flight84 (3048)
• United States
1 Dec 07
That is something that should be respected. You know, I call my aunts and uncles by first name only. I've never had an Aunt or Uncle So and So. I don't have any nieces or nephews, but people, especially family, calling me Jessie has always really bugged me. I've told people and told people that I hate being called that, and they still do. My sister-in-law calls me that jsut to pester me. I don't know what she gets out of calling me something that really makes me cringe. I remember there were 2 Jessicas when I was in kindergarten and my teacher ended up calling me Jessie. I was bummed all year. Anyway, when I have kids, my sister and my sister-in-law can tell us what to call them and it will be respected.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
1 Dec 07
That's good. I remember when I told my brother and his wife that I didn't want their son to call me Aunt Rachel his wife got all upset. I didn't understand it. Who cares if I want to be called Aunt or not, I'm still going to BE his aunt and it's not like I'm allowed to do anything with him anyway.
OH man I always hated being called Rachie too, so I hear you on that! That teacher shouldn' have picked what she wanted to call you! she should have asked, even if it was kindergarten! ha ha.
Fortunately you also have a close relationship with your sis and a good relationship with your sister-in-law, unlike me.
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
28 Nov 07
I would never even think of calling my aunts and uncles by their names I wasn't raised like that. It's a respect thing. They are not my peers they are on the same level as my parents and I would never ever call my parents by their first names. I am an aunt but I'm not close to my nieces and nephews because I'm not close to my siblings.
My nieces and nephews from my older sister have called me by my first name because I am only a few years older than they are, they're anywhere from 2-12 years younger so it's not like I'm a much older authority figure. I don't even think my brother's daughter who is 13 has spoken 5 words to me so she wouldn't call me aunt per se if I was in the room. So as far as I'm concerned I don't care what they call me. I don't feel close enough to them to be anything really.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
28 Nov 07
I disagree that it's a respect thing. Respect is more than Titles. Sure you wouldn't call Queen Elizabeth, Liz... but that's different.
I'm not close to my brother and his wife and the only reason I get to see my nephews is they go to my parents house. If it wasn't for them I'd never see my nephews... so I understand that.
@elemental69 (1561)
• Ireland
27 Nov 07
I think when it comes to kids and calling someone by aunt or uncle they see it as a term of endearment towards their aunt or uncle. Sometimes I dont think that they understand that persons wishes when it comes to what to call them. I only have one nephew on my side of the family who calls me auntie so it doesnt really bother me. And I have 47 nieces and nephews on my husbands side, with more than half of them older than me. If they were to start calling me aunt then it would seriously bother me..... and they know it!!! :-)
@raychill (6525)
• United States
28 Nov 07
Term of endearment is a good way to look at it, better than using the word respect. Cause Like I said, the aunts I had close relationships with, I didn't call aunt! so for me, leaving off the aunt is more endearing!
wow... 47 nieces and nephews, that's a huge family!
1 person likes this
@elemental69 (1561)
• Ireland
28 Nov 07
Yeah and still growing lol!!! My husband is one of 11 kids.... Come to think of it I am a great aunt too, from my husbands family. Oh god I feel old... Thanks for reminding me.:-)
@olivia_2007 (51)
• China
28 Nov 07
I did not want to be called aunt when my brother(my aunt's son) had a baby,he called me aunt,i felt i was old.i was called elder sister before the baby was borned.i did the same thing like you.i taught the baby:"hi,baby,call me,sister,ok?"but my mother did not agree with me,she taught the baby:"call her aunt." it made the baby confused.but i was used to be called aunt,when my sister had a baby,she called me aunt.ok,aunt,i am an aunt now.
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I am an aunt, and a grandmother. I'm thrilled to have that privilege, and I take the names with honor. My grandson calls me gramma. My nieces and nephews all call me aunt, and it doesnt bother me at all. One couldn't say my name when she was little and always called me Aunt Joyis...she's almost 30 and still calls me that. My childrens grandmother didn't want to be called grandma, grandmother, or anything like that. (She thought she was too young to be a grandmother at 55 lol) So, she insisted that the kids called her GG. Kids, being kids, often misunderstand the reasoning and often come up with 'is she ashamed to be my gramma or something?' Of course she wasn't, but it was harder to convince the kids of that. I take no offense when people call me Joyce, Joy or by anyother nickname (of which I have many.) My dad used to call me 'Joycie', (which I never cared for), but it was my dad and I knew he loved me so I really didn't care what he called me because I knew he was doing it out of loving feelings.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I have an aunt whose name is Patricia and when my brother and I were little we called her "trishy" and still to this day we call her "Trishy" (Never with the Aunt).
That's the thing, what you call your relatives growing up usually sticks and you'll call them that forever. I love being an Aunt, I just want to be called my name though, without the Aunt name.
I don't know, I get offended by the name thing easily. I guess some people, like you, take it all in stride but There are certain things that I just can't stand. I had a teacher who used to call me by my last name only and I hated it! So I refused to acknowledge her until she respected me enough to call me by my first name (She knew I didn't like that she called me by my last name).
Even if my parents call me something I don't like, I get mad at them.
I think it's a little weird for grandma's not to want to be grandma's (and my mom thinks she's young to be a grandma too and she was 50 when she became one). but I'd never think it was cause they were ashamed.
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
28 Nov 07
I like to be call by name, aunt is very general and I have bad memories with aunts myself...
I think that we have to be more personal. My nephew is calling my name not aunt and my family are making funny comments about it, but I don't care....
@MisterPlus (1915)
• Philippines
28 Nov 07
I am an uncle but my nephew use to call me daddy and that is cool for me because he may be the son I might have known.
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
I am an aunt of 6 kids. They are all adorable but naughty sometimes. With them, i found it hard being an aunt sometimes. But greatful for most of the times.
@computershack41143 (71)
• United States
27 Nov 07
im called uncle, six times and im only 25 yrs old.
