Polygamy and marriage
By wooitsmolly
@wooitsmolly (3613)
United States
December 1, 2007 7:23am CST
I recently did a presentation on polygamy for one of my classes. I was thinking about how many people are pushing for legalizing gay marriage in the United States. I am all for this. But what about polygamous relationships? Should they be allowed to marry in the US? My thought is "yes of course." If someone wants to marry more than one person then I am down with that, as long as all of their spouses are aware and consent to it. The only issue is.. how would benefits work? I don't know.
What do you think and most importantly WHY?
6 people like this
20 responses
@MakinMoney129 (231)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I suppose if all your partners were aware of it there would be no problem...but as far as benefits are concerned, that's what kind of bothers me about gay marriage. I'm all for gay marriage, as long as you actually ARE MARRIED! My boyfriend works for one of the cable companies here, and they just got to review their new benefits package, and they had a meeting about it. The man holding the meeting told them that they had the following choices- Single, Single w/Children, Married, Married w/Children, Senior, or LIVING WITH LIFE PARTNER!!! Uhm, EXCUSE ME?! I'm ALL FOR gay marriage, or hell, marry your dog!! But it is absolutely wrong that you can get insurance for a gay companion without being legally married, the same way that straight people do. I don't even have insurance, but my boyfriend and I, who live together, just have to suffer because we're NOT gay?? Come on! It's kind of silly, and if they wanted to do that, then they should just make it so that if you work there, you could put any sort of "partner" on your insurance, gay, straight, or whatever else you like! Thanks for the post!
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
1 Dec 07
"But it is absolutely wrong that you can get insurance for a gay companion without being legally married, the same way that straight people do."
but why shouldnt NON married gay couples be allowed to have the same rights as NON married straight couples..If a straight couple who ISNT married can have their partner on their benefits then gays should too...Now if you are saying that you ARE NOT entitled to be on his benefits I'd look into it becaues I know non married straight couples all over the place who do it...Then again maybe it varies from state to state ..and I know its different here in the US compared to back in Canada (Ontario at least)
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I always check the "living with partner" box even though I am straight because it is true.. I live with my boyfriend. So... I don't know!
1 person likes this
@MakinMoney129 (231)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Answering Raven's comment here...that's what I'm saying! If straight couples were allowed to do it as well, I wouldn't have a problem with it!! But they're not. If straight people have to be married to put eachother on insurance, so should gay people. I'm not against gay rights or gay marriage at all. I think we ALL should be equal, so if they won't change this, then I think they need to make it legal for me to be on my boyfriend's insurance!!!
2 people like this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
1 Dec 07
Hello wooitsmolly. I think that it is better for a man to have one wife instead of having more than one in order to have a more peaceful family life. Besides it is unfair for the wives to have just one man as their husband. It is sexist though for a man to have more than one wife. But of course, like what you said, if they all agree, then it is ok to have this kind of life if they like so long as it is legal in their culture. hehe. Thanks for your discussion.
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
1 Dec 07
There are also cases of women having more than one husband, don't forget :)
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
2 Dec 07
Oh, thanks, dear the programer. I think that I see now about this point. Good day to both of you, my dear friends.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Molly speaks the truth. Also some ancient cultures had a more matriarchal setting and some of this resulted in woman to men polygamy.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
2 Dec 07
nope! already been tried and now we have a couple of towns in different states that is all there is there but when the main man take a 14 year old girl and forses her to marry an man in his 40 s that isnt right and this is what they do in these towns they intermarry and I have worked with some of the girls that were raised this way and they do have birth defects.
NOpe poligamy shouldnt be allowed
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Well, just as a man would not be allowed to marry a 14 year old girl through "regular" marriage, he should not be allowed through group marriage either. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the men you are referring to have religious beliefs that sanction that kind of thing, but it is still obvious not legal and never should be.
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
1 Dec 07
That's a nice fantasy...
Men cannot get along with one woman... much less two or three.
But you probably thinking about women having two or three men.
Like I say... nice fantasy...
Sound kind of kinky really. You should go live in France. It is the permissive society where everything goes.
2 people like this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
1 Dec 07
Actually... once upon a time... there was no laws against polygamy. In fact... when it came to women... they had no rights at all. Many of them were either sold or traded by their parents at age 12.
We sort of evolued since then. But you know... I am a guy... and I am not against polygamy. I always dreamed of an harem. laugh
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Heh, good points Aussies, I'm chuckling over here.
Even anime has some "harem" situations. Its quite a sight.
2 people like this
@theproperator (2429)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I'm generally a "to each his own" kind of person. I theory I think you should be able to marry whoever you want, even if it is more than one person. After all, lots of other countries have polygamous marriage. In the US though, it often seems tied to relegious groups who also believe in things like arranged marriages where families promise, if not actually marry off, their daughters at a very young age. That is the part I don't agree with. Who really wants to be wife #2 and have not only your husband but his first wife be the boss of you? Those are the kind of things I have a problem with. If everyone involved is an adult and freely chooses to enter such a marriage, then great, but it would be hard to ensure that this was always the case.
As for benefits like insurance, I guess it would be a regular rate for the first couple, and then an additional premium for every extra adult added to the policy.
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
2 Dec 07
What countries are polygamous? I have never heard this.
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Almost 50% of families in Senegal are polygamous. Some families in Hong Kong and Macau, China are as well. Some men there take on "secret" extra wives. Muslims in India are allowed to practice polygamy although I am not sure if/how many do. It is practiced by about 5% of the Mormons in Utah, but it is not legal, although I believe most people just turn their head to it and legal action is rarely taken to stop it. I think there are other countries, but those are the ones I'm familiar with.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Like you said as long as all involved parties are aware and consent then I see no reason why polygamy shouldnt be legal really...I know I'd be all for it because then I could be married to my husband AND my bf which would be ideal....How would things like benefits work? Good question really...I think it would have to be a case by case thing maybe or it would have to be agreed upon by the ppl involved...I don't know really...
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I guess one of the issues might be that you could marry as many times as you wanted so you could marry someone for benefits and not actually be in a relationship with them and then go ahead and marry someone else that you are in a relationship with.... or something? I don't know exactly how the whole marriage benefits thing works so I couldn't say.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
2 Dec 07
I hope they never legalize homosexual marriages in the States, because once they do, then the ones who want polygamous marriage will be campaigning, and after that the ones of polyandry, for marriage of un-aged children, and so on down the line. I read the posts and the one that was misread by another respondent, so I will state this as simple as possible.
1)A man can live with a man as his life partner and receive insurance as a couple. without getting married.
2)A man can lived with his girlfriend and neither of them can receive insurance as a couple.
Clear enough for you?
If a man has six wives, that is if the law allows, are you sure they will all get insurance? And since homosexuals are favored, and unmarried hetereosexuals are not, and since men with six wives are usually that way because of the force of thier personality and the wealth to hire goons to protect their wives when they are shopping, wouldn't it mean they would demand insurance for this six wives at a reduced rate?
Now tell me who would lose now? Ah yes the heterosexual couple. But it would not bother you. Do not worry, it will.
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
2 Dec 07
I obviously disagree with you on the homosexual marriage subject, along with the polygamous marriage subject. (Well, I am still in the process of deciding how I feel about that as I gain more information.)
I do not believe that anyone will campaign for underage marriage, although if they did, I do not see it ever happening. It does occur all over the world, though, as I'm sure you know, and in some places in the United States.
I am sure your only objection to gay marriage is not that it will cause other groups like that one to campaign for marriage as well, but if it is than that seems unfair since those for gay marriage have nothing to do with the other groups. Should they not gain certain rights because other groups might want them as well? I just feel that they deserve them while other groups do not, perhaps you think no one else does deserve them, I don't know.
I don't know much about insurance as I said before so I don't know about who can and who cannot receive it. It does not seem fair to me that two men living together should receive insurance and a man and woman living together should not, but then again, those two men have no option to marry and the other couple does. I just wish gay marriage was legalized so that all couples had equal opportunities, that way two men merely living together would not have more rights than a man and a woman in the same situation.
I am not sure how you concluded men with six wives have a certain personality or certain wealth.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
4 Dec 07
I don't see anything wrong with polygamy as long as all parties agree. Why is it though that it's always one man with several wives, and never the other way around?
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
2 Dec 07
I have no problem with it as long as all parts are in agreement, but like you I'm not sure how it would be implemented if legalized and I wonder about creating a precedent that would open other options.
Personally I would accept group marriage more because it makes more sense to me, if we're getting into diversifying that way.
I enjoyed the answer of the first poster. I agree that what makes a monogamous relationship work can also make any kind of relationship work and the bases are what were that member posted.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
2 Dec 07
I would absolutely support legalizing polygamy. Sure people could abuse it but let's face it people abuse "normal" marriages all the time so what's the difference? I see the benefits it could have within a family structure which I'll gladly get into if you'd like but will just stick to the topic at hand for now...
I don't understand the reasoning behind having laws governing marriage anyway...with the exception of age restrictions and relatives of course but that's totally different...why should a government dictate what our "hearts" are allowed to do? I also think polygamy would reduce the divorce rate but again that's another discussion.
Benefits? It's hard to say since companies offer different plans. The way my s/o's company insurance is he has 3 options for coverage himself only, himself and a spouse, or family. Under the family plan he is paying the same amount regardless of the number of people under it. Not counting the normal yearly increases he is paying the same now for 8 people as he did when there were only 3 people. If the insurance company was more liberal in accepting unmarried partners I don't see why an employee, spouse and 2 children would be any different than an employee, 2 spouses and 1 child (or whatever other configuration)
2 people like this
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
2 Dec 07
The interesting thing,- Many people are already enjoying Polygamous Relationships, and the problem only arises with the Marriage. Marriage as we know it, is Sacrosanct.
When this relationship is changed,some people, most religions, and many Governments object. Why not forget the Marriage and live Polygamously ever after?
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Some people are just set on marrying, I guess.
1 person likes this
@vincentchen (85)
• China
4 Dec 07
It is really a good topic.Each people have his mind about it,because of culture,society,character and others.I am conservatism.I like to live with one girl in my life.And the same question as you,if so many wives,how to work?how to benefits work?
2 people like this
@nangel78 (1454)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Well I would not this myself. Personally I am not for polygamy, but I do not feel it is up to me to tell other people how to live their lives. That is why we have free will. I do not feel I am here to judge others. It is not my place to tell those people what to do when it comes to their private lives. If it is not causing harm to others or damaging anyone at all, then I do not see a problem with it. I would be concerned with how it may affect children, but I am no psychiatrist so I really do not have an answer for that.
2 people like this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Nope I definitely do not agree with Polygamy. I think it is wrong because we are only supposed to marry one person, not 2,3,4,5,or 6 people. Sorry this is just my opinion and I am not trying to make anyone mad but I used to watch that show on HBO, called "Big Love" and I don't understand how those women can put up with having to share their husband. Like I said, just my opinion. :)
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I know a lot of people won't agree with me on this, but because of my religious beliefs I can't agree to polygamous marriages. I am not going to tout scriptures or anything like that here. I know that there is a religious sect that does allow polygamy and because of their beliefs I think it's allowable. I have no idea how the benefits thing would work! That would be a mess wouldn't it.
2 people like this
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
17 Dec 07
Hmm... I always thought that relationships are best kept simple. Find ONE partner you love and stay loyal to that partner for life.
I am not sure what stand to take on gay marriages. Coming from the old school of upbringing, I really do not approve of such unions. But that is strictly my opinion.
Polygamy relationships are very complicated. One person has to cater to the emotional needs of so many people in the polygamy marriage. When one falls in love, one expects to be fully treasured and pampered by the one whom one marries.
Imagine, having to share your love life with someone else. Unless all those involved are truly open to the idea of sharing one's love with more than one, I find it hard to believe that no jealousy will erupt within a polygamy marriage.
And jealousy breeds contempt over time.
From all the articles I have read, be it in a magazine or in the news papers, I have yet to come across a polygamy marriage that is truly happy. There is always some sort of conflict, usually between the various partners.
And in the event of a breakdown, the divorce proceedings are going to be one big mess to clear out. Cannot imagine a zoo of lawyers poring through documents after documents to see if they can find the rules to settle benefits to the client's advantage.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I'd say its at least worth considering. The only thing I'd have to bring up is some parts of the monogamous matrimony starting to unravel, resulting in seperations, divorce, and rather discouraging situations for those who go through it and others watching from the outside. I'd say polygamy would need to consider said issues along with issues like legalized cheating, divorce, attention, love, trust, etc. Interestingly enough other responders and myself point out that this kind of relationship needs some of the same things as monogamous relationships.
2 people like this
@tryxiness (4544)
• Philippines
1 Dec 07
Hello. I think legalizing polygamy is somehow accepting the fact the men really are polygamous. Anyways, this kind of practice is part muslim culture. The thing is you just have to accept if you are one of the wives that you are not alone. I mean, your husband's attention is divided.
