Open letter to people who care
By soccermom
@soccermom (3198)
United States
December 4, 2007 9:36am CST
In light of the news story all over CNN today about the 13 year old that committed suicide over harrassment on her mySpace page...please keep in mind that I am not trying to hurt the mother who lost her child...I have a few comments/questions.
Where was the mother while all of this was going on? Even the busiest mom can't be that oblivious to what is going on in her home. Can she?
Why was this child allowed to have a mySpace account anyway? She was well under the age to have one. And granted there are ways around the age limit, several of my 12 year old's friends have accounts(supposedly monitored by their parents), but it isn't up to mySpace to monitor the age of people signing up, it's up to the adult in the household. Did the mother not see any news or hear any stories that would give her any clue that mySpace is no place for children? Personally, I don't care if I'm not the "cool" parent, my kid is not allowed on mySpace and that is that, it is our job as a parent to do our best to keep them safe, not be their buddy.
Wasn't it apparent that this 13 year old was having some emotional issues? I'm imagining that the perp didn't just make one nasty comment that drove this child to take her own life, this had to have been going on for awhile. There had to have been signs that something was wrong. And if it was known that the root of the cause was this mySpace account why weren't appropriate steps taken? be it reporting the abuse to cancelling this childs account?
And finally, what the hell is wrong with this "neighbor"? It is my understanding she condoned and even participated in this slanderous behavior. What kind of sicko does it take to get pleasure from bullying a teen age girl? This is a business owner we're talking about here which leads me to believe she is somewhat educated and should know better.
No criminal charges are being filed, but I'm sure a civil case will be coming. I'm not sure I agree with that either. It seems to me that the fault should be spread amongst every party involved. Every adult in this case seems to have failed this impressionable child. I hope every parent/caregiver that sees this tragic story takes a lesson from it. Know what your child is up to. It's a basic concept, and would save so many tragic stories on CNN in the morning.
Thanks for letting me rant...
3 people like this
6 responses
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
5 Dec 07
It all goes back to the basic rules of internet use for kids.
Don't put the computer where the kids will be on it alone.
Check the history often.
Check the websites they visit often (especially if they are registered on them).
Know all their passwords.
Have a fitting punishment for breaking your rules for using the computer.
TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT THEIR COMPUTER ACTIVITIES.
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
5 Dec 07
Nope, not harsh, just parenting (which is why the other girls parents don't understand).
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
5 Dec 07
Exactly! We have ours in our living room and my 12 year old still managed to get into trouble with it. Good thing I was looking over her shoulder and had her AIM conversation logs all sent to me. We let her get an AIM account to chat with her friends and her and this other girl started a bunch of garbage, I contacted the other parent, they didn't believe it, even after I forwarded the info to them in black and white. Our daughter got her AIM account deleted, was only able to use the computer for school work for a month and we watch her even closer than we did before. The other girl got no punishment, which led me to believe her parents had some supervision issues and now my daughter isn't allowed to hang out with this girl. Alot of parents think I'm harsh, but if we don't protect our own kids nobody else will. Cripes, my daughter doesn't even know her password for log on, we do it for her!
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
5 Dec 07
It is a tragic situation. Yes, she had other problems. I do think that the kids that did this should have to do something to pay for the emotional abuse that they have caused. I hope they all realize what they have done. It is not right to mess with peoples feelings. It is scary to let children online and they should not trust anyone, but the are so impressionable. It is sad that kids would be so cruel. It is a lesson all parents should learn from. Hopefully it will save another child somewhere.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
6 Dec 07
The sad part is it was a "child" who was old enough to know better and also had the assistance of their mom in bullying this young girl. Kids are cruel, but I think alot of it is learned in the home. Hopefully all this news coverage will open some eyes and parents will start paying attention to what is going witht heir kids.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
4 Dec 07
You have really brought to light issues that all parents should heed. Many parents let kids have a computer in their bedroom-bad idea. Parents assume as long as the kids are home they are not in trouble-wrong. I would always find a way to walk by and glance at what the child is doing. I agree that the child should not have been on that site. Kids cant always know what is really going on. What I dont like is that the woman who posed as the boy was a mother of one of the girls friends. What in the world was this woman thinking! She needs to take parenting classes. Since there is nothing illegal about what she did, how can the laws be changed? This woman is an adult and should not better.
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
5 Dec 07
I could never understand why any parent would let their young child have a computer in their bedroom. Ours is in the living room, and it's a real pain in the hiney sometimes because I use it for work too, but we had it in a home office and after a week I just wasn't comfortable with my daughter having access to he internet without my watchful eye. We have all the necessary pre cautions in place, but things happen.
@awonderfullife (2893)
• United States
4 Dec 07
Yes, this sad story should be a major wakeup call for parents. First of all, my kids will never have computers in their room- not until they're in college! I don't know when, if ever, I will let them be on the computer unattended (without me in the room). I will always track their online history too, so if they ever go on questionable websites I'll know about it. And I'll make sure that my kids know that they are not allowed on the computer at their friend's houses. Parents need to be there to protect their children. This is not the world we grew up in a few decades ago. Times have really changed and kids have access to way too much these days.
Thanks for bringig this important topic up, soccermom. I agree with all of your points on this-- this poor girl was failed by everyone!
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
5 Dec 07
We monitor all of our daughters activity to and have the reports emailed to us. Times sure have changed. The insurance company I work for is now paying for teenage drivers to have cameras installed in their cars that link to the parents computer so they can monitor their driving. My daughter had a friend that had a computer in her room, the kid reeked havoc and when I alerted the other mom she acted like I was lying. She asked how I knew what the girl was up to and I told her our computer is in the living room so I could track what was going on, like a responsible parent. I guess the moral of the story is ignorance breeds ignorance, and the adults should know better than to think the internet is "safe".
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
5 Dec 07
I agree totally with you, what was the mother doing that she didn't pay any attention to her child's myspace page and friends. My boyfriend has a 14 year old daughter, she does have a myspace page, however, me and my oldest daughter are on her friends list, and the only way she can have one is that it is listed as private, and she only permit her friends on there. By the two of us being on her friends list, we can leave messages for her as well as monitor what type of messages she is receiving. And a little trust is added in there, however, I have already raised two girls and I know what goes on, and I'm not so stupid as to just let her go online and do whatever without doing some checks. Since her dad is not too familiar with myspace and that type of stuff it also gives him a 'non-envasive' way of keeping tabs on her myspace, through me. As long as it stays harmless then I don't alert him, but if I see the least little thing, I talk to him about it first, and then let him handle it. However, the adult who was doing the bullying, omg, get a life!
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
5 Dec 07
Good for you for being proactive!! My daughter has a few friends with mySpace pages and I have them in my friends list. That way I can help keep an eye on what they are up to, and inadvertantly keep on the latest things in my kids life. I randomy search my kids back pack to. They say it takes a village, but it seems that village isn't always dependable.
@xreesex (114)
• United States
4 Dec 07
My biggest problem with the whole thing is that the neighbor or whatever isn't being charged with ANYTHING. Apparently there is no stature to which she can be charged under, but how about harassment of a child? Endangering the welfare of a child? Etc etc etc.
I do have a problem with the parents allowing their child on myspace, and that her mother wasn't more involved, but my bigger problem lies with the "adult" who felt it was ok to do this to a child.
We need to also teach our children better coping skills, because it should never be someone's first instinct to hang themselves because the boy the like isn't into them.
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
4 Dec 07
Unfortunately the laws regarding internet harrassment haven't caught up to the times, and that is a shame. I agree with you that the woman should be charged with something, but I also think that all it would take is one slick lawyer to spin the whole story and make it looka s thought his childs mom is the "guilty" party. Sometimes there is no justice in the system, I have seen and learned it first hand.
And I definately agree about teaching our kids better coping skills. This whole thing could have been avoided had this girl had one person that she felt she could turn to and take her seriously. We place to much emphasis in this society on being popular, or pretty, or thin, and in the meantime it is destroying a whole generation.
