Was it wrong of me?
By Modestah
@Modestah (11179)
United States
December 6, 2007 1:48am CST
My father recently died, most unexpectedly. At the funeral Mass I was sitting with my mother and sister, my cousins sat behind me. After the sermon which was very touching, I was deep in prayer and thoughts of my father and my cousin (who is a massage therepist) began massaging my neck. I know she meant well and thought I could use it....but to me it was very intrusive of my "moment" besides I do not like my neck touched at all, I am very sensitive about my neck, lol. My cousin and I live very far away and have only seen eachother 3 times. Was I wrong to ask her to please stop? or should have I just suffered her kindness at such a time as this?
8 people like this
19 responses
@urbandekay (18278)
•
6 Dec 07
No, clearly she should have asked first
all the best urban
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
7 Dec 07
It was in appropriate, you were right to ask her to stop. She was invading your personal space in a very difficult time.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
6 Dec 07
It just didn't feel right at that moment and certainly your mind was elsewhere. I lost my dad too so I can relate.
Being under heavy thought and prayer and of course the fact that you can't stand someone touching your neck, I have to say Good for you that you were able to ask your cousin to stop. We all have that God given right and I think it's wonderful that you were able to tell her. Now if you yelled and swore at her I'd say you were perhaps a bit hasty but that's not the case. Good for you!!!
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
6 Dec 07
That is an uncomfortable situation, but if it was making you uncomfortable in your time of grief, I think you had the right to ask her to stop. I would just follow up with her and let her know that you didn't mean to be rude or insensitive to her trying to comfort you, but your very sensitive about having your neck touched and that you were very upset at the time. Also, that you appreciate her efforts and you are very thankful to have someone so caring in your life. That always helps smooth things over. I am very sorry for your loss.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
7 Dec 07
Thanks so much for the best response rating! I really appreciate it. Hope you are doing ok and you have smoothed things out with your cousin!
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
7 Dec 07
I don't believe that it was wrong of you at all. This was your father and you needed that time, by yourself and for yourself, to deal with his passing away. I am sorry to hear that your father passed and I will be praying for you, but don't feel bad for asking her to stop. For most people that lose loved ones, there is that time of need of needing to be left alone to be with their thoughts and to pray for that person and pray for the help in the grieving process. God bless you and you have my sympathy. if you ever need to talk, i'm always on here.
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
7 Dec 07
I don't think you were wrong to ask her to stop as long as you did it nicely. I guess she probably meant well, but that would make me uncomfortable as well. I'm not a "touchy feely" person at all so I would really not like something like that, particularly from someone I didn't know all that well.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
6 Dec 07
did she get upset when you asked her to stop? I don't think you were wrong in asking her to stop. it wasn't an very good time to do something like that. i'm sure she was just trying to comfort you, but with not knowing each other very well, thats a little too personal.
@mycharm88 (2288)
• Philippines
20 Mar 08
Hello my friend c",)
Though this was posting 4 months ago, i would still want to say sorry for your loss. And about your cousin, i'm sure she understood how you reacted, this was one of your saddest times and like what others have said, it's innappropriate to do inside the church and besides you were praying... But again it happened 4 months ago i'm sure all is well with you and your cousin now.
God bless and take care...
@lucy567 (43)
• China
7 Dec 07
It's maybe just a matter of misunderstanding bettwen you two i think For as relationships with your cosin she should willing to do good for you just don't know you are a strong selfrespecter so for indvertentment with her ,just throw your unhappy as far as possible maybe the people aroud will be great pleased with you .certainlly also your cousin
so forget it you 'll get more
@froggylovesu (173)
• United States
6 Dec 07
If ask to stop in a polite kind manner to respect your mourning grieving space . Personal I see nothing wrong with this request myself .
Praying Lord comforts you doing your season of loss
@redzprincess (59)
• Ireland
7 Dec 07
Sorry for your loss, i think it was wrong of your cousin to intrude in your moment of prayer, maybe if you two were close it would be a different story but you obviously arent, you were right to say stop. No point in being uncomfortable. It was a nice gesture on her behalf all the same though, but not the right time
@lalithasri (81)
• India
7 Dec 07
my friend do what you really want.and want you want to do.no one can object you for your activities.
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
6 Dec 07
There is always a nice way to avoid with saying it.
So that they will not feel dissapointed with you about it :)
You can say ; "please, i need a time to be alone "
patient will grow a flower my friend
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
6 Dec 07
If you felt so uncomfortable about it..then, you did just the right thing,asking her to stop..I would probably do the same if I felt uncomfy..
And I think a massage in the neck is uncalled for..maybe a tap in the shoulder..
But of course..try to understand her also..maybe she was just trying to console and comfort you..she only did it the wrong way.
@KarenO52 (2950)
• United States
6 Dec 07
Your cousin was only trying to comfort you, but you were right in asking her to stop. I'm sure she can understand that at that time, it was an intrusion. I have a good friend who is a massotherapist, and I've seen her give people mini-neck massages many times, and to people she hardly knows. I've often thought that sometimes the people looked a little uncomfortable.
@lightningMD (5931)
• United States
6 Dec 07
I think as long as you asked her politely then there nothing wrong with the request. If you are feeling guilty about it then drop her a note. Explain to her that at the time you were praying and that at that point in time you wanted a little solitude and that it was nothing against her.
@mengchuijie (324)
• South Korea
6 Dec 07
first i am sorry to hear that news.
but i think it is normal at that special moment.
don't think too much.
