Families...can we talk about fathers now?

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After posting a discussion on mothers it felt only right to open the floor to discuss father's and their role within any family dynamic. My mother always said that mothers are the first women little boys know and fathers have the same effect on their daughters. I am very pro-women's rights because I still see a lot of inequality in a variety of cultures today. However, even more than gender based thinking I am 'pro human rights' and after writing and researching an article on men's rights and resources my eyes were opened to the fact that men often need more support than they are receiving. For example suicide rates are much higher in men. Growing numbers of men are disappearing and leaving home because they have no where to go to receive help when they need it. While conducting interviews for my article one counselor at a men's resource center created a light bulb moment for me when he said, "What many women think ar men's anger issues are often deeply embedded hurt, disappointment and frustration that has no outlet. Men and their perception of manhood is a precarious thing...one where we often feel that we never have completely mastered. Loss of a job, inability to provide for the family, illness...all that can threaten our perception of ourselves as men and it can and often is a heavy burden to carry." I had never thought about it that way before because no man had ever shared that kind of awareness with me. When I asked other women about this idea it was an epiphany for them as well. So having upheld mothers in my other post I felt the need to uphold men and the invaluable roles they play in all our lives. For those fathers who work long and hard to make sure their families needs are met and are then condemned for being tired and not meeting the spouses and kids emotional needs I applaud you. To all the sons, brothers and male friends who do care enough about the rest of the world to go to war, fight crime and become firefighters I honor and uphold everything you do to add to the quality of life of people you will probably never meet. Even though growing up my father was never there for me. He was an alcoholic and my mother and I lived with a lot of abuses. However, it was only after I embarked on my healing journey to health and wholeness that I came to understand and accepted my father's wounded-ness. To his dying day I never knew what made him do what he did...but when I began to understand that people do what they know I could grasp the fact that my father had been treated badly and he did not know how to show love and respect when it was obviously foreign to him. In our work as life coaches we hear many heartbreaking stories about how father's shaped sons thinking and were role models whether they understood it or not. For me my father's abuses led me to the work I now do...so in the end his direct influence was not so good...but the outcome has been something that worked for my greatest good. For years I sought my father's approval and never got it...now I live live according to spiritual values that involve respect and a deep sensitivity towards those who are still within the circumstances that are thankfully behind me. So in my case my father's role had an impact...just not one I would necessarily have chosen...but I still learned a lot through our precarious interactions. From years of working in the self-development field I know from experience that this is so for all of us in varying degrees. So...at this time of year when families come together to celebrate and share their history together I would be interested in hearing about your father and what his presence or lack of it did to contribute to your view of the world. There is no denying that our parents or lack of them contribute to our sense of self. Would you be willing to offer what your experiences were...or are with your father? Thanks in advance for those of you who decide to contribute...much appreciated! Raia