Stay Together For The Kids

I agree with you completely and I have also seen the kind of people you referred to and never understood their reasoning either. I know divorce used to have this big stigma around it but times have changed and it's about time people changed with it. Yes, divorce is not easy on the kids but many times it is the better alternative. I can speak from experience on this one too so it's not just some misplaced opinion.

I agree with you more than workds can even begin to say.. I come from a family that my mom and dad seperated and by no means did that play into the outcome. Both parents love me. What made me who i am is their parenting skills or lack there of not them being together. I think I would have been more screwed up if I saw that you stay in a relationship even if there is no love. what is that teaching our kids. And on top just think about it would you want your child to stay with someone that beats them because you don't think it's right for the parents to seperat? And going further in that little scenario do you think it would be right for the child who sees the parent get hit expect that to be normal and put up with that in a relationship? I wouldn't so that is why I agree that divorce is not the problem in raising kids, it's the parenting.

I feel there's no right or wrong way. I agree about staying in a amarriage for the kids' sake but I also agree that the people in an abusive relationship should not be together. I would think the right thing to do would be to take a decision based on each case. Like you pointed out, it's definitely not going to do the child any good to be seeing his/her parents fighting and yelling at each other. But normal families fight too. We need to judge whether the fighting i leads to abusive behaviour and if things can be worked out with professional help...but if it is beyond repair, then they need to be away from each other and that works out best for the child too. I've also seen cases where the parents divorce on very flimsy reasons...they fight over stuff like who sleeps on which side of the bed and then get divorced because they don't see eye to eye! In this case, the child doesn't learn how to adjust with another person and might be involved in these silly fights. Such cases, I feel (and it's my personal opinion) need to be worked out and the child needn't be a witness to this. Arguments I understand....but people really fight over silly things. I don't feel a child from a broken home needs to be screwed up...it totally depends on how the child has been brought up.Sometimes, it works out as the best option for the child when the parents separate and behave like adults and take responsibilty for the child. Sometimes, it's better for the child that only parent takes care of the child. So be it. I wouldn't say divorce or staying together would affect the child. The environment that a child grows up in and how the adults around behave is what is going to affect the child.

Hi ... yes u r right.totally i agree with u.i think ur msg will be change some people.after my marriage i never quarrel with my wife especially before my childrens.n also i will tel about ur msg to my frnds.awesome msg u did.thanx for it.

I agree that divorce is a last resort but I agree with you too that you shouldn't stay with someone for the kids. In the end, you are probably making it WORSE for the kids by faking it. They can tell when their parents don't love each other, or even worse, hate each other. I do believe many people get married too quickly nowadays, I'm not one of them. We dated for 5+ years before getting married this year. I often threaten him with things I would do to him if he ever left me ;) Haha, but we both know that won't happen because we spent years discussing how we would like our life to be and we agree on all the important points. Anyway, I agree with you. With so many divorced families around now, it's not as tramatic for kids as it used to be.

Thank you. Staying in marriage just for the kids is completely backwards. The couple should try to work out their issues yes, but if it can't be worked out a divorce maybe needed. In worse cases there is spousal abuse and the children certainly should not be subject to that. Unfortunately this kind of situation will keep happening (the severity depends on where you are). In my part of the world divorce is a cash industry for the person causing the first strike (about 66-75% women start divorce, reasons vary, alimony/court-orders range from 50-80% some cases higher). Its also a cash industry for the lawyers, "family" courts, and local/state governments. Its somewhat hard to see, but plenty of people have been completely and unfairly destroyed by the parties listed. Its even worse since some people do marry for hideous, hidden reasons (divorce after a year or so - "starter husband", and/or divorce to financially devastate a partner). The only other thing I will add is that children should have both parents in their life after divorce, provided they aren't dangerous or otherwise significantly detrimental to the children. I've seen cases where a vindictive parent will move away and/or outright defy court visitation orders just to get back at an ex. These children are basically hurt by lack of one parent and the vindictive nature of the custody parent (telling falsehoods, brainwashing, using them as weapons at an ex). Children in this scenario will likely end up very disturbed and likely to carry terrifying traits to their adult life. Society should be aware of this.

very well said!! yes i think..but we really cant avoid some people who thinks like that too,for which they think it is right to be together inspite of mutaul indifferces just for the sake of the children..we must respect them for whatever choices in their life .... but for me i would rather go for a mutual relationship/respect bet. husband and wife ..

Staying with an abusive spouse does far more damage to a child than getting a divorce. It shows strength and they recognise this. Even if the abuse is verbal it will eventually lead to physical abuse and they could be putting the child or children in danger. If people would take the time to get to know one another better before they get married,there would be less getting married so young thus less divorces. But even after dating for 2 years a person may still change for the worse after marriage. Have a SAFE and Happy Holiday

i agree with you.my parents always fight with each other since i was young until i became an adult now.it has been more than 10 years but they never stop.actually it is because of my father.my mother regretted of marrying him.but she didn't get divorce because of me and my sister.she do not want us grown up without a father. actually i do not even need him as my father.he also never treated us like his family.i will be happier without him.because he brought a lot of problems and sufferness to us.when i was young i could not accept to see them fighting.until i started to become moody and emotionally unstable. i was lucky as my friend helped me a lot.now i do not really bother about them anymore.now i am studying in a university which is far away from my house.i only come back during semester holidays.during those period i was alone in my university i was so happy and relieved as finally i am not stressed anymore and get my freedom. even when i come back during holidays he will purposely find reasons to fight.i a so sick of it.sometimes i think i should not come back at all.but i had to because i wanted to save all the expenses during holidays

I totally agree with you. Staying married for the sake of the kids is not better. Even if you dont fight around the kids they can sometimes pick up on things. If you think things can still be worked out ok great then go ahead and try. But you shouldnt put your kids through that kind of torture. Especially if your in an abusive marriage/relationship. I Know a little boy who seen him mother hit several times and it really has scarred him. Parents needs to think about whats best for their children on down the road.

I think some day, I will not quarrel with my husband, at least quarrel before the kid. Because kids will be hurt and they will think about the quarrel for some time, that will affect their mood a lot. In order to give a better environment to them, we should treat the kids very well and care about their mental development.