Do you feel bad denying friend requests?

Thanks for the clarification, blueunicorn. That does indeed show everything in a new light. Well, if this is your policy, I must say I agree with you. I couldn't write "whole-heartedly" alongwith it though, because it's still a fact that I have very few friends to be getting along with. I'm sending you a friend request. Let's see what you make out of me.

You're really good, blueunicorn, and I mean it. Every time I have posted my response or comments in this discussion and saw in my mailbox that you've responded back to it, I've expected harsh responses chastising me for my wrong judgement of your nature. That has been the case in a previous case where the person considered was so arrogant that he didn't admit his fault. On the contrary he called me a loser. But your answers simply baffled me. You didn't get angry and on the contrary, you patiently clarified your stand to me. Hats off to you, blueunicorn. It's really good to have you as my friend. :)

Oh, abhi, it's not meant to be judgemental. Please don't take it that way. I simply feel uncomfortable with some of the things that people have on their profiles. When it comes right down to it I am conservative and a bit of a nerd. I don't understand a lot of pop culture things, for example, so I just choose not to be friends with people that don't discuss what I consider to be real life issues. I hope I am making sense to you. I feel like you think I scutenize every profile. I really just look at it to make sure I don't disagree with a person to the point that there would be little to talk about or that we would get in an arguement. I don't like confrontation, either. By the way, I approved your friends request! :)

Well I always look out for the smart people.I look for the style,wittiness, content and some novelty in the contents. I try to avoid the run of the mill types.

That's a great way of thinking about it. What criteria do you use to make the choice?

Wow, that sounds even stricter than I am! LOL What do you consider run of the mill types?

What about age do you check? I check age, too, but I don't know why it really matters to me. I wish I could explain it.

I note age, but I don't use it to filter 'friends' - does everyone tell the truth about their age anyhow???

People definitely don't tell the truth about their age. I do think you can tell when someone is very young, though.

I'm so glad that there is someone who understands just the way I am! LOL :)

Don't you think that the way a person chooses to present themselves says something about him or her, though?

Okay that does make it clearer. Though those 15 year old boys can't do much to you, uh not only that...I haven't seen that many 15 year old boys running around "the lot". Maybe its me going 'senile' again. I will say I know a few youths on here capable of very good discussions, far beyond what some adults are talking about. The bad part is though, their discussions are much harder to find (due to lack of response and lack of participation of the member overall).

I absolutely agree that 15 year old boys could possibly have a lot to say that is important and of good content. However, I personally just think it doesn't look right to have them on my friends list. I guess I was raised in a different type of home where on certain things looks were important. It could just be my feelings. Anyway, there haven't been a whole lot of 15 year old boys I've come across, either. I was really just using that as an example. Anyway, I don't avoid discussions at all because of who is or is not participating. I just don't add certain people as friends.

I think I may not have stated some of my reasons well, and I apologise for that. I didn't mean that any old avatar is going to turn me away. I agree, you could have something that is not my favorite picture and that wouldn't matter to me. There are a few women that I have turned away as friends because they show themselves with basically no clothes on or in provacative positions that just make me feel uncomfortable. (I'm sorry women if you know who you are). As far as the age thing goes I don't have any problem having friends that are 4 times my age, either. I do understand that I may miss a real gem by choosing not to have minors on my friends list. Unfortunately I just feel that some of the discussions I have are not meant to be had with 15 year olds. I'm sorry, I just feel that there is a time and a place for different subjects. I don't think I would really have much in common with a 15 year old boy. That's all. I also look at the topic of discussion the other person is choosing. I want to have discussions that are friendly, but I don't mind a good debate as long as it doesn't get nasty/ mean. The bottom line is that if someone else were to come across my profile and really dig into it I try to choose my discussions and friends so I woudln't be embarrassed and feel I would need to explain myself. To be quite frank... I'm not sure having a bunch of 15 year old boys as friends would really be very pleasing to my husband! LOL

I have just 29 MyLot friends and I think I know most of them from discussions. At the start I got random friend requests and one of them spammed me (some 'friend') so I now don't allow friend requests unless I know them from a discussion or can see an obvious common interest. You wouldn't expect a stranger on the street to ask for your phone number so he could get in touch, so I don't allow random requests - at least I can be fairly sure that anyone on MyLot who has me as a friend in their profile is probably a genuine and decent individual - friendship (even on MyLot)should have a value...

I think that may be part of what made me uncomfortable with the person I denied that made me start this discussion. I don't remember having even seen them in a discussion before, so I wasn't sure why they would want to be my friend. I do try to have friends that I enjoy conversations with rather than always seeing the get rich quick schemes.

You make some very valid points, live. I agree that even on myLot friendship should have a value. Ever since I found out that you can delete friends I've been going through my list slowly and deleting the ones that I've never had contact with since they got on my list. I like your point of view!

There does seem to be quite a few people on here that just want to make money. On the other hand, there are many here on myLot who come on to have great discussions. I love that part of this site!

We share the same view.

I have to admit.. I didn't know that you could delete friends until just a little while ago. Yes, I am completely computer stupid. I have to learn as I go along.

I have been getting some things lately that seem a bit 'off' to me... like a duplicate of something I answered 10 minutes ago, or a decided lack of tolerance... there are a couple people I may still turn off, but I want to be fair and so will give them time...

I've been getting a lot of duplicates lately, too. I wonder how that happens.

I've had to turn my notify to off on most of my friends. I just can't keep up with all the e-mails. I only have a couple that I have really made a connection with that I have on.

Thanks :) and anytime :)

You know, that's a good point, Sissy. When I send a friend request I don't always look to see if it has been approved. I kind of figure it either will be or won't be and get on with discussions. It is usually after we are friends that I start connecting with the person that I start to get to know a person. Thanks for the perspective! I did approve your request, by the way! :)

In this case, why bother with the friends list? Everyone on myLot should just be considered your friend.

I agree with you that people need people. Absolutely. However, in my personal opininon, there is something inappropriate about a 15 year old boy being on the friends list of a 33 year old woman. The subjects I tend to discuss are on the personal side and just don't seem to me to be appropriate for a younger boy. I think it sucks when any parent isn't available for a child. But, I cannot take the place of that parent, especially on the internet. It's so hard to tell who is being honest and who is just trying to get attention for being a little different. I always respond in the discussions to everyone I have something in common with or have a view to share. My friends list is more personal, though, and I generally think of it as people I think I would like to hang out with in the real world if I met them.

I felt just like you when I didn't have a whole lot of friends requests coming in. All of the sudden one day I had about 5 requests, and they were all from people I didn't remember having been in a discussion with. I then realized that some people collect friends, and it didn't make me feel good to have a bunch of them. I now keep my friends down to people I will remember when I look at their screen name. I hope that makes sense.

Being able to relate to a person based on their discussions seems to be the most important factor. Choosing friends on sites like this is much like choosing friends in real life, I think.

I guess to me the word friends means something different. I take that word pretty seriously and want to keep people on my list who I make connections with. Thanks for your response!

Yes I can understand that.Thanks for replying my response :)