Should you stay your relationship only for your children ?
By Cindy405777
@Cindy405777 (300)
China
9 responses
@cartoon4umaniacs (1648)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I would say Yes, only because the children had no choice to make when you gave birth to them. You and your partner decided to make the child and that child can not say no I don't want to be born. Once the child is conceived you and your partner have a responsibility to that child and that is to give the child love and protection. It means taking care of them together not just financially but emotionally and physically. In todays society we have so many divorces and by history and statistic we know for a fact that divorce in itself has a huge impact on kids. These same kids (majority of them not all) turn out to be kids who are injured internally and they themselves get into fail marriages as well as go into situations that will get them jail time. I believe that if we give the children a love family and a safe one at that...he/she will be able to love and give love better than those who have been hurt. I didn't say that all parents need to stay together there are exceptions such as if the partner is abusive physically or verbally then yes you as the mom or dad needs to exit the relationship and take the child with you because that is a hostile environment and sticking together will only endanger the child then you need to get out of the marriage...but other than that I would encourage the partners to stay together to raise the child till the youngest child is of age meaning at least 16 so that the children can coup with the separation but when they are younger than that I don't believe that they are capable of accepting the fact and get hurt emotionally...that is my two cents worth...
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
31 Dec 07
WOW!! I cannot or at least I hope you don't seriously think that way. Saying "that the majority of kids from divorce turn out to be injured internally and get into failed marriages or end up in jail" is absurd. Staying in a relationship being unhappy can do just as much if not more harm to a child's psyche than seeing a parent on their own who is at least happy. As far as your comment regaring at least staying until a child is 16 is nuts. I know children who's parents divorced before they were 3 years old who have become happy, healthy (both mentally and physically) adults and if nothing else, have been more cautious before jumping into a marriage.
Yes, I am a divorcee, having separated from my husband when my children were 13 and 10. My children are both happier, because I am a happier person as well. They enjoy both their time with me and their father. My oldest is a very well adjusted adult now, going to college on a scholarship. My youngest just turned 16, and he is probably the most normal kid in his school.
The important thing to remember when a person separates from a spouse when children are involved is to make sure that both parties follow some simple rules.
1. First and foremost... Always reassure the child that the divorce is NOT THEIR FAULT, that Mommy and Daddy just couldn't make things work between them, but they BOTH love the child with all their hearts.
2. NEVER EVER BAD MOUTH THE OTHER PARENT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN AND DO NOT ALLOW OTHERS TO DO SO IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN. This just confuses them.
3. Work with the former spouse to show a united front where raising the children are concerned. Don't undermine each other's authority. House rules should be the same in both homes.
If you follow those rules, then your kids will be just fine.
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
3 Jan 08
I have been doing this for 6 years and I have just recently decided to stop and give it up because its not solving the problem.We dont argue in front of the kids but there isnt any love left in the relationship anymore.I wouldnt reccommend doing this speaking from experience. It will only confuse the kids more when you finally decide to break it off. I thought I was doing what was best for my kids but I wasnt.I let my mom convince me it would be best to stay even though my husband was abusive. Get out and be happy,dont look back on what use to be.
@Angelwriter (1954)
• United States
29 Dec 07
No, I don't think people should stay in a relationship for the children. My parents did, and it was not a good time. Living in a house with fighting doesn't do children any good. Children don't need parents who stay in unhappy relationships. They need parents who love them and care about them, and parents can do that even if they aren't together.
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
29 Dec 07
No. My parents first separated when I was six. About a year later they got back together but they finally divorced when I was 11. My mother told me she stayed that long because of me. I was actually happy when they got divorced because I thought all the fighting would stop (it didn't). But if you are miserable or being abused get out don't stay because of the kids because in the long run they may be worse off.
@ileke4christ (62)
• Nigeria
29 Dec 07
l will have to stay and hopes that one day things will get normal. Leaving will make the Children to suffer hardship, rejections or become waywards and many more. l will have to stay because of them and maybe as they grow older, l will have them as my companion re-placing the place of my partner and l shall never remember what l might gone through in the past.
@bstinson1989 (588)
• United States
29 Dec 07
It is in my opinion that a couple should not stay ogether just because of the children. The reason why this is so is because if a couple truely does not love each other anymore, then they should not sacrifice their childrens happieness. What I am trying to get at is- if children, being as impressionable as they are, were to witness both of their parents argueing with each other, then the child would probably go through so much psycological trauma. This in turn can have detramental effects in the long run. And in order to save the stress that both parents feel with each other, they should end the relationship as soon as possible.
@tonixxx (358)
•
29 Dec 07
I don't believe that anyone should stay in a relationship if they are no longer in love with their partner, whether they have children or not. If a person stays in a relationship out of a sense of duty they are bound to resent their partner which will make everyone involved unhappy. Children need to be in a loving environment, if their parent5s would be happier apart then in the long run they too would benefit. Also, if you are no longer in love with your partner would it not be fairer to let theem find love with someone else, if you stay with them then you are holding them back. Just my opinion, letting go can be difficult but in the long run it is fairer all round.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I wouldn't do that, and I wouldn't recommend others do it either. It could work out and in some cases it does, but in other cases it does not work out and you end up with couples being vile to each other with the children as witnesses. So much damage is done to all involved especially the children in this matter. Its also possible the couple does not stick together even though thats the plan (staying together furthers the strain which can still lead to divorce)
@nativepukeko (49)
• New Zealand
29 Dec 07
Dunno really. All I know is that I know people who stopped slleping with one another but still remained living together for years with their kids. They just stayed best friends. So Its possible to still be friends live together raise your kids and live life.
