Is it difficult for you?
By crazynurse
@crazynurse (7482)
United States
January 5, 2008 7:11pm CST
Is it difficult for you to look someone in the eyes when you are telling them how you feel? I noticed one day that my boss has a hard time looking me in the eye when she has something to tell me...no matter if it is good or bad! She gets all flustered and shuffles papers or looks about the room! What about you, is it difficult for you to look someone in the eyes when you are telling them something?
3 people like this
15 responses
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
6 Jan 08
I don't have that problems but I usually think that any one who has that problem while talking to me either is lying or has a guilty conscience.
1 person likes this
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
6 Jan 08
It is not hard for me; but, it is almost impossible for my son.
What you are desribing is a classic symptom of autism and asperger's syndrome (high function autism). People with this condition find it very difficult to look anyone directly in the face.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
7 Jan 08
Have you ever actually been tested for asperger's? This condition has only been acknowledged in the US for about a decade. In the UK they had been diagnosing it for more than 3 decades.
Before that it was just passed off as "being shy" or "being clumsy". If you were really just "shy"; you would have overcome this shyness long ago.
There is no medical treatment for it and they do not even know the cause. But, if you are diagnosed as having asperger's there are things you can do to actively help you overcome or deal with the condition and it's symptoms.
Also, "shyness" can be a symptom of social anxiety disorder. But, people with aspergers or autism can not look directly into another person's face without a lot of difficulty. That is not just being "shy".
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
6 Jan 08
No, I don't find it difficult at all. I do know lots of people who do this though, avoiding eye contact. If anything, I'll keep looking at them with eye-to-eye contact. The eyes are supposed to be the windows into our souls, and when we have bad, or good, news to deliver, they can tell that we are affected by whatever our news is, too. I think with delivering bad news, people don't want to see the hurt in the person's eyes when they deliver it. I've never really noticed people delivering good news averting their eyes, perhaps that's because seeing joy reflected in someone elses eyes isn't so upsetting.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
7 Jan 08
I always look a person in the eye when I am talking to them. It makes me crazy when someone is talking to me but not looking directly at me.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
8 Jan 08
It's hard for me to make eye contact full stop, I'm not the sort of person who likes it but that's not because I'm hiding something. I just don't like eyes watching me, I talk looking towards the person but mainly focus behind them. nobody seems to notice I'm not making eye contact so, it doesn't seem to bother anyone.
~Joey
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
8 Jan 08
No I do not have a problem looking at them I have a problem saying the words. I stammer, and studder when I do not do that. I also have a problem thinking when I am nervous. If I have a serino practiced and they say something off the wall that I am not prepared for I loose it and forget all that I was suppose to say. I also do not like to confront people and put it off as long a possible. I will wait until they really piss me off before I explode instead of dealing with the problem head on and nipping it in the bud right at first when the problem is small.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
6 Jan 08
That's one thing I am still having difficulty in doing at, I am not used to it. I get shy, but I do my best to express the appreciation in return.
I know for a fact that it is important, especially when one is being interviewd for a job. I do get to let it out at times, but only in some ocassions.
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
No problem for me to look someone in the eyes to speak my mind, however I feel uneazy when people shuffle around and looking everywhere else but at me when they have something to say. I see that as they're sneaky or trying to hide something.
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
6 Jan 08
It depends on the person I am telling. There are relatively few people I can look into the eyes of when I am speaking to them... I am accustomed to averting my eyes. I suppose this makes some people suspicious, but it is how I am. partly due to modesty, partly due to insecurity I suppose.
@RenaeT (681)
• United States
6 Jan 08
Not at all difficult. I sense that she might be insecure and is avoiding seeing your body language confirm her insecurities. I look people in the eye all the time. It's important. I will look them in the eye whether I am telling them good or bad.
It validates them, and it helps me see their response and helps me know what to say next and in what manner to say it.
@sassygirlanne007 (4517)
• United States
6 Jan 08
It is difficult for me to look in someones eyes when I am telling them how I feel,mostly if I like them allot like a guy that I want to date. but just talking to someone I look them in the eyes.
@Fang_Huang (136)
• China
6 Jan 08
I don't think it is difficult for me to look the speaker in the eye. It is a fundamental polite for us to pay attention to the speaker, including looking in the eye as well. In a certain time, I was very busy and had to deal with my business together with hearing my friend's story. Though my fingers sticked on my business files, I looked up occasionally to my friend and response some of her questions...
@MisChasi (77)
• Philippines
6 Jan 08
It can be difficult for me to do this, depending on the situation. Most of the time I really try to look a person in the eyes while talking to him/her about anything. The opposite means that I'm insecure, intimidated by that person, or afraid of him/her. I don't want anyone to perceive me as being any of those things-especially at work. People lose respect for you if you don't look them in the eyes; they'll know that they can dominate you.
@rx4life (1930)
• United States
6 Jan 08
This will sound crazy but the only time I have trouble with eye contact is when I am looking into the eyes of someone that has "twitches" or rapid eye movement when I am talking to them!!! It tends to make me blink or want to look away!!!
I am a full eye contact person..I think it is very important..I think it engages you and promotes a better conversation...but then I run into the above mentioned situation and it freaks me out!!! Have you ever had that happen? Recently I almost burst out laughing because my friend's eyes were shifting back and forth so quickly it looked "cartoonish"!!
