Saying goodbye to a furry family member...when is it their 'time?'

A week or so after I lost Petey a friend of mine in Texas sent me that poem and it was a turning point for me. The knowledge that I'll be with him again gave me strength to pull myself together. It also strengthened my faith and helped me to straighten out some personal issues in my life at the time. Petey was a third generation dog for me. I had his grandpa Scooby (a dachshund), his daddy Brownie and his mommy Booger (both dachshund/pomeranian mix) and then Petey. When he was a puppy about 2 months old my ex gave him away while I was gone one day b/c he was mad at me. He wouldn't tell me where he was and I missed him so much. Then a couple days later I happen to listen to a swap type radio show that we have in our area and there was a woman offering a dachshund/pomeranian puppy. I just knew it was Petey. I called her and, not telling her who I was, asked about the puppy and during the conversation she told me the name of the guy her husband got the puppy from and yup, it was my ex. I went right over and got him. My ex was so mad and stunned that I found him LOL Petey and I were together everyday from then on. It was like he was destined to be with me. We went through so much together. My breakup from my ex and the breakdown that followed, Petey's broken leg from my ex's mother, Hubby and I doing foster care and all the foster kids, losing the the little girl we were going to adopt and my breakdown that followed that and all the moves we did. He was always there with me to cry on, hug and he'd lay next to me and lick my hand and comfort me. As hard as it was I was the one that held him when his time came to leave. I was there the day he was born and I felt it only right to be there the day he left. I cried so much I thought I would drown at times. Even as I'm writing this, I'm ripping open the old wounds again. I know he watches over me and he comes to me in my dreams and lets me hold him. As I said I talk to him every night and his pictures are by my bed and on my desk so I can see him all the time. He'll never really leave me...he just waits for me in the next step in this journey we call life. I have a song on my Multiply site that really helped me alot too when I was trying to get through his loss. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful baby You're the one who held me up Never let me fall You're the one who saw me through through it all You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You gave me wings and made me fly You touched my hand I could touch the sky I lost my faith, you gave it back to me You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me Maybe I don't know that much But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You were always there for me The tender wind that carried me A light in the dark shining your love into my life You've been my inspiration Through the lies you were the truth My world is a better place because of you You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me I'm everything I am Because you loved me **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

Oh Twoey...I am so grateful to have a photo of you and your precious Petey. I am also touched by your open disclosure about the complex bond you shared with him and how he was your anchor, guardian and companion during such chaotic and painful periods of your life. It is also significant to me that you are willing to be so open about what happened to you. In our various heart to heart discussions I was aware that you went through some very daunting life experiences but I never knew what they were until now. Don't you find it interesting that the loss of our dogs created a more open channel for you to feel comfortable enough to reveal more of what occurred...and that came about through your willingness to share your love for Petey? I can appreciate more than ever why you feel there is a whole in your heart without his physical presence here with you. However, I also sense that he is always with you and the deep love you share continues from the next realm. I am not sure what your spiritual beliefs are...but David and I choose to believe in reincarnation and have had a strong sense that some of our animals continue to come back to us in different forms so they can continue sharing a life with us on this plane. I know that idea doesn't work for a lot of people and that is fine with me. However, I offer it to you as a possibility to watch for...if the time is right for you and Petey...maybe he will re-appear to you sometime before you leave this plane. I have a strong sense that we will see Tasha again in this lifetime and just as we knew with our other animals...we will know if it is her because she will come to one or both of us in a dream as she did when she let me know it was time for her to go. Thank for for including the words to Celine Dion's song...I love this song and oddly enough have been listening to it and weeping yesterday and today. When I logged on and saw that you shared how it comforted you and I read the words again I see that we indeed have a special Cyber friendship...and that our love for our dogs and our shared loss has deepened it even more. Thank you for your willingness to re-open your wounds to provide comfort to me. I appreciate it more than any words I can say...but I hope you can feel it coming to you energetically. You are a bright, beautiful light in this world...I felt that and after being able to look into your eyes...that are the mirror of your soul I know that even more. I pray that the pain of your loss will lessen and that you will be able to remember the good times with Petey without the associated pain of your grief. I have included a photo of Tasha that we took shortly before David took her on her last ride. This discussion is kind of my memorial to her and I appreciate your interest, love and generous on-going support. May the good you sow here come back to enrich your life in ways that are for your highest good. Warming and caring regards...your Cyber friend Raia

Greetings Twoey...always good to hear from you my friend...even if this discussion is a very moving one for all of us. Thank you for your willingness to share your heart-wrenching story with me about you and Petey. What kind of a dog was Petey...and do you have a photo you might want to share? Pet owners understand what we go through when our beloved furry, feathered...and even finned friends have to depart. I fully understand how hard it is to reach the point of acceptance that you did with Petey and loved him enough to let him go. I think Tasha was ready to go up to a year ago...but chose to soldier on until she knew David's health was back and we were on firmer ground. She has been failing...(and falling) for awhile...but hung on until she sensed I was at a place to let her go. When she came to me in a dream...I felt shocked that her time was as close as it was. Even this morning I was grasping at straws trying to think of anyway that we could prolong her life a few more months. You aptly said it...for their good we have to accept the inevitable. As I read your touching, loving grief for your beloved friend Petey my tears started again. I feel your acute loss and am deeply appreciative that you shared it with me in such openness and trust. I hope you will check out Whiteheathers response about the Rainbow Bridge. I plan to print it and frame it and put it beside the photos I have of Tasha...and her companion Meishka. Those two dogs and David and I shared some amazing experiences and with Tasha's departure it is the end of an era and it is very sad to have to come to terms with it. So my great Cyber friend...my thoughts, prayers and empathy are being sent you way...and as you say I sincerely hope you come to a peace within as you stand strong in your beliefs. Hopefully our beliefs about joining our pets beyond the Rainbow Bridge is true...and we all will meet again. Warm and caring regards... Raia

Hello my dear friend..how comforting to hear from you and read your loving, compassionate response...thank you. Yes, it is a sad day...and your intuitive knowing is so right. We got Tasha and our male dog Meishka a year or so after we were married. (I posted a picture of them on Pyewackets response.) Both dogs shared our nomadic lifestyle because we took them with us everywhere in the back of our truck. Being self-employed we could transport them as we did workshops and bought different houses and moved around. They were there as protectors and valued companions that made every new place feel like home. They adapted wherever we went. Meishka had to be put down two years ago in December and now that Tasha is gone there is real melancholy in coming to terms with the reality that it is the end of an era and the four of us will never experience that again.Pet owners have really intense bonds with their animals and it is clear by the touching responses here. Whiteheather posted a wonderful poem called the Rainbow Bridge and it is certainly worth reading and keeping to offer any other friends who have to deal with the grief that comes when a beloved pets moves on to the next realm. Thank you fpr empathy and understanding...and yes you are right she is finally out of pain and in heaven. I am comforted by the idea that my Mom will be there to greet her because my Mom and Tasha had a very special bond as well. So yes, I am teary and sad...but as we both know our losses are bittersweet because those we love...and have to let go remind us of how precious life is and the sadness makes the joyous times sweeter...and such is life. My thoughts, prayers and light filled blessing go out your way..even when we not in touch. I am happy for your presence in my life and wish there wasn't miles and miles and an ocean between us. It would be so wonderful to have our heart to hearts in person. Who knows...maybe someday....but for now I value what we have developed so far. Thanks for caring! Raia

Oh, my dear friend Raia, I don't know what to say, but as what you have mentioned, what you can feel you can heal... so feel all the sadness for Tasha for the moment. Then you can reflect all the good times Tasha has shared with you and celebrate the life you had together. It reminds us that life is precious and we need to make most of what really matters in life. Thank you so much for the warmer and loving ways you remain and bring with me. I genuinely am happy for it. I am grateful to have you as a friend and even though we are far apart physically, you somehow come to me and feel your energetic love and caring ways my friend. I may not be always around but we will definitely keep in touch.

Hello my precious Cyber friend. It is so good to hear from you. When we are not in touch for awhile I also trust that we will be because of all that you said about the bond we have developed since meeting here. I appreciate your words of encouragement, concern and positivity...thank you. Yes, it is a sad time whenever someone we love moves on...but as you said I have some amazing memories of how this dog shared our lives and that she is free from the pain and discomfort of these past few months. I know she hung on until after the holidays so I would not have an association with losing her during a time I already miss my mom. That is the kind of dog was was...and still is. I feel the love we shared goes on even though she is no longer with us in physical form. I have posted another photo of her...because this is a kind of memorial to her. I value your understanding and empathy...and of course our friendship for all it is. Raia

I knew when I posted this discussion that I would have more tears...but it in sharing my tears with those of you who are sharing here it is cathartic for me as well. Thank you so much for your touching story about Sonny. It is yet another example of how committed pets are to their owners and how they soldier on until we reach a point of acceptance that it is time for them to leave. Tash was also diorintated at times and started doing her business in the house at times as well. We have multi-level house and like your Sonny she had a hard time getting over our threshold to go out...especially now with the deep snow we have in Manitoba at this time of year. When you describe the cycles of 'good and bad' days I soooo know that you mean. We saw that with Tasha during the last year. Even with her weak hind quarters she would always drag her weary body up when I came downstairs from my office...and was always there to greet me in the morning. Although she and my husband David had a long bond...we both knew she way more my dog. I was resisting the reality that her time was as close as it was...until she came to me in a dream and told me it was time for her to go. How interesting that you are scattering his ashes today and holding a service for him. As I read this my eyes tear up...and I similarly send my thoughts and caring regards to you and yours as you grieve the loss of your beloved companion as we are with ours. If you read the heartwarming post by Whiteheather about the Rainbow Bridge it may be of comfort to you...it certainly is to me. I plan to print and frame it and put it beside her and her male companion Meishka who passed away two years ago. Very touching comments...thank you for caring enough to offer them... Raia

Oh my friend I am glad I helped wasnt sure that I was but then again I knew I did. and as for the poem they gave that to me along with Fangs ashes in a velvet bag was so nice got his paw print and hair lock in there too. Yes she well be more with your mom but then they have to have the doggie play also . Yes we will always have a place in out hearts for them we have another one up there to his name was Banjo. and was a mix of I think german shepard and astralian cattle dog he favored a lion in away like CHerokee. and was very smart and would round up my fathre in laws hogs and put them back in a fence when I hollered (Head un up) and he was never worked with his parents on the ranch we got him from.So must have been born in him. I had to put him down myself talk about hard!.got to get off this to sad!. hugs and blessing

Oh my trusted friend and spiritual ally...thank you for holding back on what I knew your 'knew.' In all that we have shared an continue to share I sensed you would offer something to provide the clarity I needed. When you said that Tasha could be suffering more than she was letting me know...that was it! Your gentle way of saying that her time 'could be sooner' was also the confirmation I needed to hear. After I hung up the phone I recalled the dream I had...but had not recalled until after our conversation. Our energetic exchange 'open the channel' and I was ready to remember...and I thank you for being the wonderful friend you are. I love you...and so appreciate the special connection we have. David and I were up early this morning and did as you did with Fang...I sat on the floor with Tasha with her head in my lap...and then I lay down with her and shared a few final hugs before David took her on her last ride. He felt that I should stay because Tasha was more my dog...whereas Meishka was more David's...(scruffy beard and all)...(sort of smiling...not quite there yet.) Anyway I love your image of Fang, Tasha and Meishka romping around together with your hubby. I am sure Mom was there to assist Tasha with her transition because they had a special connection too. Please check out Whiteheather's response and the poem about the Rainbow Bridge...it says what I know we both believe. Another reminder of the parallel experiences we keep discovering...almost three months to the day that our dogs decide to leave...so very interesting to me. I know you miss Fang...and just as you are sending me love, light and comforting support...I am sending it back to you. Whether it is three months or thirty years...our love for our pets will remain...and they will always be missed. So thank you for opening up to me when you are still grieving the loss of your own furry friend. It is sad...but we are strong and will take the best of what we had with them and trust that the love and their essence goes on...just as we do. I have included a photo of Tasha as she started to decline. You can see in her eyes that her inner spark was starting to wane. Thank you for the photo..you have great looking dogs...and they have a wonderful 'Mom' in you. Love you dear one...your friend and fellow pet lover... Raia

Hi again... David and I are in Winnipeg tomorrow and I am signing off for tonight so I won't be in touch until Wednesday. I am doing some better now...after buckets of tears. Reading the responses here and sharing the journey with you helps. I will be thinking of you as your remember your loss and the bond you shared with Fang. We will chat when I get back...and I'll e-mail more on Wednesday. Thanks for everything...my thoughts and prayers are with you as I feel yours with me. Raia

Ah...Katlady...thank you for stopping by again. Each time I see your enchanting smiling Katlady cat...I know you will be offer something that will touch my heart...and you did it again with this touching response. I feel the warmth of your care and concern contained within your words. I truly love my computer because it is where my Cyber space friends live and come to visit me. I love what you said...that "even in her passing she is still a part of the family." How very truth that is...and yes, the hurt can almost be too much. Your comments about it being awesome that Tasha came to me in the dream...yes, I it is. I was having trouble in accepting the reality that her time was as close as it was...even though both she and David were trying to prepare me. The dream let me know the time was now...not in a month or two and once I got it David acted and she made her transition at 2 PM today. When you said our pets let us know one of ginger twin males Tigger let a howl out at the exact moment Tasha was being given the needle. I didn't know that until David phoned to tell me a few moments later. So yes, animals are often more tuned in than we are. Tasha and her male companion Meishka joined our family a year or so after David and I were married. We were more nomadic back then and both dogs valiantly traveled in the back of our truck. Being self-employed we could take them with us to classes and workshops we presented and waited patiently for a couple of hours and then perked up when we came back. Meishka crossed the Rainbow Bridge two years ago at the age of 12 1/2 and now with Tasha joining him I realize that the foursome we were is now over. We have another dog Cherokee and five cats...but they came to us after we decided to put down roots and bloom where we are planted. Saying goodbye to Tasha reminds me of what we shared with both of these dogs and they were times that our new pets do not have an association with...so yes, this is a nostalgic time for a lot of reasons. Thank you for showing me a photo of your beautiful Meg...what a regal dog. She looks like she was also a Brave-heart...just like her owner. Thanks for your offer of support...and the warm energetic hugs...I value you and your friendship...it gets stronger as time goes on and we learn more about each other. Thanks for being here an caring the way you do and sharing your great love for your pets. They do wrap themselves around our heart alright.... Raia

Greetings again dear one... I loved what you added about the way your pets gathered around to honor the one who is leaving....our other dog Cherokee and the five cats did the same thing...a loving circle of furry friends. How interesting that Tigger the larger of our two marmalade males let out a howl at the exact moment David said the vet was putting her down as yours did. Yes, people who say animals don't feel or are just 'dumb animals' are certainly not able to perceive what those of us who know differently do. Your warmth, love light and concern hold great meaning for me...thank you from my heart to yours. I have included a photo of one of Tigger brushing up against Tasha as she struggled to stand about an hour before she went on her last ride. There are other photos of her here...and I am touched the way others are posting photos of their pets that have passed on. This discussion is profoundly moving and once again I am touched by the beautiful people who reside in Mylot land...and you are certainly among them my friend. Raia

Hello hardworking Mom...and thanks for stopping by to offer your condolences...they are appreciated. I sincerely hope that you also enjoy a long, happy healthy life with your beloved furry family members. As pet owners we all know how much the animals in our lives add to the overall quality of it. It is hard to say goodbye to Tasha because she was a loyal, strong, courageous Brave-heart whose body gave out even though her spirit was strong right up her last breath. She will be missed...yes, fifteen and a half years is a long time to share a path together. If you have a chance you might want to check out Whiteheather's post about the Rainbow Bridge...a very touching poetic reminder of what many of believe. Warm regards.. Raia

Hello again Kala...and once again the warmth, generosity of spirit and genuine care shine through your words and provides comfort. Thank you my friend. The fact that you are not for pets in the house and can still empathize with the loss pet owners feel is admirable. When you say that saying goodbye to any person who has always been close and have great fondness for is absolutely true. Yes, it was increasingly distressing for us to see our beautiful companion fall over, bump her head and hitting the floor with a loud thud. Then it reached the point in the last couple of days where she would fall and just lie on her side and not be able to get up. When she came in the dream David and I came into full acceptance that we had to love her enough to let her go...and so we did. On the morning before her last ride our other dog and 5 cats joined David and I as we all sat around her and honored the time we had together before saying our sad goodbye. When David took her our cat Tigger let out a loud howl at the exact moment that the vet was giving her the needle...miles away. Yes, we truly all are chords in the One Song of life...and that is true of the interconnectedness within the animal world as well. I have included a photo of Tasha with one of our cats when he was a kitten. Tigger adored her and is having a hard time since she left...he was the one that howled...and he keeps lying on her blanket and clawing it as if trying to bring her back. He goes to the door and every sound he hears he perks up as if hoping that she will appear. Even though Tasha is gone she was, and... always will be our Grand Madame! Thanks for being here and offering your condolences I will let David know. Raia

Hello Aussies...I feel the sincerity within your condolences...thank you my friend. Yes, it is a hard thing to do...and I have shed a lot of tears the last couple of days. Being here and reading the comments and stories others have offered has trigged more tears...but it is cathartic and healing. David and I are in agreement with you again...and promised ourselves we'd never keep our pets past their time because we could not let them go. We have gone so far as to give our doctor our living will and agreed that neither one of us will do that to each other when our times come. Keep us comfortable...but do not use any artificial means or interventions if there is no coming back from where we are. I have included a photo of Tasha and I am sure you will see how tired and ready to go she is. Hard to do..but at least she is no longer living in any discomfort...and that is the most loving thing we could do to honor the great life we had with her for 15 1/2 years. Thanks for being here again...especially during this time. Raia

And thank YOU as always for your kind words and warm thoughts! Kristie was moved to tears by Rainbow Bridge just as I was. Annie

You are welcome Annie...that is the beauty of Mylot...we share, we care and we pass things forward in that amazing ripple effect of interconnectedness that leaves me in awe the longer I am blessed to be a part of this amazing community. I have another one for your 'pass if forward file' that Pyewacket sent me yesterday. In case you don't see it here it is: Four Feet in Heaven Your favorite chair is empty now, no eager barks to greet me. No softly padded paws to run, ecstatically to meet me. No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry will say it's time for feeding. I've put away your bowl and all the things you won't be needing. But I will miss you, my friend, for I could never measure the happiness you brought me, the comfort and the pleasure. And since God put you here to share in earthly joy and sorrow, I'm sure there'll be a place for you in Heaven's bright tomorrow! --Alice E. Chase The website is here http://www.mogdoggy.com/poetry18.html Anyone who has loved a pet and had to say goodbye will sure be able to relate to this too. It is how our home feels as David and I...and the six other fur-babies work through the lack of Tasha's presence here. However, it is getting easier...and talking with others and hearing so many touching stories helps to confirm...out pets live on...and aren't we blessed to have them for whatever time we do! Raia

Ahhhh my dear friend Annie. Thank you for your touching, open disclosure and a willingness to open old wounds to share your story with me. Like you have read and re-read the beautiful, touching and at times hauntingly sad...yet heartwarming responses here and I am as moved as you are. When I read your story, tears came to my eyes for what you and your daughter went through with your last goodbye...and because it echoes my final goodbye to Tasha. I also lay on the floor and hugged her so tightly...not wanting to let her go either...yet knowing I had to because like your precious PuPu Tasha was losing control of her body functions and when she fell over could not get up. Her gait was unsteady and when she fell and hit the floor with a loud thud David and I could not longer allow it to continue. Like you Whiteheather's post of the Rainbow Bridge poem is a keeper and this is what I love about Mylot. We care, we share and we pass forward things that add beauty and love to all our lives. Thank you Annie for being here again through this difficult time...and sharing your deep loss with me. It helps to hear how others feel and that the depth of the love goes on...and the joy and the sadness remain. It shows the powerful, lasting impact our pets have on us and why we view them as such blessings in our lives. Like you I cannot fathom that the realm beyond this one does not have a place for our pets...it sure wouldn't be much of a heaven without them. I have included a photo of Tasha that we took before she left on her last ride for you to see. It is evident in this photo how sore, tired and soul weary she was...and I know when I look at this picture she was ready to move on. May the love and light you offer me continue to come back to you and I hope your daughter's health improves. Love and hugs to you... Raia

Thank you...and if you read the other responses they are all touching, heartwarming...and yes, heart wrenching too...pet seems to create all of the above emotions and more. Thank your for your care and prayerful words of encouragement. I appreciate them...and why I love Mylot. This place is filled with truly empathic people who really do care...and it is a comfort! Warm regards going out to you, Raia

Hi Vicki...lovely photo on your Avatar. Thank you for your kind, loving, understanding words. We also have 5 cats and one other dog beside Tasha. Being that we do not have children our pets are in many ways our 'kids'...just like your sister. Thank you for offering a needed reminder that we made the right decision for Tasha...rather than holding on to her for ourselves. Thank you for caring and being a friend. I truly do appreciate your sincere condolences and understanding. Seeing as you are a cat person I have included a photo of Tasha with Tigger..one of two ginger marmalade twin males. She was such a gentle dog and the cats all loved her. Tigger in particular was so drawn to Tasha and always wanted to lie beside her. If you look at the expression on his face I sense that he has an inner smile of contentment. When David took Tasha to the vet today I wasn't sure what time she was going to be put down..but Tigger knew. He started to howl around 2:00 PM...and when David got home that was the time the vet was giving Tasha the needle to end her life. So yes, events like this are sad...but sharing stories and providing comfort to each other makes every passage in life easier. I value the bonds we have in Cyber space...and I thank you for what I share with you my friend. Warm wishes and appreciation being sent your way... Raia

Oh Pose123...I was so happy to receive a friend request from a fellow Canadian...and a fellow owl lover. I adore your Avatar....and will look forward to seeing more of it now that we have connected. Thanks for your affirming comments about the decision David and I made. Yes, our Grand Madame of the household deserved a dignified send off after soldiering on for 15 1/2 years. She was falling over and could not hold her body functions at times and she didn't like either of them. We feel she hung on until after Christmas so we wouldn't associate her passing with the holiday season...that is the kind of dog was was. Bright blessings to you...and I look forward to more chats. Raia

Ahhh...what a sweet, touching response. Thank you so much for your kind, understanding words. I see you are a new member here...and after reading what you write I am happy to have someone with such tenderness in their heart...you are most welcome here. I loved what you wrote in your closing comments...it really touched me..."To tasha you are lucky to have raia with you and im sure wherever you are your memories remains forever. be a good dog in heaven. hehehehe! Precious words...and very true! Raia