Being a first time single parent...and a guy

Yes most people do think the deadbeat parent is usually the dad, but I think that is just because society sees mothers as the nurturers. This doesn't make it true and I commend you on the role you have taken, parenthood is very hard! If your ex is not a good mother, then you can't force her to be, and she doesn't deserve to be in your son's life. One day you will meet someone who deserves you and your son, and who you both deserve to have in your life. Life will be good. If she is not into calling to find out about your son, or if any contact creates conflict then there really is no point in trying to force her to. Good luck to you and your son.

She walked out. So she made the choice to leave your child behind. I don't think you are wrong to want full custody. She was in the wrong by cheating. But for you child's sake let her see him occassionally so the child doesn't feel resentful or feel that they are missing out on a relationship with his Mum. But if she won't or can't be bothered seeing your son make sure you sit him down and explain that it's not his fault so he knows that he's not the reason she doesn't come.

Congrats on being a good dad. For strters you can't force some to be in a childs life ifthey don't want too.I helpedr my son raise his two kids. Their mom left the picture ove 15 years ago. i tried a number of time to get her to stay in touch with them but it just made her mad so I gave up. They are now 19 and 21. They think of me as their mom but call me grandma. If she were to come back to see them they wouldn't see her.I grew up with out my mom in my life and didn't want them to do the same thing because it hurts a lot sometimes. You need to just try to make up for her absence. like I said you can't force her to be a mom. Turn to your own mom for a woman's influance in your son's life. And no parent hood isn't easy. Just take one day at a time with your son and you will be fine.

It sounds like she doesn't care too much about being a mother.Find a good replacement,someone that will love the boy and will be good with him.

Are you Kevin Federline? Don't worry, I think Brittney is a b*tch too.

I am a single mum but have a very close friend who from his childs birth has been a single dad. Over the last four years the mum has picked him up and put him down as as when she chose which has had a very detrimental affect on the lad. He does not trust women at all is almost aggressive towrds them. She has been told numerous times but then it goes in one ear and out of the other. I believe my friend has maded the decision now to stop her seeing him at all. This week she cancelled due to black eyes and a broken nose, a month ago she cancelled cos she was drunk, before that hunover, before that didn't feel well, when you are a loving parent you are also responsible. She is not. Every situation is different and I admire you for having the courage to want to bring your son up yourself. The main thing a child needs is love and STABILITY ROUTINE Good Luck

Your topic is a good one,and i love seeing single dads.If she doesnt want to look after him you cant force her and i think the childs better off not knowing her if she doesnt want anything to do with him..hes better off with you who loves him to bits. hell find a mother figure eventually,as long as hes loved by you I see no point in forcing your ex to have him. Not Selfish at all! Sounds like you do a good job!

In general..."What happens when there is a deadbeat mom?" If you are stateside...nothing. Its not profitable for anyone to go after them, its not "PC" either. There are also women telling dads with custody to "man up". Think the same could be said when the genders are reversed? No! Going after deadbeat dads (a decent number of them charged a total[alimony & child support] of 80 to 110% of their total income)... that's much more profitable for the states. And if you reverse the genders of the "man up" situation, no one would hear the end of it. I think this blog entry might give a worthy perspective Titled: "What happens when a woman doesn't pay her child support" http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=1566 Now on to your story, and I'm sorry for that delay. I'm sorry about what happened, divorce and all. I really can't give any true advice on this. I would say that if the mother is immature (as I see it), drama-happy, and seemingly selfish (she cheated on you and was barely there for the family), I would say that maybe you are right to get full custody. Of course you should try for a healthy relationship with her especially for the sake of your son. But if her head isn't in it, then it might be better to stay apart from her in this matter. In any case, this isn't an easy decision. Divided and equal custody maybe possible as well. Children do need both of their parents when possible, but if one parent isn't paying attention, isn't there at all, then this event will be much more difficult. I can't say much else to you Miacis, except, best of luck to you.

good on you dad.i am a single mother of 2 children,and its tough and demanding i know.i am not sure whats right or wrong in your situation about making her be apart of your son's life.you can not force her as she may not want to be,but if she does want to be part of your son's life you can not stop her. i think you will have to take each week as it comes and see what happens,the main thing that your son is happy.cheers sue

It is nice to know that there is dads like you out there, My girls had a Deadbeat dad so I know where your coming from on some level. I am sorry to here about your divorce but you say your happy so thats a plus good luck getting your son's mother to have things to do with her son your right that he needs to know her but you can't force her. It is not bad that you want full custody sounds like you deserve it and it isn't selfish either as long as you let your son see his mother when possible. It is very hard rasing children by yourself but you say you have a close relationship with your mother so maybe she can help out some. No parenthood isn't easy but if you got the will you will find the way. Good Luck and have a great day!

Though I am not a deadbeat mom, I know what that feels like to labeled one. I lost my son to his dad when he was 22 months old. The accusation is that I didn't make his kind of money(he was a pizza delivery guy for christ's sake in Lima, Ohio)and I lived in a not-so-great neighborhood. The rest fell in place to the petty things like I let my kid swim in swim shorts from wal-mart, etc.,etc. The judge took my son and let him keep him only to find out that he raped a little girl about my sons age. Anyhow, I got labeled a deadbeat mom in that town because dad had custody instead--let me clarify a deadbeat mom has no contact with her child, does not pay support for that child, and does nothing but create conflict with that child. I more than supported him and his father with the amount of child support that I was paying out of 2 jobs. I seen my son on a regular basis, and bought all of his needs and wants when the time and money fit. I proved myself as a mother with love and support and nurturing that he needed. On the other hand, my mother and father split when I was about 6. My dad TOOK us. He said he couldn't live without his babies. We left Arizona when I was 6 and came to Ohio and the next time I would see this woman was on Mother's Day of 1992 when I was 14(go figure mothers day). I have never seen her again. She's a deadbeat. She knows how to contact us and never does. I commend you on what you are doing. Don't force the relationship, but don't not allow her to see him. If you don't want the drama look for other options to allow her to talk to you such as email, or certified letter. Avoid the phone calls. Or flat out tell her--I am not going to listen to the drama, what do you want? and if she can't do it without the arguing or whatever, just let her know that you will only be recieving snail mail from her. It stopped my ex from the threats because it would be in his own writing. Just love the youngn' with all you got. Someone is out there for you two. And you deserve that. GOod Job DAD!! God Bless and good luck!