I know someone who has a eighteen year old daughter.....

How could they have not known she was pregnant?? REAlly at 9 months your pretty large!! I am 30 weeks, and my belly is round and sticking out even in a winter jacket! I just dont understand how they couldnt tell.

How could they not have been aware she was pregnant did she not have a belly, or more obvious symptoms? If it was my daughter I would support her, and talk to her about whether she would keep the baby or put it up for adoption. I would talk to her about college and what she would like to do, and support her in that.

Sorry, But sometimes you've got to look beyond your anger... What do you think would happen to the child ten to fifteen years from now...? I guess you understand what i mean...

I didn't show at all when I was pregnant with my older daughter. After giving birth, when my girl friend and I would take the baby out in the stroller people would tell her she had a beautiful baby daughter. My husband said to just thank them, as people would never believe I had the baby. If my younger daughter told me she was having a baby, then I would be shocked. My older daughter is married, so nobody would be surprised. I wouldn't want to do 40 hours or more of childcare each day, but would help her to finish college. Its hard enough to get a job, but a college education can be a big help.

Did the 18yr.old know she was pregnant? If the mother hadn't seen her for a long time she may have not known but the girl should have. As for the baby, being a grandma myself there is no way the baby would get adopted if my daughter was unable or unwilling to raise the baby then I would no Questions asked.

Well, I babysit, every now and then my 3 grand daughters. My daughter got mad at me for a while because I told her no a few times in a row that I would not/could not babysit. I am still young and have to work for a living. She is over it now, but no, I would not raise my grandchild unless the circumstances were such that I were able to (did not work) and my daughter was gaining an education to better the life of both her and her child. It depends on the circumstances.

I have no idea what I would do but I do know it would have to depend on my situation at the time that it happened. At the point in my life when my daughter was 18 I was working full time and there was no way I’d have been able to quit work to care for a newborn and it would have been very difficult to pay for daycare for the baby while I worked. But, I think this mother is doing the right thing by her daughter and and granddaughter since she’s able to do it. Sometimes it’s much better to step back and look at the big picture and do what will be the best thing for all concerned in the long run. You say, “I would make her come back home, find a job and help raise the child she brought into the world.” That may be easier on the mother in the short term but all you’re going to end up with is another single mother who will probably struggle throughout her life to raise a child on her own, or with the help of her parents at a high cost financially, physically and emotionally. I say it’s great for her to finish her education. Depending on what she was studying and what her original future plans were maybe she’d have to modify her plans a bit so she’d be ready sooner to go to work but by staying in school for now she’ll be doing the best thing for her future and that of her baby, not to mention that of the gram. Her mother may be eligible for some government help since she is raising her grandchild rather than her own baby. I’m not sure, but I’d advise looking into it. Her daughter may be eligible for some help with her education costs as well. Annie

You can bet I wouldn't be raising it. And I have to ask, was she that over-weight? that she didn't know she was pregnant? Help raise her, I don't think so, it's her child, she needs to make her daughter step up and take responsibility.

Yikes! For a mother, this could be a really touchy subject. I understand exactly where you're coming from and why this is such a tricky situation. If I were the daughter, I wouldn't abort the child or place it up for adoption; I would, of course, raise it. However, if I were the mother, it'd be a different story. I'm not yet married and don't have kids, so I'm only speaking from a hypothetical viewpoint. If I were the mother of this young lady, I would be upset that my daughter hadn't been honest with me about the child that was developing inside of her. As her mother, I believe I'd have a right to know about my own grandchild! Also, I would try to be as understanding as possible. I would be upset that my daughter chose to do such a thing as getting pregnant outside of marriage without at least talking with me about it and without even having finished college and getting into a job/career. I think I'd be the most upset about my daughter's lack of honest. She should be able to come to me on anything. The mother/daughter relationship should be a strong one. I believe the daughter in the the particular instance that you mentioned did not feel that she had the proper relationship with her mother to be able to tell her these things. When I have children, I'm going to try my best to have open communication with her because I want her to be able to come to me no matter. Who cares if it's something I don't agree with? Sometimes I would have to put aside my "motherly instincts" to hear my daughter out. Anyway, I partly agree with what the mother did in this scenario, but part of me agrees with your comment also. My daughter was the one who made the mistake of getting pregnant and having a child when there was no husband to help her. I shouldn't have to be the one to make up for her mistake. Part of me would want to do anything I could to take care of my grandchild. If my daughter was stable enough to care for and raise the baby properly, she should so. I also agree with the fact that the daughter wanted to go back to college and get an education. The timing is way off, though. I couldn't understand from your description exactly, but it sounds like the girl went away to college. Either way, my daughter would be caring for her child at least part of the time. That time would include at night so I can get sleep and so my daughter can learn how to be a mother (by waking up however many times to care for her crying baby). The ideal situation to me would be for the daughter to either get a part-time job and care for the child when she wasn't working or help out around the house and allow the mother to get things done around the house also or get a part-time job. If the girl is still living with her parents, it would be the least they could do to support her while she's getting things together and trying to raise the child properly. The parents should do their best to take care of the daughter while she cares for the child. They shouldn't be stuck babysitting all the time. If the daughter wants to get an education, she should do it one the child is a little older and easier to care for (perhaps 2 or 3 years old). At that point, if she's still living at home, the parents could then care for the child while the daughter goes to school and works. Once the daughter is stable, she needs to either get her own place or pay her parents for rent, especially if they're taking care of her child half the time. The daughter should do her best to raise the child as much as possible and not let her parents do so. Like I said, the timing is off and the daughter has no spouse to help her raise the child. That would put a strain on any family! Great discussion.

I think I would have to agree with you in that she would be told that she is raising the child. They have programs at some colleges that provide day care. Otherwise, she would be coming back home, and going to a local college, getting a job and taking care of her kid. That's just insane!

As much as I love my kids is it not my responcibilty to raise their kids. Yeah I want them to finish school but if they were adult enough to get pregnant then they are adult enough to tkae care of the child. It's a hard call you want so much for your children but you did your time raising them why should you have to raise thiers.

I would have made her abort it, but that's just me. I won't be stuck raising my grandkids. They have parents for that and I would not be a parent to my grandchild. My son or daughter would be the parent. They would be the one to raise them, not me. By that time, I would have already raised my kids, so now it's time they raise theirs.

Its possible to not know. A friend of mine had her period the whole 9 months, thought she just gained a few pounds and then when she started having stomach pains she went to the hospital. She thought something was wrong with her. The doctor told her she was perfectly healthy, she was just going home with a baby. She never got a huge belly, just a small pouch and she never missed a period. My mom always told me she would never let me or my sister give up a child. It would be her grandchild and the thought of someone else raising he or she devastated her. I would have to say I would go with what my mother says. I would want to raise the child and hope that my daughter would want to be a part of the child's life also.

I can't believe in this day in age, with all the information we have on periods and pregnancy that a girl can be unaware of her pregnancy! I also find it very sad that her parents were unaware of this. However I suppose after a shock like that it must be quite hard to make a practical decision as to the upbringing of a newborn child. I like to think that if it were me, as long as I wasn't working myself, I would like my child to continue her education. But that is in a perfect world, I don't think I can bearte anybody for doing differently, it all depends on circumstance & what is easier for the entire household!

At 18 years of age you are an adult and are aware of what is going on unless there are special reasons such as learning difficulties. This girl knew what she was doing why should her mum have to bail her out? Also what is the problem with the family? There seems to be complete lack of communication is this because the daughter doesn't get on with her family or something else? Why did she feel she couldn't tell anyone about being pregnant? Did she really not know herself? There seems to be 2 options either the daughter decides she wants to keep the baby in which case its her responsibility to look after it or she decideds to put it up for adoption and give it to a family who will really love it. It is the daughters responsibility. Unless there are genuine reasons. I mean does she know who the father is? Was she raped?

It seems very weird to me. How does her mother do not know? a 9 months pregnant girl has no belly? or what else? I think this is not that much thing that the mother just ignored. May be she wanted to make it private.

How could she not see the girl was pregnant? I understand her finishing school but maybe she should go to a comunity collage. Then she could get a part time job and raise her baby. She has a huge responcibility now and needs to take care of it.

i guess through various reasons, more and more grandparents are having to raise their grandchildren with no parents in between. this is quite an alarming story that this girl could hide her pregnancy through large clothes. i'm sure she herself knew that she was pregnant after not having her period for such a long stretch. i hope your friend decides to raise the baby, or give the baby up for adoption. there are many childless couples who would be great parents and provide a stable environment for this new life to develop to its fullest potential.

How can someone not be aware of that. I mean ofcourse the girl became fatter in such a short time. Mom is being silly. If she did not want to take care of the baby she should have said so. The baby is not her responsibility. If it was my daughter she would be in the process of changing schools, I would make her come to school somewhere close to home. I would help her with the baby and help her with the money. She would go to school here, than right after school she would have to come home to the baby. I would not deny my daughter her education but in the same token the daughter cannot deny her new child.

wow and i mean wow. i would have her move back home and help me raise her child too. but i'd support her as much as i could and have her finish school as well. i don't know if i'd make her get a job.. i don't think i would as long as she studies hard to finish school. wow.