Is It Just Me? Am I Too Emotionally Involved With On-line Friends More??
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
January 18, 2008 5:48am CST
Okay let me clarify this first of all between the difference between on-line friends and "real" friends. By "real" friends I'm speaking of those people in our lives who we are in "physical" contact most of our days in our lives...that neighbor down the block..the person you yak on the phone all the time..people you can "physically" touch as opposed to the on-line friends of whom your only contact is via the cyber world of the internet..yet NONETHELESS you feel a connectedness with.
Now I don't know about you...and this might sound strange, but honestly... I sometimes feel MORE connected with my on-line friends. I mean I don't know about you, but I'm more likely to be in "connection" more with my on-line friends than my "physical" friends.
If anyone has been on a particular site long enough, like I have here at MyLot, and I've now been here for ten months, one gets to know quite a lot of people here. And while I have many friends here, there are some I've gotten really connected with. Big time. They as well as I know a lot of each others past...maybe through just our discussions here...or maybe if we know our private emails can relate even more about our lives to each other ...we each have gotten to know our fears, our triumphs, our loses. We give each other praises when something wonderful happens in our lives, we feel the pain when one of our friends loses a family member, we feel the pain when one of us loses a beloved pet member as we understand as we've been there, we rant, we rave, we kvetch what's going on in our lives, we try to encourage each other when things just plain aren't going right in our lives. We are there to understand. We sing praises when maybe one member, whose dogs were missing turn up found..we feel great when one is about to go through a much needed surgery that could be life saving...and on and on and on it goes.
My question is...am I too damn sensitive? Does anyone else think of their on-line friends MORE than their "real" life friends...does one go through the day or night, wondering..I wonder how..so and so is..how is that friend of mine REALLY doing..the one with that feisty, fresh little doggie is who is in so much medical and physical pain REALLY doing? Or how is a certain PA coping with all the stress his been going through in his life lately, or my one friend whose husband is on a spiraling downward trend in health, or that friend who has too much on her mind and doesn't know how to cope..
I mean there are times when I think my words of encouragement and prayers seem so trivial..useless..cause I want to do SO MUCH MORE...I would like to literally grab the person, my on-line cyber friends who may be in so much pain either medically or emotionally and just grab them and give them a physical hug and try to tell them as best I can..."It's okay." I want to laugh with them, really cry with them in the physical not just with "words"
So is it just me? Am I perhaps too sensitive? Too emotionally involved? Or do you get wrap up in your on-line friends problems in life and wish you could really do more than just reply with "words"?
19 people like this
30 responses
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I met many nice and smart people online. I used to be on one forum years ago and I was talking every day with very nice woman. We decided to met and we are "Real life" friends since...
She is now on Hawaii, visiting Chicago once a while.
When we know people by posts and life ideas, we have a chance to know them better.
(((HUGS)))
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
19 Jan 08
not only, but also we are very good friends now...:)
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
That is so wonderful that you were able to meet one of your on-line friends and eventually met and are now "real life" friends
2 people like this
@Mickie30 (2626)
•
18 Jan 08
Everyone is different and responds to things differently if you feel close to your online friends then I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Personally I try to remain at a distance to people altogether, but I promised myself this year I would make a real effort to share a little bit of me. When you have been hurt so much by people it is easy to stay away and not risk yourself anymore because I feel scared that people will hurt me.
I run 2 groups on the internet on MSN for people with anxiety and stress and I do feel for the members when they get low and anxious I want to do more. I think you also have to try to remain at a distance because otherwise you will get too emotional and it will affect your life. Taking peoples problems on yourself is never a good thing. I also don't like the internet to speak with friends because it is so hard. You say something to someone and it is without emotion you never know how they are going to respond. I have fallen out with friends because of the internet and the way things come across.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
While I feel I do get involved with my on-line friend's concerns in life I don't "take on" their problems, but what I mean is that so many of us here might be going through similar things in our lives and it's nice to know others will understand
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
18 Jan 08
No it is not just you
I am the same as you Sweetie it is certainly strange but I guess after writing to each other so long and as you say the Discussions to you do find out bit by bit and before we know it we know more about our on line Friends then the ones in real Life
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
That is certainly true...about knowing MORE about each other's lives from our on-line friends than those in "real" life..maybe cause we can express ourselves better by writing??
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
19 Jan 08
the phone call started as a update on what Doc said then turned to tasha.
I had to ask some hard questions of her and after awhile it came to light that Tasha was suffering more than she let on . I really hated haveing to say it was time. as I didnt want my Fangs time to be here either. BUt had to faceit when he wasnt able to move like noirmal
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
I think it was wonderful of you that you got in contact and talked with perspectives about Tasha---that was a hard thing for her to deal with as it is whenever we deal with one of our furbabies that are ill, and especially if it's "time"
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
Our beloved pets never let on how bad they are, do they? They put on a braver "face" than humans do. That conversation between you and her must have been hard, but I think even perspectives realized you were right...it was time to let Tasha go and not be in pain anymore
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I would have to agree with you cybersister. I do feel alot more closer to my online friends then my real friends. I think its because we are in contact every day. I dont talk to my real friends everyday. And I dont always tell my physical friends as much as I do with my online friends. I feel with my physical friends they are too busy and wrapped up with their own problems. So its not just you I feel emotionaly involved too.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
You're right of course...my on-line friends I "bump" into everyday and can either talk to them here or many I can private email, but my real physical friends I hardly talk to at all-- I tend to express myself better by writing also....my one friend just down the block must think I've daft as I prefer emailing her then picking up the phone..hehe
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
18 Jan 08
Well, I find it difficult to comment on this as I too, am quite emotional and sensitive. Yes, I grow very attached to my online friends, and if I need somebody to talk to, this is the first place I come. I believe we were all meant to meet in here, and we've all grown quite attached. Some of my online friends, I've met, and I feel I make pretty good choices as to who they should be.
I've met the friend who is currently in so much pain, and I've told her to ring me any time of day or night if it happens again, and I will get a ride there, whatever, within a couple of hours. She need not suffer alone, and in fear like that, again. I'm here for her, as I know you would be were you within reach. The "feisty little doggie" knows me too, so although I know he would miss her, I think it would possibly help him to have somebody in the house who he knows.
Then, I have another friend, whom I met here in Mylot and we became very close. Too far apart to physically help, I am doing my best with the energies I can draw, but I really care what's going on with my online friends. They, each of them, mean a lot to me. I don't know quite how the attraction works either, but you know, I've got four friends coming over in the next seventeen months from the States and Canada, and they all want to spend time with me. Some call me their "Sis" and they all know as do I, that if anything ever goes wrong, we'll be here for each other. And, all that, at the push of a button.
I wouldn't say I'm more close to Internet friends than Real Physical friends, but they're certainly on a par, and some of them are more special, I guess.
Brightest Blessings, my friend. x
@Darkwing (21583)
•
21 Jan 08
Yes, it's possible Pye, that we've been together in another lifetime, or it could just be that the powers that be, think we are links in a chain in this life. Whatever it is, it seems to work out right, don't you think? I mean, some of the people I meet, I take to right away, and I know I've made the right decision, toboot. There's one very good friend I've made on here who came to Mylot just a few days before me, and by introduction from the same site, so naturally, I think there's more to that than meets the eye! lol.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
As I kind of replied to someone else here, can't help wonder why some of us who are drawn to certain people and feel a more connectedness with them at a place like this, might have known each other in another lifetime??? Just a thought there. I've often have mentioned elsewhere that I came across MyLot to begin with by accident but sometimes wonder if it really was such an accident.
And yes, I know who you are talking about as I read your reply to our mutual friend who is in so much pain...I think her mind might be a little more at ease to know that if she really does need your help you'll be there for her and her "feisty little doggie" That is really great of you :)
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
19 Jan 08
Darkwing, the more I read your posts, the more I like you. You seem to have real depth and offer up only support and love as opposed to judgment, like some I see here. I find myself looking for your posts and responses - I'm so touched by what you say. Yet another reason to be here..... thank you for your words and the way they come through the screen of the monitor to touch us and comfort us.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (161546)
• United States
18 Jan 08
No, I do not think you are too sensitive, I think that this is a particular "gift" you have of caring for people. It may cause some extra mental heartache for you, but it alwo enriches your life. I do get involved with my online friends. Probably not as much as you do, because right now I do not have the time right now to be on a lot. Do not change, or worry about it. It is sometimes easier to see our friends online than to get in physical contact with others. It has been said that it is easier to distance ourselves if our friends are cyber friends, but in someways it is easier to have deeper relationships because some of the external is stripped away, leaving room for more genuine relationships.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
To quote you.."someways it is easier to have deeper relationships because some of the external is stripped away, leaving room for more genuine relationship.." I think this is so true. The people we're in contact with in our "real" lives can often "judge" us simply by how we "look" and come to maybe completely wrong ideas about us, while on-line that outer form is stripped away as you say and just maybe people can "see" us by what we write here...although strange..I do have my photo of what I look like on my page, and many have often told me I look exactly how they pictured me...mmmmm..trying to figure out if that's a good thing or not...LOL
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Jan 08
I don't think you're alone in this one, Pye. I know I've always become really attached to my online friends. Before mylot there was another forum years ago that I had close friends in, one where I shared my poetry more and had two friends that I would have done anything for... one of them and I still talk sometimes, and it's been close to ten years now.
There are quite a few of my friends here that I think about all the time, wonder how their day is going, how things in their life are. I even sometimes think about what they would think of something I hear, or a tv show I'm watching, or some cute thing my son did.
I have a few friends here that I would definitely love to be able to actually physically see and touch. Especially when they are having a hard time with something, I just wish I could reach out and give them a hug, or go out for dinner and just talk over the whole thing.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
Hehe,..okay so when do we get together and have that dinner? I think a lot of us would be able to meet each other..who knows? Maybe one day we will somehow :)
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (95121)
• United States
18 Jan 08
No, you're not alone. I feel the same way. I think over and over, how can I help? How can I make something better for them? Maybe it is because on mylot and through e-mails, we all really get to 'talk' to each other. Without outside interruptions and such. Then again, you're pretty unique Pye. You have so many gifts, and one of them is relating to other people and their situations. Maybe because you have been through so much yourself, you are able to understand and communicate better than most people ever could.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
You're right a place like MyLot we really can talk about things that we might not talk about with our "real-Life" friends without distractions..and goodness, where else can one rant and rave if they want to...LOL
And thank you ever for those words...I have been told I'm a good listener and can understand other's problems...let's just hope I don't have anymore problems though...heehee..think I've had enough of them
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I think I'm like you, I am more emotionally involved with online friends than I am the ones right here in town - in most cases even closer than my family.
For me at least I think one of the reasons is that because of the 'distance' between online friends my words and encouragement are actually all I can give to them and they being online friends realize that. Also - online friends are actually for the most part more available than my 'local' friends. I mean many of my friends here work from home or are online because they can't get out of the house. My local friends are 'busy' with outside jobs, family obligations, and can actually be a bit too demanding of my time and attention. Does that make since?
Oh well - what I have most to give to others is 'words' and what I need more than anything from friends are 'words' so guess the online friends work great for me at least. And yes - I do find myself thinking of my online friends even when I'm not online :) that's what friends do I think - and although I'm not feeling much better I am hoping and praying that you are :)
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
20 Jan 08
Oh I know - my family does this to me all the time, they will make plans then cancel but it's not supposed to bother me one single bit, it's no big deal. But let me cancel something or even show up late and you would think I commited some deadly sin or something.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
LOL--oh how true about feeling closer to on-line friends than family--I do have an aunt in CA...I'm her "only" niece, but she hardly ever "bothers" with me. Yes, my on-line friends are more available than my local friends as well. I've actually have more slaps in the face by my local friends, like the one that lives down the block. We originally had a little get together planned...so earlier in the day, before I met her decided to do some errands. Came back home and there's a message on my machine from her. She was calling from Atlantic City..on a whim she decided to go their to do some gambling with another friend of hers so called off our own get together..gee, how "nice"--but then SHE gets in a tizzy huff if I dare to cancel a meeting..yeesh
Mmm..went to the doctor's today as a matter of fact...and he gave me some antibiotics...want to get this "bug" out of me..hope you get better real soon too :)
2 people like this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
18 Jan 08
Hi pyewacket,:)
I can totally relate here, and I'd never have thought this possible, a year ago at this time. Yes, I actually joined a year ago (hard to believe), and at first, I had no idea what I was doing. It started out as a money making venture, but that quickly shifted. I have a 'handful' of people here, that I consider to be close friends, and am getting to know a couple of others. I truly value these friendships, and become concerned, when I 'sense' something's wrong, or know for sure that it is, with any of them. I'd love to be able to reach out, and physically be with these friends at times too, but still, I do find you can really get to know someone, through an online friendship.
I have 'non cyber' friends, who are wonderful, and I've known them for years. However, our lives have led us down different pathways, and I don't always feel the same connection with them anymore. I don't know what's going on in their day to day lives, or have this daily connection. I'm going to be getting together with one of them (I hope) tomorrow, so will see how that goes, and then with three of them, next weekend. I haven't seen 'these three,' since last summer.
Very thought provoking topic. Take care friend.:)
3 people like this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
Thanks so much, re: the prayers for my doctor's appointment. Like you, I'm not a big fan of doctor's appointments, or of going (ever), but sometimes it becomes a necessity. My friend just left me a phone message, sounding upset, and said that she may not be able to go with me, but is going to try. I'm not surprised really, but still hope it'll work out.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
I can't believe I've been here ten months already..doesn't seem that long. I actually found MyLot by'accident' but sometimes wonder if it really was. Yes, I too have non-cyber friends too, but many of us have as you say lost the connectedness and many are wrapped up in their lives...most of them aren't computer junkies like we are..hehe In fact my one friend hardly goes on her computer at all, and say I want to share a funny forward that was given to me, she often doesn't see it a week later.
I hope you do manage to get together with your one friend tomorrow--And my prayers still go with you for your doctors visit the 21st and can find out what's wrong
2 people like this
@saigonwarrior (1331)
• United States
18 Jan 08
There are people that I have met on-line that mean just as much to me if not more than "real"life relationships.
No, I don't think that you are overly sensitive at all.
People are people, whether you can touch them or not. Cyber or physical we all have a heart and feelings and things to share with one another.
Some of my best friends I have met on-line.
I think it is amazing that you can become friends with someone half-way across the globe and make a connection with them. Totally amazing.
I intend to meet some of my on-line friends one day. A few of us already exchange snail mail and packages.
Ah..the internet...what a wonderful thing...
3 people like this
@saigonwarrior (1331)
• United States
20 Jan 08
Yep..we gotta thank old Al Gore for inventing
the internet(s)...hehehe...
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
To quote you...
"I think it is amazing that you can become friends with someone half-way across the globe and make a connection with them. Totally amazing..."
Totally amazing is right. I guess for some weird reason we don't think that a person half way around the world of a completely different culture can have the same problems or anxieties in life...which is dumb...it really does make one realize just how connected we really are..and yes, the internet is a wonderful thing
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
19 Jan 08
You're right as usual, Pye. It makes the world a little smaller and more accessible - it also makes the people in it more accessible. Thank god. The friends I've made here across the globe mean the world to me. (that was a little convoluted, but you get it.)
2 people like this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
18 Jan 08
Pye, you're just a totally sweet and loving person and remind me of SuperWoman....you know, who's after truth, justice, and the American way, lol!
I think it's much easier to get involved with online friends because there are so many, and somehow no matter what, you can relate to their problems. Us older women have already been there and done that, so it's a little easier for us to understand sometimes.
No, you are certainly not too sensitive, and I, like you, wish I could just do so much more to help. Just stay the way you are and keep doing what you're doing. You just never know when the right words or prayers are sent, and if you can help just one person and I mean really help, it's so worth all the emotional involvement...........take care and don't ever change, we love you the way you are!
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
LOL--Superwoman???
It is sometimes comforting to know that maybe because I revealed one aspect of myself to a person, it might help another realize that they are not alone if they are going through the same problem as I might have. Awww--I love you folks too :)
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
18 Jan 08
Oh, Pye, if you're too damn sensitive, you're not alone! I am continually amazed and awed by the depth of the support, love, compassion, empathy, sympathy, and open arms of my friends here on Mylot. The connection I feel with some friends here is so strong, I feel it in my heart in a physical, visceral way. Truly, like a swelling going on inside of me. Blows me away! I too want so much to reach through this screen and embrace you and a few others, too. Last night, after I finally dragged myself off of the computer, after midnight even, and I had to get up at 5:30 a.m. today, all I could do was think about some of the conversations I'd been having and wanted to continue having - and of certain persons problems with this or that, or their pain or illness or what I forgot to say earlier. Or how the time differences among us make it harder for us to talk because one is just getting up or home from work when the other is going to bed or to work. My husband feels like a computer widower, my cats resent my missing lap, and my house is suffering terribly from my absence. But am I gonna stop? Nope, not on your life. You are my treasures, my Christmas and birthday presents rolled into one, and my real friends.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
Thought I'd share a pic of Kissy with you...heehee
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
19 Jan 08
Honeypie, I'll hang out with you anywhere anytime! It would appear that we're kindred spirits - surely we knew each other in a past life. When I met you here, I drew you in like a breath. Like a part of me. Everything I said earlier is still and forever true.
I love the name Kissy! give here one for me, okay?
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Well here's a sad little fact about me - I have very, very, very few 'real' friends. And I rarely ever see them. So I do most certainly feel more of a connection a lot of the time with my internet friends.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Ah, alas I can relate there....I think I can count on my one hand my "real" friends--boy the two of us are pathetic, no? LOL
1 person likes this
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
20 Jan 08
I think it's much easier to get wrapped up in problems of online friends than real life friends because all you do is chat... so you chat about good times, chat about bad times, chat about sadness, chat chat chat! Because of this, we tend to learn more about their problems in more detail than some of our real life friends who may just sum it up for you. I don't think you are being too sensitive :) Friends are friends, no matter how you meet them! When I have frustrations I always want to get on yahoo and chat with my 2 closest online friends moreso than my real friends only b/c they are usually "there" and ready to chat. Two of my online friends are online as much as me and are almost always there to chat.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jan 08
How true about on-line friends being more available. I have to admit I don't talk on the phone with my one friend from CA as often as I could...but the frustrating part is that when I do decide to call the phone's always busy (that woman can sure talk..lol) I have a cut off point where I just don't make calls anymore as I have to get other things done....I'd email her but she is probably one of the few people in the world that doesn't have a computer..bummer--SOoooo...I rather "yak" with my on-line friends who are always around :)
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
I would lie if I said I don't care about friends online. But only the close ones, the ones who have helped me and I know they are thoughtful people or else why would they help strangers online? There are not too many of them online, but still a lot more than people in real life I know of.
I don't want to be too emotionally attached anymore, I made mistakes now and then and it keeps happening so I got tired of it. I do care and even mention it to my husband, but to hug them and cry - I don't go that far
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
19 Jan 08
As I had said this to you once before, I have found that quite often our on-line friends have been more willing to help out than those in "real" life..For instance...I do treasure my one friend down the block, but sometimes she is just too wrapped up in her own world, and yes there have been times I've felt let down by her in more ways than one
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
20 Jan 08
It is not just you! I have met a few good frinds here on myLot that I am lucky to have gotten to know.
When I get words of encouragement from my cyper friends I know it is from their heart and if they could they would be giving me a hug. I hope they feel the same way. I know if it was not for the Internet I would not have met you pyewacket. I have come to think of you as a close friend and if I could travel to New York I would love to give you a hug in person.
I also think cyper friends tend to get closer faster because we can say things without the worry of being judged. I think sometimes I am a little more open on myLot then I am in my own group of friends or at my job. I know you guys can tell other people but not anyone that I work with.
My reputation was trashed at my old job by people that I thought where my friends. I am now more leary of what I say to people at my new job and in person. Working in a fairly small city with only one hospital almost everyone who works in the medical field knows everyone else so I am leary what I say for fear it will get back to my old work place.
I even get anxious when I have to step foot in my old hospital where I worked for fear of seeing someone I know. I get so anxious I can barley stand it. But here on mylot I can tell my cyper friends when I am anxious, when I am sad and when I am happy because a lot of you guys have been though some of the same things or worse then I have. You guy do not judge of if you do I do not have to deal with you on a daily basis.
I hope pyewacket you understand what I am trying to say here.
Thanks for being my friend cyper of in person
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Jan 08
I would love to give you a hug too and do think of you as one of my special friends...and who knows? Maybe one day, either you'll come here to NY, or I'll go to Ca...heck I was born in CA and would love to see my birth state anyway..
Yes, since I do know what had happened at your former "workplace" I'd be the same way and not want to reveal too much either at the new job for fear of it somehow getting back..but here at cyber world you can rant and rave all you want and not worry if people are judging you...Thanks for being my friend too :)
@irishmist (3814)
• United States
22 Jan 08
Sometimes I feel like I do. I would like to do more to help, than just typing some words of encouragement, and I really feel that it helps people. Sometimes real people in their life does not really listen and so they turn to their internet friends for support. We do what we can to help and support them. Even though I have not met any of my online friends they are all special to me.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jan 08
I know...I've actually have help more from my on-line friends than my "real" friends--like my Christmas tree--my one friend down the block never offered to get a tree for me...LOL--and I've known her for eight years!! Yeesh
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
22 Jan 08
that's a lot you have shared here, pyewacket.
I guess in some ways i can identify with what you are relating, that we think of how our online friends are doing, especially with a site like this, or with a bridal forum or a motherhood forum.
I think it is because people are more ready to share deep things with each other when there is a level of anonymity involved. So they feel that they can be frank and open.
And this openness leads to fast friendships. And these are real. and you shouldn't feel that you are over sensitive. you are just very caring.
Sometimes I wish i could drop them a letter or even provide a listening ear. But this is also a good way, to comfort from a distance. And we do keep in contact with our online friends a lot better since there can be regular updates. Where as with our real friends it takes too much time to arrange lunches and meetings so we actually know less of them.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jan 08
It's in a way funny what you said about our real life friends...how it takes time to arrange lunches or meetings...I've had the disappointment too, and I sure you have where at the last minute the friend cancels out on a meeting...but here at the web one can connect with friends almost on a daily basis..no cancellations...LOL
1 person likes this
