I Stood My Ground With the Houseguests...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
February 4, 2008 9:00pm CST
Well, I took a stand today and stood my ground with my friend, Barb, the houseguest.
Here's how it went:
Me: Well, my house is finally clean again.
Her: I'm sorry my kids made a mess (!?!)
Me: I've come to a few conclusions about myself. First, I love my peace and quiet. I didn't realize how much till I lost it for 3 days.
Her: I'm sorry.
Me: I also know now why God did not give me children. I can't stand crying, screaming children and their yelling parents. I can't stand children with sticky, grubby little hands touching everything and I hate scraping hardened chocolate off my wood coffee tables and grilled cheese sandwich off the door frames.
Her: laughter
Me: And although Hubby and I don't have fancy, expensive furniture and wall-to-wall shag carpeting, we take care of what we have. I don't like my home trashed. Things tore up and thrown all over. My home has never looked like that.
Her: We said we'd stay in a motel.
Me: But you didn't. You can be mad at me if you want to, but the next time you come down, if you come to see me, you better have reservations b/c my house is officially closed.
Her: I'm not mad, I think it's funny.
Me: I don't. I wouldn't do that to you. You and yours trashed my house.
Her: I'm sorry.
Me: No worries, I won't ever make that mistake again.
So, do you think I did allright or do you think I was too rude? I thought about it all last night and this morning and finally I just let it go. I feel alot better for standing my ground. Although she said she was sorry, it's typical behavior for her and I should have remembered that for as long as I've known her.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
23 people like this
50 responses
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I think you did a great job. I feel the same way you do. I don't like messes in my house and I live for my peace and quiet every day.
People don't care what you do for them. they take advantage of the situation and make you miserable.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself.
Way to go.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Thank you kitty2. We all deserve to live in peace and happiness and it is sure hard to come by alot of times.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Amen to that twoey68. We try our best to help others and it makes us miserable at times when they do not appreciate it. I have to have organization in my life every day. I have tried to help others out also and let them stay in my home, but I could not stay caught up on anything or even think straight. It drove me nuts. They had to go. I have tried it a few times because I felt sorry and didn't want them to be on the street but I knew it wouldn't work and I had to end it really quick.
~Steph~
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
5 Feb 08
Not going to lie to you, You were very blunt. I do not pass judgment on this situation simply because it's none of my bussiness and secondly I happen to know this is the only way one can communicate with some people. I will however say this, I appreciate the fact that you told her before you told everyone else. I give you a standing ovation for being able to face the person head on, I hate back stabbers. Way to go !!! You're a good friend.
2 people like this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
6 Feb 08
Good for you, I think when standing strong in your beliefs then you will find peace within always. Thank You.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 08
If sweet and soft would have worked then I would have used it but it doesn't...at least not with this person. :) I make it a rule to tell ppl how I feel before I ever post on here and if I know it's going to hurt someone's feelings then I don't post it.
My youngest brother is a MyLot member, my Mom is a MyLot member, my Hubby is a MyLot member and so is my friend, Barb, that lives up North (she is the one that is planning the lavish wedding and just came for a visit). So, I'm not going to say one thing here and tell them something different. Also I don't get along with my youngest brother's g/f all the time but I'm not going to come on here and flame her b/c 1) I don't want to hurt/embarrass him and 2) she and I just tend to stay away from each other when we're not getting along.
I also tell ppl when I'm going to post about them on here. Barb knows I've posted about her and she doesn't care. I've always been one to stand by what you say.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
5 Feb 08
You were not at all rude. I think that you did a wonderful job. I can not stand when people inconvience others with their unmannered brats. Don't get me wrong, I adore children and I want at least three of them. But, nobody likes a brat.
When my sisters and I were growing up, if my mom took us to visit someone, we did not even sit down until we were invited to. My mother was strict, but not mean. She taught us to be respectful and ask permission. To this day, I do not care how many times I have been to a persons house, I will ask permission to use their restroom and such.
2 people like this
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
7 Feb 08
On the one hand, she says she's sorry, on the other hand, she's laughing and thinks it's funny. I think you had to be pretty tough because she wasn't getting the point.
Some of it may be not being used to children (kids do tend to be loud while playing cops and robbers or race track for example), but some of it sounds like she didn't have much control over her children. Not sure what age they were, but washing hands before and after meals before touching things would have been a big help. Also, did they bring anything to occupy their children, like coloring books, toys, stuffed animals, etc.? Since you don't have children, they shouldn't expect toys to be there and should bring things to occupy their children.
I doubt that if they had stayed in a motel or hotel, they would have been able to stay, if they were loud, they would have been thrown out. If they made a sticky mess of everything, they may have had an additional cleaning charge added to their bill. So I think you should stick to your statement, next time, they can stay elsewhere and see how that works out.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I think letting her know how you feel is always a good thing.
If you didn't tell her and she didn't know it'd be hard to justify being angry with her again if she tempted to pull the same thing (because she didn't know it bothered you). Though I don't know why anyone wouldn't know that LOL.
:)
2 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
5 Feb 08
I am sorry your house got trashed but you know your friend, so my question is what else did you expect? no honestly, I am sure you have seen her house, and what it looked like, it is obvious that her kids have all the freedom and very little supervision to behave at home because I have never seen any one who treasures their home come into some one else's and trash it. As well if you expected her to all of a sudden become a serious supervisor of her children then you do not know your friend, to her it is so much easier to say "sorry" than do the work and make her kids behave. I know you had hoped that when they came they would behave, and look after your stuff, but knowing their history were you dreaming rather than thinking. It was a very hard lesson to learn and now you know for sure, and you friend hasn't learned a darn thing, If you had said before she came that you were not inviting her and her kids because and then gave your little speech you would have told her something she really needed to know and saved you a lot of grief. I know this sounds harsh, and I don't want to hurt your feelings but I am know for telling what I read and this is what I see.
2 people like this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
5 Feb 08
It sounds like you were frank and honest with her and she took it ok. I think it is good to be honest with friends and family--it saves a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings over the long haul.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
5 Feb 08
I don't think you were rude - I think you were just honest and straight to the point. I don't know if I could have been so straight talking but I do understand why and I think it needed to be said! You did good twoey and I do think if anyone was rude it was your friend when she acted the way she did when she was a guest in your home! xxx
2 people like this
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Sounds like it may have been lessons learned from both sides. If I was a houseguest I sure would pick up after myself and my children. She apparently took advantage of your hospitality. If she doesn't want to do this, a hotel room is her best bet the next time!
2 people like this
@overhere (515)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I think my vote goes for the slightly overly harsh. Although all the things that drove you crazy would have driven me crazy too I don't think I could have been so blunt in how I put it. I would certainly have made sure that I didn't have them stay again. But there really isn't anything you can do about a 1 yr old crying in the night, and I reckon during the day I might have passed a trash can around to collect rubbish, and handed the 2 yr old a cloth to wipe up after themselves. I'm old enough to know true friends, if that is what this woman is to you, are more valuable than a dirty hand print or two. I have learned enforcing ground rules along the way saves blowing up after things blow up. Here's hoping you keep the friendship and a clean house in future but I think if a friend blew up like this at me I'd be feeling pretty hurt regardless of how "guilty" me and mine were.
2 people like this
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Might have been a tad harsh. But sometimes you have to be to get the point across. She did say she was sorry. But I would have felt better if she would have cleaned up after her children. Or at least offered to help you clean up. When we go somewhere my daughter cleans as she goes. Done with a toy? Away it goes. Doesn't always work. So I take care of it. It's a respect issue.
@letsrock2001 (200)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Confused as to how they did end up staying with you. Thought I read that they had plans for a motel. But conveniently when they got their the motel fell through or what? They probably would have had a pool for the kids and had to buy food. But if they knew thats what was coming up I have a son and I pre-arrange by getting some1 else to watch him. Or take him with, I do hate going away from him. Afraid to miss a word or if he falls. But, I hear he will have many times like that. Hubby know wants to go to the casino so we will be looking godmother or friend here to watch him. We don't trust any1 but closet friend and relatives! It does sound like they where just using you tho!
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Glad ya got it off your chest and it might have been harsh but its the way ya felt and really she should have cleaned up after her kids not you .
Think I would have handed her the wash cloth and the pinesol lol while she was there.
I would never go to someones house and let my kids do that!
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 08
What's bad is it wasn't all just the kids...it was her and her b/f too. Thinking back to the two times I had to help her move, she treated her own home the same way so I should have remembered that but it was several years ago and I'd hoped she'd changed with having 2 children to care for...evidently not.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
5 Feb 08
I personally feel that, that was quite rude if you said all that in a heavy and seruious tone..!!
I know you should be yourself with your guest and show your true selfs to them. But some times all being yourself can seem a bit rude to others!!
YOu could have said all that softly and in understanding manner.
If someone have said to me that, thats why she never had kids just because they will make her house more messy then that could be the most sensless thing I can hear. Kids gives us a new life (I am not a mother but I know what an innocent kid can have a effect on you).
You can never understand this until you become a mother yourself.
:)
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
5 Feb 08
Ok.. your right at your side too, reading your response changed my perspective.
No matter what things are people will always have their own way to see towards them.
I respect your decision. Its your right to do or have whatever you want.
Well if messing around is the only problem then you can always discipline them.
Even I hate such messy kids who doesn't know how to respect others or who are not disciplined. I like giving them nice dose for such behaviour.
Some times YOu can handle them its true.
Its the same for me...
"I" will never understand the day I myself become a mother..!!
It was nice discussing with you.
Cheers.
:)
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 08
We all have to handle things the way we think is right. Had I told her all of it in a soft and understanding tone, she would have blown it off and never thought twice about it and I didn't scream or yell at her...I just told her. She often remarks that I should have children and we've talked alot about why I don't...well, now I know and so does she. I agree that kids are a wonderful thing and add so much to a person's life...just not mine. I have a Nephew that I absolutely adore and would give anything to have one just like him but I'd still never allow him to tear apart someone's home and run wild...btw, he and his sister are welcome in my home any time.
Alot of ppl say that you don't understand what it's like having kids till you have some but I've had kids...over 20 foster kids, I've all but raised my two youngest brothers and ran state daycares for years so I know what a handful they can be and what a blessing...that's still not an excuse to let them run wild.
She is planning to have at least 3 more kids...she has 3 and is pg with a 4th (1 doesn't live with her) and as I told her...I'm happy for her and I hope she has as many as she wants, as for me, I have my cat :)
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
5 Feb 08
well i would say you really told her good,thats for sure..I don't think you will have to worry about them staying with you anymore,so your mission is accomplished...I don't think people should come and tear your house up...i wish i had the guts to say something like you did..I am always a weak spined person and hate to say anything.Good for you...
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
5 Feb 08
did she know you were being serious and not doing a comedy routine?
I guess whether you did alright or not would depend on the outcome, which may be too soon to know.
Do you genuinely like/love this friend?
If the tables were turned - would what you said have made an impact on you, what kind of impact.
Best of luck
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I think she knew I was serious but she doesn't see it as a big deal. We've been friends for 10 years and yes, I like her but I also feel like if I can't be upfront with her what's the point. If the tables were turned, I would never have treated anyones home like that and if I did, I'd expect a butt chewing for doing it...
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
5 Feb 08
fair enough,
for me I would not have been able to let them stay in the first place - more odious than all those troubles, to me, is their cohabitating. I know that mine is not a popular stance in today's world but none the less it is something that I do not want in my home.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Personally, I think you were a bit harsh. She said sorry once, you went on, she said sorry twice.. you continued.. so then she laughed. Maybe not out of really thinking it was funny, but maybe out of nervousness or covering how she truly felt. I know as a mother, if a friend said all that to me, I would not know what to do with myself. I don't know the extent of the "trashing" of your home, but I do think you could have told her simply "next time I think you should stay in a hotel" without being so graphic, going into detaisl of how her "awful" brood made you happy you never had kids. That is a slap in the face to any mother !!
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 08
She and another person I know have the same habit, they do whatever they want and when you say anything to them they start with the I'm sorry. It's like when you burp and say excuse me...It doesn't mean their sorry it's just something to say. I honestly doubt she sees she did anything wrong but that's ok b/c now she knows just how I feel. As I said, if she wants to get mad and not talk to me, that's up to her.
It wasn't all just her kid (the youngest one was actually allright except for the middle of the night screaming) it was the two year old and the parents that tore everything apart. I figure maybe by my telling her how I felt maybe she'll think twice before she does it to someone else but probably not. Some ppl are just like that.
I'm not sure why it would be a slap in the face to anyone that I'm glad I don't have kids. I am glad I don't...I never said I hate children or anything, I have a Nephew I adore and he and his sister are welcome here anytime...I just could not deal with one like her's that is always into something. Thinking back to when my Niece and Nephew were little and all the little kids I've babysat, did daycare for, had in foster care I can't remember any of them being that bad so maybe it has to do with how she is being raised...I don't know. I just know I don't want to have to deal with it again.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I see what your saying. I know kids makes a certain amount of mess and I can handle that :) Everyone has thier own limits and we all know how much we can handle. I'm a very neat person and tend to keep everything picked up but I could never stay overnight at my oldest brothers home b/c he is a perfectionist and a neat freak and he'd make me insane. I've known ppl like that wanting you to take your shoes off all the time and don't do that...LOL I think I'll leave the baby raising to other women and just stick with my cat and be happy about it :)
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I meant by telling someone that seeing their kids enforces why you don't want any can be a slap in the face.. I understand your point, and everyone has their own opinion on whether or not to have kids. Everyone also has different ideas on what is a big deal and what isn't. Small kids tend to make messes and be messy..lol. Even some adults have trouble finding a dirty clothes hamper, etc. For example, Some people make guests remove their shoes before entering their home. I would never do that, I feel a guest is a guest and should be treated as such. Just a different opinion.
1 person likes this
