13 year old abuser living with adult abuser? I don't think so do you?

Ya know its things like this that make me less and less confident that the courts have any bloody clue what the hell they are doing...That child SHOULD NOT be with his father and yes I agree the courts should have ORDERED that the boy attend several months (minimum) of counseling....

No he should not have been sent to live with his abusive father..As you said his father will only reinforce his behavior...It was probably a relief to your daughter and step daughter to let him go since he was so mean to them, but at 8 years old he should not have been allowed to refuse therpy..If his father is abusive then his son will also have those same genes,but at an early age he could have been helped, but now after being with his father ,i see no hope for him at all, unless he turns his life over to God,and performs a miracle....

I think the courts did a terrible thing putting the young abuser in the hands of the person who made him that way. They only lined him up for more abuse, and for him to because a very violent person when he some day lives his own life. They should have put him in councelling, or something, instead of sticking him with his father.

I believe there's hope for everyone but unfortunately you must want the help and seek it yourself because our law enforcement has many times failed us as human beings. I agree it was wrong to place the boy with his dad but thats done now and the best we can hope for is that he himself will see the light. Here in Canada it's the same way as yiu indicated from out there so I'm convinced it's the same all over. It's a shame really. Although I am not the most or the best religious person on earth I do believe in the power of prayer and i will put this boy on my list of prayer requests. I have a love for people and i hate to see our young people go to hell like thie.

Wow, that is so sad to hear. I definitely do not think that the son should be living with his father and that the courts need to get him out of there as quickly as possible. it's sad that the courts aren't doing anything more for him and not making him go to counseling. I really think that you need to go back to court and fight it again if you have the means to do so. That poor child isn't gonna know any better if he doesn't get the help he needs and any woman that enters his life in the future is doomed if he doesn't get help. Good luck and keep us posted. I'll be praying for you and your grandson. I know that this has to be so devestating for you. God bless

Oh no your poor daughter, how ever must she be feeling. To have suffered in 20 years from her partner then her teenage son. It is no way the sons fault he was obviously taught his ways by his abusive father. Yes counselling a definate must for evryone involved I think. 1. For the father. 2. The son. 3. your daughter. 4. her daughter. All have suffered in some way starting with the father, what made he become so abusing in the first place. I hope this all gets resolved. My heart goes out to you, your daughter and your grandchildren. And yes there is hope for everybody especially your grandson. God Bless. Ellie

I think they are birds of a feather-let them flock together-maybe the fther will treat him better since he knows that is his son!

Yes I do think it is wrong as he will not be cured He saw it from his Dad in the first place which has turned him this way and it is sad that the Court did not enforce a Place for him to go to and get the treatment he should I agree that he could not have stayed with your Daughter but he should have been put somewhere and should have got counselling All that they have done in this case created another abuser

This does not seem to be the best choice, but the court will almost always place children with biological parents unless there is proof of the parent abusing and neglecting the child. The older the child the more definitive the abuse has to be. I think the child should be in a therapeutic foster care home, or a residential mental health facility. Certainly he should not be left in a situation to abuse his mother and sister.

There is always hope for him or for anyone as long as we find ways and means (to help i guess)..since its the court who had the final say about it ..then we had to respect..regardless of our reservation about it..

That sounds absolutely ludacris!! If he learned that behavior from his father, why would the judge make him go live there so he could continue to be abused and learn how to be more abusive himself?! holy cow.. I would think that he would be better off in a juvie center to learn how to behave properly and then move back in with his mom, or maybe a boot camp.. I think one of those two would be my choices. . If he grows up the same way as his dad, and abuses women the same way, he will probably end up in adult jail.. And which do you think is worse.. juvie, or adult jail.. I have a few friends in the states, and by the sounds of the state of adult jails, juvie would be a MUCH better option for him, plus.. its pretty hard to teach an old dog new tricks.. At 13 he could be taught to behave differently.. but i bet at 23 there will be no changing his behavior. As grandma, there isn't much you can do about it though is there ? Well just remember that its not your fault, and its not your responsibility.. I hope it all works out in the end for your family. i know its disapointing when you have high hopes for the futures of your kids and grandkids.. and then it doesn't quite turn out that way.. its really sad. but like i said, its not your fault, and not your responsibility and worrying about it will only hurt yourself.

There is some hope but he has to get the help he needs.If he doesn't,he won't make it.Because his father was still in the picture, the court placed him with his dad.They either didn't know or care about the father's past. They just did what they normally. They didn't even look into the father's past I bet.

I think amusing anyone is a crime.So,a amuser must be given punishment whether it is given by a person or court.

the system rarely gets it right, ctry. Of course this child should not be in the care of an abusive parent. His dad will probably only succeed in teaching him how to be even more abusive. The courts should have ordered mandatory counseling and the kid might have been better off in a foster home with people who have been trained to deal with sociopaths.

I would really worry about him living with his dad. It would seem that he may be influenced to become even more abusive. I would have opted for mandatory therapy until the situation improved. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

I agree that it was probably not a good idea having the boy live with his father who was also abusive. Court ordered councelling would have been the best route and I really don't understand why they didn't do that. Of course there is hope for him but the longer that he lives with his father the more the agressive behavior will be reinforced. Actually family councelling would not be a bad idea.

I agree that the court should have made him go for councelling as part of his requirements. He is a very angry young man and it will only get worse if he doesn't get help. How old is he now? If he is an adult there is not much you can do about it. But since it is your son all you can do is love him and try to show him that by being a loving person it is easier to get the things you want out of life. I don't think it is a good idea that he lives with his father, but that is his choice since he is at the age to make his own decisions. I don't think there is much you can do for him, which is really sad. I just hope he gets over his angers so he can become a kind and generous adult. I feel sorry for the girl he may become involved with in his future if he doesn't get control of his anger now. Good luck to you in dealing with this. My prayers are with you.

This is a really sad situation. I don't think it's too late for the 13-year-old boy to learn to stop being abusive, but it's sad that he's had to live with his father's horrible example all these years. He's only a young teenager, so with the right counsellor(s) and discipline in his life, he can definitely turn his life around for the better. It's really sad to see kids turn out like this, but it can be helped while they are still minors. My advice to your daughter would be to get him help as soon as possible. I know it might be easier for her to send him with his dad and let the two of them duke it out, but that's not the best thing for her son. She needs to continue to love and care for him even though it will be difficult. She needs to discipline him for doing wrong. If he is abusive to her, she needs to take proper measures to make sure it stops happening. She absolutely does not have to put up with his behavior. I would hope this situation can be helped and taken care of before the child becomes an adult. At that point, who knows what trouble he could get himself into! I say, the sooner corrective measures are taken, the better. The key is not to give up. Of course her son will resist being corrected. He's seen what his father has done all these years and as turning out to be like him. He doesn't know anything else. If the discipline doesn't work at first, she needs to keep working at it. Like I said, she doesn't have to put up with his attitude or abuse. She's the one in charge; not him. If she allows him to think he's in control, he will continue to abuse her. His attitude and actions are indicators of a deeper problem within him that needs to be taken care of before anyone is seriously injured by his behavior. I really hope this helps as you evaluate your daughter's situation. I wish you and everyone involved the best in getting the situation resolved. Please let me know if there is any other information I can offer to help. Good luck!

Well, I'm about to really upset you and I'd like to say sorry right up front. I'm sorry for the situation and I'm sorry the words that are going to follow this apology are going to upset you. Your daughter is not innocent in this mess. She spent 20 years reinforcing her boyfriends methods by her acceptance of them. The boyfriend acted a certain way your daughter, the boy's momma taught him it was okay. She owes her son at least half as much time trying to undo what was done as was spent getting it done. The court is doing it's best in a situation like this. When the boy is in her home she can arrange counseling. Expecting the dad to be concerned about the child's mental welfare at this point is a bit naive. Yes there is hope for the boy. I assume the mother is still in contact with her son? While he is in her house it's her rules. He refuses to go to counseling? Make him. Bring the counselor to him. Ask the court for help in this matter, they will help you. Good luck to you and yours.

No way!!! If this kid has a chance for behavioral improvement then it is absolutely not with his father! I don't know why your social service didn't do their homework. If his really that abusive then it is also safe to say that he's not mentally stable. There are lot more to fear than your grandson's behavioral enforcement under him but what's more alarming is that his abusive father might direct both physical and mental abuses to his son.