Is there any friendship that isn't a competition?
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
February 10, 2008 7:12pm CST
I met my friend M almost 2 years ago. When I first met her she was literally too good to be true. As time has went by I began noticing things that became quite annoying. I have labeled M as a one-upper. Anything I have,want or did, she's has more, or done better. I have been designing jewelry for years. In the last year, I have decided to go into business and began selling my designs. She began making jewelry as well. When we would go to the craft store she would literally grab a shopping cart and take off running to the beads. I have no problem with a little friendly competition but this is ridiculous. Is this how friendship is nowadays? I have many friends, not many close friends. I think being a friend is an important thing. I feel that she is literally taking over my life. I dont want to feel like every time we are hanging out that theres a competition going on. I have spoken to her about this. She looks at me as if I am crazy. I thought I was until a friend of ours told me that this chic is nuts. SHe does it with everyone. I think she thinks it makes her look cool. Its to the point that I had a party and before anyone came they wanted to know if she was going to be there. Nobody wants to talk to her because she's always competing. Its sad because there are times that I really enjoy her company. For my sanity and the sanity of my family, I have been breaking away from her because of the aggrivation of it all. I dont want to seem as if Im giving up on her. Its that shes too much. Does anyone else have someone like that in their lives? What do you do to cope?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@surfaholic (190)
• Philippines
11 Feb 08
if you are no longer enjoying the friendly competition i think you need to step out of it. like what you said a little friendly competition is okay but if it is ruining a the friendship anymore then step out of it.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I was afraid someone would say that. To be honest, I think I have always known that. I have been turning down alot of offers from her lately. It seems the minute I get in the car I have a terrible attitude. I am an outgoing person who loves to go out and shop, have coffee, etc. but not with her. I feel sad but when I think about it, I realize its affecting everyone around me and in my life. My husband is sick of me ranting on and on about it. Thanks for the advice.
1 person likes this
@juliet17ak2002 (121)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I've always gotten along better with male friends because of that. Between to women there always seems to be some conflict. I get along with other women who already have the things I have, like a happy marriage, kids (or interested in kids), similar interests. I think its also certain personality types and ages. I've always gotten along with older females because they have their own goals and views.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I have always been a good judge of character, but I dont know how I missed this one. I agree with you. I, too, get along much better with men than women. I dont think it is entirely her either. At first, I tried to be flattered. Then it became a nuisance. She shows no emotion. You could tell her off and she would just sit there like its nothing. I am baffled. I have talked with her since I posted this and I explained that I dont think its healthy for her to want to do anything I do. She says shes complementing me. Never once had I ever heard that she would like to design jewelry or dress differently. She always uses the same excuse for everything, She didnt hear it or comprehend it. I am sad to be losing a friend. I am also happy because I dont have a knot in my stomach out of aggrivation. Thanks for your response.
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
• United States
11 Feb 08
hey there loveli..ohhh girll! i feel for you! i had one of those friends and i had the wanna be friends too..This one friend and i were soo close..we spent every day together because we lived so close..and then it started..she started buying the same boys clothes for her boy like my sons..i am an ebay freak and when she saw me buying sky my son toys.she started buying the same for her boys..then she started talking like me..dressing like me..doing her hair like me!! it was soo dang annoying!and one year..for halloween..my son was a superhero..and her son was goin to be another..when she found out what sky was gonan be..she ran out took back the one she boughgt and bought the same one!! that kinda ticked me off..and totop it off..i wanted to be a fairy with butterfly wings..but theer wasnt any in my size..and im not handy with sewing..when i told her how bummed i was..that night..she comes out wearing it!! and gloating how beautiful she looked..i was soooo pi$$ed..ok it may sound immature..but i dont care lol..she even started buying the same kind of fish i had..and breeding them..and decorating her hosue like mine!! omg! get a life right??? lol..but i will say we had a huge falling out and no longer are friends..and im glad..it was aggitating me to no end! soo good luck with ur friend ..ur gonna need it..
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
11 Feb 08
If I didnt know better, I'd swear that you were me. She did the same thing to my daughter. The saturday after Thanksgiving, in my town, there is a xmas parade. Every year me and my daughter buy some crazy xmas pajama pants, big sweatshirts, and get totally decked out for christmas. The morning of the parade my friend and I went for coffee and I had her stop at Walmart so I could grab a few things I needed to complete our outfits. She dropped me off. She called me at noon and said her and her daughter were on there way over to my house and we would go from there. I asked my daughter to wait downstairs for them and let me know when they got there. All of a sudden my daughter comes flying in the house shouting "Im not going!" she was crying. WHen I got her calmed down, she told me that my friend and her daughter had the exact same thing on as us!!!!Yes girl! she did! I didnt even see her buy anything. She must have went back without me knowing. I honestly feel like she did it on purpose.
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
13 Feb 08
Well dear friend, I don't have someone like this in my life but I have really felt you. It is sad when you try doing something from your heart then you find out that someone is out there trying to ape you and overdo what you have done. There are people like this and partly it is there nature that takes control of them. An auntie of mine used to copy everything my mother does. if mother buys a new dress she goes and buys the dress and same colour. Even when my mother is pregnant she makes sure she is also pregnant. The best thing you can do is just assume her and do your thing to your level best but keep distance from her and dont tell her whatever you are doing and how you are doing it.
All the best.
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
14 Feb 08
Hi dear,
I know what you are going through because I saw my mother going through the same with my aunt. even taking kids to the same school. I was not a healthy competition. The best part was that we were performing better in school than my aunt's kids......heheheeeeeee you can't imitate that one now.....lol.
Thanks for enjoying my response.
@SueandCalls33 (73)
•
11 Feb 08
Sounds as if things are getting a bit out of control, I think the only answer is to distance yourself from her.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
13 Feb 08
I think you may be right. I felt guilty about how I felt at first. Then it was like she was taking my dreams, buying all this stuff I wanted but couldnt afford right now and saying" Here's your dream too bad you can do it like this" I have told her. Its too bad too she and I really had a good time until she decided to play single white female part2 lol
@Gizzmo86 (147)
• Netherlands
11 Feb 08
I can understand that it is hard for you that she always want to compete but if she is a real good friend I dont think you should let her down like this. Remember also the positive things about her and ask her to act a bit less competive while you 2 are together. Maybe its going better then. Hope you 2 become friends again!
@Milskidasith (46)
• United States
11 Feb 08
If she is intentionally trying to be better than you, she is not much of a friend. Just give up on it. If she never thought about making jewlery before, and she started doing so after she found out you did, there is no way that she isn't just trying to be the "better" person. Break it off before the stress and annoyance start affecting your head.
