When did you allow/encourage your kids to get their own meals?
By 4monsters4me
@4monsters4me (2569)
United States
February 11, 2008 12:03pm CST
I catch a lot of flack from other moms because my older kids (7 and 6) get their own breakfast and lunch. They say I shouldn't force them to grow up so fast and let them be kids or that it should be my job because I'm the mom. Problem is I'm not forcing them to do anything. They love their independence and the responsibility of getting their own meals.
I saw that they liked responsibility and wanted to feel more grown up so I encouraged them to learn to make sandwiches and try to pour their own cereal and eventually to use the microwave. They love it.
Now every morning they get up and pour their own cereal and milk (unless it is brand new then I pour it so they don't spill it) or they make some toast and butter it and put jelly on it or they warm some leftover pizza in the microwave. They make poptarts in the toaster, too. My 5 year old can also do most of these things but isn't as coordinated as they are and usually makes a mess and needs help (whereas the other 2 have been doing this with no help since they were 4 1/2). My son especially likes to help his sisters. He'll get the baby (almost 2) out of bed and pour her some cereal or warm her a pop tart and sit and talk with her.
On the weekends they warm their own leftovers for lunch or make themselves some sandwiches. They also ask for foods they can't make on their own like grilled cheese or fish sticks (although they could probably learn to microwave fish sticks) which I will gladly make for them. But usually they like to have the stuff they can make on their own.
I don't get the problem. They may not be little adults but they are not helpless babies either. I sometimes feel I am the only mother left that wants their children to be independent and not need me for every little thing. I have heard of kids that are 8 and 9 that won't dress themselves because they expect their mother to do it for them. 10 year olds that can't wash their own hair. 7 year olds that can't brush their own teeth. Geesh. In a couple years my kids will be learning to do their own laundry also. I won't make them do it every time but they will know how to do it. They already clean up after themselves and are learning to load the dishwasher. They sweep and scrub tables and walls.
They are quite self-sufficient and I am very proud of that. They are still kids but they are independent kids. They won't be like the kids I met in college that didn't know how to boil water for mac and cheese because their mothers always did it for them or who didn't know how to use a washer and dryer.
8 people like this
28 responses
@vera5d (4005)
• United States
11 Feb 08
people think i am unusually tough on my son. i will not help him get dressed unless we are in a hurry and he usually makes his own peanut butter sandwiches, bananas, or chicken nuggets by himself. i don't let him pour milk either, but that's more work for me.
2 people like this
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I've also had people comment on the amount of chores they have. I don't think they have a lot but they clean up the messes they make and help me generally clean, including dishes (they put them away), scrub tables, scrub walls, sweep, wipe up messes they and the baby make, put clean clothes away (refolding them if necessary). They also help the baby keep her room neat.
We are a family and we all help each other so they clean up each others messes and I refuse to be their slave and do everything for them. I'm also not a short order cook. They eat what I make or go without and sometimes that means they choose to go to bed hungry. They are old enough to make that choice for themselves and live with the consequences. They don't usually pull that the next night.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8770)
• United Kingdom
12 Feb 08
I agree with 4, my kids don't do as much as yours (but I only have 2!) but I expect my 8 year old to keep his room tidy as well as helping out where I need him to. My two year old, while he is very bright for his age, is not as cognitively developed as my 8 year old was at that age. I mean, the 2 year old is still a "baby" and doesn't always understand when asked to do something, whereas my 8 year old could understand at that age. That's why I let my two year old help out where he wants to. I have a very lazy partner who thinks that because he goes out to work that he shouldn't even tidy up after himself and that makes me especially determined that my sons are not going to grow up like that!
1 person likes this
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I don't remember the age. They use to make their breakfast but now they eat it at school. They know how to make their oatmeal. Our water cooler makes hot water. They can use the microwave. Brooke will learn to use the stove in the next 1-2 years. She wants to try now. I told her when the time comes she will be responsible for dinner one night a week.
She will also learn to use the washer & dryer by 11. Wash dishes & all that good stuff. It is important for my kids to be self suffient. It would be the same way if I had a boy. I know a girl who could not cook anything but Mac & cheese until she was 19 & moved out. She could not use a washing machine. Did not know how to wash dishes by hand. I think her mom & grandma did a huge disservice to her.
2 people like this
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Feb 08
Now I wish we had a water cooler, lol. Then I wouldn't have to listen to them whine for oatmeal all the time. It takes so freaking long to make 4 bowls in the microwave and I'm too tired in the morning to make it from scratch.
I showed Meagan how to make a grilled cheese a couple weeks ago. In another year or so she'll learn to do it on her own if I'm in the kitchen and by 10 or 11 I think she'll be able to cook without supervision. I was making mac and cheese on the stove when I was 10 (I loved cooking for my brother because it made me feel grown up and important).
Owen loves to cook. He loves being all grown up. He also wants to learn to knit and I will teach him to sew. I can't stand finding adults that can't even sew a freaking button on. It isn't rocket science. And the boys that can't do any domestic chores really tick me off (not them, their parents). Most of the guys I went to college with didn't know how to do their own laundry, couldn't even operate a washing machine. I had so many come and ask me how to work them while I was doing laundry (I've been doing my own since I was 14 but learned to work the washer and dryer when I was about 9).
1 person likes this
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I've seen them. We get our water through the fridge, not that I have anything against Chicago city water. I grew up drinking tap water. It's just easier for them to get it out of the fridge (when it's working).
1 person likes this
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
11 Feb 08
We got it at Costco (your fav store haha) when I was pregnant. It also filters the water. I did not want to have to worry about the city water. It has 3 settings of cold, room temp & hot. I love it & also use it for hot tea, hot chocolate & such.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I taught my kids to cook as soon as they wanted to. Back then we didn't have microwave ovens so they learned to cook on the stove. My oldest son wanted to fry his own eggs at the age of 6. He got really good at it. They were making their own toast as soon as they could reach the toaster with a chair. They are very good cooks today. When they were older and I worked I would come home and find some interesting experiments in the garbage. One time they decided to make bread. They did fine until it came to baking it. They cooked it at 500 degree. It was black on the out side and raw on the inside. This was when they were teenagers too.
I have a friend that has her boys cooking with her all the time. I spent the night one time and the boys fixed my breakfast. One was on the counter doing hashbrowns and the other on a chair doing eggs. She loves to cook and so do her boys. They are 5 and 6 years old. I don't think that kids should be raised to be helpless. If they are taught at a young age they will learn much faster and will develop the good habits of a life time. They shouldn't be left to learn on their own. I had to learn a lot of things on my own and it was hard too. In my opinion a child that has been sent to college not know how to cook or do laundry had been cheated.
2 people like this
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I'd let them do more on the stove but I worry about them getting burned. They are kind of clumsy and with there being so many of them...
Just the other day I was cooking breakfast and I was down to the last item--the fried eggs and I got popped with hot grease--in the EYE! It hurt like crazy. I was crying and the kids were freaked out. I wasn't even standing near the stove at the time. The grease got me just above my eyelid in the corner of my eye. Boy did it burn.
2 people like this
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
12 Feb 08
My son just turned 2 this month, and I already let him help stir his food and stuff. He also dresses and undressed himself most of the time, with minimal help. He helps clean his room.
People tell me "He's just a baby!" and think I should still do everything for him, but he wants to do those things, so I let him. I supervise.
My parents never made me do any cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. That made it hard when I moved out on my own. But I learned how to do it. I don't want my son to have to wait until he's grown to learn those things, though.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
12 Feb 08
Being a single mom who worked full time, It was important for my kids to have survival skills. They learned all that stuff very very young. It is our job to teach them to be independent. If you wait until they are 16 or 17 then you are going to have a kid that comes running home long after he/she is 18. ...if they even leave home that is.
@pumpkinjam (8770)
• United Kingdom
12 Feb 08
I thought my other half was useless but I must admit, he can wash his own clothes. The only trouble with that is that he seems to be constantly washing the same ones and hogging the machine! And he won't do a full load because he thinks his clothes should go in on their own! Well, I guess I shouldn't complain!
1 person likes this
@tinkerick (1257)
• United States
11 Feb 08
As a parent of 3 kids, I don't see why people would be admonishing you at all. You sound like the perfect parent - in that your kids are self-sufficient enough to help themselves and have responsibilities.
My girls have been getting their own breakfast cereal since my oldest was 5. I am TRYING to get my 6 year old son to get his own too. But he refuses to pour the milk, brand new or not. (but he's always been a bit more spoiled then the girls since he's the youngest - and last one we'll ever have).
The kids are allowed to use the microwave. My son does know how to make popcorn because we have a programmed popcorn button on the microwave.
They used to be able to use the toaster until the pop-tart incident (seen in previous discussion - but for those who didn't see: We were awoken one Saturday morning by my 12 year old frantically yelling "Mom, Dad there's a fire in the kitchen!" We ran down to see the toaster aflame. My husband quickly unplugged everything in the outlet while I soaked a dish towel in water and then covered the toaster with it. Thankfully that put out the fire right away. Our cabinets still bear the scorching however.)
We know it wasn't their fault. The toaster was old, and the pop-tart somehow got lodged in such a way that the toaster couldn't pop up. But we're still leery, so they can't use the toaster unless we're home.
My kids are spoiled in that they don't have any set chores to do. We make them clean their room about once a month and I usually help. If they help out with other things without being asked we usually reward them with money.
You sound like you have the right idea with your kids. And I agree with you, kids can still be kids but also be able to take care of themselves and their responsibilities. -Tink
2 people like this
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Feb 08
The toaster incident is funny and scary. My kids know they are only allowed to use the toaster and microwave so long as they are responsible. So far we have only had 2 burns. The one time my oldest didn't even tell me she burnt her finger because she was, one, embarrassed that she had burnt herself at all and, two, she was afraid we wouldn't let her use it again. She just put a bandaid on it and went about her business. Which is really unusual for her because she cries over the tiniest scrapes.
My middle daughter (the 5yo) isn't allowed to use the microwave yet. Both her brother and sister were at this age but she just isn't mature enough yet. I'm not sure when she will be.
Every kid is different. My older 2 were ready to learn the microwave at 4 1/2 with supervision and without at 5. They know to only put their stuff for 30 seconds or 1 minute and to not put anything metal in it. They take this privilege very seriously.
1 person likes this
@meshellrose (286)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I think what your doing is great. My son fixes his own breakfast and lunch also. He helps with the house work and I don't care what others think. He's learning how to be self sufficient..not a lazy bum whom relies on others for everything.
2 people like this
@bluereddog1990 (35)
• United States
12 Feb 08
I would give you a gold star!!! Yeah for you mom! I have 5 children. The youngest are 6, 4 ,3. They have responsibilites or obligations to do every day. Getting dressed, (I set the younger ones clothes out)getting breakfast, putting dishes in sink, making their beds and other small tasks. Yes, I am there to help if needed but mostly supervise. I taught them how to match up clothes so they look good together, they help fold clothes, and even make lunch. I think most parents just do what needs to be done because it is faster just to do it themselves (not to mention usually alot less messer) but how are the children suppose to learn?Doing it for them teaches them nothing except how to be dependent. I am slowly giving the kids independence just as you stated, as I feel they are ready. My dd was doing some laundry at age 10. If you teach it to them early on they just accept it. They don't know you are giving them valuable tools for life's long road. Wait too long and they rebel and refuse to do anything. You should be very proud of what you have accomplished. Teaching is a hard task, but well worth it in the end. Keep it up.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
12 Feb 08
*Million claps for you* 4monsters4me :)
If you can teach your children to do that at an early age, I say kudos to you. My son is five and I am already encouraging him to do things for himself, and that includes helping out with fixing his breakfast and lunch and he helps me sometimes with dinner (the easy bits).
It mostly happens in the weekends because we are always running late when it comes to getting ready for school during the week, but he changes himself, brushes his teeth, fixes his hair with his dads help and gets himself ready for school. He showers/bathes himself and all I do is make sure he scrubs himself with soap and washes his hair (he loves pretending he's swimming in the bath with his goggles on LOL) Of course I may have to remind him from time to time but I'm there with him encouraging while he does it all himself.
He knows how to make his own cereal, getting the bowl, putting in the cereal and pouring in the milk, he knows how to make his drink where he adds a sachet to a bottle of water (can't remember the name), he helps himself to the fruits, biscuits and other foods if he can reach them. Any foods that need heating up on the oven or microwave I do it for him. As long as I have his foods/drinks/fruits etc in arms reach, he pretty much helps himself.
Teaching kids at an early age is teaching them to be independent and that is what my parents did for me and my siblings when I was younger. I don't need anyone to take care of me and I want that for my son too so when he is old enough and ready to move out of the home and be on his own, I know he will be ok :)
1 person likes this
@kimbers867 (2539)
• United States
13 Feb 08
I don't see anything wrong with it. I hve two girls 11 and 6 and they make their own lunch, if I'm not making lunch for everyone. They also make their own breakfast, except for pouring the milk. My 11 is a little klutzy just like her mom! LOL
I have a friend who has 2 boys and in when we are over before school starts she waits on them for breakfast down to getting their drinks. They don't even clean up the table. I have to bite my tongue or I turn it around and say "why don't you do your mom a favor and clear your plate", their response is no it's her job. Well mom started working this past fall and she has not gotten them into a routine of helping her. She really needs to let them start helping her in the morning.
The same with carrying in grocerys, etc.
I can still remember they got home from camping and her husband had to get to sleep because of his work schedule. The boys watched tv while she unloaded the camper. When she told me that I was like "What??" My girls know they are expected to help out around the house.
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
13 Feb 08
My kids help with groceries, even the baby (who is almost 2). They carry what they can. My son does most of it since he is the biggest and strongest. The girls are pretty weak but they carry bread and stuff like that. We used to live on the 2nd floor and they would carry stuff up the stairs while I put it away.
My son also takes the trash out to the alley with me watching...if he can lift it.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
11 Feb 08
My three step children are very independent, the youngest being six years old. All three children can do their own laundry. My wife has taught each of them how to sort the clothing as well as how to load it in to the washer. My wife or myself will add the laundry soap and start the machine for the children. Then when the laundry is done the children switch it over to the dry. from that point on they are able to finish their laundry on their own. The children loves this. They actually brag to other children about being able to do this. There are parents who have critized my wife because they believe that she should do it all for the children. I think that it is wonderful when you are able to teach children to be independent at an earlier age.It will be a benefit for the child when it is time for them to move out. I sure wish my ex-wife would have thought to do this with our older child. You are doing a wonderful job.
2 people like this
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I think that is FANTASTIC!!! Kids should learn how to do things for themselves like that. My youngest has helped me in the kitchen since HE was about 4 he likes to cook. He likes to experiment too. He's now 16, and I'm not worried one bit about him starving when he moves from home, even though his favorite food is Ramen noodles. (He will be able to each cheap at college for sure).. My oldest doesn't like to cook, but he can read directions and cook for himself if he has to. His college roommate can cook just about anything, so they're doing good. Next year, the two of them are renting a bigger farm house out in the country to live in with 2 more of their rodeo friends (from High school rodeos). And between the 4 of them, they have all learned if nothing else how to use a grill for hamburgers and steaks and stuff. (These kids also all go hunting together every year for pheasant and deer and turkey, so they're like totally self sufficient if need be.)
Teaching a kid how to do some basic things in the kitchen is good. You have obviously set boundries and they know what they can and can't use in the kitchen, and I'm sure when they are ready, you will show them how to use the stove and oven. Kids need to learn this sooner or later, and alot of times, if you wait until they are teens, they don't have the time or patience to learn. You have started a good thing.
My kids learned to run the washer and dryer around 10 years old, and if I tell them to start the next load for me, they always have. I had to do my own laundry when I was 13. My mom and dad both had jobs, and they expected me to be able to do certain things by myself, laundry was one of them.
Good Job on getting your kids started early... not a darn thing wrong with that!!!
2 people like this
@littleone3 (2063)
•
12 Feb 08
I think that children should be taught to be independent and it is good for them to learn this from an early age i made the mistake of not doing this with my eldest who is 16 and now can be very lazy but now have to tell him if he wants fed he has to cook for himself a couple of times a week as he is wanting to go to university in a couple of years and will have to learn to defend for himself.
My younger children are great my 14 year old will cook for himself no problem he even does the family meal now and again. My ten year old is great she will get up in the morning and make breakfast for her two younger brothers who are two and seven.
Also the four eldest take turns in doing the kitchen each night after dinner things like emptying the dishwasher and cleaning the sides down.
We are in the process of teaching my two year old to tidy his toys away luckily he is very tidy he loves to help his dad hoover and i am the same i want my children to grow up to be independent.
@myrrh67 (14)
• United States
13 Feb 08
My son has been very independent from a very young age. I have always thought it was one of my jobs to raise an independent person...so I have always encouraged this trait in him. Now at 15, he is more mature and reliable than most of his 'coddled' friends.
Don't let others get you down. You know your child better than any one
1 person likes this
@catjane (1036)
• United States
12 Feb 08
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it as long as the kids are enjoying it. Mothers shouldn't have to be slaves to their families and teaching them to take care of small needs is not only teaching them independance, but is also teaching them that women aren't slaves. This is especially good for a boy to learn. I married a man whose mom took care of him until he was 43, so now he expects me to do it. If she had taught him to be indepandant, he wouldn't be the way he is now....totally depandant on me!
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
I make all the food at my house usually. Though sometimes I will let them help I usually do it for them. Not because the are "kids" or anything. They are usually busy washing up getting dressed for school and stuff so I will get the meals ready for them. I don't think I baby them for it though. I rather make the lunches while they are putting on their own snowsuits and everything else. LOL They do have daily chores chart and have responsibilities to the house. On the weekend they make their own breakfast and lunches as there is more time for them to just leisurely create stuff. They love to help me bake and make meals when we have the time to do it together. I do let my 12 year old use the stove but not the younger ones. Toaster and microwave only.
Also I think that each family kinda goes with what people enjoy. Like my 8 year old LOVES to shovel snow while my 12 year old hates it. Well the 8 year old shovels. My 12 year old likes to sew while my 8 year old has no interest (like me LOL) so she is the one that sews here. Each one of us brings an interest and talent to the household which makes the house run and we are happy the way it is. It just plan works for us.
I think that your children are very happy with their lives and that is what is important. Though other families may do it differently then you or differently then me, if it works for them and they are happy then it is all good. :) Vicki
1 person likes this
@quiltedblessings (1066)
• United States
12 Feb 08
I know exactly what you are talking about. For some reason though, only moms of more than 2 or 3 kids seem to understand that our children do need some independence. I have 5. My oldest is 12, and he is fully capable of making many different things in the kitchen. In fact, he loves cooking so much that this year he is taking cooking as his after school class.
All of my kids (except the 3 yr old) do their own breakfast. They all dress themselves (again, not the 3 yr old). Holy cow, they do chores! LOLOL This summer, I will be teaching the 9 yr old how to do laundry (I taught the 12 yr old when he was 9, and he doesn't do too much laundry, maybe one load of his clothes a week). I don't want to bury them in responsibilities, but I do want them fully aware of how to do these things later in life.
Never fear, you are raising smart independent children who will fully know how to take care of themselves. Ignore those that criticize you, because in reality, if they were to think of the long term, they would see that you are doing what is right.
1 person likes this
@mag_keizer2007 (1282)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
I agree with you. That is the perfect age. My daughter is 7 and she does some of that stuff. She loves doing, Plus my 11 year old and her make supper for me on the weekend. Gives me a break. She loves using the microwave and the toaster. She doesn't do it all the time but when I remeber she does. Way to go for you. They are more independant, they will be ready for the larger stuff at an earlier age...
1 person likes this
@mindofdude (69)
•
12 Feb 08
Not that i have my own kids but as far back as i can remember, my mother stopped making me breakfast when i was around 6 or 7. I had to make my own cereal in the morning. She did however always make me my lunch to take to school etc up until i was around 11.
When she didnt have time in the mornings anymore so i had to make my own lunch. Then when i started to attend high school around the ages of 12-13, as long as the food was left out i made the dinner for my mum and dad comming home from work, as soon as i came in from school.
Never did me any harm infact i think it was great being able to make all my own meals by the age of around 13-14. Just meant that when i left home at 17 i wasnt out in the dark when it came to cooking and cleaning etc.
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