how do you handle people destroying your things?
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
February 11, 2008 12:19pm CST
Years ago my boyfriend gave me a pair of diamond stud earrings. My friend came over one day with her daughter and instead of her daughter and my son playing in his room they were playing in my bedroom and we didn't know. When I finally figured it out I went in to see what they were doing. Long story short they were playing in my jewellery box and I caught the daughter red handed with my earing at least one of them on her ear, I asked her were the other one was and she said she didn't know. I searched high and low for it and never found it.
I told my friend it was a gift and expensive one at that and her daughter really had no business in my bedroom. My friend answered well she was in their with your son to which I answered, yes but this is his house for one, and I will punish him for it don't worry.
My friend neither apologized nor acknowledged the her daughter should not have been in my room or offered to pay for the earring.
The last would never have happened anyhow because my friend had no money she was on welfare, but appologizing and teaching her daughter some manners would have gone a long way in my book.
When my boyfriend found out about it, he was furious so furious he said he would never buy me anything nice again.
what would you have done in this situation?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I would have been so mad, especially since the friend really showed no sympathy towards you at all. It was not your fault that the kids were in their playing. At least you did find them but it weas too late by then. Your boyfriend should not have been so mean and say those things to you. It was not your fault at all. I am so sorry that you lost your earring and had to be talked to like that afterwards by your boyfriend and friend. They both should have shown more respect in my book.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
the friend didn't see the big deal, and the boyfriend felt I was irresponsible after he saved all his money to buy me something and now it was gone just like that. I could see his point though
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
she should have at least said she was sorry that I lost a valuable pair of earrings I agree.
and if we were actually watching what the kids were doing more closely I would have noticed they had gone into my room, so he is right, I do accept that and I understand how frustrated and hurt he was, he didn't have a lot of money yet he took all he had to buy them for me, and now it was all gone because of a child that shouldn't have been in my bedroom in the first place.
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
12 Feb 08
I would have been furious at my friend. It doesn't matter if my kids are in my room or not. This so called friend should have raised her child better than to just go in a room that's off limits in the first place. My kids know not to go into any room of a house that's off limits, which is nearly every room of a house except the living room and the friends bedroom. Of course they are allowed to go to the bathroom, I'm just trying to prove a point. My husband and I don't like for our kids to come in our room when they have guests over for the fact that's our room and it's off limits.
Now if by chance my kids didn't follow my rules and this happened to me, I would be making my child get on her hands and knees and look for that earring. I would be down on my knees along side her looking as well because that's my child and she lost something. If we wasn't able to find it, I would try my best to replace those earrings even if I had to make a payment plan with her. My kids ages are 11 and 5 (almost 6, I have tried my best to teach them to respect other people's homes and the things they have inside them.
I do hope your boyfriend forgave you, it's not like you put a neon sign on your door that said Please loose my earrings.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
yep that is how I would have handled it too,
my boyfriend at the time never bought me anything else that nice after that.
2 people like this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
12 Feb 08
I would be highly upset just like you and like you did inform her that my child would be reprimanded. And if she never apologizes or anything I wouldn't allow her or her child in my house. but either go to her house or someplace else.
@nancygibson (3736)
• France
11 Feb 08
Its difficult, kids by their very nature do things they shouldnt, and as long as its made clear to them that their actions had a bad effect, they should learn from it. However, at the end of the day, they are kids, they don't have fully formed senses of right and wrong, that comes with experience, and whilst they were in hindsight wrong to be messing with your things, did they actually know that, or were they just playing dress up and there was an accident during which one of your earrings went missing?
I can understand you all feeling disappointed, but its really not the end of the world. If they are valuable, the household insurance should cover their loss (misadventure by child usually does work). My mother always had a locked jewellery box for things that really couldnt be messed with, might be a good item for your OH to buy you sometime perhaps?
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
this happened twenty five years ago, I did not have insurance,
and what I was looking for was some kind of remorse from my friend, and there was none.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
12 Feb 08
Sorry about your loss, but I really have to hand it to you. The fact is that you should keep your valuables in lock and key away from free hands and out in the open. I do agree that your friend's child and yours are equally responsible but you have to share the biggest part of it.
As for me, the master bedroom will always be out of bounds to guest and my children when we have guest. I will also make it a point to keep money and valuables in a locked drawer. I have a small house safe too just in case we need to have some jewelleries for some special occassions.
About your b/f if he is still buying you gifts, just be happy and show your appreciation for his thoughts. Remember it is not the value of the gift that counts, rather its the thought and heart that comes with it.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Feb 08
this story happened 25 years ago, that man who was my boyfriend at the time, I haven\t seen in about 23 years
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@dutchess21 (7)
• United States
12 Feb 08
I really hope your boyfriend understands that its not at all your fault. Your friend shouldve kept an eye on her kid so she was wrong on her part. I really hope everything gets better for you.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
24 Feb 08
First off, your boyfriend should not have been furious with you, as this was NOT your fault. Secondly, your friend should have taken much more responsibility than she did. If that were me, I would not allow that friend or her daughter into my house, were I in your situation, because they have no respect for your property.
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