9yr old with and attitude!

It is the sign of the times with these children of today. It seems as if they all have major attitudes. I looked at my son for a long moment today in fact because of the quick attitude he developed over nothing major. Basically, she is the child and you are the adult and she has to do what you tell her to do. For her to threaten to report you is a terrible thing and we can thank our wonderful Government for that. These kids of today are very wise and they know what's up but I tell my boys that you can tell who you want. We cannot allow our children to threaten us. We have to let them know that we are still in charge and your daughter hitting you is ok with her but she will report you? Next time she decides to hit you because she can't get her way, pretend as if your called the police and have a make believe conversation on the phone and see if she would like that. The nerve of these kids today. I will pray for you the same time I pray for me and you know what I am going to pray for? PATIENCE because God knows we need some.

Well, I will say that she is a smart one. I don't think my kids would think of going to school and saying that. You did a good thing to go and get your husband too. I would have lost it as well. Since your friend already said that you spend a lot of alone time with her, I would follow her suggestion to take her to the doctor. When the hormones start coming, things can go all crazy for them. Even though it seems that 9 is too young for that to be happening, small things do. Or, it could something else, although I would have thought that you would know by now if she was ADHD. Good luck!

please just give her love so that she does not gets the oppotunity to insult you its the only way to cure small children without harming them and torturing them . even if the child gets annoyed you'll have to keep patience and treat her with love!!!!!!!

please just give her love so that she does not gets the oppotunity to insult you its the only way to cure small children without harming them and torturing them . even if the child gets annoyed you'll have to keep patience and treat her with love

Well 9 year old should be able to think for herself.

It sounds like she wanted some time just with you, alone. Maybe she has something on her mind that she wants to talk to you about? When my 9yo acts exactly the way you describe, it's usually because a)She's overtired, b)she's having friend problems at school, or c) just wants some girl time with Mum. It's hard, with siblings and husbands and big decisions going on, to process all the information. Maybe she needs a little down time. Try going for a walk together, or out for a little retail therapy and "coffee". Good luck, Em.

It is the age unfortuntaly. My soon to be 9 y/o can be a holy terror. She can also be the sweetest, most thoughtful girl. I know others with kids this age & are going threw the same thing. They will also be coming upon puberty soon & that brings upon changes. They have to deal with peer pressure & wanting to fit in at school. Their worlds are changing & they often don't know how to deal with that. The best thing we can do is pay attention to them & what is going on. Offer our love & support. It is important to children of all ages to know their parents are there of them. Good luck, this too shall pass :)

Liz girl, I am not sure what is going on with your daughter. when kids act like this it is almost always for a reason. and then it because habit and they push and push to see what they can get away with. I have three children and I have never had any of my children talk back to me like that. but my middle son and I have had some issues. and I did something once that kind of turned it around. I stripped his room of everything but the bed and dresser. i mean cause saying go to your room is like saying go to the best room in the house. with tv, computers and all the things they love the most in there. I did that and left it like that until he had to earn each thing back one at a time. ever since then, we have been good.

it is so hard when they are disrespectful.it makes me so disappointed and i blame myself for not bringing them up properly.out of my three kids only one of them has never spoken to me disrespectfully.i love them all equally and treat them equally but the other two give bad manners.i have a nine year old too and he is starting to answer back.i threaten him with removal of his favourite nintendo wii but i cant bring myself to do it. i admit i'm too soft and i would tell any parent startin out. dont let them away with it.start as you mea to go on as it only gets worse.

I think maybe she isn't as "ok with the thought of us moving" as she's been letting on, maybe not even as "ok": as she thinks she is about it and she's acting out in the only way she knows how. I'm not condoning her being disrespectful or especially threatening you with "going to school and telling everyone you abuse her." That can be VERY serious, at least it can be here in my state of Pennsylvania. My husband's daughter did just that - went to school and reported that her mom had "beaten" her and the next morning Children and Youth were knocking at their door and the parents were fined $500 and put on probation for 6 months, meaning if they as much as "laid a hand" on one of their three kids they'd have them taken away plus be prosecuted for child abuse. There people are as unlikely to ever abuse their kids as anyone ever born. The truth? The mother slapped the daughter because she'd said, after being asked why she was coming home at 4 am, to "go f**k herself"; for the record, I'd have slapped her too! Sorry for drifting off topic a bit, but as for your daughter's attitude I'd try to be very patient with her because the thought of moving away from her school and friends at the age of 9 is no doubt very daunting for her. I'm sure she'll be fine because children always tend to adapt pretty well once they're settled in a new home, but it's got to be very scary for her right now. I wish you the best of luck! Annie

You have 9yr old daughter. But unluckily her attitude is not good with her parents. This is really very common. Especially with the parents having only child. She is young enough. She is demanding love and attention. You should prove you’re good friends instead of her tight and strict parents. She is feeling absence or missing of some thing or some body I think. You should arrange to provide. She is growing up; her attitude will also grow, so you should cover it with love and kindness. She could be controlled now as she is young enough. You also learn about genealogy. What sort of genes your child posses. I am a layman this respect, but I faced the same problem in my elder son. He is married now and he got a female baby. He became normal after getting married with his beloved cousin. Try to watch her school society. You can cure if traced her real shortcomings. God may bless your home.

This is a problem that you need to deal with Right Now. Its only going to get worse otherwise. Its encouraging that she is a good girl at heart. First off, never, never, give in to her no matter what, because this lets her know that she can be the Boss. Don't treat her as if she is very important person,( shes only a 9 yr old child). When she has a tantrum ignore her. Show her that no matter what she does, she will not win. It will be easier if you and your husband can work together on this problem. She should never be able to play one parent against the other. Form a united front. Don't worry about what she tells at school, she must have marks on her body to prove abuse at home. Be Tough, and be Happy!

You are a real great mom and you have been so patient with her. But all this spanking and all this beating will make her more agreesive. Pls be patient with her and spend more time with her. As a mother of a girl kid of 6 I could tell you that she needs more girly time. Spend time with her, take her wherever you go and if possible even to your workplace if you are working. Make sure that she is more important. Tell her that she is a very responsible girl and to talk about her parents to her school mates or teachers like that will disgrace her too. If already she is not helping you in the household chores, engage her in that and while doing so talk a lot about her school, her teacher, her friends and her that day's activities in school. This way she will start opening up to you more and you could also be spending time with her. If she is sleeping in a separate room atleast for some time let her sleep with you. Or you make her sleep and then go to your room. This way you are assuring her that you are there with her always. This is THE age that girls of that age starts feeling a bit more insecure and want much much more of their mom's care and attention. Again I could tell you only this be patient, if you are now you will see a calm and quite teenager in her.

Liz, I feel for you. I am in the same situation with my 11 year old son, let me tell you - it gets better; or at least it has with my son. His attitude started right around the time he was 9 like your daughter. The best advice I can give you is to stay calm - as hard as that can be, but if you remain calm. Is she acting this way at school? Being extra talkative and disrespectful to teachers? Make sure she knows when she is displaying this type of behavior arounf you and your husband, and tell her there will be consequences for her negative behavior. Take away things that she enjoys like TV or video games, or the computer. It gor so bad with my son one time I stripped everything in his room and put it in the garage, the only thing in there was a bed (minus the boxspring and frame) and a dresser. I am not a doctor, or psychologist by any means, just a mom going through the same thing you are. I think that is's just a phase that they go through. Maybe there are some family issues you all are dealing with, and she is unable to cope with them and the only way she knows how is to lash out. Talk the her teachers and counselor at her school. Ask for help from them! Most of the time, children will talk about what's going on with them to a teacher, etc... As far as the threats of child abuse, if she does it again, pick up the phone and hand it to her, tell her to call the child abuse hotline and report it. I doubt very seriously she means that. It sounds like a way to get at you for some reason. Is she one that always has to have the last word? MY son is that way, and as hard it is, I just ignore him and pretend it doesn't bother me. All she is doing is trying to get a reaction out of you; shes pushing your buttons to see how far she can go with it. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear; most parent's wouldn't. As they say, kids are kids and they are going to act like kids; some more than others. I wish you luck with your daughter. Try not to give in to her, and let her know when she is bring disrespectful. If you don't nip that one in the bud real fast, it will only get worse. Im here if you want to talk more! Take care and treat yourself to a massage or something....it sounds like you need it. Take her along and have some mom and daughter time.

You have to make sure that she does not get away with anything. She is blackmailing you by threatening to tell you that she will tell her friends that you abuse her when you spank her and I am positive that she is going to do that and get Social Services to take her and your other children. I would suggest you find a parent's group and you all stick together. It seems there are some children in which grounding and taking away privileges do not work. Is there a boot camp in your area? I would suggest that you look into that since it seems that if you spank her, she will call the police on you. Oh and I suggest you let your husband deal with disciplining her for the time being. Men can be very scary and she would not dare threaten him.

When my daughter (years ago) acted out like this I tried several things. I tried counseling (didn't work). I tried hard labor (cleaning with a toothbrush can work wonders *sometimes*). The thing that would get to my daughter the most often though was ignoring her. I acted like she did not exist at all. She couldn't handle that for more than a couple of hours. LOL I wish you all the luck in dealing with this *impossible* pre teenager.

Been there and still experiencing minor attitude issues with my 11 year old. This is such a tough age but still children need to know they can't do this to adults. My 11 year old has always been so good at school and at home, we have had our moments. She blames it on her little sister, who is 6. I told her to get over it because her sister is not going anywhere. Schools now a days are educating our children on abuse and I understand that completely. When my daughter has pulled that trick I hand her the phone and tell her to call the police and we can sort it out once she is in Social Services care. She backs down then because she knows she has it good at home. I have talken to the school counselor and she has told me that when they are talking to the children that they remind them that their parents can still smack their hands or a swat on the butt and that is okay. Unfortunately, our kids forget that when they are angry. I am seeing my 6 year old copy her older sister and I am working really hard to squash it now. Man, I can remember growing up and never even imagined talking to my parents the way kids do today. I always bring that up to both my girls and try to explain to them even when I got older I never talked to my mom that way and how their grandmother would be so disaapointed. We lost grandmom almost 4 years ago and it hits home with both of them that grandmom is still watching over them. I hate to do that but it does help. Another good thing is to ask her to make a good choice. I know "choice" is a big buzzword at our school. And the kids understand that.

Maybe it's just because I was raised old school, but everything about your daughter's attitude is striking every alarm in me. I remember being told that if I ever dared to even look like I was going to talk back, my butt would be sprawled out on the floor before the first word got out. That's the thing about everything now, kids think they can scare their parents and they know their parents aren't going to be consistent with discipline. They don't realize that foster homes aren't that great. So forget this dinky little "Oh, you're grounded for a week" thing - try two months without any form of entertainment other than books, instead of being locked in her room, she gets to help you with dishes, clean bathrooms, scrub baseboards, clean all rooms in the house except bedrooms, and help prepare meals. She gets her quality time with you, she learns good habits that will help her when she leaves your home, and her will to rebel is quieted. I guarantee you, when she sees that you're serious and dedicated to teaching her respect, she'll think twice about whining, demanding, and, of all things, hitting you. My mother always told us that if we wanted to call the cops because we were spanked to go ahead, she'd dial the number for us. But while we were at it, we'd need to call an ambulance too.

Liz, I have a son who was the same way it took me yrs to get him a diagnoses and help. I think that your best bet at this point is to go to your childs doctor with both a journal of what happens at home .. Also call the school and get a report of what happens there. The reason I say this is because most doctors before they decide to start treatment the get a report from the school to see if this is happening just in the home or out in the community also. My son who I spoke of briefly was diagnosed with ADHD and I was informed that left untreated that a sympton was physical aggression. So you definitely want to make sure your doctor sees your child to help figure out what is going on in her little body. Now my suggestions while you wait have been given to me by a family therapist and a behavioral specialist. The first thing to start trying is from the therapist was if she doesn't listen to you don't listen to her. For example you want her to put away her toys she doesn't and just leaves them where ever. Later she asks for a snack your response why should I give you a snack .. I don't have to listen to you ... When she gives you a puzzled look say I asked you to put away your toys your didn't listen to me now I'm not listening to you. There is also this when she starts to misbehave tell her she has two choices a good choice and a bad choice. On one hand you can do as your told and not get a punishment on the other hand you can ignore me and have to sit in time out or what ever punishment you deam appropriate. Now here is another thing you might want to consider. It's called color therapy. When your child is starting to get upset you grab crayons and paper and ask your child to draw what they are feeling this allows the child to express their feelings because you never know they may actually have a problem expressing themselves correctly. After the child is done drawing the picture you asked them to explain the picture to you. It will help you to get a better understanding of what's going on in their pretty little head. I have done this with my son sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Also there is a Hold you can do to an agressive child when they become aggressive and abusive .. It doesn't hurt you or the child. but it immobilizes them until they calm down then after they calm down either try talking or color therapy .. There are many more ways than what I have said here I can't remember all of them but here are some suggestions and I hope they work for you. Good luck with everything.

Hi, I am sorry I cannot suggest anything but reading your post and the replies has made me feel a little better about the simalar problems I have with my 9 year old son. I thought it was just my child that does not do as he is told. I love him to bits and he is always so so sorry afterwards, but i can just not get him to do as i say!