Love Triange at work, need advice...
By filmbuff
@filmbuff (2909)
United States
February 24, 2008 11:10pm CST
To all my mylot friends, it's good to be back and I've missed you. I have just been soooo busy at work I haven't had any free time.
I do not however come back empty handed, I have topics, and issues and really need some advice.
I am in the midst of a very odd love triangle that just happens to be at work and would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.
Girl 1: Is much younger than me, and I am insanely attracted to her, and her to me. We are finding reasons to be together at work and text and talk on the phone a lot.
Girl 2: Is my direct supervisor who has been making overt and not so overt passes at me. Tends to keep tabs on me, and pull me away to spend time with her, or just hang out with me. I however am not interested in her.
The ethics of workplace romances in of itself bothers me. I see these two women-- well comepeting for me at work, and warning me off the other. If I were to have a relationship with either of them if would probably jeopordize our jobs.
At this point I'm starting to feel like a piece of meat, but I really would like to devolop something serious with Girl 1. I have been taking things very, very slow because I want something real and not just a fling.
Honestly though, I think no matter what happens, it has the potential to end very badly.
Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
5 people like this
16 responses
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
26 Feb 08
tattoo it to your forehead so you won't forget it :)))
1 person likes this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Well Blow me down and stomp my feet! ((((((((FILMBUFF)))))))))) Wow... Do you have any idea how many times I have thought about how you were doing? I took a hiatus from mylot over the holidays as I got terribly busy then when I came back, you were gone too. So how the hell are ya other then stirring the gossip mill at work? You know you have a pressure cooker on the stove there. Statistics show that work related romances rarely work unless one individual finds other means of employment before the supervisor can find just cause to fire one or both of you. You don't need any of us to tell you that :))
Shame on you for depriving us of your company for so long. It was sure good to see your name in my email this morning. When you can leave me an IM and get me caught up with whats going on with you.
2 people like this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Aww D. do I chastise our Filmbuff to harshly? I am quite fond of our young friend and have missed his wit immensely.
2 people like this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I've missed you too Angelwhispers! I had one other workplace relationship and it worked out pretty well, lasted many years. However there was no policy against it, or else they just didn't care. That one lasted long after we both found other jobs, but was also a seriously live-in relationship.
Still though, I'm looking for a new job. I will try to drop you an IM asap.
@goretz (72)
• Malaysia
25 Feb 08
I hate this kind of situation. If you really want to have something real with Girl1, just go on with whatever it is you think you need to do to go to the next level and be frank with Girl2. If not-if you are actually just enjoying the attentions from both girls-you better stop now before any damage is done. It only becomes a real trouble when you go around messing with people's heart and feeling longer than it should be.
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
26 Feb 08
While it does appeal to my sense of vanity, (haha) I am not leading my supervisor on, or the other girl I am interested in, because I am interested in her. I want something serious, and I want to make sure that she does too, before I commit to anything.
I am looking for a new job...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
25 Feb 08
That's a tough one. I worked in a large office a while back and this sort of thing went on all the time. I never saw any happy endings to any of them. Are there any company policys against dating co-workers? If not, then it really should not legally jepardize your job if you were to ask the girl out that you like. The worst thing about it is that if it doesn't work out, you still have to face each other each day. That can be hard for some.
2 people like this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
26 Feb 08
There are some policies in place regarding work place relationships. Basically I and girl #2 (my supervisor) are forbidden to have them, because we are in management.
It's technically okay for Girl #1 to have one, as long as it is kept outside of work.
I am looking for a new job and don't plan on making a career out of this company, still though I'm keeping it outside of work and on the down low as much as possible.
1 person likes this
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
25 Feb 08
(rolls eyes)Oh you poor thing, you have two women competing over you. The dilemma of it all (sigh)...No, seriously JK. First, I have to ask, is Girl 1 of a legal age? I hope so because if not, you need to just forget about it.
I'm going to just assume that she is of legal age here and say that I think that only you can decide what's real and what's better for you. Weigh the negatives against the positives and work from there. You don't want a girl who is phsyco LOL...Who do you care for more? These are all things that should be factored in. Don't just go for looks. You want a girl who is going to keep you interested, even when looks fade. Consider all these things and then make your choice.
Oh and about feeling like a piece of meat. Speaking for all women out there, I say to you, WELCOME TO OUR WORLD! Now you know how it feels ;-P
Anyway, I hope this helps somewhat...
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Yes she is of legal age. :) You have some very valid points that echo many of my own conscerns. I think though that I will be leaving this job, the question is when. I am looking for something better, but it's difficult as much as I have been working. Thanks again for your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
26 Feb 08
Ok, cool then...I think it's a good idea to maybe find something, if that's possible anyway. You don't want to find yourself without a job either. I just think that it's hard on a relationship to work together as well. You don't want to get tired of each other ;-P
1 person likes this
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
25 Feb 08
Oh sorry, I was thinking you wanted advice on which one to choose. Ok, so, here is my advice on work place romances...
Where I think it can make things more interesting at work, I also think that it's a bad idea because if things don't work out, you are stuck working with this person day in and day out. It could make going into work even a bigger chore. I say don't do it! Either that or get yourself another job ;-P
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63653)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I would privetly tell your supervisor that you feel her advances are unprofessional and that if she can not behave in a professional manner than you may need to confer with her supervisor. This activities by her are not permissable in any work envornment I know of.
If she does not back off or starts behaving badly, then I would go to her supervisor and report it. It may be that this is not her first time she's done something like this, or even if it is, it still needs to be handled.
Concerning the other gal, well, so long as you are not in a supervisory possition over her, that I think you are behaving in a careful manner and see how things go.
Work place romances are iffy at best, try and decide if this would still continue if one of you was let go, or would there be resentment that the other is still there?
1 person likes this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I really don't want to embarass my supervisor, or openly reject her. I'm not by any means leading her on-- I'm really just ignoring the "lets get together and have drinks" comments. She is new to the company and will probably be moving on soon anyways, so I'm just trying to keep things with her on an even keel.
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
25 Feb 08
Hello there, although you have been taking things very, very slow, you still cannot avoid the reality – you are in a love triangle. The worse is just as you have mentioned if you had a relationship with either of them, it would probably jeopardize your jobs. Therefore, this is a no win situation. Besides, you all could be heart broken and your names could be damaged. It is wise to end this relationship ASAP. If possible, you should request working in another department or leave the job.
1 person likes this
@MsCYPRAH (394)
•
26 Feb 08
If you are 'insanely attracted' to girl 1 then you should seek a job elsewhere and date her like mad. Life is far too short to do nothing about it, especially if she is interested in you too. However, if you stay where you are, you have to leave them both women alone because if your supervisor finds out about you and girl 1, a woman scorned can be pretty scary, especially in a senior position. So your choices are stark. You might have to look outwards for someone else entirely to keep your job, as well as ensure you always have something pressing to do when your boss wants your company!!
Either way, this is heading the wrong way, as you've said. My sympathies to you!
1 person likes this
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
26 Feb 08
My suggestion :
Confront it or release them all together. Fair enough for everybody.
Sometimes to keep ourself (and them) into a gray area in a long time, will not make your condition is better. Silence in long time is just like a bomb time, the longer you keep those 2 girls like this, the more they will suffer from hoping more from you. Which will explode one day.
Since you had already made your decision, make a good approaching to your supervisor. Talk to her in right timing and right conversation.
Tell her that how much you admire the 1st girl, in very soft way. She will understand your language. The more you keep reminding her about your attention to 1st girl, she will be plunged into burying her hope. There is a chance for this.
So, try it before it's too late. Or at last you will never get your girl.
Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@jhl930 (3601)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Wow...sounds like you have a horrible life...you have two beautiful women fighting over you lol Whew...lol how do you continue with your everyday life lol I mean i think that you should sit down and think about what you like about both of them and after you do that...then you have to decide if you want one of them..and if not find someone else that would make you happier
@clinsbull (192)
• China
26 Feb 08
i think u are real like a piece of meat.i hope u got out of this things quickly.
i think the first girl is your turelove,but you worry about ur work,now ,the second girl is no problem,i think u must to choice.go out of the second girl,close ur first girl.
good luck!!
from china
1 person likes this
@suganrekh (264)
• India
4 Apr 08
I think you are attracted to Girl 1.
Take her out with you may be you can all girl2 also so that your girl will be interested.
Be friendly to her
Give compliments about her dressing
Compare girl 2 dressing that is say her complement about girl 2 to 1 may be she can become jealous
and start avoiding her and complement girl1 much
1 person likes this
@katarina1 (11)
•
4 Apr 08
just take it lightly. no matter what happens, even if you get together with one of them, the passion is sure to pass and will leave you with a bad aftertaste in the office once the romance is over. i think you are acting like a bit of a victim. these games are quite silly but can be seen everywhere. it is important to understand that we actually CHOOSE to play them mainly it stops us being bored or it simple gives the ego a boost. once out of the work arena, trust me the electricity will simply dissipitate and you will feed quite silly once back in the office. I would say enjoy the game, but dont take it too seriously. the girl you really fancy will get on your nerves eventually
1 person likes this
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I'm glad you resolved this situation and that is what I would have done. I don't know any office romances that have been fine, as a bad breakup always makes everyone involved look bad. Good luck and hope you have a new job now.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
25 Feb 08
How attached are you to your job again?? :P
This is such a messy situation. Since girl2 is your supervisor, there are a couple of different issues here. One, she could make a lot of trouble for you if you turn her down and she's unhappy with that... unless you carefully document and make sure there are witnesses for the advances she has made on you. That's about the only way I can think of to make sure you're in the clear if she decides to punish you because of your rejection of her.
Then there's the question of whether girl1 also reports to girl2. If she does, then her interest in you could risk her own career as well, even if nothing actually happens. Again, if girl2 chose to use her position to punish her over your interest in her. I don't know girl2, so I don't know if she'd stoop to these things, but I'm just trying to cover all the bases.
If girl1 works in a different department or at least not directly with you in some way, that makes it a little easier. Workplace romances are an issue, but it's less likely to get you in trouble if you don't work closely with the person. I've seen people pull it off in these situations, though there is still risk I suppose.
If girl1 works directly with you, it could easily come down to the job or the girl, which is then up to you to decide.
1 person likes this
