How much is too much?
By dfinster
@dfinster (3528)
United States
February 28, 2008 9:01am CST
My 9 year old daughter is just learning how to get around on the computer. I set up an email account for her so she can email her friends and she IM's her friends too. Then she plays on some site that is used for her Webkinz animals that she has. I was happy that she was learning how to do all this stuff. I mean we live out in the country so she can keep in contact with her friends when she's not at school. There's a problem that I can see is starting to develop. I have a really hard time getting her away from the computer and interested in doing other things. I definately do not want the computer to be the most important form of entertainment for her. When I talked with her about putting restrictions on her time shestarted to get upset and said all her friends can go on whenever they want for as long as they want. I'm sure it's not every kid like she says but I have been to some of her friends houses for get togethers and have seen her friends spend hours on the computer.
How do I go about dealing with this. I want to be fair about it but like I said before, I don't want her to be a computer zombie either. What do you all do with your kids? Do you put time limits on computer time? I would really appreciate any suggestions.
2 people like this
15 responses
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
28 Feb 08
If my 8 year old had his way he would be on the computer or his PS2 all night. I usually limit him to 1-2 hours at a time several nights a week on one or the other. Last night he chose the computer. He is okay with it because he knows if he gives me a hard time about getting off then he does not get to use either one the next day.
2 people like this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
28 Feb 08
I really can't say since I am not a parent myself and it is hard to totally think from their perspectives.
My parents just left everything for me to decide myself... yes, pretty much everything for better or worse...
Here's a suggestion: How long is her play time usually? Perhaps you can let her decide. If she prefers, she can spend her usual number of play time all on the computer.
But she must promise to rest her eyes every 30min? And to drink enough water?
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
28 Feb 08
She can have playtime for however long it is as long as her homework and chores are done. The part where you said I should have her promise to get up is is a good idea but to try to pull her out of her computer trance is nearly impossible sometimes. I will give it a try though, maybe I could use a timer to reminder when to get up and take a break. Thank~D
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
29 Feb 08
Good things are often tough to accomplish.:P
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
29 Feb 08
well you are the parent it is your decision not hers. It is your responsibility to see that she gets all the things she needs in life she is too young to know what she needs in life.
When I was growing up there were no computers we went outside to play. My grandmother whom I lived with had a curfew for me to come in. I would come in and I didn't like it and I would whine and cry and say all the other kids are still outside playing why can't I. It is just not fair,
my grandmother would answer, all the other kids do not live in this house, but if they did they would be coming in at this time too.
or she would say, I am not their grandmother I am yours, and I don't care what they do, but I care about what you do.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
29 Feb 08
I think its the main problem with children when they are introduced to the world of internet, they find it more appealing. they also do not know what is good and bad. so it must be monitored and the use limited for them.Engage her in other activities.
@goldwin65 (935)
• Malaysia
29 Feb 08
For me I reason with my daughter about time management. She must be able to divide her time well and during weekday I only allow her surfing the net for 2 hours. Over the weekend I normally don't restrict my children from using the computer, however I do tell them to divide their time well for their study and play. Children need to do physical exercise too. I think the key word will be balance up everything. I hope this posting is helpful.
@above31rubies (1863)
• United States
29 Feb 08
My daughter is 13 and she gets two hours per weekday and four on the weekends. She uses every last second of it, too. Admittedly, I am a poor role model as I am on the computer ALOT myself. Anyway, she is happy with her time. Well, ok, not happy but she doesn't complain.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
29 Feb 08
I don't have any young kids. I do know that its so easy to get lost in the computer and hours will go by. When I first got my computer, I was on all the time. I still am on lots and lots. My neice and nephew are on their computers for hours too. I don't think its healthy for a kid to always be on the computer. Thats all the kids know how to do. Kids don't know how to play and use their imagination anymore. When I was a kid, we were always outside playing and exploring. Your the mom, you know what is best for your child. The computer is educational and it also opens the world up. But like you said you don't want her to be a computer zombie neither. There is life besides the computer.
1 person likes this
@aquajules4 (583)
•
28 Feb 08
It's hard for both of you, as she lives away from her friends. If they were closer then perhaps she would spend more time face to face with them.
Perhaps you could limit the time she spends on there, but perhaps if she does some jobs for you perhaps you could reward her with extra time on there perhaps at the weekend when she is away from her friends.
She may not thank you at the time but once she sees the reward it will help her. perhpas you could even keep a chart so she can see how much extra time she earns in a month and perhaps she will do more for you the following month to increase her usage time. Doing it this way at least you both win, you get help and she gets more time on the computer with time away from it aswell.
hope this helps
1 person likes this
@IddiKlu (176)
• United States
29 Feb 08
I don't believe in using force. Discuss things with her and have her do things for the family, which gives her extra time in exchange. Also, get her interested in things other than games so she gets a well rounded knowledge, which will help her as she grows up.
I have known some 14 year old kids, that were geniuses at using computers, to the point where they made lots of money before even knowing (or being legally able) how to drive.
1 person likes this
@slavezero (833)
• Philippines
29 Feb 08
Well, I believe that it is because she is new in that. Set hours on which she can use the computer. my 3 year old daughter plays in in some of myscene games. I let her play for a while and just tell her when to stop. Encourage her in some sort of outside activities. Plan things for her and her friends. This way you can help her balance things and enjoy the learning process at the same time.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
28 Feb 08
My son is only 5 and plays on the computer just for games and also has a PS2. He actually doesn't play long on there so I have never had to set a time limit, but there has been on the odd occasion where I have had to stop him because he would get so engrossed in one game (especially if its new) and forget about everything else.
You can always put a daily time limit like up to an hour after school work or something like that and then maybe increase it an extra hour in the weekends. She has to understand just because her friends are allowed to doesn't mean she is - if she whines do what the other poster said, take away 5 minutes at a time LOL she will definitely stop whining then. Good luck.
@spiderlizard22 (3444)
• United States
28 Feb 08
You could put a time limit on when your daughter goes on the computer. There is a software that actually locks out after a certain time limit has been exceeded. You can get that for your daughter so she is forced to do other things. Sometimes you have to be tough on your kids if you know what is right for them. Only go tough if the nice approach doesn't work though. It is just a suggestion.
1 person likes this
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I firmly believe that our children are spending too much time on the computer. I believe that alot of adults are spending to much time on the computer as well.
What can be a means of meeting new people and staying in touch has in a way, made people much more lonely and far away from each other.
People sit in front of computer screens all day, living virtual lives instead of seeking out human contact.
We had a snow day yesterday, finally I told my 9 year old to put on his snow pants and grab his toboggan, we headed out to the park.
With red cheeks and a runny nose, my son turned to me on the way home and said "I am really glad I came, can we do this again tomorrow?"
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I totally agree with you about everyone spending so much time on the computer. Simple things that we do everyday that used to require human contact are on the computer and it can really make a person seem isolated. That's why I want to limit her time so she can get out and play like other kids.!D
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
28 Feb 08
My boys are grown and gone so I never had that problem, but I can sympathize with you.
How long has she been allowed on the computer? If its still fairly new to her, I'm sure it will tone down some in time.
I would definitely put some sort of restrictions on her use before it gets out of hand. Could you make it more of a reward if she wants to use it for other than schoolwork?
Set limits on so much time allowed for so much time spent on homework or chores?
Not allow her on the computer for 'play' until schoolwork is complete?
That sort of thing ...
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I always insist on her doing homework first. To me that's the most important thing of all. I agree with what you said about the newness wearing off. The reward thing seems to be the way to go with all of the responses so I'm going to start there.~D
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
29 Feb 08
No idea coz I am suffering from the same problems, only it’s the TV here and not the computer. We have a very old PC which is not upto any good and I have told my son that he can get a latest PC only after he crosses 10yrs. But like you, it was me who first initiated him to the idiot box. When he was about 2 yrs, I just wanted him to sit at one place and do something so that I have some time in my hands. So I used to just make him sit in front of the TV and now, he has become almost a couch potato. Everyday is a nightmare, specially after studies are over or when school is closed. Even I have tired specifying time and limiting hours but maybe for some days it works and then its back to the same story.
1 person likes this
