parents or lover --- whom do you choose?

Well, that depends on where you're from and what your religion and culture are. I see you're from India, and I believe that arranged marriages are a common thing in your country, but I also believe that not all Indian people are involved in arranged marriages. I've heard this story so many times, where a couple fall in love and then all their hopes dashed by an arranged marriage, by their parents, and it saddens me, because I have the freedom of choice. Personally, I wouldn't want to force my children to marry somebody they didn't love, just for the material wealth and status, but if that's your culture, then I think you have to do what you feel is the right thing, yourself. I can tell you which I would choose, but that wouldn't be right, would it? We are from different cultural backgrounds and I would be undermining your beliefs. I think the best thing you can do is to sit down with your parents and tell them how much you appreciate all the sacrifices they have made for you in guiding you to achieve your goals, but make them aware of your feelings about the arranged marriage they have planned for you. They are only looking out for you, and finding you the man they think best to take care of you in their Autumn years, but if they can understand how you really feel about it, then maybe they will rethink. The only drawback here is, that it has probably already been discussed with your parents' intended husband for you and indeed, his parents, so it all becomes a matter of honour after that. I really do feel for you, but that's the best I can offer I'm afraid. I hope I have helped a little, but I don't know too much about the disappointment and hurt of your parents at your refusal to marry the man they wish you to. Good luck, and Brightest Blessings.

You're quite confusing - do you mean your parents now allow you to marry the person of your choice BUT they don't accept your bf/gf right now? So you can marry anyone except the one you are seeing right now? Well, I'll choose my parents if I were to choose between my bf now and my parents because I can not and will never replace my parents with any other parent but I can have as many and better parents that the one I am seeing now. Maybe my parents doesn't like my boy because they can see something in him that I can not see yet but I would still try to reconcile whatever differences my bf and my parents have but if they cannot meet halfway anymore, I think I'll have to give up my boyfriend.

first parents and then it should be your lover. this sequence should not be changed at any time . parents are always your pillars but your lover may not be your pillar for all times

It's one thing to be grateful for what they've done for you. It's another to be controlled like a puppet by their whims. I would never marry someone who was "chosen" for me. I'm not going to commit my life to someone I don't even know just because my parents like him. It's my life, not theirs and I want to live it happily, not like a servant to everyone else's ideas.

Well as my mom says.. Family is always a family..Lovers are everywhere.

definately parents......they are the only ones who can never leave you in the middle of the road whereas a bf/gf can quite easily for his/her personal interests. And moreover i believe if we cant be faithful tu our parents we can be to none..

I say, it's your friggin choice, not theirs. You got one life, so go live it!!!!!!!!!!!! Why in the h*ll, would you ever let someone do that to you?! Do you love this person? Does this person love you? If so, go love each other, no matter what anyone thinks. How dare them to even think they have a right to say anything! I know that they are your parents, and you have respect for them, but where is the respect from them towards you, and what you wanna do and who you choose to love? know what I'm sayin? :o) Marilyn

There is no doubt that I will go with my parents as they give me birth and all along they are with me from my childhood in all situations. They have spent lots of money for my education, well being and also for establishment in the society. I can proudly say that Whatever I am it is for the parents. For others whatever it may whether they are my b/f or g/f I can't leave my parents. I hate persons who left their parents for the sake of pretty thing. pkc3000 s

That's really difficult to choose. But I think it happen to me. I have to choose to move to other country to be together with my husband and family, but in the other site of course my parents want me to be near them. Well, I am still trying maybe one day I can live near my parents again. But I don't know yet.

I will choose my parents. As you said they sacrificed their lives to make me happy and they don't want hurt us. some bf/gf will lie to us or they don't do things from their heart. but if you have lover and you can make sure he/she is your right boy/girl, you can tell your parents. I don't think parents insist on stopping you to find ture love. All parents want their children happy, isn't it?

I think that i would defiently have to see if there was some way that you chose them both because i know that it can be very hard to leave one for the other in any way shape or form...so i would do everything that i could to see if i coulddo something to make them both happy so that i could have them both in my life for the rest of my life...

i never experience similar to that situation but for me it is very difficult to select either of the two...both of them plays a major roles in everyone's lives...depending on the situation...we can't say it generally,,,many things to consider first before making a decision...

It depends on how sure you are of your love. If you are quite certain that the love between you will last forever choose your lover. Your parents won't always be there with you when you get old yourself and you should be able to rely on your loving partner. On the other hand if it is just a passion you feel, which may not last, and if there is some good reason why your parents oppose this relationship, you should listen to the wisdom of your parents.

I'd choose whomever respects me for who I am.

It is not up to my parents to choose who I will go out with, and it is none of their business. Unless they have a DAMN GOOD REASON AND PROOF that this person will hurt me, it is not up to them to say anything. If the person I was with was really that dangerous, I would have figured it out myself, and stopped going with that person.

I always loved my parents very much, I still love my mom but my dad's been gone for over 25 years now, and they certainly did sacrifice for me but there's now way I ever would have let them tell me who to marry! I don't know if you live somewhere that is still the custom, but for myself personally I'd never be able to do that. Annie

I have married who I wanted both times...I didn't listen to them with the first guy..I wish I had. I thought they didn't want me to be happy.

You love your parents but there is time you have to leave your nest and build your own love nest. So you still love your parents but you have your own life to live too. As a parent but also I grew up with a very difficult family tradition , I understand how much love to my own parents and how much sacrifice that I had to give them and they never satisfy. I gave up on my career because of my parents and it ended up i screwed up my own family to because the love of my parents too much and my own children have to suffer through that. From my own experience and I'd like to share to you. Love your parents but don't forget you need love for yourself too. Your happiness can't be depend on their happiness. They have their own life and you have yours. Take care of them when they need you but don't let them dominate your life. I have seen too much of tragedies of family matters. You choose your mate not their parents. They are not you and you are not them. You are the one who will live with that person for the rest of your life. Not your parents. Are you marrying someone because you love that person and want to spend the rest of your life with him or her? or do you want to please your parents and knowing that you will just live your life without love beside a person you don't have any feeling for? then I wish you good luck. I've never believed in arranged marriage.

I choose my boyfriend. It isnt up to my parents who can and cant make me happy. It is my life, regardless of what they have done for me. They are my parents they are suppose to do stuff for me its their job. I feel you will only be happy with someone you want to be happy with. I have been in similar situtation where my parents thought they could run my life and not be happy with the person I was with. However, its been 7 years with a 4 year old daughter and they got over it.

I would choose my parents. The thing is, without them I wouldnt be who I am today. But I wouldnt agree with marrying of their choice, obviously married is not an agreement between one parents to another parents. Marriage has to be based on love and trust between two person only. I wouldnt marry or choose a lover that is not approved by my parents, but I will also not marry someone just because my parents wants me to. Previously, I have had many boyfriends that my parents opposed to, and I realize there is always a reason behind why they refuce my x boyfriends. Luckily, my fiancee is approved by my parents and we are getting married in a few months time :)