Why is it so difficult to say we are sorry?
By kbkbooks
@kbkbooks (7022)
Canada
March 2, 2008 7:48pm CST
It is not just men or just women, or even just adults. Everyone has a hard time admitting fault or wrong and saying "I am sorry." Even when my children were very small, I had a hard time to get them to say they were sorry to each other even when I encouraged them to be kind and told them if they could apologize they wouldn't be punished. Even when we know we are wrong, our pride prevents us from admitting it. More often than not, the person you apologize to will react in a positive way as long as you are sincere. Sometimes, the other person has too much pride, just like you do and it takes a little more than a simple apology to get over whatever problem exists.
What are your experience with apologizing or getting your kids to apologize? Why is apology so hard for some of us?
1 person likes this
21 responses
@kkk2008 (27)
• India
14 Mar 08
hi kbk books
i really prefer to be forgiven without having to apologize !
but how does the other person know that one is sincere and honest ?
guess it depends on what one says and how
my experiences..
i do not like to discuss the crime or whatever issue with the concerned person
i do forgive without asking a single question
if i see the apology in the persons eyes ..
but if i dont .....?
i try to ignore talking to the person !
:)
1 person likes this
@kkk2008 (27)
• India
16 Mar 08
well kbk
you are generalising a subject that has a lot to do about individuals, not everybody is same,i was talking about myself, how i feel dont feel like apologising, its just a kind of habit i or anybody else might have,and frankly i dont come across many who misunderstand me for no reason !
@onewickedsoul (540)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
When we do something wrong, we feel ashamed of it, that's why saying sorry is so difficult. Sometimes it's not about the pride, it is shame that is making it difficult. I guess, some kids are afraid to say sorry because they do not want to be punished. It is a good thing that you encourage your kids to say sorry and not be punished for it. I think it is a good practice. In addition, teaching honesty is very important because when we are honest, it is easier to admit our wrong.
1 person likes this
@jal1948 (1359)
• India
11 Mar 08
Instead of asking the kids to apologize let them learn through imitation just shove your pride and ego right out the window and apologize to one and sundry when your kids see this they are bound to follow,only do it when you are really at fault or even if it is the other persons fault . It will cost us our ego but gain peace and a lesson to the kids.
1 person likes this
@clowdine (1402)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
If admitting fault means subsequent punishment is one thing. But by having seen or directly experienced that people don't forgive others easily will make anyone who wishes to say sorry procrastinate or will not apologize. In one's perception, it could be a humiliating experience. Most people are proud and it's hard for them to accept that other people won't forgive them after they beg. It's the same thing with admitting our fault. Some people are not comfortable thinking that others are wiser and more correct than they are. Again, it's pride and that's the problem.
@bluebutterfly1234 (92)
• United States
11 Mar 08
I don't have anytrouble saying sorry. if I know I did wrong and have been working on teaching that to both of my daughters. My older one is 3 and for the most part will say sorry if she has hurt her younger sister or if she does something wrong. Sometimes I think she says sorry more than she should and I have been explaining to her when she does and does not need to say sorry. I worked with a girl that it seemed like everyother word out of her mouth was sorry and that drove me crazy she would make the slightest mistake on the register and would say sorry like 3 times.
@MelanieW (66)
• Indonesia
11 Mar 08
I agreed that pride hinder us to say sorry. Why is hard for a person to say sorry, because it make us vunerable and look weak in front of people. I think that is the main reason.
But my personal opinion, there's nothing wrong to say sorry if we are making a mistake, because it will teach us to admit what we have done wrong, and teach us humility, also to become humble.
As for our kids, i think it has to come from the parents first, because kids followed the parent on how they are behave. So the parent have to give role model to their kids.
@simplyman2006 (1706)
• India
8 Mar 08
well its never been hard for me because i always apologize.some time i feel sorry at that point where other person is on fault. well i never feel shy to feel sorry or it never make me feel small than other. by my this habbit mostly people who are with me or who knows me always give respect behind me.
@joy358 (491)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
Personally, I think its because of pride. The more pride the person has the more difficult it is for him to admit to doing anything wrong and thus say sorry. I myself find it very hard to say I'm sorry (I have a lot of pride) but not saying sorry leaves something of a bad feeling in my heart especially if I know that I was in the wrong. Sometimes I don't really verbally say sorry, I just show my apology through actions, that way I can still keep a little pride. :)
1 person likes this
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
Because we can accept the fact that we commit mistake. It is hard to confess what you done wrong but you have to. A problem will lead to solution if somebody confess or admit they are wrong. I don't know why it is hard for us to admit we made a mistake when in the process we learned from it. Me i say sorry, even on the little ones, so as they will understand that i love them and I respect them. And i can sleep solemnly at night we i had already apologize to someone but i can't bear the fact why many of us have so much pride in their system. Saying sorry is easy as counting 123 but for them that is the hardest thing to do.
@superjockh (237)
• United States
3 Mar 08
You know, I agree with you! Even look at Bill Clinton after he committed adultery. He had a very hard time admitting his fault, he lied under oath which caused him his lawyer's license. I used to be that way, but not anymore. Nowadays, I have no problem admitting my faults if indeed I am wrong, and I will apologize openly. I rather apologize and accept my fault than not do so because of my pride. When I do not apologize about something, it keeps getting to me. My conscience always overcome my pride and tells me to apologize. I do not see the point in not admitting it if one is wrong. I have had friends who know what they did was wrong, but as you correctly stated, because of their pride, to this day, they have not apologized.
-Feel Free to Disagree
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
What a good example. Lying can cost us dearly. It's sometimes a hard lesson to teach and a hard lesson to learn that. For example I know a young man who lied his way through a court case and actually managed to trick his lawyer enough that she got him off with no punishment for a very serious crime. Ask that young man today and he still says lying is better.
@beyond_tomorrow (102)
• India
3 Mar 08
It depends in what environment a individual grown up. Apologizing for your incorrect activities is a good thing and we must follow. But sometime we don't. May be because we don't like the person/s we should apologize to or some people feel that they'll fall down on earth by doing that. Many reasons around.
Comments appreciated.
enjoy :)
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Our environment includes the people we grow up with and live with. It is easy to be influenced in our behavior by our mates, our friends, and our siblings as well as our parents. Maybe in order to have a really healthy way of living it is important to allow all these influences. Some parents try to control their kids' friends, but that isn't even a realistic way of thinking. I think that this kind of parental control will have a more negative effect on a kid's attitude about himself.
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
When people apologize for things they haven't done, and they do it on a habitual basis, it can be really annoying. I hope someday you learn to stop having a guilt complex. It's not an easy thing to get over. For sure we all have some kind of negative feelings about ourselves, but they are not always justified.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
3 Mar 08
It absolutely kills me to say I am sorry, I never admit I am wrong even if I know I am. And if I have to say sorry its always said very begrudgingly, I dont know why I just hate it. My children will say sorry if they hurt the other and if they bump into someone, as do I its only if I have made a comment and I am wrong that I find it really hard to admit it! I blame my Dad because he is exactly the same and will never admit he is wrong.
1 person likes this
@idaantipolo (472)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
People who find it hard to say that they're sorry for something, grew up in an environment with people around them not saying the word often. Just like when saying " i love you" to our siblings and parents. Children look up to their parents, it is not enough that you teach and encourage them to say it, but you have to practice it in your everyday life.
When I was a child, I do not here these words often, but my elders tell me to say it whenever I've done something wrong. But I find it hard to say it then, because I do not feel comfortable saying it and I was afraid that my apologies would be rejected.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
3 Mar 08
I think rather than asking question here, you have replied it yourself fully.Yes, we feel it hard for our pride. when we can overcome that may be we are able to say sorry more easily.But I can say sorry easily. May be I don't have taht much pride in myself.
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Having too much shame or too much pride are both bad. It's very difficult to be a person that has a good balance or to teach your children to have a good balance. No one can be right all the time so there will come a time in everyone's life when they need to say they are wrong and/sorry. Thanks for participating in my discussion!
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
3 Mar 08
it's a pride issue. no one ever wants to admit that they are wrong much less apologize for it. even my boys, 9 and 8, takes an act of congress before they will say they are sorry. however, my little girl who is two will say sorry in a heartbeat and usually says it for my boys when i've had to get on to them. when they are that little they are innocent and pride isn't an issue, but the older they get and become adults, pride seems to eat away at them. you have to learn to look at self before looking at others and looking to see if the problem is you. if you can humble yourself and get rid of the pride, things would be so much easier and would flow so much better. God bless
@asawanialvin0611 (1877)
• Philippines
12 Apr 08
it is never difficult if you are sincere qand you want to be with that person
@kymommy72 (588)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I think it's because no one likes to admit they are wrong, acted wrong or made a mistake. I find as I get older it's actually easier to say I am sorry, but I still am a pretty stubborn soul most times. I think having my kids has helped me to stand up and do the right thing when I am wrong. I mean how can I expect them to apologize for wrong doing, when I wont? I have to set an example to them.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I found that learning to confess and apologize to my children when I do wrong or make a mistake taught me a lot of humility and also about how good I can feel after I make things right. Maybe that's why it seems easier to do the whole admission/apology thing as I get older.
@aminion (129)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I spent my whole childhood and youth being told I was bad and wrong. So much so that now as an adult I strive to do the best at everything. I do it and do it and do it until I am right. I have a hard time to admit I am wrong because I would then have to admit that my parents where right. I am not good enough.
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
It's for sure that telling a child he or she is wrong and bad all the time will have a negative effect. Still a person has to learn to know the difference between when they are in the right and when they have actually hurt or wronged someone. No one is a bad person and no one is not good enough. Our self perception is based so much on what our parents tell us, it's too bad when someone ends up feeling ashamed all the time. I hope you can someday realize that you are still valuable in your life and have potential. I am sure you are not as bad a person, and I hope you can find a way to re-learn who you really are.
