Life has reached such ennui

Hi kewnge, It feels so nice to be just able to talk to someone neutral, who would not advice me by being judgemental of my actions, but just trying to soothe me. Believe me, I have tried all of them but here in India the system is somewhat different. You don’t have weekly people coming in to clean but maids come on a daily basis and is paid a monthly salary. I have not hired somebody like this coz these people are very unorganized and unreliable and since this area is new to me, I am skeptical. So I am having to do all the household chores myself which is OK with me, I mean I shifted knowing that I would have to slog my butt off…but somehow something is pricking me, you know just like a thorn deep inside your throat…neither does it dissolve, not can you swallow it. I am not uncomfortable, just a nagging dull ache deep inside my chest. Anyway, ‘talking’ to you was such a relief. Thnx a ton.

Hi mili, Don’t know about the exams, he says its gone well. One of my principles (which I have been able to stick to) is never to make a post mortem of exam papers, so I will have to await the results. School closes for session break on the 21st and then we will go out somewhere. Just roam around since morning, catch a movie, see some sights, have all the meals outside and return late. I have thought this out as per your suggestion and thnx for the same.

‘you are just facing life…’your words brought tears to my eyes. I really really feel like being able to hug you just now and to just cry on your shoulders. I am feeling so miserable these days and everybody around me is the same old face with the same old problems with the same old advices. I need some stranger who wont be judgemental and will just be comforting, I need someone’s hand on my head and I wish I could be near you. No words are enough to convey my feelings to you and to say that you have hit the nail on the head and your words have helped me to re-evaluate myself and my situation. Tomorrow is my son’s final arith exam and after that I have promised him no studies for some days, I have requested my hubby to come early in the evening and plan to have some indoor games with snacks and chatting, just the three of us without a thought for tomorrow. I truly appreciate your concerns for me and feel blessed for the same.

Well hun I hope your son's final exam goes off without a hitch and that you do all manage to sit down and spend some time together as a family in the evening. Even though you can't afford a holiday, how about trying a nice day out in a park somewhere, pack a picnic lunch and the three of you go off for a fun day of adventure together and make a deal with your husband that you and he will act the same age as your son for the day and just be young at heart and carefree even if for half a day. Your son will find it amusing that his parents can act so lighthearted and it will be fun for you and your hubby too :)

Hi Sandhya, I know that maybe these are teething troubles but you know sometimes I feel so lonely even with so much work to do around me. And somehow I have not begun to think of this place where I am staying as my ‘home’. Home to me (at the back of my mind) is still my own bedroom in my in-laws house where I have passed 10½ yrs with all my good and bad days. That room seems to have a connection with my soul and no matter how I am trying to convince myself, I am sulking like a child. Now my son is 8 and he has been practically brought up by my mother-in-law. Maybe he loves her more than he loves me and he is missing her sooooo badly that no amount of talking with him is helping. Anyway, we have promised to send him there for the holi weekend so he is now a bit OK. Tomorrow is his final maths exam and I am having nightmares. I know this will pass, I know I can always connect to you and I know I will start liking this place…I just have to give myself more time. Anyway, being very selfish, talking only of me when I could not even think of coping in your situation. You seem like a superwoman and an ideal example to your 7yr old. No wonder he understands! I am glad I read your response. Sudipta

lol...don't think of me as a superwoman because I'm not (how I wish I was!) But I have to admit I learnt things the hard way....like being thrown into water when I couldn't swim and I learnt to manage...that's all. We also have our arguments (and fierce ones at that) about what I've done and what I've not done in the day. Since I start working next month, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle things...I'm just hoping it will work itself out. I feel what has happened is that you have too much on your hands (with house work and office and all the associated problems) that you do not have time to enjoy even 5 minutes of your day (even with the family) and that is getting at you. I'm not surprised that you are feeling the way you do. About your son, since you are in the same city as your in-laws and since you know that he is attached to them, why don't you plan out that he can go visit them every weekend or every other weekend (provided he finishes all his school work by Friday)...except during exam time. It seems like the transition to the new place was sudden for him...after living with your in-laws for 8 years (which is all his life), he suddenly feels lonely without them. It will also give you some respite over the weekends to do what needs to be done at home at your own pace (it gets difficult when children are home and the main concern is to cook and feed them on time). If it's any consolation, my 7 year old understands because I have been talking to him this way since he was a baby..and he's alwas seemed so grown-up. Also, presently, I'm sulking too because I have no help from anyone....and the worlk load in this 3 bedroom apartment is too much....to add to that I am very picky and need everything to be done a particular way and am not content with just getting by with the cleaning.

Hi bear, Thnx for your response but the problem here is you know, its everytime that I have to do something for somebody. There is nobody whom I can turn to with my problems, nobody who can say that OK sit back and relax and I will take care of things. But all is not lost, I have friends like you with whom I can have a neutral discussion, on whose shoulders I can unburden myself. Yes, I am going on, much with encouragement from all of you here.

don't you have some friends there who lives near you? or sister or a brother or cousins? maybe you just need to go out once in a while and interact with other people. not just here at myLot. it is much better to have personal interactions.

Thnx so much for caring about me. Yes, I know the lining is always there and so are friends like you to remind me of it everytime I forget. Will chk out the site surely.

Hi Williamjisir, There are many similarities between Indian and Chinese cultures and you must be knowing that it is mainly the woman’s responsibility to look after the house. It is just that I am doing so much work throughout the day and then sometime when I think that this will be my life in the coming years, I feel so tired. Actually I am very confused right now. I need to give more time to myself and hopefully with friends like you at mylot, I can share and talk and feel better.

Hello again, my dear friend. Yeah, I agree that there are many similarities in our two countries in many ways. Let's take marriage for example. When a couple are married, it seems to be always the husband who is to take the responsibility to support his family and the wife to take care of the family at home. Therefore there are also many wife-at-home ladies taking care of the family and her kids and household chores etc. So it is the same with my family. So that is why I say that I can understand how tired you feel to this kind of life. Anyway, spend more time at mylot for interactions with us, your friends, in the discussions. Thanks and take care.

Thnx so much for relating to me. Reading about people like you in similar conditions, strengthens my resolve to face life and live up to the challenges. At least we don’t have any physical problem in the family, otherwise don’t know what I would have done. You are really strong to have gone thru the phase and emerged from it unscathed, so as to say. Thnx again for your encouragement.

Well this is just not happening. With both hubby and child totally dependent on me, I just cant shut myself up and meditate. Something or the other is always at the back of my mind and it seems I am becoming mentally tired. But I know I will have to keep at it. Vacation is not possible right now coz we had to incur a lot of expenditure towards the renovation of this house and then there was the marriage of my brother-in-law (so more expenditure). Thnks so much for your encouragement.

yes, I know and I hope to have some time for myself after my son’s ongoing annual exams are over. Thnx for the response.

God …yes! Sometimes when I become too weary and frustrated I like to lift my spirits by thinking that this is God’s way of testing my resolve, and I do intend to keep my belief in him strong as ever. Candlelight dinner ummmmmm don’t think possible with an 8yr old brat monkeying around all the time but the idea is beginning to take shape of something else. Maybe when the exams are over, we will go for an entire day’s outing.

Hi, If you are a student, enjoy life till it lasts. Man…if I ever knew marriage could be so much responsibility, I would have gladly led the dirty life lol! But seriously, yes, going thru lot of unfamiliar pressure and responsibility but with friends like you at mylot, I am sure that I will have a solution to all my problems. At least I will have people whom I can ‘talk’ to. Thnx a lot for your words.

yes I know…when I come to mylot which is like my window to the world, I come to know of so many problems of so many of my friends here and then I am thankful for everything that is OK with me. I am trying to adjust to this new life and thank you so much for your support and understanding.