down today and don't know how to deal with it
By asgtswife04
@asgtswife04 (2475)
United States
March 13, 2008 8:41pm CST
For most of you that know me on here, i am usually a pretty easy going person who takes life one day at a time...today, however, i have had a really bad go of things and not real sure how to handle them at this point. my husband will be home by June 2, but I am feeling so down and so lonely and sad with him being gone. I took my daughter to the playground today, since the weather has become so nice, and as soon as i got there and she started playing i wish i had just stayed home. I saw so many mother and fathers out there with their children and the daddies chasing their kids or swinging them and i immediately felt so lonely and so sad for my little girl. i realized how much he is missing out on her growing up and learning new things. i started crying right there on the playground and couldn't control myself. I miss my husband so much right now and need him home with me so bad. it's getting to the point where i am more upset every day with him being gone and it hurts so bad. he's the love of my life and every day without him just about kills me. when he left my daughter was barely starting to walk and wasn't saying hardly anything and now she's running and playing and saying anything and everything and he's missing out on all of it. it upsets him to, but i am just so overwhelmed by everything right now. i just want him home and for us to be a family again. any suggestions on how to handle the hurt and the agony of needing him home, even though i support him wholeheartedly on him serving our country. it would be greatly appreciated. God bless
4 people like this
12 responses
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Sweetie, I know exactly what you're going through. I really do because of my husband being in the army for 27 years. We've been married for almost 17 years and during the time he was on active duty, he went to Korea two times a year each time. It was hard as hell to be without him but I kept myself busy so I wouldn't think about it too much. Kind of hard to do but you've got to get your mind off of his being gone or you're going to lose it. Try giving yourself a hug by wrapping your arms around you. I know it sounds silly but hey, it's something which is better than nothing. In the morning you can decide how you're going to be for the rest of the day, which is happy and stick to it. Try your best to stay in a happy mood no matter what so you can get past the day quicker and easier. As for seeing couples and their children together, turn away from that because it's going to get you down. Avoid looking at things that will get you down and instead do the things that you love doing which will help pass the time. I wish I were closer to you so I could help but I'm not so this will have to do for now. Bless you!
2 people like this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
thank you so much. i do know that i need to turn away from seeing other families. most of the time i do really well with it, but yesterday was just one of those days were i didn't deal so well with any of it. i'm usually alot stronger most of the time when it comes to this, but sometimes it creeps up on me without me even realizing it until it's already hit. i'll have to try the hug thing. like you said, it's better than nothing. thanks again so much. you have all been so helpful to me through all of this. i don't know what i would do if i hadn't found mylot. God bless
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
14 Mar 08
I can understand how tough it is for you with your husband being away for so long.
I basically get used to things and not think too much about the part I can't have when my husband is away. But to be honest, my husband feels more bad than I do. I do miss him and want him home (and it has never been as long as months)....but it still is something I can live with.
It's probably because I've been around families where the couple have to be away from each other for months and sometimes years at a time. My mother had to do it a couple of times.
All I can say is that your husband is away for a noble cause (unlike the above families I mentioned who had no other choice if they needed to live)....and he needs you to be strong too.
And as far as I am concerned, it's not the soldiers alone but their families too that we need to salute...because they are sacrificing their time with their spouses so that we can be safe.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
thank you very much for you encouraging words. i do know that my husband needs me to be strong and i try very hard not to let him see me on the bad days that I have. I am so very proud of him and what he is doing. i love the fact that he loves his country enough to fight for it. it's just hard sometimes on me and the kids and when the kids get upset or ask why their daddy can't play with them like other daddies do, it just gets to me. i know he'll be home soon though and will make up for it, i just needed to let some things out last night or i would have just let it stay inside and build. thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for the encouraging words. God bless
@SViswan (12051)
• India
15 Mar 08
I know how good it is to get it out of your system instead of letting it bottling up.
You felt bad because you saw the other kids play with their dads...and when your kids ask about him.
But the other kids might have days too when their dads are not around. It's just that you were already feeling bad and wanted to focus on that aspect (I know because I do that all the time).
I'm not sure how old your kids are...but maybe you can talk to them about how it's hard on everyone that daddy is away...and that he's doing something great (even when he's feeling equally bad being away from the family). You can tell them...how you feel...and maybe it would help to cry a bit...so that they know it's okay to feel sad...but life does go on...and they'll learn to be strong even when they are sad from you.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
23 Mar 08
this is true. my two oldest can talk about it with me, but not my two year old. she sees him on the webcam and will try and give him a kiss through the computer and tries talking to him, but gets upset when she can't hear him talk back, so of course that upsets me. but we are definitely counting down the days now and looking forward to him being home again
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
ohhh i can really feel how much you miss him and its making you more sad than anyhting else. its just maybe you feel a part of you is like missing or have gone to some place with out you knowing.
June 2 is not very far from today. think of the brighter side that when he comes back, you'll surely make the most of the days with him.
focus on your baby girl now and she must have missed her dad too. have activities with your baby daugther... try contacting him once in a while - is it allowed?
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
yes, i do get to talk to him every day, twice a day. he has the internet in his room so we can even use the webcam so that we can see one another and he can see his kids. it's still hard sometimes because i so desperately just wanna be able to hold on to him and be near him, but it does help to get to talk to him. yesterday was just a really bad day for me seeing all those families together with their children. i'm better today though. i just go through spurts where i really need him here even though i am so very proud of him for serving his country. thanks again and God bless
@ellie333 (21016)
•
14 Mar 08
Ah bless you were feeling like this a couple of weeks ago too, but I suppose the longer he is away the more you miss him and there isn't anything I or anyone else can really say to take this feeling away. June to you seems like forever away but as we are already halfway through March there is just April and May inbetween and then he'll be home, yippee. I understand completely how you felt at the park as I am a single parent and seeing couples playing with the children affects me too, yes your husband is missing out on so much but think about how exciting and pleasurable the catching up with it all will be. Thoughts are we you. God bless. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
thanks so much ellie. yes, i was feeling this way a couple of weeks ago, but i really think that yesterday got to me probably worse than it has the whole time he's been gone. the longer he's away, the more i long to have my family back together again. i am very proud of him, but i just want him home now. it's been almost a year now and it's time. thanks again and God bless
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Mar 08
I am sorry to read that you are so sad, I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have your husband away for so long. Its the only trouble with that life it takes them away for too long at a time. My dad was in the army and my mum had the same with me, he saw so little of me that when he did come home I was scared of him and did not know who he was. Eventually my dad left the army because it was too hard for him to see me like this with him. It took a long time for us to get any bond as well because he had spent so much time away from us. I do not know any suggestions to make it any easier for you, but I hope that things get better for you very soon.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
thank you very much. it is difficult especially when he comes home from being away so long. it takes my daughter a few days to warm back up to him, although she sees him on the webcam all the time and she blows him kisses and says hi daddy, so she knows who he is. it's hard on him to to see that it takes a while for her to get back to where they were before he left, but he totally understands. i'll just be glad to have him back home again so that we can be the family i've dreamed about for so long. God bless
@tessah (6617)
• United States
14 Mar 08
my deepest sympathies on you and your husband having to be apart right now. there really isnt a way to not feel the pain and loneliness youre going through. support from others can help you manage a little bit better, but in the end youre still going home alone and watching your child reach milestones in her young life without her daddy there to relish in them with you. youve every right to feel the way you do, and to cry and express it. so dont bottle it, or itll just overflow as it did at the playground to the point you cant control it and break down. might be a silly suggestion, but if you have a video camera, start taping. you can share the tapes with your husband when he gets home finally. its not the same as being there, but at least he can still share in it after the fact. my thoughts for his speedy and safe return home so your family can be together once again. and just cause you seem like ya need one ;hugs;
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
thank you so much. i have been taking tons of pictures and videos so that he can see them when he gets home. just not the same though, but i know it's better than nothing. it is very difficult, even though i can sometimes see him on the web cam if it's working over there well enough to, but sometimes that does more damage being able to see him and not touch him than it does me good. i know i'll get through this though, i've done it already once before and i'm sure there will be other times i have to do it again. he's a career man, so we've got at least anothe r18 years of this. thanks so much for the encouraging words and the hug. it was needed. God bless
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
23 Mar 08
Hi there.I'm sorry i havent been on much so i didnt see this earlier and i hope you are feeling a little better now.It would be heartbreaking knowing that your husband is missing so much and you are missing him and sharing your childrens growth together.The countdown is on and look at how long you have succeeded on your own..there is such a small time left to wait.Please look at it if you can as a time to celebrate.set up activities for the kids to do so they can be displayed for when he gets home-or put them in a big scrapbook or album.If you have managed to tape your daughter over the time when he's been away,it would be something very special that you could watch together.Sit down with the kids and ask them what they want to make or do.Try to look at it that you dont have much time to get it done and hopefully this will keep your mind busy enough until he gets home.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
23 Mar 08
i've definitely been doing projects with the kids and taking tons of pictures and videos of our children for him to watch when he gets home. i'm taking it day by day and definitely counting down the days now as to him coming home. that will be a wonderful day and then i can forget about this deployment. the thing that really gets me the most sometimes is that even though he's been gone almost a year, i still look to see if he saw what our daughter did or go to get him. it's crazy and you would think i would be used to it by now, but in all honesty i will never get used to him being gone. thanks again and God bless
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
Oh is your husband a soldier? I am sorry you feel that way...I know it is very hard for you. I know your husband misses you both as much as you do him. You have to accept this is your life with him. Let love be the bridge that connects you both together even if time and place doesn't permit it as often as you want. Maybe you could just write each other often and send each other pictures...In him being not there and there are times you miss him it is very understandable so for you not to feel depressed about it..Maybe you could do something that would keep you busy..have a hobby or visit relatives or enroll in a course..When you feel down bringing your kid in a park and seeing all those daddies around with the other kids what you should do is make a video of your kid in the playground and make it a video you will show your husband when he comes home..You have to make it a fun video and think that you are doing that so your husband can see what he is missing...maybe then he'll decide to find another job and never leave home.. Good luck with you and your family..Don't be sad anymore June is just around the corner.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
15 Mar 08
yes, my hubby is a soldier and while it would be a nice thought that he would find another job and never leave home again, he just signed up for six more years and will reenlist again when that six years is up. he's a career man military wise and will stay in his thirty and he's only been in twelve, so i have at least 18 more years of this. i am very proud of him and stand behind him on his decision, it's just lonely sometimes.
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
15 Mar 08
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are feeling down right now. I know it's very difficult with your husband being so far away right now. But please try to keep your thoughts on that wonderful day that he will be back home with you and your daughter. And when you have your low days, grab your daughter up and give her lots of love and hugs. Children have a way of cheering us up even in our darkest moments. And of course, you can always count on your friends here when you need a shoulder or a hug. I'm here for you hon....just a PM away if you need me. Big hugs to you sweetheart........Carryl
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
23 Mar 08
thank you so much. you have been such an encouragement to me since i've been on mylot. i will definitely pm you soon and talk. i do look at my daughter several times a day and just thank God for her being brought in this world. i see so much of my husband in her and it comforts me most of the time. thanks again and God bless
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Sorry to say it Sgtswife, but I think I've got nothing.
I can't say much of anything to alleviate what you are going through, especially since I don't have a greater understanding of this. I know you miss your husband and I really hope your husband comes home so you and your family can be together again. For the here and now, you still have your daughter, your friends, and people you know... I realize none of us can fill the void, or erase the loneliness completely, but we'll do what we can.
You say you take it one day at a time and I've learned this through contact... if you've gotten a bit down over it, why not let us help you take it one day at time? It's no panacea, its no remedy... its just friendship, love and living; people are willing to share this with you. It may seem like a long road and there are lower points, but people are around and they'll help you down that path if you need it. Day by day we'll live out and soon the day you've set your gaze upon will be realized.
I hope you've been taking photos and videos, and saving those up for your husband. You can then share those with your husband when he returns. It won't replace the years, but at least you and he both can enjoy the photos and he can see how much his daughter has grown.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
23 Mar 08
thank you so much for the encouraging words and most definitely you have helped me many many times get through some pretty rough times. i don't know what i would do without all my mylot friends because i have little to none here at home. your words have always been so kind and caring and i thank you for that so much. you guys have all definitely been my support and i'm so grateful to you and everyone else that has helped me take this day by day. God bless you
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
15 Mar 08
Hi, that would be really hard not seeing your husband and your daughter going through so many milestones. Have you got a webcam that you can talk to him on, maybe this would help you feel closer to him. Also with your daughter you could also video her alot so when he returns you can share this with your husband. You should try and join a club or group to keep yourself busy or start a new hobby. You need to try and enjoy yourself so you are not pining after your husband all the time. I would be the same, a mess without my partner, just surround yourself with lots of friends and family try not to be alone much and start new projects. Hope this helps you a little. Take care my friend.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
15 Mar 08
thanks so much for responding. i do take pictures all the time and i video as long as my camera allows me to so that he will have things to watch when he comes home.i know that june is just around the corner, it just really got to me yesterday for some reason. it's few and far between that i get THAT down about it, but when it hit yesterday it felt like a ton of bricks being thrown at me all at once. thanks for your suggestions and God bless
@jezzikabret (245)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Awww I don't know what its like to have my husband deployed. I have been fortunate enough to not have to deal with that...yet anyways. I am a fellow military wife though. My husband is in the Air force and we have a little baby girl. If you ever need another mil wife to talk to...just shoot me a message or something. Its a tough job and even tougher with little ones. You sound like a very strong women, you'll do just fine. You're little girl is very lucky :)
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
14 Mar 08
thanks so much and i most definitely will be talking to you soon. i hope that your husband and you never have to go through a deployment. they aren't the most fun in the world, but i am very proud of my husband and what he's doing for our country. we are very lucky to have him. we just want him home now as it's been almost a year since he's been gone. thanks again for your encouraging words and i'll be talking to you later. God bless. by the way, your little girl is so adorable.
