Is It Fair To Do That To Our Friend?
By aowaow
@aowaow (1516)
Indonesia
March 15, 2008 5:33am CST
2 years ago, our male friend is interested with a girl. She works in an office with good salary, and my friend is running a store.
He did everything to get close to her. We all really like him, he is good in positioning himself around us, as friends. He told us about her, we all applaud for what he did of showing how to love a girl. Briefly, he is a good and understanding man, we knew him since junior high school and his family is a good sample of understanding parents.
And this girl had never fall in love before, the resource is from her nearby relatives.
My friend declared the intention to her after 1 year chasing her. She accepted and their run for 3 months and made a good impression to her parents, according to her sister. But then he had broken up by the girl. We all shocked, and try to find the reason from the girl.
She said, she didn't want to be dictated.
Then we try to dig from him, if he is good in masking his bad habit. Testing, Questioning, etc just make us find a dead-end. We conclude that he is not that kind of type. And he locked himself for 1 month in his room but we did make him to get out soon.
3 months after his broke up, the girl made relationship with another one.
We find out from the resource, that the girl is intended to make a relation with our friend is just because of his step-parent's push. She still have real parents, and their both relation is very good.
One of our friend that still made contact with this girl, give us a review, that this next boyfriend was introduced by his step-parent's. It was their friend's son.
And he running a better store business.
Because after the break-up, our friend had changed, he became a closed one. He wounded too deep. We never see the old time, where he was a happy one, joyful, and envy one. Yet also we as friends are still trying to heal him with our motivation to move on.
Now, please share your idea, What do you think about this girl? Is she intended to be in a relationship or just want to "find a backdoor" to avoid the push from her step-parents? Do you think by doing that is fair to our friend?
Thank you before. Your comment is very much appreciated.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
That's not fair but I think it's normal for a girl with that situation to do that.Maybe she had so many problems that she just wanted a way out.I used to do that but I completely fell for the guy and now,we'll be married in a few years.Is your friend ok?Better be a source of support and comfort as he needs you most at this time.
1 person likes this
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
18 Mar 08
This is new fresh last night we heard from him. It's been good a news, he wanted to open his mind to us and share what he had made in his mind while in "exile".
This is what he said:
He already knew the girl had avoided him 2 weeks before the broke up day, she never looked for him, and when he called her, she said she was shopping with her friends. The next hour and next day around the week, she said she was busy, need some rest, not in mood. That whole week he had a fever, he cannot visit her.
And worst the girl had never paid a visit on him.
The last week after small recovery, my friend visited her and try to dug what's going on, asking if she has something to tell him. The girl said nothing, it's alright. But he said, he felt a defending body language was performed by the girl.
The day when he broke up, he brought her for a date, as usual. Go for shopping and what he never think of, her step-daughter make a phone call to the girl. She asked him if they can fetch her step-mother at the mall, because his husband was busy for that night. He agreed for her.
What make he hurt, when in the mall, the girl walked with his step-mother, and left our friend behind. Briefly he said, she never paid any attention on him anymore. Only 15 minutes in the mall, then he drove them home.
The more hurt, her step-father is at her home, he said his car parked outside, he is inside and talking to her real mother. The girl asked him to stay, and her step-parents left.
She broke him up.
What he felt the pain, is why she made it so bad to broke him up. We all felt sympathy and support when he told me this. We knew it took great courage to bring back pain memory, but we told him, if you do so, it will make you better.
His eyes are a bit glassy, and we can feel how deep the pain he had suffered from her when he told us this.
We hope he will be recovered soon, this weekend, we had a plan accompany what he likes, swimming is his main hobby. Thank you all for giving a comment. I hope he will be better soon.
@Rosabranca (44)
• Portugal
18 Mar 08
The girl was pressed to have a relationship, your friend was chasing her and she accepted but he was not her soulmate and when she found another man interested on her she broke up. To your friend it was a bad time, you should advise him to try to find another girl and forget that one.
When on a relationship there is no love of both it is better to broke up, the door is closed but there are many windows open. He should be a good man, he loved her and life was not fair with him, or perhaps it was fair he will find a great love, we all have our destiny.
The girl was sincere or not, perhaps she is young and she does not know how to deal with her step-parents pressure, in some societies girls have not power or will, they have to obey their parents.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
16 Mar 08
oh... your guy friend must have been really hurt about this. the only good thing the girl did ws she did not prolonged the relationship for the guy to have anymore false hopes.
i think the girl is caught in between her parent and your guy friend... i guess she does not love him enough too to fight for him, your friend and so she moved on to the next guy who was their family friend - of course parents, and step parents would want their children to have security so maybe they were nagging her about this. She's just a poor girl i suppose. having to deal with these kind of parents who meddles so much to that extent about their kid's love life.
anyhow, she is still free to choose, and she chose to obey them
1 person likes this
@enchantedleppard (1541)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I think she should have been honest with your friend and told him the truth. Instead she played with his emotions and his heart. I hope that he can get over this and move on, he seems like a great guy. I think she was very wrong to do what she did. I hope he is okay!
1 person likes this
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 08
He is okay. That's a good news. I believed him, he had been a great guy in our friendship community.
What we conclude, is this girl is try to find the security to fulfill their family's needs (the core is HER needs in the future, because she always taste honey-stuff from our friend). It's not wrong to me, because some effort will come with a price, bad or good effort.
The problem, we all friends conclude from our friend's review, that this girl had been projected herself, to make her own decision, briefly, to be own herself.
What we think is unfair, the girl vomited something that's not equal to what had our friend had been given to her. We received a vice-versing condition, which SHE herself never defined to us, that he is not the one for herself. And just broke him up with silly reason, and made our friend had changed a lot.
@cpochacco (6)
• Indonesia
18 Mar 08
I think the girl is not being fair to both your friend and her new boyfriend. She just wants to avoid the pressure n takes the easy way out. I'm so sorry to hear that this happens to your friend. I surely hope that your friend will get over this soon n be who he was before. The girl is not worth being burdened of..
1 person likes this
@jona_jz (80)
• Philippines
16 Mar 08
That's what just life and love all about. You can be only be either in two sides: the one being hurt and the one who hurts. It just so happen that it was your friend who's on the side of being hurt. The good thing about it is, at least, he felt what love is because he was hurt and he's not the one in losing ends because he didn't do anything wrong or bad. It was the girl's lost of not having such a good guy as your friend. Whatever the reason why the girl had broken up with your friend was her decision and it was done. Since the girl and your friend is not committed now, then your friend should move on because he can't do anything about it anymore and he should know that there are way better girls than his ex. But, it is still your friend's decision if what he'd like to be now: the same as before or as close what he is now. It's his life and he's the only one who knows how to handle it. You, as his friend can give him all the advises you can give, but in the long run, it would still be your friend's decision whether to bring his sadness to his grave from that girl who doesn't even seem to care for him and lose the chance of meeting the right one for him or move on with his life and cherish the bleesings that he has in his life, like a good friend like you.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 08
We had motivated him, right now we just give him some room to heal his wound. If we try to drag him out, he might go deeper. That's man nature. Yes, it's right, the final decision is with his own, he wants to release or not is his decision.
He did get out, but returned when he heard she made a relationship with others, and more he knew the girl is running based on other's push. That's makes more stabs on his back, it increased his pain and had happened in nearby times, throughly.
What we think, is we know it's the risk of love, to be broke-up or had broken up. We know how the feeling is, but he is just a starter where he never feel how broken heart feeling is.
Besides, he poured all his love to her. And more it's hurt this girl is "fooling him around", that's what we all conclude in what in his brain right now. We try to make him forget about her before he did something terrible on himself.
@deserve40 (1656)
• India
15 Mar 08
I think that it is possible that the girl should be trying to avoid the push from her step-parents. But at the same time you have not mentioned about the nature of that girl.
So perhaps, it is possible that she is that sort of girl who is quite free minded and cannot tolerate a slightest of intereferance of others in her freedom. Your friend might have offended her in this matter and so she might have decided to brake the relationship.
As for your friend is may not be so simple to come out of the shock, you people are doing good thing by just supporting him and asking him to come out and satrt a new life. Keep it up. Remember that he needs you the most at this time and " A friend in need is a friend indeed".
1 person likes this
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 08
She may count as the backbone of her family, since her father had been in long time of retire session. And made she and her bro-sis as their backbones for family.
You are right, she might be trapped under two conditions of to be a self-dependance or still in the consideration of choosing partner.
We had advised our friend to forget her, because there are still many better girl than her, many aspect need to be considered.
Like, What if she is your wife, if like this occasion, she herself made a egotistic opinion, and never gave your a chance for the problem? She followed others better than yours, why you still think she trusted you better?
This is what we always try to convince our friend, to let it go.
Thanks for your insight, it's been a great help. Thank you.
@idaantipolo (472)
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
Maybe there are pressure from her step parents, as far as her relationships is concerned. She might really have loved your friend, it's just that she cannot handle the pressure her step parents are imposing.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 08
Two decisions that are very much to be decided. I know what you mean, because each side owned the winners.
We choose this, we will get bad and good. So, what now she thinks what is better for her is safe-guarded the closer, the longer trust, which is her step-parents, which is an elder to her, which is "They are my relatives" conclusion.
That's what we had told our friend, but I think he needs time to make him forgot everything, because he really loved this girl.
@sashuangqingfeng (103)
• China
15 Mar 08
Very moving story,I am touched to my heart,really.Because I have had the same experience with your poor friend.
Of course,your friend pay more attention to love that girl,just like a love gamble,he puts all his own,however,he became a loser at last,what a pity!
Why?
I have had thought about it deeply.And I got a conclusion:he choose the wrong parter,the wrong lover!As we know,love happens between two persons,not just one.If one falls in love with the other,but the opposite does not respond.It is not called love,at least,not called true love! Your friend are not the true love with that girl,I think.
After all,every person,especially for the adults,we have the choices of our own.That is very important to understand this meaning.Therefore,that girl are also not wrong.Even your friend is not wrong,too.The question is who should be in charge of this unpleasant love at last?
In my opinion,nobody should pay the cost.It is no necessary to find who is really responsible for the wrong love.Let bygones go bygones.Maybe your friend will find a better lover in the future as the time went by.I believe it.
The important ting to do now is help your friend to get better.Everything does not go very well and smoothly,so do the people.It is true that everyone will meet the difficulties in lives.But it is a piece of cake for successful person,because they take their positions on the right place.They can tackle it,not be afaid of it.
At last,I hope your friend can become better and better as quickly as possible.I believe he has that ability to deal with this problems.Good luck to him!
And thanks for sharing this story.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 08
What you think is what I had thought. The girl is just having the impression for the first time, but alas, the step-parents' push was much greater than my friend's intention.
The girl is much likely to be convinced to her step parents' opinion rather than our friend's. It's her rights. Because she knew them longer than our friend, she had implanted trust better than she implanted on our friend's.
I had met several times with the girl, seems she herself got another push, her new boyfriend was proposed her for a marriage life. Which I heard from, she rejected him because she still wanted to taste the freedom of single life.
What I had conclude, the girl was in choosing state, in none-planned for the next step of marriage life. And I think she was in the middle of great war, To be married OR to still in single life.
Anyway, thx for your comments, it's been great input for us as friend to tell him that love is sometimes, What we want will never come, but we won't, it's will appear in front of us.
So, just move on. Thank you for your comment.
