'Don't feel that way.'

I agree with this comment. Sometimes people say stupid stuff when they just don't know what else to say...

I agree, they are often not trying to be insensitive, they just don't realize what they are doing. But knowing that doesn't help much.

I get that a lot- whatever the situation is, if it wouldn't bother them, they think it shouldn't bother you either. But they forget that people are different, and what makes me angry or upset is different from what may make them angry or upset.

yes I know, we are going to feel the way we are meant to feel, I am in complete agreement with you!

You be upset if that is what comes naturally, and you will work things out in your own time to feel better. I need to learn to tell people to back off. They're my feelings and they are real, so don't tell me they are not.

That's pretty much the same thing. They're basically saying that your feelings are not important and you don't have a right to have them. Not only they don't want to deal with it, but they think you are wasting your time for even having the feelings.

I know, there are so few people who can be supportive and affirmative. Good listening is a rare skill, I've found. I'm glad you were able to train yourself not to be bothered by such ignorant comments. I can't do that. Sometimes, if my mood is right, I can blow things off, especially if it is a stranger (I don't talk to strangers about my problems anyway. If they ask, I assume it is just to be polite, and I just say I'm fine.) But if it is personal, I take it that way. I'm not good at ignoring it.

It could be anything from an argument or a problem with my family, or an upsetting news story about a child being abused, or worrying about money. Anything from very personal and real, to things that really don't affect my life. I don't get depressed or anything, but I have anywhere from a moment to an afternoon of feeling sad or angry, or even just a little uneasy. So if I talk to a friend about 'I just came from my parents' house, and it upsets me so much that _________ happened.' The friend will say 'Oh, don't let that bother you.' That's easy to say, when you are not in the situation. But I can't just not let it bother me. You are right, we have the right to our emotions, and no one should ever make us feel that we don't.

I don't feel bad about people trying to help. It just upsets me that people sometimes don't take my feelings seriously. When I feel sad or angry, whether they understand or not, I shouldn't have to justify why I feel that way. I just do. That should be enough. I'm not asking anyone to do anything for me or to make it better, just that they don't make me feel bad or stupid for having feelings.

I am working on being less concerned with what other people think. In all areas of my life, not just about my emotions.

I can't do that. I can't hide how I feel. I show everything I am feeling on my face, whether I want to or not.

Emotional doesn't mean I cry at the drop of a hat. It means I show my emotions whereas a person who is not emotional appears to have no emotional reaction to any situation. At least that is how I define it. And yes, I do have more emotional reactions to many situations than a lot of people I know. In your example, my reaction would vary depending on who said it, the tone they used, and my particular mood at that time. I have a sister who is very blunt. She says what is on her mind, and not what she thinks people want to hear. I she made that remark, I would appreciate it as constructive feedback, and would not be upset by it. If someone said that to me in a demeaning tone, I would be offended. The specific situations when people tell me 'don't feel that way' are not like that. For example, I may be upset about something that happened during a visit to my parents, maybe some upsetting news about a relative. I have had people tell me not to feel bad about things like that. In my opinion it is a rude, disrespectful thing to tell me not to feel that way. Am I not entitled to feel the way I feel? It is easy to tell someone else not to be upset when you are not the one going through the hard time. And even if I was taking things more personally than I should, does that mean people have a right to tell me not to feel that way? They are my feelings and I am entitled to them, and I resent anyone telling me I am wrong to react in the way that is natural for me to react. I certainly don't choose to feel bad. It is just what happens in certain situations. Maybe I think that people who Don't get upset about certain things are the ones who are wrong. Maybe those people Should feel something. Who's to say which one is right and which is wrong? There is no one right reaction to any given situation. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things.

Well, on reading your response, I have to say, I feel pretty good! That is a great comeback. I have never been able to come up with anything to say to people. I'll give it a try.

Thanks for the benefit of your experience! Too bad you had to learn the hard way. But those lessons are the ones that stick with us forever!

Don't forget to smile through your teeth when you say it, or you may get popped in the nose. I learned the hard way! LOL

It's good to see I am not alone. Thanks for the boost.

It's amazing how parents seem to forget what it was like to be a teenager. It is tough. I can see thinking that, but saying it was hurtful. I got things like that. I hate when people do that. 'Oh, you think that's bad? Wait till you hear what happened to me!' I'm not into having a competition about who has bigger problems. I just want you to acknowledge that my problem is real, too.

Exactly. By her reaction, mum was saying to me that my feelings didn't matter, or that I was silly for feeling them because they weren't 'real' problems... thus denying me the right to feel them exactly as you said in the original post. Some people do that with good intentions, trying to snap us out of it, when all they really need to do is acknowledge our feelings. The feelings or problems of another person may seem silly or unnecessary... but that doesn't change them or alter their right to feel the way they do.

That describes me pretty well. I'm not upset or sad all the time. But I'm always emotional- most of the time those emotions are positive.

You need to come up with a good comeback to use the next time that happens. Be ready with it, so the next time someone tells you you'd be pretty if you lost weight, say to them something like 'Yes thanks. Too bad there's nothing you can do to fix being an a$$hole!' That will catch them by surprise, and hopefully make them think twice about making such comments again in the future.

Thanks. I know some people who appear to have no emotions, and I just don't understand it at all.