Honesty Between Friends

There was this one girlfriend who was more like a sister to us but the relationship took a turn for the worst after we adviced her that maybe the guy she was talking to was trying to buy her love. He would buy her many things and try to be there for her financially but we did not like this. She took a dislike to our "meddling" and she withdrew from us even though we still communicated. It hurts like hell. We learnt just this week that after being with the guy for some time and now they have two sweet baby girls she decided to break the union. The root of her decision seems to be that she felt as if he was now taking her for granted and she had to constantly give up much of her ideals to make the relationship work. Well that thaught me a lesson. Even when Im dying to say something I wont unless it is absolutely necessary. The only persons I take those chances with are my own sisters, and two brothers (one sort of adopted). If I am asked though I might not hold back. I ask my friends to be very frank with me. I would not keep them as friends if I only wanted them to soothe my ego.

I have not in this situation before. I seldom interfere with my friend's relationship with others, especially with her boyfriend. For one thing, I would like to leave my friend the rooms to be herself and take care of her things. For another, I think it's just not easy for a third person to judge her partner or her relationship with him. People in love are kind of lost. And I am not sure how the boy feel. You know, some one is jealous,just like the one you mentioned. I personally do not want to get involved. If I were you, I would prefer to forget it. After all, I do not want my friend to be trapped in between. And they will always figure out a way to solve it.

Do not tell your friends anything that you do not want them to know, you two may one day not be friends anymore and that friend might turn on you with your secrets.

Am glad you were able to clear the air with your friend. That makes for a terribly uncomfortable situation. It's hard for me to single out one very close friend because I have more than one who is dear to my heart. My closest friends are married so I don't have to deal with a problem of this nature. I like their husbands as well and they like me. If I was in the same situation as you were, I would want to straighten things out also.

As it happens, yes I have. A very close friend of mine, lived alone in the village. Her first marriage had broken because of violence on the part of her hubby. She's very small and slight, and she was lonely... by the time she reached forty, she wanted somebody to share her life with. But, she wanted a somewhat younger man. Well, she met one, and brought him into the pub a couple of times. He was false... he put up a front, which I didn't like, and I told her I didn't trust him. Said it was her choice, but if anything ever went wrong I was there for her. We agreed on that. Time went on, and he tried to get round me. Bought me a drink whenever he came in the pub, and kept hugging me and asking if I liked him better now. I told him "no", lol. I said he hadn't done anything to prove my views of him wrong, and that we would have to agree to disagree, but that if he ever hurt her, he'd have to answer to me. A few months later, he proved me right... he wanted a child, she didn't. She had a good, solid reason for that, because of a previous medical examination. Ok... biggot that he is, he moved out and got another girl pregnant. She was devastated. Cried on my shoulder, and I comforted her. He came back a couple of times asking her to take him back... I think only because he couldn't actually live with the other one. She eventually took him back, but whilst she was working, he was sneaking off to see this other girl. I said nothing, but they split again a bit later. She swore she would never take him back, but eventually she did. Then the pregnant girl came around and picked a fight with both of them. Since then, they've stayed together, but I can't tolerate him. He said something one night that made me see red. My friend had gone home, so I laid into him, and told him what I thought. We haven't spoken since, and my friend and I agreed to go our separate ways, but still, when she's in the pub on her own, we talk. He doesn't know that, because I will not talk to them when together. That's fine... it's her life and if she's happy then that's all that matters, but I can see it all ending in tears. I hope not, but I'm pretty sure it will. Brightest Blessings.

Brava! I am glad you talked with your best friend. And she sounds like a good friend. It is true that you don't have to deal with the boyfriend but I hope you and your best friend get to do more things together.

So far I don't know if a friends partner did not like me. I do remember when I was single that a coworker told me her husband didn't want her to hang out with me cause I was single. I guess he thought we'd pick up guys, lol. We didn't really hang out anyway and she said it in a joking way so I don't know if he was serious or not but I was told he was very jealous of her.

I have dealt with it myself in the past one of my close friends ex boyfriends pushed me out of the door years ago and told me to leave. So I did. I told me friend about it later she was pretty mad at him over it. Also my ex husband tried to tell me I needed to stop hanging around my best friend and her husband. i told him I knew both of them before I met you. He was just looking to start trouble is all.

it is very nice example of true friendship. this level of comfort must be there. in true friendship there should not be any misunderstanding. i think you have good level of comfirt with friend.

I'm glad you let the matter off your chest and you confided in your best friend about her boyfriend. I think you should feel relieved that she is understanding and realize that not everyone will get along well with everyone else they encounter. I've not actually been in your position, but for me, I will just try and avoid those whom I do not think I can get along well. Of course, there will be occasions when you and your best friend (and her boyfriend) will meet up at the same functions, and you can't avoid encountering him. If your best friend is sensitive to the rift between you and her friend, she will probably know how to act during such functions to diffuse any potential situations that may arise. Anyway, I hope in time, your relationship with him will improve as he may be around for a long while.

Glad that im not encountering of a situation. Me and my bestfriend shared a lot of things in life. And im bless that every boyfriends that we had before understand and accepted our friendship. Well, ofcourse we have a few times to be with together. But we have time to meet each other and sometimes we going out together with our boyfriends. Luckily because those guys were cool same as we. And we are open to each other comments to the partner that we have. We asked,listened,explained and observed.

True friendship should have honesty.. We have to be honest to others coz we want the same deal from our friends.

I think everyone has gone through something like this with a friend of some sorts. I am going through it right now. My ex friend is getting married and I have been left out of the wedding party. After her asking me on several occasions to be her maid of honor. I have put so much time, effort and money into things for her wedding to find out a couple weeks ago I am out of the wedding party, lost all the money I have put into it thus far and to find that I am invited to the wedding. I am not going to go into great detail in this thread about it. I do have it in another thread under my discussions.

I had a similar situation. I had two good friends. Both of them were very possesive on me. I found it difficult to manage them because one would easily get angry if I talk to the other for more time. I always used to advice them that friendship should be open and non possesive. But posseviness made the friendship dark and now i lost friendship with both of them.

I felt this way about someone my brother was once engaged to. I felt that she did not really want the relationship to succeed. I also noticed that he acted like someone I did not even know or want to know when he was with her. She broke it off, for his good. Then he and I had this discussion, and he asked why I did not give him my opinions on this at the time he was engaged, and I told him because he was a trained minister and social work professional, I thought he just naturally would know. He responded that trained professionals often cannot be professional about themselves.

I never had that problem really that I know of, except once my best friend that I spend all my time with, got a new boyfriend, she dumped like a red hot potato, I believe it was her decision but he could have had something to do with it too.

When I was younger I had a lot of friends mainly they were what I call shallow friends. Friends you hang around with and date boys with etc. Now I have meaningful friends. Friends I know will not use me or hurt me. I am older now and have different interests. My best friends I know will never hurt me and I am trust them. Trust is a big issue.

Well done sweety! Honesty usually is the best policy and I bet you feel a lot better now! I remember years aback when a friend of mine got a new partner after her marriage split up - they ended up moving into the country but even before then I couldn't relax and he was aalways running me down - I felt so uncomfortable around him - it got to the stage that he was so possesive I couldn't spend any time with my friend as he was always there and whenever we tried to talk he told us both we were stupid. There was no way I was going to let an arrogant, domineering slob talk to me that way and we eventually lost touch as she wouldn't hear a word against him! We sent each other occasional emails but after she married him it got even more irregular! I am happy to say that she threw him out last year and one of the first things she did was get in touch! I am glad that you didn't let things get to that stage with your best friend! xx

Actually I had a very good friend and when she finally found someone he came with two kids. She had never been married or had children and suddenly she became his girlfriend and a step mom going to school for sporting events etc. I was so happy for her....but she didn't have time for me anymore and I totally understand her priorities and the new adventures she was experincing....but she totally gave up any time we had to be with them. I found out today that they are getting married and I am very happy for her. So in a way I understand what you are going through. I hope things work out for all of you!

Oh yes I have been there a few times, before my best friend moved about a year ago now, we were very close, and her partner hated me, he hated me because he was jealous, but most of all he hated me because he knew I could see straight through him and see him for what he really was. He also knew that me and my friend talked about everything and that if I told her something then I was normally right, she listened to what I had to say and knew I was telling her the truth and so he tried to cause me trouble at every turn! I would just stay out of his way, I miss my friend, now she has moved I dont have anyone else. And although we stay in touch sporadically it just is not the same as seeing someone regularly.