This is for all those Stay-at-Home moms/wifes out there...

Yep, I know just how you feel! I could rant about his for a long time! If I 'ask' mine to help out he'll go off about how that wouldn't be fair since he works "an 8 hour day" and shouldn't be expected to work any more than that...and if it's so "hard" to stay at home all day then I should go get a "real job" and learn how hard it really is to work. UGH! It makes me want to strangle him sometimes! Mine doesn't take things away exactly but he limits my computer time constantly because his games are more important than what I do on here (he needs the relaxing down time after all since he 'works') He also limits my spending because I should just get a job if I want to blow money on stupid stuff...apparently wanting more than 2 pairs of jeans a year and a new pair of sneakers once a year is stupid. Honestly, I think you have a good plan of tucking money aside. You can try to train him but men like ours are the hardest to train...trust me I'm divorced from one of them too! Don't ask how I got myself into the same situation again lol! Good luck with yours and hang in there! Maybe some Saturday you can leave him in charge of the kids and the house for an entire day to show him how much responsibility you really have. You'll have to leave a detailed list of chores and jobs (and call his mother to tell her not to bail him out under any circumstances) and you'll probably have tons of work when you get back but it might teach him a little bit of a lesson.

my now ex was very controlling in that way. I stayed home when kids were small...also earned money from home but he was of the thinking that just because i was home and his wife that i was obligated to i guess do as he said. he made amd tried to enforce all the rules. he was controlling and quite abusive...he now lives alone.

Bummer! My husband was never like that, but there were 4,5, or 6 times when I thought things were bad enough for me to apply what I think of as the reality brakes. Usually it was enough just to threaten. "Think I don't do anything?" I'd say, then I'd hand him a list.. (one I made over the course of a few days listing all the jobs I did from the finances and letters to well, everything else from first thing in the morning til last thing at night). Then I'd threaten to go on strike and not cook, do his laundry, etc.. I always knew that what it all really depended on was that my husband liked me! So when I got to the point where I'd tell him "hey, I can't go on like this. And I'm not going to. Either we get it together or I'm out of here, I love you dearly but what's the sense in my being miserable?" He would usually come to his senses. And I forgave him 'cause he's always worked hard too. - He never did get into the habit of leaving clothes all over. I had a basket close to hand. He had it pretty good though all things considered.. liked not having to do his own laundry, share the cooking and cleaning, etc. So actually I could've threatened to get a job!

Hey listen you are so not alone in this. But the good news is, he CAN be trained overtime.. but he needs to experience what you experience everyday to really understand how hard ti is. My husband has had to learn A LOT over the years and my kids are 4 and 6. I still feel like I do more and am not appreciated enough but its a huge improvement compared to when my kids were the same age as yours. It's really hard raising 2 little kids.. so what I suggest you do is, choose one day out of the weekend to go completely on strike.. and take advantage of that time to pamper yourself and make HIM do everything that you have to do on a daily basis! Start the day off by sleeping in til noon and then spend the rest of the day by yourself! Then I bet you, he'll appreciate you more and may even stop making himself sound like the bigshot because he is bringing home the bacon :) Just an idea!

Yeah funny they think we don't have a "real job" just because our job doesn't consist of sitting behind a desk for 8 hours. Even though our job is a 24 hour, 7 days a week, 365 days a year job that never ends and we never get to call in sick and we never get vacation pay (or any pay for that matter). Not to mention that instead of having one or two children, we have minor children (the children under 18) and then we also have to mother the thing we call our "husband". So yeah, I am a single mom to a 2 year old and a 33 year old. But of course, cleaning the house, taking care of the children, running all the errands, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up after cooking, doing the laundry.... that isn't real work. Damn near close to a sweat shop if you ask me because WE DON'T GET PAID FOR IT! Well, that isn't entirely true. I get paid with love from my two year old. I wouldn't trade this job for the world but my husband better watch out - I can and will trade him in! (only thing is I know they are all like that! lol)

Stay at home moms never get the credit they deserve. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. and I want to say you go girl. Your husband should be picking up after himself. It is not your job to be his maid. The way I handled this situation I had my husband piak up after me and the children for an entire weekend. Once he got a taste of what I go through then he realized that it is not easy to deal with the things that I deal with on a day to day bassis and decided to help me out more.

Wow, I remember this marriage. Are you married to my ex-husband. lol My children are now older and not only am I a stay at home mom. I run my own business, and getting ready to start a new business with a partner from our homes. Plus on top of it I homeschool my children. I have remarried since those days of feeling guilty for stay at home with my babies. My new husband of 6 years (now) would never make me feel bad for being the main bread winner. He wants the kids to have a good quality education, and sadly they were not getting it in our school district, so we really had no other choice. So I sell my products from home, to help make ends meet, and my husband is grateful for what I bring into the house. He also helps when he is off of work around the house, and does his own laundry. He is a grown boy, he needs to grow up and releize that being a parent and trying to keep up with the house hold work is a 24/7 job. Make hime read what we are writing. Because how you explain what he is doing makes him seem like a little boy not a man.

I did have that problem with my husband for a while. Till one day I called the local daycares and got prices and called the local Marry maids and got there pricesc also called a couple resturants to see what there cooks were paid. Our local grocery stores will shop for you for an extra charge of $15.00 and since I had to go the the grocery store at least once a week that got put on there too. At the end of the week I gave him a bill. I told him bills are due upon receipt! He almost fainted! It was actually pretty funny. I stood my ground and told him I will pay my part of the bills but if you want a maid then your going to have to pay for it too. Things changed after that. For some reason I wasn't working 24 hours a day he was actually taking a couple of hours a day with the kids. I didn't do dishes as often for some reason they were done. I don't give him bills any more but I do get treated better - much better. GOOD LUCK!

That is exactly why I am trying to teach my son how to clean up after himself because my husband doesn't know either or shall i say doesn't want to know. We have had so many arguements over this that I have given up and only do the things I want to do. If I don't want to wash his clothes or do his ironing, then I don't. If he complains then so be it. If he can't be bothered then I can't either. He doesn't take things away from me because we both own it even though he brings in the $$. I now have taken over our finances because he hasn;t done a good job keeping track. He gets an allowance and when he asks to take the car into work, I say no because we don't have extra funds for parking and so forth. I have my own bank account and the extra I earn online and everywhere else I keep for me and use it only on me and sometimes on my son because I don't get an allowance for myself ... YET. I'm working on putting that into our budget. I've chosen to accept it because I can't change/train him even though I have tried.

my husband used to be the same exact way. i stay at home because we have a two year old daughter now and he used to get so mad at me because he would say i didn't do anything all day but sit on my butt, even though everyday he came home from work the house would be clean, dinner on the table and our child well taken care of. he used to say it wasn't work and that i needed to do something else...that was until he had to watch our kids for three weeks by himself after me having a hysterectomy. After that he didn't say a word besides apologizing and telling me he was so sorry cause he had no idea how hard it was to actually have to raise three kids while getting everything else done at the same time. he's a wonderful husband now and helps me out as much as possible when he's home. he is currently deployed though for the last year, so i haven't had any help what so ever. LOL! he has been changed since having to do that though. maybe you should make your husband do that for even a week, he would definitely respect you and be more greatful to you that you are the one doing it and not him. LOL! God bless

Honestly, I do not know and I see there are others that can sympathize with you. I think that that is dreadful that your husband would make you feel that way. Even if you didn't do anything all day, what business is it of his. He could chose to stay home, but he works instead. It's YOUR money, not his. There have been times in my life where I supported my husband while he went to school. Never EVER did I consider it my money. I'm sorry to hear that this happens to you. :(

Funny, I made the comment the other day that I would definately be teaching my son to pick up after his self and that woman are not maids. It's hard though, because like you said, his Daddy thinks I am a maid and does nothing. I understand that he works all day and works hard but come on, put your dirty clothes where they belong and not in my floor. Here's an idea that we could try. If you have a storage shed or somewhere that you can store stuff. From now on when hubby doesn't pick up stuff put it all in a garbage bag and store it, when he runs out of clothes or starts realizing things are missing maybe he will start picking up after himself. Now taking stuff and saying that you don't deserve it is a different story. That's wrong. My boyfriend once took my car keys when I was due for a managers meeting and if we did not show up we would be fired. He buried them in the yard and told me to find them myself. CHILDISH. He went and got them because I told him if he did not it was over. That stopped that. But I was the one working and he was sitting on his butt in MY place. Men always think that women are suppose to do everything I think. Before when I was working 12-16 hours a day(pregnant). He did not have a job and was at home with the kids all day. When I would get off work at 12 or 1 in the morning everyone was still up, noone had cleaned all day, and everyone wanted me to cook food for them to eat. So I would cook, put them to bed, and then when everyone was asleep clean, get 2-3 hours of sleep and start over. He had a friend that lived with us at the time. Neither of which worked and two men cannot handle two kids and clean and cook. Heck, we can do all this and still be on the phone or whatever all at once. They only knew sandwiches and canned food or ramen noodles. LOL They sure did not know how to clean. It's kind of like that song "Guys do it all the Time" But we can't . Rules do not apply to men. The chores you might as well not even waste your breathe but now the chilish "you don't deserve this", I don't think that you deserve to hear that. Are you not staying home with the kids all day, cooking his meals, washing his dirty clothes, and keeping the house clean. You deserve what you want because you more than likely work harder than he does. The next time he touches you in the bedroom tell him "you don't deserve this." Because if he does this all the time He Does Not Deserve You ! Have a wonderful day. You desrve to be happy just follow your heart,not your head and you will know what is best.

I know a stay-at-home wife sames do nothing but she really do many things ,especially you have two children . You can go for a short travel ,and leave everything to your husband .Let he do everything you do everyday ,he can understand that your work is so heavy and important.

First off yes, I used to have the same problem with the 2nd husband , but I have to say , you can train them some part . But now that I am married to my 3rd husband, I have finally found one that will help . He does the cleaning , and dishes , and the laundry ,when he isnt working , and I am pulling my 12 hour shifts . I am fortunate that I dont have small children around now ,but we have the grandkids here most of the time. I can tell you once that they do start realizing that you work hard all day with the children , and they have to do it themselves, they start respecting what you do for the whole day. Good luck with everything .

Can you try marital counseling? Have you had a chance where the two of you could talk about this? You both need to talk about this and it's been my own personal experience that the husband is much more open to listening when you're sitting there with a counselor. Good luck.

hi, it seem that my husband has the same attitude. Luckily i'm a working wife. He have to accept the fact that i don't have enough time at home. But I still have to wash cloths and cook. He himself sitting on the sofa watching TV.

this is really upsetting and i really fell you girl why must men take us for there slaves it gets on my rockers when they meet things clean and leave them dirty like the bath or the sink you see no wares but you leave yours there for me to wash man please, yes yes yes save your money cause i dont feel you can deal with this man for much longer but you say you love him how about putting down your foot and talking to him telling him exactly what he does and how you feel about it i myself have tried this and yes it works for about two weeks i give up

i had the same problem with my husband. would get the comments of " *I* go to work all day, YOU get to stay home" my defense was " you go to work, punch in, do yer job, punch out yer done, and you get a check at the end of the week for your efforts.. MY job is a 24 / 7, with NO days off, and get paid in drooly kisses and crayons up a nostril " he still didnt get it.. until HE was in the position of havin to do MY job, and actually experienced what it is i do all day long. he now goes to work happilly, saying he hasnt any idea how i manage to do everything that i do, it would drive him insane, along with lots of appologies for his behaviors in the past, and newly earned respect for the workload of someone who "gets to stay home all day" try an experiment with yer hubby.. on one of his days off.. have a detailed list readied of all the things that need doing throughout the day, and take the day off! let him deal with the chores, and the children, EVERYTHING. dont answer the phone, dont answer the door, dont help with a crying baby.. let him do it all. 24 hours in your shoes and he will change his tune.

I have the same problem. My reasons for him is because he was "spoiled" by his mommy and grammy. They cleaned his room did his laundry until he was 23 (we moved out) So, now I am trying to "teach" him how to clean up after himself. He's pretty good. He does the dishes for the house hold, vaccums and does laundry (sometimes) He hates folding it though. Oh well. I just wont clean for a few days maybe 4 and then when he starts complaining that I dont do anything I tell him how does it feel!? I myself stay home with 3 children. My stepson is 5, my 2 girls are 4 and 3! it's hard but I just slack off for a while until he realizes what I'm doing. :)

You are not alone. Im a stay at home mother as well. I have a 3 year old son who gets into everything. On top of that I gotta clean the house at least 3 times a day just to keep it walkable. I pick up after my husband as well. Dont get me wrong hes not bad its just his clothes so Im not going to complain. Every now and then he treats me like a child but I tell him if he can do a better job then do it and I go in the living room and watch TV. My husband hasnt taken nothing away from me. Men dont understand how hard being a HM is. They think we got it easy where we just feed and clean the kids and house and pets if you have any. Take a day off for yourself. Get out of the house and make him watch the youngens and he will respect you more trust me. I took off one day for christmas shopping and was gone all day while my husband had our not even a year old son at the time.