Looking for the best advice.......

He is 12, this is the worst age for girls AND boys....Seriously, right now he is trying to get back at you, and though it is extremely rude and I think that I would talk with your parents and talk with them so that they can instill better behavior towards YOU as you are doing what is BEST for him as well as honoring even his wishes, but yes it will change....Pre teens are BAD, Teenagers can even be worse, but we all do grow up in the end. You are a great mom, and It can be very tough on single moms, You are doing great...Hang in there, just make sure you talk with your parents and make sure that all of you are making sure that he is doing what he needs to do, as long as there is communication with your family and you to your son, it will all work out in the end.

Oh that fun age. They can be such a handful at that age. I would suggest a couple of things. Talk to your parents about it and see what he is saying to them. They may have some insight on it and may tell him he has to obey you and respect you. Also give him some time. Try to spend some one on one time with him when you can that may help as well. Don't worry though boys at this age are going through a lot and do push the limits when they can. Just continue to show him love and he will come around.

well I wouldn’t say you’ve lost this battle coz this battle is basically between unequals so the results wouldn’t be fair. For the time being, I would suggest you to lay down your arms, take a break, replan your strategies and then wait for the right time. Somehow he doesn’t like something you have done. It’s happened the same with me. I shifted home recently and that meant separating my son of 8 from his grandparents who have brought him up since his birth. He gave me a real tough time, he became so disobedient and rude and angry at everything that we were even contemplating counseling. However, very recently he broke down and accused my of bringing him away from his grandma and then I started explaining things to him. He has not yet understood the situation completely, but we have called truce for the time-being. So my suggestion to you would be to let go of your son at this stage. Let him settle where he is. If you are sure that your parents can care for his all-round development, then what’s your major problem. You wont be seeing him daily but then what would you have done had you sent him to a boarding school? Let him be, concentrate instead on your daughter and maybe in years to come, when he is mature enough to understand the equations in our adult world, he would be in a position to judge you better. Only then can you say if you have won or lost the battle.

you never loose any battle until you decide to quit. your son is 12 and at this age one generally develops the attitude of a rebel..so its quite normal. but the cause why things are becoming tougher might be because your son's nature is very stubborn, and as a person he is quite mischievious. one possible reason why he is not listening to you is certainly because he knows that his dad is away, and his mother, that is you, can't do any potential harm to him even if he digresses. but in this process, he is not understanding that even if his mom wouldn't do it, his life would certainly give him a lot of pain if he continues to play with it. one possible thing that you can do is to take him to a juvenile detention centre, and make him talk to an official there...and ask the official that how exactly do kids of your son's age get there. let the official explain to him about these things, and then take him to another place, where you and he can discuss things out. make him understand that its not you in this whole wide world that is his enemy..but infact, if he doesn't listen to you, then this whole world will become his enemy. treat him with love and patience. give him gifts, and don't scold him for a few days , no matter what he does. that will make both of you calmer, and with a calm mind people can understand things in a better way!

My brother was a lot like this after my parents split up. My mom thought he was a lost case too but he is doing great now and he is a responsible father. You just have to show him you love him but at the same time you have to put your foot down and make him realize that he is only 12 years old, you are the parent and he is the child and that his behavior is not acceptable. I understand that perhaps maybe you feel guilty because his father is not there for him and maybe that's why you are possibly afraid to discipline him but he probably uses this as an excuse too and so, don't let him get away with it because if you do, things will just get worse. I would be strong as far as punishment goes and you can still show him you love him as well while being a parent. A kid needs a parent. Sure, a boy needs a father but a child needs guidance and needs to know you are there for him no matter what. Just remember to a parent before being a friend and I think things will calm down eventually.

My heart goes out to you, I was a single mom for 10 years, I let one of my boys go live with his dad for a year because I thought that was what he needed. 12 is a hard age, but they have reasoning power. You need to let him know how much you love him and that none of this was his fault, Kids tend to blame themselves for everything, so he is lashing out at you. Mom's are supposed to fix everything, that is just what a mom does in most kids eyes. Talk with him, let him know he is living with his grandparents because you love him and you are doing the best you can to make things better again. He will outgrow this, although I hate to say it may not be quick, I pray it is for yours and his sake. He needs to know that you are still the mom and what you say goes and hopefully your parents can help you in doing this by also talking to him,. Communication is a major issue that he needs now, its his confusion that is causing the turmiol try to help him sort it out w/o gettin upset with him when he says things that hurt you. and if he hasnt he will, that is a normal process of developemental thinking. Hang in there and pray, I hope this helps and good luck

I think sometimes children do get affected when their parents are separated through divorces and sometimes it could traumatised them to the extent of affecting their thinking. Don't be surprise that they might think what happened to their parents are actually misconstrued as being caused by them. Also, when the divorce is bitter whereby there are some issues to settle like custody and maintainence - the effects on a child will be tantamount. So, I think besides letting him be for now to be with your parents, you should be one more step ahead and that is to seek counselling for the both of you. You will also need to be aware of what is happening to him in school as he may feel very left out and insecure to have come from a broken family now. In the long run, his beliefs of a wholesome family is greatly affected, and the faith in one of you adults is completely ruined. These are just a few that I am mentioning so that you will consider having counselling for the both of you. You will need to remind him what happened between the both of you had nothing to do with him. Also, since you have a daughter, you will need to assess her situation as well. Generally, daughters tends to be closer to their fathers when they are young but as they grow older they will be more attached to their mothers. Here, you will need to assess carefully and you need to have a heart to heart talk with her. Please be firm and reassuring and never forget to be patient.

(((HUGS))) You have not lost the battle forever! Unfortunately, I don't have some great advice, but I do want to encourage you to talk to counselor about it. That's what I would do. You might call his school counselor for recommendations, or call a minister at a church. If you can't afford counseling or don't have insurance, there should be low-cost or free counseling available. (Most churches offer it for free, if there's a university nearby they probably have a program you can go to.) Take it one day at a time...