Do you think it is rude when... ?
By Bethany1202
@Bethany1202 (3431)
United States
April 2, 2008 10:55pm CST
Do you think it's rude when someone asks you how you got a scar?? I have a scar on my face from a dog bite. Sometimes people (STRANGERS, mind you!) stare and finally blurt out, "How'd that happen?!"
I don't think they are trying to be rude, but maybe just curious. Still, I think it's none of their business. What if I got that scar from a traumatic event? I wouldn't want to re-live that experience by sharing it with them. If it was a close friend, that would be different, but why would a stranger need to know that?
15 people like this
53 responses
@captainmorgan (773)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
I also have a scar from dog bite on my face. 3 of them, actually. I was about 11, and it only took the dog one bite to get me in three different places. I do get asked how I got the scar, but It doesn't bug me. I know that they are just curious. I do agree that it isn't really a strangers business how it happened, but I don't mind telling them anyways.
3 people like this
@captainmorgan (773)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
Well, I could see why you would be upset if someone used the word "ruining". If someone said that to me I would be pretty angry. No one has really been rude to me about though, so I'm thankful for that.
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
29 May 08
I have my scar in my right lower cheek that is very visible and everyone I know never failed to ask what happen. I am not bother either to tell them about it but I have not experience any strangers asking me about it.They stare but I also don't mind. I was able to recover already..LOL, I got this when I was 9 yrs old and I remember I use to hide or cover it, but after getting over the feeling! I didn't mind anymore, I was tired also to hide it!
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
23 May 08
i think it is... i will never dare to ask a stranger about how he/she got the scar... i have no courage to do that... and you are right... it is none of their business... i will feel a bit offended as well if a stranger comes up to me and start asking me about my scar... take care and have a nice day...
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
23 May 08
I totally agree with you. It really is none of their business. People are so greedy for sensationalism and gossip that they will go to great invasive lengths in hopes of hearing a gory story.
2 people like this
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
I know how you feel. It's the type of world that we live in and everyone must know everything about everyone and where you got scars etc. It happens when you least expect it and I don't understand why people have to know. I don't think it's rude they are just curious to what happened.
@fluffysue (1482)
• United States
29 May 08
I think it is rude if it comes from a stranger. Even when I asked a friend awhile ago as it looked more like a cat scratch than a scar, and I knew she didn't have a cat, I felt bad after I asked. I realized the way she brushed it off that there was a bad story behind it, and I was right. So I think people really should mind there own business, unless they are very good friends, and be prepared for whatever possible answer they get. (whether it is a long story about a traumatic childhood, or a "mind your own business".)
2 people like this
@Taskr36 (13963)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I have a few scars from random different things in my past. As a guy I'm not at all offended by any questions about my scars. I can of course understand how you may be offended and if the person is a stranger it's really none of their business.
Your pictures are beautiful and I can't really see the scar when looking at them. Personally I think scars are often kind of cute on a girl. I think flaws are what makes a person beautiful. Tina Fay has scars on her face and I think she looks good with them. I've always wondered where her scars came from but if I met her I can't imagine being rude enough to ask.
1 person likes this
@roberten (3128)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Bethany1202, it depends on how they ask; it truly isn't what you say but how you say it. I agree that most people are merely curious and others thoughtless, but I also appreciate the fact that I can just smile (or not) and simply walk away. I firmly believe going directly to the source if you want to know something so I appreciate it when people just ask me rather than gossip about what they want to know about me. I live my life mostly as an open book but reserve the right to not reply when I want a chapter to remain closed. I do not take offense at the question, just at questions asked rudely. Thank you for such a thought provoking discussion.
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
29 Jun 08
This is true, as others have pointed out:
The way you say something or ask something can have much more impact than what is actually being said. There are nicer ways to ask questions and rude ways to ask. I agree.
@Jimmy3371 (142)
• United States
9 Apr 08
you want to know what? I want to thank you for this discussion you know I never really thought about it but your right I will never again ask someone that question unless they want to talk about it, your right it is none of my business sometimes people get to personal at times when we don't have to. again thanks
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I guess people never really think about and are curious and mean no harm, but I've been very self-conscious of my scar. You cannot see it very well in my pictures, but in person you can definitely notice it on my face. It has bothered me for a long time, but I try to get over it and not let it get to me.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Interesting, I have a scar from a dog bite as well. My best friends small poodle bit me on my nose. As far as rudeness, I think it depends on the situation. From a friend who has known you for a while, no. From a complete stranger, yes I think it's rude.
1 person likes this
@wallstreet (341)
• United States
28 Jun 08
I know that I may but the minority here, but when I was a teenager, I had an old wise woman give me a piece of advise.
She said that when someone has a scar, (it could be a burn, a birthmark etc), if that mark causes you to be afraid, or causes you to stare at the person, then you should kindly ask about it. If they dont want to talk about it then they will tell you. More times then not, it helps form a relationship, and releaves their anxities of wondering if they are being staired at because of their scar.
I know that when I understand why something is the way it is I am more accepting. And I know that sharing can help build bonds.
You never know, While you may have a scar on your face they may have a scar that you cant see and are seeing you as someone that can relate to their situation....
Just my thought....
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
29 Jun 08
That's indeed true. Nice insight. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind, it might help me handle this better.
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I have been annoyed by this same thing. I have a scar on my upper lip, from when I was 4 years old, and I got ran over by a bicycle (I was even on the sidewalk!). I've been asked this many times in my life, and can't even say that I remember when it actually happened, because I was so young, but it's still rude for a complete stranger to ask such questions. I could understand if they were a close friend, but strangers don't need to know things that are personal like that.
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I agree. I don't think a stranger has any business asking this question. A scar on one's face is usually pretty personal. Whether they mean harm or not, why would they possibly need to know this?
1 person likes this
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
3 Apr 08
Because they are nosey! That's why, lol.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
13 May 08
I don't necessarily think it's a very nice or tactful thing to ask a stranger something like that , no. Lots of things people may be curious about are not really another's business unless you are at least acquaintances and the topic comes up without putting anybody on the spot. In my humble opinion, strangers who are just meeting should keep topics to things that might be common to everybody, favorite things, hobbies, maybe where they live, not things that would specifically set them apart from each other.
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
30 Jun 08
i think its rude and no ones business!! i have a scar on my lip and it pisses me off when people ask how i got it and its not that visible so that really makes me mad that they are pointing out such a small thing
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Mine is pretty noticeable, but yeah I know, what are they doing, staring and scrutinizing us?
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
3 Apr 08
None of your business! I have a small scar beside my left eye, I got it when I was a child, I was chasing the girls, slipped and cut it on the edge of a milkcrate, I am more conscious of it than other people, I wish I could get plastic surgery to get rid of it, people say it makes me look distinctive I say it's ugly. People do stare at people with scars or disfigurements and it can be very oppressing and unwanted, it's nothing to do to with them, it's unhealthy curiousity and they should mind their own business, unless it's a close friend as you rightfully say.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
15 May 08
Absolutely wolfie. Stuff likr that is a need to know basis. If you know the person you will know what happened to cause the scar and you will not mention it because you know it is a sensitive issue. People who ask these personal things are being downright rude.
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
18 Jul 08
wow i've never had strangers asking me that question. i've got a pretty big scare on my face too. it took the surgeon ten stitches to close up the wound. so you can imagine how big the wound was to start with.
maybe it has got to do with where i am. i live in an asian country and we are known for our conservative behaviour. we do not ask personal questions of strangers. in fact, we are taught from young to NOT talk to strangers. so this question had only came from friends and colleagues. cheers ;p
1 person likes this
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
8 Aug 08
I have a big scar down the middle of my chest from two previous heart surgeries that I've had, I used to not ever wear v-necked shirts because I didn't want anybody to see it, but now I don't care, I'll wear a v-neck shirt. If they want to know what happened I'll tell them, it doesn't bother me anymore, I just consider it as one of my battle scars. I don't think people are being rude, they are just curious, but I wouldn't ask anybody that myself either.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
16 Jul 08
For me, It is really annoying when a stranger ask something like that. You are right, when a close friend ask you about it, doesn't matter. It's not a big deal but if a stranger? it's none of their business. why they would want to know? they don;t even know you, why they are interested of what is happening in your life? I think it is rude for a stranger to ask something personal from a person they don;t know.
@oxymerc (28)
•
23 Jun 08
i have a scar, too. it's on my forehead.. it's quarter of an inch.. sometimes people get the better of them and ask about it... i felt ashamed about it but what can i do they're just curious so sometimes i just told them that it's a gem which to attract people specially guys...
i think it's not about their rudeness it's just human nature to be curious...