Do you have trouble saying no?
By shizuoka
@shizuoka (352)
United States
April 6, 2008 3:43am CST
I do, especially if I think it will have a negative emotional impact on the person I am saying it to (ie. it will make them unhappy, worried, cause them inconvenience, etc.). I have a tendency to put myself in the other person's shoes.
If I don't say no, it eventually causes me the same negative emotions I am trying to prevent instilling in others, so I have been trying to improve my no saying skills.
I have one friend who knows I have a problem with no, so any time she asks me a favor she gives me an out. She always says something like, "It's okay if you can't. I won't be upset.
"I still have a gut-wrenching dilemma every time. Are there others out there with the same problem? Is it only in certain situations? How do you deal with it? Do your friends take advantage of it, or make it easy for you to say no?
5 responses
@shizuoka (352)
• United States
6 Apr 08
Actually, I think that I have more trouble saying no to other women as well. Perhaps it's because men don't ask for so many favors? Or maybe it's the way they ask.
Do women tend to use emotional leverage when they ask for something? For example; "I'm really sick. My throat is sore and I'm feeling really dizzy. Could you work my shift for me?" Or "My babysitter cancelled at the last minute. If I don't find someone to watch the kids I can't go to work and I'll get fired. Do you think you could do me a really big favor and watch them this afternoon?"
When questions are asked in this way it is very difficult to say no without feeling extremely guilty.
@my_january (967)
• Philippines
6 Apr 08
I have the same feelings as yours before. But I am starting to overcome it now. But still there are times that I bypass my my decision making skills when I say yes even if I mean no-- this is when situation calls for it. Before when I say Yes even if it's a No for me, it affects me, i get a hard time doing the things that was ask of me because certainly that's not what I wanted. Sometimes, people can sense it too, a friend of mine once talked to me about this. She told me that she knows what I mean is NO and it could have been better if I say what I really want. It is also a matter of choosing the right words, if you will explain it honestly, then I bet people will understand.
@shizuoka (352)
• United States
6 Apr 08
You know, I usually feel guilty about saying no before I say it, but once it's done--no problem. A lot of it is thinking and worrying too much about how the other person will feel or react. You're right. Honesty usually is the best policy. (It's just easier said than done.)
@sloanjosiecat79 (299)
• United States
6 Apr 08
i have problems saying no to myself. like if i think something is probab;y a bad idea and i go ahead and do it anyway.
@Vega_donna (45)
• Philippines
6 Apr 08
Actually come to think of it I do have the same problem.
maybe thats why they said I shouldn't be so nice all the time.
