Stay at home or daycare

I agree with everyone else that there are both advantages and disadvanages in being a stay at home mom. I was a teacher and when I had my child it was hard for me to go back to work. At this time, I was just subbing, so there were many days that I would turn down work to stay home. Then I was working full time and my son was in daycare full time. By this time, I had gone threw 4 different home daycares~ always finding something wrong with each of them. When my son was 2 and said the F word at the dinner table is when I decided to stop working and stay home to raise him. I needed an income, so I decided to open a home daycare myself. Since then I have had 3 more children and loved being home with them. I still run my daycare today (16 yrs later). Since your daughter is a single mom, I can see why she needs to send her daughter to daycare. She needs to make a living. As long as she feels comfortable with the daycare she has put her daughter in, I see nothing wrong with it. Staying home wiht your kids can make them more dependent on you and they seem to have a harder time breaking away when it is time for preschool too.

myself being a stay at home mother can honestly say that there are advantages and disadvantages of being a stay at home mother versus a working mother. Staying at home with them until they go to school is a great thing if you are able to do it, although it can be just as stressful as having a job and coming home to do your second job of mothering. The most crucial learning age for children are between birth and five years old and if you can stay with them through that time, then that is great. A lot of parents can't though and that's okay to. My husband is in the military so thankfully i am able to stay at home with our two year old and am here when are boys, 10 and 8, come home from school. I love being here for our daughter and teaching her all the things that someone else would have to teach her if i were to work. My main thing for wanting to stay at home was that i didn't want someone else raising our child so that i worked, but it's very hard at times. You are their sole supporter and are with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For some, they handle that very well. If your daughter felt it was best to put her in daycare, then definitely that was what she thought was best. Everyone has different opinions on how they feel about keeping children at home versus putting them in daycare. For me, it was more of a trust issue and feeling like i was supposed to stay at home. I trust very few people with my children. for others though, it's a good thing to get them in early so they can socialize with other children. i do put my daughter in the nursery at church though, so she does get to interact with other children quite frequently. However, if she feels that she is missing out on the most important time in her daughters life maybe she should reconsider and make the Dad go out and support the family. keep us posted and God bless

I have always been a firm believer in children socializing with other kids so I think this is great. You daughter is definitely doing the right thing. A lot of stay at home parents that don't put their kids in daycare don't give their kids the chance to be around other kids and I think thats sad they need friends too even if they are only little. I have a friend that thinks putting your child in daycare is the same as letting someone else raise your child and I totally disagree. We have always butted heads on this topic because she NEVER goes anywhere unless it's shopping so her kids didn't get the socialization skills they needed.

When I was a young mom it seemed there was more of a "battle" between working mothers and those who stayed home and I didn't think it was at all fair. Everyone has to make the choice that works best for them and their family, it's not a "One Size Fits All" deal. I think there are pros and cons no matter which route your take. I worked all the while my daughter was growing up yet I was more involved in her life than some of her friends' mothers who didn't work outside the home, still I was sometimes accused of being a neglectful mother and that I should feel guilty that I had to work. There really is no right or wrong answer here, in my opinion. Annie

I was a stay at home mom when my kids were small and I became Garland's wife and Robbie's mom and I was sort of swallowed up as myself. When they were older I went to work again as a nurses aid and worked for many years at that. Later I went back to husewife and then to working in the library. If I had it to do over I would have put both kids in daycare and worked at least partime so I would have known me again and been Patsie not just Garland's wife and Robbie's mom. I still would have had time with my kids but I would have felt whole again. Iapplaud young women who do have a job and a family as I think they bring something extra to their children and they are more whole too.

For my first son who is now 2 1/2 we had to put him in daycare at 2 months old. I had a contract I was locked into and couldn't afford breaking and I hadn't been at my job long enough to qualify for extended leave. Thankfully all his first still ended up being with us. However he got sick all the time and I thought at the time I bonded really well with him, but recently I've changed my mind about that. My second son was born 6 months ago and I qualified this time for extended leave. Also two kids in daycare is about 90-95% of my take home pay as it is. So I've stayed home this past 6 months and I intend to stay home hopefully another year. I think I missed the most important time at home with my first son, the first year. My second son hasn't had one major illness and I feel like we have bonded so much more than I did with my first son. One nice side effect of staying home with number two, is staying home with number one and getting to have some of the bonding we never had before. I've never felt closer to my oldest son than I do now. Before I totally would have called him a Daddy's boy. I always said he loved me but he could care less when I came and left etc. Daddy was always the first one on his mind, the one he cried over when he left, the one he always ran to. Now its me. And its definitely a different feeling one I am so glad I get a chance to experience. That being said when my second son turns 2 he will be off to daycare and I will be going back to work. I will enjoy having some quiet time to think again, and I will enjoy them getting to be around other kids and socializing. I will really love the days I have off that daycare is still open when I can spend some time with my husband alone or maybe go to the salon and get a haircut. What I won't love, the illnesses that come with daycare, the bad habits picked up from the way other kids are raised, and not being the one to see all the daily smiles and discoveries my children have. But I also plan on having a third so I will be home again with all of them to share those things again.

i think she has done right thing. i have seen amny women just stop the career after having child. I do not always support this. i guess both men and women have equal responsibility.

Well since she is a single parent she has no choice. For a married couple I feel that one of them should stay at home with the children. I don't think it's a good idea for both husband and wife to be working full time when they still have young children. They should seriously consider part-time work.

I think it has good points but also some disadvantages. Since she is a single mom it seems as it is necessary, however I think the quality of the day care center should be a top concern. Many times in a day care where the people just don't care children learn bad manners, their good behavior can revert to not listening at home, etc. A good day care will help the child grow, learn, and understand how to interact with their peers. Having a child in day care will also prepare them for the first day of regular school. Mommie on the other hand would love to have the children at home so they don't miss anything about them growing up such as their first word, step, and silly little things children do. Therefore, the decision is hard. In my opinion if it is necessary for the child to be in day care then these are the things to be considered: 1. A quality day care should be chosen (ask questions, show up unanounced and see what is going on when no one is expected.) 2. The time spent at home with the child should be quality time since the quanity of time is not there.(another words, when Susie comes home from day care, spend time with her, not watching TV or doing something that doesn't involve her.) 3. Always let the child know that she is loved and is not being sent to day care because she has to be, but because it is a time for her to play and meet other kids while mommie does some grown-up things. I think the decision to use child care is not one to be taken lightly and should be based on the individual's situation.

my husband and i had a sit down when we decided to have a child, to decide how we would handle who would be caring for him/her. and we both agreed that we didnt want a stranger raising our child. since he was more capable of making more money than i could, it was decided that he would work, and i would tend to our baby and the home. so he worked the hours needed to take care of the finances, and i stayed home and didnt complain about his overtime and working the occaisional weekend, because it was to be able to have me home with her rather than having to put her into daycare, pay money out for someone else to be the one who raised her. we went without alot of luxuries and i became a quick wiz at making the money stretch beleive me LOL but i wouldnt trade the time with her for anything. it goes by too quickly as it is, and before you know it theyre gone off to school all day. im very thankful and know just how lucky we are that we were able to do this, as so many are not.

I think children should have abit of both, they need to spend time in a day care in order to learn social skills such as interacting with children there age, sharing etc also time at home is nice as they are able to have 'quality time' with parent(s). I liked that she waited til baby was 1 rather then 6 months or so. Having a routine or structure helps children later in life! I am a qualified nursery nurse so have spent time with children in a daycare setting though it was at Butlins. We had two different nurseries, one for the guests and one for the children who parents worked at Butlins. For the guests we looked after them from 6 weeks to 5 years though wwe didnt get many 6 weeks old babies and when we did it was so the parents could go swimming with their other children. The staff children we had from 2 years to 6 years. Some of the 2 year olds had never had the social interaction with children, therefore didnt understand the ability of sharing.

I feel for your daughter - no matter what decision she makes someone is going to think badly of her. I worked while the first one was little, I'm a stay at home now. I prefer being a stay at home and often feel I missed out on some of the fun times with the oldest. On the other hand, I got a great deal of satisfaction from working, just decided for me, at this point in my life I would rather be at home. Sounds as if your daughter would also rather be at home, it is a shame that circumstances do not allow her to be so.

I prefer staying at home to daycare. The childhood is of great importance for every people. Nobody can substitute the their parents' position in her heart. When she become older, she will admire the person whose parents can take care them. Half family but whole love. Even can't stay at home because of great pressure from life. Please spare more time with her.

Usually, I would say that it's always best that mum is home with the child. Those early days are important and can never be recaptured. However, today's economic climate makes that dream situation very hard and impossible. There are pros and cons of putting a child into daycare the pros are that the child will learn how to be sociable with other children if they wouldn't normally have the chance. I think though, the important factor in your question was that you say your daughter thinks she's missing out on the important time. That being the case, I would say that if she's not entirely happy with the idea, then maybe she should have a rethink - at least until the child is a little older. Good luck to her whatever she decides.

I applaud her too. I think that you have to do what you have to do, My sister is a single parent, well she is not a single parent but she is a single mom to TWINS. She is doing great, her boyfriend does live with her but being that they are not married, she is the breadwinner in the family. She is not sure if she will have her job though when she returns to work but she is more than 50% positive she will have it but you just never know. I am so scared for her but, they have a daycare in their work facility which is great, and his mom is able to watch the twins two days a week while she is at work. She has to put the kids in daycare in order to survive and keep a roof over their heads. It is not wrong to put kids in daycare, if you can avoid it then great but sometimes you can not avoid it!

i prefer to stay at home and look after my own child if possible... but that really depends on the situation... if the financial situation is not possible and i have to help my hubby to earn money, then i have to put my child in a childcare... especially the cost of living is so expensive nowadays plus the mortgage... that's why we still pending to have a child until our financial situation is getting better a bit...

I see both sides of this actually. I can understand her wanting to spend that time with her daughter, after all it doesn't last that long. On the other hand as a single parent it can be difficult to be a stay at home mom since bills have to be paid. It sounds as if she is doing what needs to be done and if the father isn't a good thing in the picture then day care is the best option. I think one has to weigh everything and decide not only what is best for the child but for the adult as well. Remind her she isn't working all the time and when she isn't she can spend time with her daughter. She can still be there for her.

i think as parents who have to make choices. We have to do what we need to do so that we can take care of our children. yes we do miss out on somethings, but our children see that we are out there working to take care of them. we show our love to our children in different ways. and sometimes one of those ways is going out to work so we can take care of them

I have been in both positions and you just have to go with what is right for you. Stay at home advocates try to make the working mom's feel bad about going to work but that is wrong. For those who can choose to work and do and are also devoted mom's have a hard task to accomplish. For those who have to work and choose daycare, it is not a bad thing. Children adjust a lot easier than the parents do and it is a good thing for children to learn to rely on others that mom's and dad's trust to care for their children. It will help them to reach out for help as they grow older. The feeling she is missing out is only normal and natural to feel. There are ways to make the most of your time with your children even though you work.

She really must do what she must do. The baby isn't newborn anymore so I would just be as supportive as you can. Today and every day. Sounds like You are. Reminding her that she is doing the best she can and IS doing it. I am sure is a big help. When someone can great, but lets face it unless someone does childcare in home or has a spouse who makes enough it's not practical. So working she must go. If she likes working then it helps balance her out as a young mother/working woman person. Parenting is a job and a responsibility and a privledge that the good Lord has bestowed apon her. She will do fine and continue to grow in all that she does. God Blesses!