I need to vent about my boyfriend. Please lend me your ear!

i am a guy and if my girlfriend said something like that i might be a little mad because i am the same way i would worry if she was that late...and didnt call or anything but most times now if she's going to be late or anything she will call and tell me not to worry...i woudln't have done what he did i would have called her and told her not to worry...i think that it would be the polite thing to do if you knew they worried jhl930

Few questions - does he do this often? Have you been cranky with him before when he's going to be late (Esp if you have a 3 yo and need a break)? Do you dislike this friend and he knows it? If this is a once in a blue moon type thing, I would let it go. He probably knew he should have called, didn't because he didn't want to seem like a wuss to his friend (or maybe the friend was razzing him) so he went on the defensive. If this happens all the time, then I would be upset, but stuff happens. Maybe he set his phone down & didn't realize you called, maybe he meant to leave earlier, but got caught up in what he was doing. I know I've been guilty of this when I'm out with my girlfriends, I'll talk to my husband at 9 or so and say, as soon as we get the check, we're leaving, we start talking and next thing I know its 11:30 - Yikes!

ok.. so i guess i would have reacted the same way you have. i mean he could have just sent you a message that you need not worry if he is to attend to something for a friend, or so.

Actually, I went through a similar situation about 7 or so years ago. My husband and I worked different shifts then, and that day he got done at 3, and I didn't get done until 6. So he stopped with this old guy (really nice older guy from work, lol)at a bar that we NEVER went to together. I get home, no message...nothing. Ok, a few hours go by. Nothing. I'm picturing him in a ditch somewhere. I'm going back and forth from worrying to being totally ticked off that he's making me worry. We both have an understanding that if you want to stop out with friends, that's fine within reason, just let the other one know, out of common courtesy. At about 11:30, he comes in, immediately droppes to his knees, and says 'please forgive me'. He's a clown, and he did make me laugh, even as mad as I was at that point.Turns out he had looked for a phone, the bartender told him they didn't have one (they did, I've seen the bartender and he thought it was funny to say that)The old guy he worked with was having major personal problems, and kept buying my husband drinks to keep him there to have someone to vent to. I let it go with a just never do that to me again speech! As long as we both understand each other, I don't care how long he would have stayed, as long as I knew he was ok!

Lol well to tell you the truth I would react the same way, and I can definitly be like that sometimes with an attitude. But to tell you the truth its normal for guys to act that way because they knooow we will complain about it and sometimes they just aren't in the mood for it. I had to learn to try and just let him be sometimes before I drove him absolutely nuts. They just need a break sometimes from the attitude. Next time when hes late don't get sassy just tell him you would appreciate it if he would call you just so that you would know hes okay in a nice tone. He will understand and probably call you next time because he thinks you will be understanding. Good luck!

Since i'm a girl I know that you probably get worried. You didn't know where he was at and probably thought something bad might have happened to him. I don't blame you for acting like that because I would have acted the same way If I was worry but I would tell you to give him some time. Let him calm down a bit and then go and talk to him and tell him your reasons for why you acted like that. He should be able to understand that you were worried. I think that we women are worriers (don't even know if that's a word) by nature.

i understand perfectly how you feel... i will feel the same way like you too and behave in the way that you did if my hubby did the same thing... men sometimes can be so selfish and only think about themselves... they didn't think of other family members that are waiting for them and worrying about them... i know it is so annoying...

As I am a woman, i think i must have behaved the same way. he should understand you got worried. it means you really care for him. Guys are not all understandable at this. let him understand.

Hi Danj, o.k..... this type of behavior happens often and I ahve done so myself.. but with time.. I am now 54 and have gained wisdom and understanding that men's an women's psyche is different, not one being better than the other..Men are just not time conscious as we are.. we have to think of so many things at once and we do just that as we were made to do multi-tasking as our nature is born to do that ( hold baby, cook, sew, dishes all at same time. Men cannot do this.. Women, create, want to keep the home safe, warm and cozy.. Our psyche is by nature this way.. and we sometimes get into a panic when hubby or boyfriend does not call to say he will be late or what not... It is not part of his psyche to do this.... Remember many , many years ago , he went out huntingand there were no phones then...,. You also know that we as women hold onto incidents far longer than men.. again another par of our psyche .. men get angry and poof it is gone from our psyche. The solution?? Well , I am still working this out myself.. feeling safe at all times ,being present as a state of worry does not change anything.. He will love you even more when he sees you just happy and centered and loving and confident.. takes work, but well worth it in the end... Anger takes aways a lot of our energy.. you can discuss your anger with him. Flamenca Good luck!!

I would have reacted the same way. I worry if someone who is normally punctual is late. It doesn't matter if it is my guy or my child,friend....whoever. A phone call makes all the difference in the world. Also important(and i learned this from experience when much younger) when a guy does take the time to call you...the worst thing you can do is whine or nag about him being late. Anyone for that matter. I think that if I knew I was going to get yelled at whether I called or didn't call then I would just wait and get it all over with at once when I got home.

Here we go: Ask him how much you complain. If you complain, a guy will not be motivated to communicate with you because he expects your response to involve complaining. This is the humble way to go in resolving this conflict but I'd recommend it from experience. Humility in communication goes a long way in a relationship. Especially in a relationship that has lasted over 10 years! Hope that helps, Lifbrue

I would have been upset also, my partner did this to me once and I was so worried about him I just blew when he got in I think it shocked him how worried I was and made him realise he has to think about me also. Now he always tells me when he will be late, its not the being late I mind its the making me worry

oh,i think that love is thing of two's.but sometimes betweens you and your boyfriend or girlfriend it is just one is give ,the other is take.at the beginning maybe it is OK, but one day it will be over.i think it is right. last sep. i take my girlfrieng ,i give all i can give to her. however,this thing still to now. one point i must say is that she love me now,but i don't know what is her love . i could understand really. when we are at together,we are happy.then after two or three days one of us will be angry to the other.it lasts about half of year. so sometimes i just want to have a rest .i want to be left alone. maybe it will be OK.... love means never having to say you are sorry. love your friend now,with all your heart.

We are like children never want to be bothered by our parents . you just drill him too much . give him freedom or youll end up in a horrible way like being alone . this is a major problem . We are not thick headed , it is you , ladies , who are too caring .

I understand how you feel about what is happening between you and your boyfriend. I would have acted in the same way as you did. I mean, we do worry for the people we love and it's but fair for them to let us know that they are fine or OK so that we wouldn't have to worry that much. I think that the two of you have to talk. You have to tell him how you feel and that you also have to listen to what he has to say.

You aren't alone in this. My husband used to do this kimd of thing to me too. He finally has learned to call me when he is going to be late. He knows that I will have anxiety about it if it gets to be too late. I try not to get mad about it to him when he does call; because like your boyfriend said...getting yelled at or complained to about being late just makes him not want to call at all. Now, if he really thinks I will be mad he will text me instead of call. This way I know he is safe at the very least. He will also text if he is in a meeting for obvious reasons. Most of the time when he is late it is job related though.

His response made me curious, he didn't call because he doesn't want to be yelled at. Has he been yelled at before? Standing from a girl's pov, I would be as worried as you have been. But from a guy's pov, a few hours of disappearance probably meant nothing to him, he doesn't understand why you would be worried cos he probably wouldn't be worried if you did the same disappearing act. I got worked up like you before once and the guy in question disappeared from my life permanently. So I learnt my lesson. Guys love their personal space, if he never learnt to act responsibly then he won't be learning this lifetime. Until we girls can wriggle a commitment (marriage) from a guy, we don't have the licence to badger him.