Are your step children yours, or just step children?

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I guess I was just niave to think that the horrible step child syndrome was a thing of the past. I believe that when 2 ppl are together and love eachother they all about the other, including their children, being that is a part of them. And no offfence if the other isnt willing to accept the other's children why in the heck marry that person? I came from a family of step brothers and sisters, when my adopted dad and my mom divorced, the step brothers and sisters were still my brothers and sisters and my mom is still their mom 30 years later. My first husband has a son, and after we divorced and to this day he still calls me on the phone and calls me mom. I am now about to remarry, after 11 years of being a single mom and here is what happened the other day. I was at my mans work and his boss was telling me in front of her natural son and 2 step children that she gets so upset at his cousins because they are mean to her son, they call him spoiled and say he gets everything he wants, here is what blew me away, she said well he is the only child I will ever have so your damm right he is spoiled, I just looked at her step son and step daughter in amazement that those words could even come out of her mouth. She then said, well you'll know what I mean when your man gets custody of his kids, you will never feel the same about his kids as your own. I bit my tongue,she has control over how much my man works but I so wanted to remind her I have a (step)son that has been mine for the last 20 years even tho his father and I are no longer together and I already feel the children of my man's are mine and I am a big reason we are trying to get custody because the mother doesnt take care of them and that drives me nuts to see a neglected child. I lost total respect for that woman on that day, am I crazy, dont parents have enought love in their hearts to love all the children the same or is it just a select few that feel as I do?