I Want You To Quit...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
April 14, 2008 12:21am CST
My oldest Brother has a drinking problem. He has for years. I won’t say he’s an alcoholic b/c I don’t think he is. He pays his bills, cares for his kids and, although he has gotten into a few scrapes with the law, he is trying.
I think he drinks out of habit. He’s done it for so long that it’s a crutch for him. Now if he was homeless, in rehab, had to give up his kids or anything like that then yes, I’d say he’s an alcoholic. I also don’t believe that harping on him or criticizing him all the time is going to make him quit.
The problem is my Niece. She is going to be 13 this month and she has gotten really terrible about criticizing him. She will tell him right to his face that she hates his drinking. The other day she came home, took one look at him and stomped off to her room. When I asked her what was wrong she said “He’s drinking again”.
My Dad drank the whole time we were growing up and although I didn’t care much for it I would never have dreamed of telling him he had to quit. Maybe it was the way I was raised but I wouldn’t dream of telling my parents that they HAD to quit doing something.
Do you think she’s overstepping the bounds or do you think her anger is justified? Would you tell your parents they had to quit doing something like smoking or drinking? BTW, I’m not including drugs in this b/c yes, I think even someone smoking pot should seek help to quit b/c it is illegal. Smoking and drinking are not illegal.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
18 people like this
19 responses
@coffeeshot (3783)
• Australia
22 Apr 08
Your niece is probably very worried for her father. i don't blame her. I always tell my father to stop smoking or else he won't be here to see his grandchild being born or my younger siblings grow up and get married.
Last night I watched a documentary on binge drinking and it was scary. In one week a girl aged 7 years. She went from having 1% of her liver cells not functioning to 86% in just 6 weeks. it opened my eyes up to it because it made me realise how I've abused my body in the past.
Perhaps you could collect some research like this to show him and just say casually "i thought you'd be interested in this-i care about you so please just take a look, there's no pressure to do anything, just read it."
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
16 Apr 08
I will be really honest here now
No she is not out of bounds here
We where brought up Kids are to be seen and not heard, but today Kids are more alert to things and they have to be in this world to get along safe so they will say more and criticise, because she loves her Dad she wants him to stop and she is telling him that, she does not want to smell the Drink on Dad all the time, she wants Dad to smell good
Maybe her Friends have said something about it to her and that has upset her
I think he should listen to her and maybe only have a Drink at Night when the Kids are not round, as he is also without knowing it teaching his Children that it is ok to do this
So I do hope that he will think about what his Daughter is saying to him
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
18 Apr 08
It is a different time now than it was when we were growing up, children have rights now, in my day people still said that children should be seen and not heard. I do think she is justified, parents are supposed to be role models for their children and he might be the greatest guy in the world he is not setting a good example for her.
1 person likes this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
14 Apr 08
You know twoey, addiction has all kinds of faces. I think if it were my neice I would talk to her. It is obvious it is bad enough that it is bothering her. His attention is taken away from her, and his focus is on the booze. I know you are speaking out of love for your brother, but there might be something else going on in the household that is causing the childs discomfort. It is not fair when children have to parent parents. No criticism never works. She is hurting and this must be addressed.
1 person likes this
@kykidd (6812)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I thought you were talking about my brother there for a minute....LOL That is until you said the daughter had such a problem with it. My neices/nephews would be afraid to talk to their parents that way, and me too. She'll hopefully realize it, one of these days.
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
14 Apr 08
..perhaps there's more going on than what you see.. Just about everyone I know is a social drinker.. but too much I know can bring out the worst in a person and it's usually the family which suffers most.. Of course I have no way of knowing, I just mention it as a possibility.. It's just as liable to be the difference in generations. I never would have talked to my parents the way mine talk to me!
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Yes I do agree smoking pot is an addiction too. And needs to be dealt with. As far as your brother he has to want to quit drinking. Its really ashame for his daughter and what he is putting her through. And I dont blame her for criticizing him. He needs to know that he is hurting her and other people around him.
@tonynme (3)
• United States
14 Apr 08
In the first place,there is no such thing as drinking out of "habit",you Brother has a real drinking problem.Having a "few scrapes with the law", due to his drinking will eventually escalate in something far more serious, especially since you say he's been drinking for a long time.Your niece has every right to express her concern.No child should have to witness his or her parents in that state.Kids need to feel safe and know their being well taken care of.Obviously,she doesn't feel this way and criticizing her Father, is her way of trying to get him to stop drinking, even though she's wasting her time, since your Brother has to realize what his drinking is doing to his family and get the help he really needs.She is NOT overstepping her bounds, seeing her Father in that condition,has to be heartbreaking for her and by criticizing him,is her way of expressing her fears.
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
14 Apr 08
someone needs to tell him maybee she is the only one who cares enough for him to do so!
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
14 Apr 08
That is a double-edged sword. Some people react when a child confronts the parent. Others think it is not the place of a child to say anything. I do think the child has a reason to be upset. She may not want to bring friend home knowing that her father is drinking. It is not a good example for her. And of course the possibility of liver cirrhosis and liver transplant among other things should be something to look at. He may have some problems that he doesnt know how to solve. He really need to find out what is the reason he hides himself in a bottle. My mother quit smoking on her on as did my ex-husband, but my current husband has not been able to quit smoking even tho he knows I would support him and be willing to put up with bad moods. In the long run nagging wont do any good.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Apr 08
It is hard to speak for someone else in these types of situations. No one knows how this is bothering her. I understand what you mean about respect and I am sure that she loves her father. But it is hard to respect someone who is drinking excessively, knowing what it is doing to the people who love him.
There is no telling how he behaves when there is no company around and the fact that he has gotten in trouble with the law. Children catch on to more these days and I am sure she is hurting very badly behind this. I would not stop her, as long as she does not start calling him out of his name or anything rude like that. It is really a bad situation.
1 person likes this
@irishmist (3814)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I see really nothing wrong with having a few drinks after a hard day at work, everyone has their own way of clilling out. If you are a good parent and spouse and the bills are paid, and there is no drama involoved with the drinking," like yelling or any abuse going on", then what is the problem. We all lead hectic stressful lives, and we just need an outlet that lets us relax. I as you would never of said anything of the kind to my parents back in the day, but I guess everything changes as time goes by.
@littleowl (7157)
•
26 Apr 08
Hi Twoey
this a rather difficult one to answer for me, from what you have said your brother sounds a good father but drinking to excess means he is an alcholic-maybe your niece picks up on this,drinkaffects people in many ways but when it comes to children they are sensitive to that kind of thing and will be honest and open to their parents about it.
In my case I never said anything and just put up with it,but later in life I fell into a relationship that was abusive all because of drink as he was an alcholic, it is easy to get involved with someone without knowing til its too late who is or was like your father as they are the first male in your life and are the first role model of what a man should be like-I hope this doesn't offend you but it is true and it sounds like your niece is rebelling against him for doing that-blessings littleowl
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
14 Apr 08
SOmetimes you can dread a persons drinking and not rally want to be around them . there might be things you dont see that the girl does and this is her way of letting ihm know she wished he would stop.Is he abusive in talk to her or does he just drink and go to bed?
Is his talking vulgar ?
Or is he a mellow feller.
My daughter gets on to me for smoking more than I should but sometimes I just light up with out thinking about it
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I think she could say it in a better way mabey. I mean she obviously cares about him and it worries her. Mabey someone needs to find out why it angers her so much. She has to have a reason im sure.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Well, I feel that families need to communicate with eachother and is okay for kids to tell their parents that they are doing something that is affecting them.
We should respect our parents ,but respect is something that you need to earn also. As long as she is not disrespectful with him is okay for her to express her feelings.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
14 Apr 08
My brother-in-law sounds like you brother..Even though they are paying bills and taking care if their family, they still have a drinking problem and my nephew who is 12, also hates hie Dads drinking and tells him so..I don't think it is wrong, because drinking like that, even when able to function, will only be for a season..Sooner or later, both my brother-in-law and your brother is going to pay for all those years of drinking..
Sometimes, out of the mouths of babes, is when a person may think more seriously about their problem..
@vera5d (4005)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I was taught when I was 9 in school that drinking and smoking were bad for people. His daughter is probably learning these things and probably because she loves her father she wants him to quit. she is probably also embarassed by it. her friends might have noticed or said something about it to her. I think it is good for her to tell her dad that. BUT what is probably going to happen is they are both just going to end up feeling very resentful towards each other. Nobody ever admits their drinking problem until they hit the bottom.
the worst thing about the situation is you can't just make the brother stop or the girl to accept it. they're going to have to work it out on their own- it's the only way anybody with an addiction ever stops- if they don't have the determination or motivation to quit, they won't.
