Looking For Some Advise.......

I'm torn on what to say. When I was your son's age, I needed to see a psychologist, and I did once. But my parents were concerned. And there in lies why I am torn. Psychologists sometimes take things kids say in the wrong way. My parents never did anything wrong, but who is to say a psychologist seems to think the parenting style isn't 'fit' for the child? When I grew into a teen my parents saw the need even stronger, and I began to get help for my depression. I think they did what they thought best. I don't hold them accountable for the years I needed to talk to a professional. I didn't hurt myself or anyone else. These days child care services either take you away for 'unreal' reasons, or they ignore problems until it makes the news. I know there must be a between, but I don't hear about it often. Of course, my opinion is colored by my own upbringing. These days you get looked at funny if you don't hug your child before they go to bed. I don't know if I'm explaining this well. I'm not a parent though.

I think if the school is suggesting that he see a psychologist then you should at least check into it. I don't think it will hurt anything and possibly could get to the root of the problem that he is having. I've worked in the mental health field for nearly 13 years and have had both my daughters receive mental health treatment as well. Had I not worked in the mental health field, unless suggested by the school, which they never did, since my daughters were already in treatment, I probably wouldn't have sought out the treatment that they needed. Hope that helps.

I would take him to the doctor, or at least talk with him. I would want to know if there is something that is really bothering him. I would not let him laugh when being yelled at. He needs to show respect, or he will be walking all over you.

I have seen behavioural problems in children who have gone through a divorce. One example is a girl who was bossing my daughter around. My daughter is very shy and doesn't really stick up for herself... well, she didn't back then. I told her to remember that her parents are divorced and that she is always being shuffled back and forth between the two and probably no one listens to her so she bosses her friends around. Now my own daughter was terrible when she was around 11 years old. I just couldn't take her fits of rage. She was also having panic attacks. We took her to a doctor who referred her to a psychiatrist. He put her on a very low dose of Prozac. Eventually my daughter kept forgetting to take it and just stopped taking it all together. By then she had her act together. She had a little bit of counselling. She is 15 now and can be moody around that time of the month, she and I are pretty good friends. She actually thinks I'm cool. She still has the occasional panic attack. For that I purchased from a health food store "Rescue Remedy". I've used it myself. It really does help calm you down. In fact, I'll be taking some tomorrow before I go to the dentist. I have to have another filling (my second) and the last time I had a terrible anxiety attack. I think all kids go through these phases, some of it could be genetic too. The mother of a girl who has the same biological father as my daughter called me a few months back asking if I knew where he was. Then she went on to tell me the problems she was having with her daughter. They were identical to what my daughter went through at that age. I told her exactly how to handle it. She was ready to get rid of the kid (as was I). I told her she would regret that. Her daughter needs her and as her mother it is up to her to get her the help she needs. I haven't heard from her since but she was grateful to talk to me (for about an hour) and said she was going to take my advice. She's a little loopy herself so I don't know whether she did what I suggested. Your son has gone through a divorce and a new baby is going to be taking your time away from him. These things affect adults, of course they're going to affect kids. If you want to take him to a counsellor you might want to go through Family Services to get a good therapist or a recommendation to a good child psychiatrist. Good luck!

Is there perhaps a family friend, or a teacher or someone your friend could confide in? Sometimes it can be hard to turn to our parents and tell them whats wrong, and what we're feeling. But rather than taking the phsycologist approach, perhaps there is an informal setting in which he can talk to someone, vent his frustrations and share what he is feeling. It doesn't have to be they sit down and talk, they can go for a bike ride, play football, just a situation where your son feels relaxed and at ease. Life today can be very different to when we were at the same age. There's different challenges being faced at school, at home, at times it can be a bit overwelming, even for adults! I've suffered from depression, and its just about feeling sad, but also feeling lost, and out of control. things happen in our lives that we do have no control over, and sometimes we just reach a stage where that is unbearable. I had days where I was happy and fine, as though nothing was wrong. But there were also days where I would freak out and overreact about silly things, like someone not putting rubbish in the bin. But even after being diagnosed, having someone to talk to was the key, even without the meds.

Talk to your family doctor or his pediatrician about what is going on. Some of this could be normal and I will tell you the schools do tend to grab onto this sort of thing. Once he is slotted in the school system, it is very hard to get out of. If your son has a problem, I would strongly recomend handling it independent of the school. I've had 4 kids go thru the school system and I will tell you that you do not want to go that route. One of my daughters was suspected...by the school...of having ADD. I did not think so but not sure so I had her analyzed independent from the school which I had to pay for....she was not ADD. she was bored. She tested above average on everything. It is impossible to say here that your son has a problem. Don't go with the schools advice. go to your own doctor with your concerns.

Minnie, this is just a suggestion based on my nephew's experience. Have you had his I.Q. tested? If the legos are very easy for him, he may have some other undiscovered talents as well. My nephew is a genius. When he was tested, his parents enrolled him in Montessori school. If he had been in a regular classroom, he would have probably been diagnosed as a problem child with all sorts of syndromes. Instead, because of their unique teaching method, he blossomed. He couldn't sit still and got bored very easily. As long as they kept him stimulated with access to the learning center and library, he was fine. Other children completed their tests in 30 minutes and he was done in 5, ready to go again. Thanks to the Montessori method, this young man of 28 now has a Bachelor's degree in business, his Real Estate License, Graduate of Culinary School and directed and produced two musicals at the ages of 16 and 17. He never has less than three jobs going at one time and his dream is to open and run his own dinner theater. Now this was not for the purpose of bragging, although I'm rather in awe of his accomplishments. You may not have a problem child on your hands at all. He may be a genius in hiding!

It might or it might not be Sweet do take him to a Doctor and get advise there as he does sound a bit muddled Has he always been like this or only since you became pregnant that he is possibly a bit scared of what is to come or he is jealous The other thing I would do when he is in a 'good' way sit him down and try to talk to him or get someone that he really trusts to talk to him and I don't mean he does not trust you but sometimes it is easier for them to talk to others That is all I can advise you and I do hope that you will get to the buttom of this I really do

Seems that school think gets need a head Doctor all the time heck hes 8. Just needs a good talking to and listen to what he has to say also. If he gets an allowance he dont get it if the work isnt done. MAybe he needs more activities some sport or something in school to let steam off with but to many Doctor put kids on meds that make them worse . Just try setting down with him to see what teh peoblem is

Are we raising the same son? My son is going to be 8 at the end of this year. But it sounds like what I am going through. I find he is just testing me, and testing his limits, to see what he gets away with and what he doesn't. He may be bored and it could lead to depression. I am not a know it all or have the perfect advice or anything, I just have some suggestions and things we have tried and soemtimes they work. We found he acts out more when he needs a bit more attention. He is all to willing to help to get that extra praise or just the overall good feeling of helping out. Which is why I don't push him at all when he refuses to help or pick up after himself. I calmly let him know I understand how he feels and will take care of it myself. He has choices and if he chooses not to help its ok too. Most times I think he feels guilty or whatever and he helps out. Other times he doesn't. I find when he has something on his mind he does not understand or something has happened that has confused or upset him, he looks or acts depressed. I try to feel out what could be going out but try to reassure i am here to listen or help if ever he wants to open up. Sometimes it lifts his spirits like maybe he is not alone in the confusion. Moodiness is becoming a regular thing now. I just think it is a changeing of sorts. He is now able to understand more and it confuses him. He is not really a tweenager or a child. He is smart and old enough to now know but not old enough to fully understand the whys. Does that make sense? Sorry if this is all much. Overall, I guess I am saying hang in there, you are not alone. Sympathetic and empathetic ears are always here.

if you dont hit him, you need to start. if you are hitting him, you need to hit him harder. he obviously has lessons to learn, and talking to him does not seem to be an effective form of communication. spank him into compliance.

I'm very sorry to hear that,but I think you should not yell to your son,conversly you should talk with him,very seriously,and you should ask him what he want or why he do like this,and at the same time you should find reasons on yourselves,maybe you gave him too little time and you didn't try to understand him,I think your son has his own mind too,sometimes he just want you to play with him,so he try to attracted your attention like this.And I don't think you should take him to see a doctor,as it may hurt your son's heart.

Does he have a hobby? Something he really enjoys? My parents paid the big bucks for me to see a shrink and he just told them that all my behavior was their fault. I raised 2 son's and got them into models at about that age. As long as they had a model they liked that they could work on (each had their own!!) my life was pretty calm. It might be worth a try.

since he is 8 years old you have to talk to him like he is 8 years old... Yelling at him will not make him do things, or behave... it only makes him angry and annoyed... I would have to say you have to spend some quality time with him so that he feels like he shouldn't hurt you anymore... You should make him realise that he is hurting you by misbehaving... By quality time I don't mean buy him stuff so he is happy and wants more, but you should play with him, be his friend.. Also you have to make him realise that what he is doing is not normal and acceptable... and you could scare him a little bit by telling him that you will have to take him to the doctors for an operation so that he becomes a good boy... :) (But you don't want him to have nightmares... )

i went through this with my son. he was not depressed but he was acting out for sure. what he needs is attention. I don't mean take him out to the movies attention. i mean you being present when you are with him. I mean looking him in the eyes when you are talking to him. hearing what he is saying when he is talking to you. when they act out like that, you begin to think of them in a certain way, he is a pain, or why me, or what did i do wrong. you have to stop thinking those thoughts, because when you do, then you deal with him in a different way. believe me please on this one. from the time my son was 5 until 10 i dealth with this same thing. when i found out all he wanted was attention. for me to not just be there in body for him, but in spirit too. it changed our lives

You son needs to see someone. A family Doctor may be best to start with. I say this just in case he does have depression, because this shouldn't be left untreated. Perhaps you could also try a child councellor, or a child behaviour expert. If the school can't come up with any ideas & neither can you, it would be best to begin somewhere with help for him.

It's hard to say. Have you seen the doctor? It could be something as simple as needing glasses at school. Is he being bullied? Is he usually well behaved at home or have you allowed him to be naughty and disrespectful? It could also be his diet. It's well documented that certain additives and preservatives and colourings added to a lot of the food kids eat cause behavioural problems. This could be a cause of depression also. I think you should not give up and do some research to try to get to the bottom of things. Good luck and keep us posted.

Have you taken your son to your family doctor and told him all that is going on with your son? Maybe your son could also talk to the doctor and tell him how he is feeling.Your family doctor could better tell you if your son needs help. If he does need help waiting until the baby is born is not going to help him. I would start with the family doctor before thinking of taking him to a phycologist.

My stepson will be 5 in June and he's seeing a phycologist. He has many problems due to his Bio mom. But I'd rather him see one then take a million meds like my husband did at his age. He has a speech impairment as well and seeing a speech tharapist and a phycologist. He also needs to see and eye doctor as well. I would say get at least one set up for your son. Do that for a few weeks see if theres any change. If not, then try one type of meds while seeing the phycologist. Just dont put him on so many meds. I persoanlly dont believe in a bunch of meds for a child.

im sorry but why yell?! i think its not good on dealing with this kind of child..i hope you have not done this before, why not talk to him, treat him somewhere, well.. show your enthusiasm even in a day or two...stimulate his mind to be open to you..ask questions about things(not like your nagging him)..i think you have to communicate with him...you have to start this before its too late..act as a friend to him is better than you're acting as if you're a mom to him..bring warmth in your family..i think thats all he needs.. well, gud luck then mommy..i hope you become a good mom and a friend...